Category: Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

A McCrispy Funeral – McDonald’s Mocked For Placing “Darkly Comical” Advert Next To Crematorium

As McDonald’s attracts mockery for placing a “darkly comical” advert for their McCrispy sandwich next to a crematorium sign in Cornwall, we discover a journalist enthusiast for the processed chicken product who even wears McDonald’s branded leisurewear

In October last year, the Manchester Evening News’ affiliates and reviews writer Bethan Shufflebotham lamented McDonald’s replacing their ‘Chicken Legend’ with something called a ‘McCrispy.’

Shufflebotham – a lady with a penchant for dressing up in clothing emblazoned with the brand’s logo even – claimed many customers were “devasted” and argued they were “losing, quite literally, a legend.” She enthusiastically, however, tempered that the McCrispy had “already won over celebrities Maya Jama and Leigh Francis following a successful star-studded launch in Salford.”

Going further of “McDonald’s first new permanent chicken burger in fifteen years,” the journalist claimed she was “excited to try it for the first time” and enthused that “there’s no denying that it’s attractive.” Shufflebotham’s surprisingly detailed fuller review of this processed chicken sandwich follows at the end of this article.

On Friday, however, the McCrispy attracted a very different kind of attention when it featured in a Daily Star article by Perkin Amalarah and Lee Trewhela. In it, the pair highlighted that McDonald’s had come under criticism after a large advert for the ‘new’ product on a bus shelter right next to a sign giving directions into the Penmount Crematorium in Truro, Cornwall.

Photographed and shared by eager beaver ‘Angry People in Local Newspaper’ types on social media, thousands had come to comment on this “ironically placed poster.” Some found it “hilarious” whilst others thought it “disgusting.” One went as far as to say: “Could have been worse. They could have added: ‘Extra crispy’” whilst another added: “Will they be playing Alicia Keys’ This Girl Is On Fire at that bus stop also?”

On Saturday Evening, picking up on this “bad taste” news story, The Guardian reported: “[A spokesman for the] chain said the company was not aware that the McCrispy bus stop ad in question was so close to a crematorium road sign. ‘In light of the concerns raised by Cornwall Live, we have asked for our advertisement to be removed,’ the rep’s statement added.”

McDonald’s previously caused offence in May 2017 after screening a television advertisement for their Filet-O-Fish sandwich in which a boy asked his mother about his dead father. The promotion showed the boy looking sad as he was told the pair wouldn’t have had much in common, but then happy as he eats a Filet-O-Fish with his mother announcing: “That was your dad’s favourite too.”

Later, after public outrage, the ‘Dead Dad TV advert’ was removed and a spokeswoman for the firm remarked: “It was never our intention to cause any upset. We are particularly sorry that the advert may have disappointed those people who are most important to us: our customers.”

On Saturday, The Steeple Times approached Bethan Shufflebotham for comment via Twitter; we have yet to hear if she thinks this sandwich saga “on fire” or just plain “tasteless.”

Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.

Pictured Top – The offending advert next to the sign for the Penmount Crematorium in Truro, Cornwall.

McDonalds launched the product on the 12th October 2022 (pictured left) in Manchester with a fanfare. Guests in attendance numbered ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!’ contestant Olivia Attwood, comedian Leigh Francis (AKA Keith Lemon) and television presenter Maya Jama. Meanwhile, definite enthusiast Bethan Shufflebotham (pictured right) has written extensively not only about the McCrispy, but also plenty also about the fast food chain in general on other occasions.

The McCrispy® is described on the McDonald’s website as: “100% chicken breast fillet in a crispy, crunchy coating. Served with iceberg lettuce, black pepper mayo and a delicious sourdough-style sesame topped bun.” It is listed as giving 2031kJ per portion and containing 18g of fat, 6.9g sugars and 1.9g salt. The meat used in the product is supplied by Cranswick PLC in Hull – a firm that has had to fly in 400 butchers from the Philippines to deal with the success of it and which has seen its revenue rise by 12.4% as a result.

Responses to the saga of McDonald’s placing advertising next to the Penmount Crematorium sign on social media…

“I’m not livin’ it… Tasteless.”

“Shouldn’t the subline on the advert be: ‘To die for?’”

“Will they be playing Alicia Keys’ This Girl Is On Fire at that bus stop also?”

“I laughed so hard that Satan said I get a free bus ride to hell.”

“Last meal rights, I’m guessing.”

“Would you like fries with that?”

“Ideal if you’re hungry after the funeral.”

“Inspiration for the funeral buffet.”

“It might suit in the cost of living crisis as a budget reducing option.”

“At least it’s not Burger King, flaming good.”

“Wouldn’t an advert for McRibs be more appropriate?”

“At the crematorium café, when I asked for a steak, they asked how I wanted it done. I replied: ‘Cremated.’”

“They should have given a flame-grilled option in that location.”

“In protest against all the Cornish who were offended by this McDonald’s advert, I will be putting my cream on before the jam until further notice.”

“At least it’s not at the turning into Lancaster Crematorium which is on Powderhouse Lane.”

“There’s a crematorium in Durham Massey, Altrincham on a street called ‘Charcoal Road.’ When I pass, it always makes me giggle.”

“Our dad died alone in care home during Covid and his funeral was not the send-off he deserved. Seeing this sign would not have been appreciated.”

“I think how funny it is will probably depend on how long ago you followed the crematorium sign wearing a black tie.”

“At the ‘crem’ where my dad was created, there was a sign that read: ‘Dead slow.’ It made me smile and I knew my dad was looking down laughing.”

“Well it got them plenty of more notice didn’t it! Bad placement without thinking hum, I don’t think so! I only recently lost two loved ones and to be honest if I’d seen that sign near the crematorium I would have smiled. I don’t find it offensive at all.”

“Showed this my grandpa and his first response was: ‘Guess some people got really burned-up about it.” I peed myself.”

“I’d have been in stitches if I’d have seen this on the way to my dad’s cremation. I don’t think he ever had a McDonald’s in his entire life, but he’d still have laughed also.”

“I think it is brilliant. McDonald’s DO NOT move it. It’s funny… Anyone who doesn’t find it funny needs to get a life.”

“Too many snowflakes getting upset… Only the Karen and Susan types of Cornwall would get offended. It’s funny. End of.”

“It’s like putting up a temporary roadwork sign saying “cat’s eyes removed” right outside a veterinary surgery.”

“It’s hilarious. They should leave it there… Everybody dies, so why not have a laugh about it?”

“Turned out to be a great advertisement. Everyone’s talking about it.”

“Perhaps they should replace it with a life insurance advert.”

“Could have been worse. They could have added: ‘Extra crispy.’”

“No more tasteless than any of their offerings.”

“Is there a taxidermist down the road?”

“All I can conclude is: ‘Well done.’”

Bethan Shufflebotham reviews the McCrispy for the ‘Manchester Evening News,’ 21^st October 2022…

Never could one imagine someone getting so enthused by a McDonald’s product, but Bethan Shufflebotham most certainly did:

“Made with 100 per cent chicken breast fillet, the McCrispy comes in a yellow box, and on lifting the lid, there’s no denying that it’s attractive. The patty comes served in a four-inch glazed bun making it look like one of the chain’s more premium burgers, topped with lettuce and mayo.”

“Biting into the stack, it’s evident that this is far superior to the Mayo Chicken, with a definite crunch to the crispy coating. Marinated in black pepper and cayenne, it’s got a bit of a kick to it, but not enough to put a Korma-orderer off. Not only that, but the bun balances any heat with its sweet nutty toasted flavour, making it a really enjoyable and filling meal. Having had the potato waffles prior, I couldn’t finish the last bite, despite being desperate to polish it off.”

“The McCrispy costs £6.49 for an extra-value meal, which comes with fries and a drink, on its own, it’s £4.99. In comparison, the Mayo Chicken is 99p, but it is pretty bland and far smaller in comparison. It’s your call as to whether you want to pay the additional £4 for a more full-bodied burger and bun.”

“A friend of mine who tried the burger the same day said: ‘It was like eating a massive Chicken Select encased in bread.’ And when you consider the price of three Chicken Selects is £3.29, the price seems to be put in perspective a little better.”

The entrance to the Penmount Crematorium (opposite where the offending advert was placed on a bus shelter).

Will this chicken sandwich survive its moment at the crematorium or will it be incinerated by McDonald’s after the public relations debacle an advert for it caused?

February 11, 2023
Pan Macmillan Pulp – Tattooed Twazzock Jack Monroe’s Patronising-The-Poor Book Should Be Pulped
As Pan Macmillan issue a “safety statement” over ‘gender X’ harpy Jack Monroe’s patronising-the-poor book ‘Thrifty Kitchen,’ Matthew Steeples suggests they’d do better to recall it and pulp it

Over the years, there haven’t been many people who gender-something-or-other-gender-anything-goes Jack Monroe (once known as ‘A Girl Called Jack’ and later as ‘Jack at a Pinch’) hasn’t chosen to patronise or pester. Here is a prattling pontificater with more front than Harrods, but less tact and an ability to troll more twaddle than Andrew Tate even.

From the inception of The Steeple Times in June 2012 – and even before for myself personally also as far back as 2011 – the nation has witnessed this grim grifter seeking out fights with everyone from hapless harridans like Katie Hopkins to national treasures such as Michael ‘Choo Choo’ Portillo. David Cameron’s son, Ivan, was not immune from her poisonous pen after he died aged just six.

Monroe – who is astoundingly listed on speaker fee rosters at £10,000 to £15,000 yet bangs on about poverty continually – is a hypocritical “them” (“neither man nor woman,” if you go by her all-over-the-shop narrative) who does not differentiate in her hatefulness. Instead, here is someone who targeted even the chirpy, cheeky chappy chef Jamie Oliver for his commerciality whilst herself being sponsored, for a time, by Sainsbury’s. Her campaign for the supermarket, very predictably and quite sensibly, was ended after just six weeks.

Back in 2011 – sadly now beyond unlikely impossible today given the cost-of-living crisis – I proved that you could actually make a meal for 30p with ingredients bought in London’s tony Knightsbridge district. In doing so, I became portrayed as someone that the likes of Monroe loathe more than anything else in spite of an esteemed restaurateur reader observing: “Keep up the good work and bring this problem of supermarket food waste to your readers on a regular basis.”

I had purchased sausages, potatoes and stuffing in the Brompton Road branch of Marks & Spencer Simply Food for a total of just 30p and when, in 2013, Mr Oliver was called a “poverty tourist turned self-appointed tour guide” for supporting such, she had a pop at both him and I on Twitter. Neither of us backed down in highlighting that you can buy affordable items and dine well, but sadly nor did this mouthy menace relent in her ridiculous notion that the privileged just patronise.

Subsequently, last year, a Conservative MP – admittedly himself deservedly mocked as a total twerp when it comes to his views on many other matters – named Lee Anderson MP (AKA ‘30p Lee’) got into a fight with Monroe since she’s jolly good at that. She threatened to sue him for libel after he claimed: “She’s taking money off of some of the most vulnerable in society and making an absolute fortune off of the back of people” and now, at the end of the first week of 2023, she’s again started as she means to go on and got herself into another stinker of a bun fight.

This time, in the wake of The Bookseller sharing news that Bluebird, a Pan Macmillan non-fiction imprint, has issued a “statement regarding ‘potentially risky’ hacks and tips included in Jack Monroe’s latest book Thrifty Kitchen, which was published on the 5^th January,” comes proof that here is someone who doesn’t actually think before she puts pen to paper (or fingers to the keyboard).

Amongst the definitely dangerous ideas suggested by Monroe in her latest profiteering pamphlet are to not buy a tin opener if you don’t already have one – they are currently available in branches of Tesco for 60p (and in other stores also are available) – and to instead use a “small sharp knife that you are not particularly attached to, a hammer or a mallet, a bit of vigour, some patience and a VERY steady hand.” A&E departments across the land must be celebrating this incredibly stupid suggestion.

Even more bizarrely, should you even desire to own one, Monroe warbles on how about to create an ‘egg ring’ – currently on offer on Amazon for £2.10 (and available in other stores also too). Her tip is to remove the lid and base of a tuna tin and then sand away the rough edges. She pointedly profers: Wash afterwards to remove “any tiny dusty bits of metal.” Egg-tastic to someone somewhere, but clearly a route to cut fingers for most.

This morning, The Bookseller’s Lauren Brown reported:

“The statement reads: ‘Bluebird and Pan Macmillan understand that some of the hacks and tips in Jack Monroe’s Thrifty Kitchen have been pointed out to be potentially risky if proper care and attention is not taken. These include a way to open a tin can without a tin opener, how to repurpose a tin can after first use, and a method of straining food without a strainer or colander.”

“It continues that these hacks come from when Monroe ‘found herself in extreme circumstances of food poverty and necessity required creative solutions to overcome the obstacles’ and that ‘proper tools should, of course, be used where possible.’”

“Moreover, it states that ‘the tips are not recommended for daily use but have been mentioned for completeness and to give alternatives’ and that ‘safety measures should be given the highest priority, especially when dealing with knives and sharp objects, and heat and electrical appliances,’ concluding: ‘Bluebird has amended text in the e-book edition, and will do the same for future reprints, removing or amending some of the content that has been flagged, and adding enhanced safety information at the back of the book.’”

“In response to concerns raised regarding the book’s content, the Trussell Trust – a UK charity to combat poverty – wrote on Twitter: ‘While Jack and BookShop have agreed to donate a number of books for our food banks, we don’t have any editorial control of the content. The safety of people who use food banks is our priority and food banks aim to help people access essentials such as tin openers if needed.’”

“‘The publishers have assured us that they’re taking action. The books that will be donated to our food banks will contain an addendum that addresses any health and safety concerns and we will not be distributing any books via our food banks in the current form.’”

A complete contrast to the utterly delightful ‘£1 store cupboard cook’ Miguel Barclay – a jolly gent who focuses on actually helping people cook affordably by “buying the basics” and “cooking in bulk” to save costs yet eat well – the annoying and condescending “not a boob hater, just my own” Monroe’s publishers would be better to take further action. They should take Thrifty Kitchen off the shelves and pulp it; so-inclined people of all wealth levels could then spend what they might on this bag-of-bilge book on several tin openers (and an egg ring even, if they must).

Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

Pictured Top – Rather like Prince Harry’s tacky tome, ‘Spare,’ Monroe’s ‘Thrifty Kitchen’ has already hit the discount bin at Waterstones. It’s on offer for £9.99, RRP £19.99. Purchase at your personal peril.

Jack Monroe likes to pick fights; amongst those she’s had a pop at are…

When she’s not living-it-up with I’m A Celebrity bestie of Stanley Johnson, Georgia Toffolo, aside from myself, Jack Monroe has variously kept herself busy launching warbling words of war against:
- Lee Anderson MP.
- The Right Honourable David Cameron and his deceased child.
- The Conservative Party – with their members in Bath being particularly high up on her list of ire.
- Germaine Greer.
- Katie Hopkins.
- The Labour Party.
- Jamie Oliver.
- Michael Portillo.
- The late The Right Honourable The Baroness Thatcher LG OM DStJ PC FRS HonFRSC.
- The Right Honourable Liz Truss MP.
- And many members of the Twitterati… And many, many others elsewhere.
Monroe’s latest book, which Pan Macmillan released only yesterday, has been torn to shreds and mocked as “complete drivel.” She offers ideas for using fluff and water from tumble dryers – devices that anyone cutting back on costs will have already have stopped using during the cost-of-living crisis given how expensive they are to operate – and shared her thoughts on towels. To save money, she says, “both I and my son can dry our entire bodies after a shower with a hand towel and a bit of vigorous application” before adding: “I have actually already perfected this down to the humble flannel.”

Sainsbury’s quite rightly disassociated themselves from Monroe after her November 2014 outburst about Ivan Cameron. They responded: “Jack Monroe blogs independently. Sainsbury’s is not a political organisation and we certainly don’t share her views.” A source also revealed that Monroe’s contract with the firm would not be renewed and equally, Andrew Percy MP, a member of the Commons health select committee, spoke for many at the time when he added: “This is not just a distasteful tweet, it is sick. If a right-wing politician or columnist had made such a comment, Miss Monroe would be writing hand-wringing columns about how evil or cruel such a comment was.”

“Cooks cook” Jamie Oliver has done more to help those struggling to feed their families than most. That he has been repeatedly attacked by self-declared acid tongued “freelance food-and-politics-gob” Jack Monroe who once crassly also had a pop at David Cameron after the death of his son – she shockingly claimed “he uses stories about his dead son as misty-eyed rhetoric to legitimise selling our NHS to his friends” – is indicative of the lowbrow tendencies of the person making such attacks.

Finger-wagging Conservative Lee Anderson MP was called out by self-appointed “humble food blogger” and “potty-mouthed activist” Jack Monroe in May 2022 after suggesting people could “make a meal for about 30p a day.” He responded: “She’s taking money off of some of the most vulnerable in society and making an absolute fortune off of the back of people. You know, it’s her that’s rich. I’m not rich… No, I was dragged up in Huthwaite. As you know, I’ve worked down the pit all my life, didn’t have two ha’pennies to rub together.” Whether the libel action Monroe has threatened will progress or not remains to be seen.

Michael Portillo very effectively shutdown in May 2019 when he forced her to step down from supporting ‘milkshaking’ right-wing politicians by asking if she’d do the same to centrist and left-wing figures. She had to pathetically concede: “Oh, OK… I condemn it.”

For those looking for someone into budget cooking to follow, we urge readers to look to the brilliant Miguel Barclay instead of the mouthy person of gender-whatever.

Twitter reacts to ‘Thrifty Kitchen’…
January 6, 2023
Moron of the Moment 2022 – Grim Grifter Jack Monroe

The elevation of busybody-bore and all-round grim grifter Jack Monroe by ‘The Grocer’ represents a pinnacle in pointlessness claims Matthew Steeples

“A grifter’s gotta grift” has become a firm favourite phrase in 2022 and today the ultimate example of such, the vitriolic viper that is Jack Monroe, is again trending on Twitter.

This time ludicrously ‘elevated’ to “Hero of the Year” by The Grocer in an article by some nitwit named Harry Holmes, the petulant pest whom once wrote to me to tell me “I want no association with your sh*t” was then quite deservedly slammed on Twitter as a “grifter” and a “constant liar” akin to the mendacious menace formerly known as Meghan Markle.

Though laughably made out to be “an essential voice for thousands” and someone “reduced to tears” by Asda supposedly caving in after she tweeted about them not having stocked enough “value” products by ‘most definitely not Sherlock’ Holmes, Monroe was condemned as someone who’d “best make up some fresh lies and manipulate people to donate to my tip jar” by another going by the name of @Scbusiness4.

Going further, another member of the Twitterati going by the handle @SevenSeasSoBlue surmised the situation best. They tweeted: “At first I thought Jack Monroe was an idealistic spirit, a bit scatterbrained, a bit drama queen, but that her heart was essentially in the right place and that she did some good. Then I got alerted (thanks @AwfullyMolly!) and now I see what a scam artist she was.”

Elsewhere yesterday, in an especially telling feature, a blogger going by the aforementioned name ‘Awfully Molly #bekindnotblind’ shared her thoughts on the matter. She highlighted allegations that Monroe’s supposed donations to charities including the Trussell Trust had not amounted to quite what she had herself suggested.

Amusingly also, ‘Awfully Molly’ highlighted that Monroe had also tweeted fake news in April when she recommended a book titled Georgia Church Suppers in April when attempting to ‘support’ the people of Ukraine. The book was about food in Georgia in America and not Georgia, the country in eastern Europe.

‘Awfully Molly’ added: “When this was called out, initially Jack just deleted the tweet and reposted it without including the book from Georgia. Several months later, she claimed that it had been a mistake due to a lack of geographical knowledge.”

“It may not seem important, although it is another example of Jack being flesxible with the truth, but it demonstrates Jack not taking responsibility for the influence and platform she has, or showing respect to her followers.”

In August this year, the mouthy menace Monroe was quite rightly condemned after patronising the poor by telling those on a budget to “tip [canned] spaghetti hoops into a sieve and gently rinse them to get rid of the tomato sauce” and then microwave and “enjoy immediately” with “a pinch of pepper.” In 2023, we can only hope for one thing and that is to not hear from this braindead bore; sadly that’ll most certainly not happen.

Pictured top – Jack Monroe: A person of very confusing identity – who has variously been “non-binary” and going by “they/them” and “she/her pronouns,” “gay,” “genderqueer,” “lezzer” and “cisgender lesbian” according to Wikipedia – likes to fight utterly anyone. In 2018, she got into a spat with Bath Conservatives after they quite rightly called out parents who “don’t know how to feed their children” as “indolent.”

Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

In August this bombastic bore bizarrely turned her attention to examining Liz Truss’s name and banged on about Margaret Thatcher and Theresa May also. Jack Monroe as a conspiracy theorist is one thing, but Miss Marple she most certainly ain’t as this rabid rant most definitely proves.

Twitter reacts to the feckless food bank forager being elevated by ‘The Grocer’…

December 22, 2022
Cancel Culture Crazy – Call For Plantation Rum To Be Cancelled Is Nothing But Woke Wazzock Warbling

As ITV’s ‘Good Morning Britain’ Rachelle Ferron calls out Plantation Rum as a “horror” brand that “chokes,” Matthew Steeples asks if this is cancel culture crazy warbling by a woke wazzock?

Nobody with a moral compass would today come out in favour of slavery, but would even the cancel culture crackpot Owen Jones go as far as to seek to cancel anything mentioning the description “plantation” – meaning in essence “a large farm” – out of outrage over its past associations?

Though the answer to that question is a likely “yes” given the attention seeking Chavs author would likely have sought to whine if he’d thought of it first, ITV’s Good Morning Britain head of entertainment Rachelle Ferron was given acres of column inches to get in her thoughts on this noun yesterday. In an article for The Guardian, she ludicrously claimed to have been “choked” after seeing it on a visit to a branch of a Richard Caring owned restaurant, The Ivy.

Ferron, offended to find the “P-word” listed on the menu in the form of a “rum-soaked sponge” made with Plantation Rum, whined: “It matters that once you really see these things, it is difficult to unsee them.”

Droning on, a woman once proudly posed for a snap with Sean Combs – whose clothing brands have ironically been called out for operating “slave labour-like” working conditions – surmised: “Hmm (rather than ‘Mmm’). My dad is Jamaican. My ancestors were slaves.”

She added:

“Does this matter? Yes. It matters that all around us we see reminders of a painful past, and then feel the indignity of knowing that the words and images of historic colonial exploitation are being deployed, even offered to us, as brands and items produced for someone’s commercial gain. It matters that once you really see these things, it is difficult to unsee them. Either you come to terms with them, or you decide that this is not the way for diverse societies to behave, and resolve to act.”

“These brands and images, these indignities and slights, have perhaps always been there. But one night, on date night, I saw ‘Plantation’ rum on the menu, thought about the history and connotations, and thought: enough. It was my own little protest, but that’s how wider change often starts.”

Continuing, Ferron expressed objection at a property development in Battersea with the name Plantation Wharf and a pier of the same name operated for Uber Boat by Thames Clippers. Houses – such as those owned by Ben Affleck – with “P-word” history and the shutters they gave their name to, she argued are part of “[worshipping] a trend that glorifies plantation living.”

After complaining to the restaurant group about the ‘hurt’ she felt, the liquid that so outraged her has now been removed from at least 30 restaurants owned by bouffant haired billionaire Caring in spite of a pledge from Maison Ferrand, the owners of Plantation Rum, that they would be taking steps to “rebrand” in June 2020.

At that time, the company’s Stephanie Simbo told The Spirits Business:

“We pride ourselves on making delicious rum for people to enjoy and never want any part of their experience to create feelings of discomfort.”

“To that end, we want to be on the side of actions and solutions. As you can imagine, evolving a brand name is a significant undertaking for a family business like ours. We humbly ask that everyone have patience as we move to make these changes as quickly as possible.”

Alexandre Gabriel, the company’s founder and master blender, previously added:

“As the dialogue on racial equality continues globally, we understand the hurtful connotation the word ‘plantation’ can evoke to some people, especially in its association with much graver images and dark realities of the past.”

“We look to grow in our understanding of these difficult issues and while we don’t currently have all the details of what our brand name evolution will involve, we want to let everyone know that we are working to make fitting changes.”

Though Rachelle Ferron most likely enthused the woke in Britain with her ‘victory’ over a noun describing a farm, I’d argue she’s instead secured nothing but making herself look like a hectoring harridan with a desire to damage a small family business that has already committed to making change. Now, I’d suggest, it is time for her to take her pitchfork off for a confrontation with her chum P. Diddy.

Pictured top – The Whitney Plantation in Louisiana, a place which now seeks to “educate the public about the history of slavery and its legacies” rather than celebrating or erasing memory of its past (left); the rum that so offended Rachelle Ferron (right).

Maison Ferrand “Cognac maverick” Alexandre Gabriel’s rum’s name is due to be changed, but nonetheless Rachelle Ferron chose yesterday to get unnecessarily outraged about seeing the brand on menus at one of the premises of the chi-chi restaurant group, The Ivy. Though she claimed to seek to cause “a downturn in custom” by complaining and then got Richard Caring’s restaurant to “remove all ‘Plantation’ rum products (including that offensive pud) from its restaurants, bars and menus, what has she actually achieved? “I’m still digesting the news, but, wow – I did that. I forced change on a British institution,” she crowed, but isn’t she just putting jobs at risk at a company that has already agreed to what she wanted in 2020?

Previously, in May 2017, Ferron happily posed for pictures with Sean Combs (AKA P. Diddy, Diddy, Puffy and Puff Daddy), the face and “equal-share venture” collaborator of the Diageo vodka brand Cîroc. She declared of a man who was previously called out for involving himself in “sweatshop labour” with the clothing brands he associated with: “Come back for an interview on GMB. We had so much fun before,” yet today attacks others for a word she associates with slavery.

Can Ferron not just accept that the noun actually primarily defines “an estate on which crops such as coffee, sugar, and tobacco are grown”? She might call such “places of horror,” but what does she actually achieve by seeking to erase a word?

Antebellum style Destrehan Manor House in Louisiana was used in the 2013 Steve McQueen directed, Brad Pitt produced film ‘12 Years A Slave’ starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Fassbender. Will Ferron next demand this architecturally important building be demolished because of what she views to be the “outrage” associated with its past?

October 26, 2022
Wally of the Week 2022 – Bombastic Bully & Bore Jack Monroe

In patronising the poor, bombastic bully and bore Jack Monroe yet again shows her truly nasty colours; here is a pontificating pillock who helps utterly nobody (apart from her not-so-sorry self)

Mouthy moron and all-round maniac Jack Monroe has sponsorship deals left, right and bloody centre. This person of confused identity makes a packet from such, yet takes it upon ‘itself’ to claim to be the voice of those living on the breadline.

Trending on Twitter this morning after quite rightly being called out for disgustingly suggesting those on a budget “tip [canned] spaghetti hoops into a sieve and gently rinse them to get rid of the tomato sauce” and then microwave and “enjoy immediately” with “a pinch of pepper,” here is a patronising cretin who previously got herself into a spat with an equal twerp, Tory MP Lee Anderson – a moron who believes a family of four can be fed on a daily budget of 30p.

This time unsurprisingly labelled someone who has “done nothing to help me” by a single mother who has “lived in poverty” and slammed as a “grifter” and “public scrounger,” Monroe, it seems, has deservedly finally been exposed for what she actually genuinely is – an utter hypocrite and a bombastic bloody bully and bore.

Next!

Pictured top – Jack Monroe: A person of very confusing identity – who has variously been “non-binary” and going by “they/them” and “she/her pronouns,” “gay,” “genderqueer,” “lezzer” and “cisgender lesbian” according to Wikipedia – likes to fight utterly anyone. In 2018, she got into a spat with Bath Conservatives after they quite rightly called out parents who “don’t know how to feed their children” as “indolent.”

The controversial tweet in question contained a recipe that involved rinsing canned spaghetti hoops of their accompanying tomato sauce, microwaving, microwaving a bit more and adding butter, oil, cheese and a pinch of pepper. It was hardly revolutionary, helpful or intelligently thought out and though the mouth of the south thought it amusing to call a ‘Tin Can Cook,’ all it did was make her look like a buffoon and a berk.

Called out quite rightly as a “grifter” amongst other things, many Twitter users observed that this attention seeker “has done nothing” to help others and relished in the fact that her “grift is beginning to fall apart so spectacularly.”

The busybody-bore was called out for her “public scrounging” via her “grifting beg of a blog” on social media after she truly made a prized prat of her anything-but-sorry-self. Here is a person who truly gets the goat of so many and unsurprisingly so.

“You are NOT on the poverty line” raged one Twitter user who added: “Too lazy to get a 9 to 5. Rattling your tip jar to accept other peoples’ generosity which could be going to people who actually need it.” Another pointedly added: “Got a spare £500? Give it to Jack Monroe; she is destitute despite her book deal, TV work and newspaper columns. Her work raising the plight of non-binary folk living off 3p beans is immeasurable. I’ve a lot of time for her and she is a role model to all who grift for a living.”

The patronising pest Monroe told her Twitter followers via her @BoostrapCook account that: “It’s a play on a classic – cacio e pepe – literally pasta, pepper and cheese. If you have the means to cook dried pasta from scratch (hob, pan, fuel, colander, physical ability) then good for you, but not everybody does. Snobbish miserable gatekeeping does nothing to help anyone.” She then unhelpfully added: “If you’d prefer my recipe for Torta di Gorgonzola semifreddo with desiccated black olive crumb, I can dig it out. I – can – do the fancy ridiculous stuff too; I just choose not to make that the main focus of my work in favour of the less glamorous ‘making sure people can eat.’” Shame on this ridiculous ranting ratbag.

The bombastic bore then turned her attention to examining Liz Truss’s name and banged on about Margaret Thatcher and Theresa May also. Jack Monroe as a conspiracy theorist is one thing, but Miss Marple she most certainly ain’t.

August 6, 2022
Picture of the Week 2022 – BYOB Veganuary at Wetherspoons

As horrendously nutty ex-MEP Roger Helmer bangs on about having a burger at Wetherspoons, an image of PM Boris Johnson and the chain’s boss Tim Martin at a BYOB at 10 Downing Street trends on Twitter; we also remind readers of Helmer’s past antics

On Friday, on Twitter, Roger Helmer – an off-his-merry-rocker Conservative MEP for the East Midlands between 1999 and 2017 – shared an image of a burger and declared:

“Perfect for Veganuary: Wetherspoons’ double six-oz burger (with cheese, bacon & onion rings). Delicious. And cheap as chips (which it comes with). Take a stand. Fight back against the nonsense.”

Clearly as potty as the BYOB bottle party loving Prime Minister whose political party he used to be part of before heading off to the headbangers at UKIP, Helmer was mocked not only because the image was not of a double burger, but because even the cretinous Wetherspoons pub chain owner Tim Martin has turned on the Tories.

Leading Brexiteer Martin – whose friendship with ‘Bosie The Buffoon’ has been longstanding – came under fire elsewhere on social media when a picture of 10 Downing Street did the rounds.

In it, the residence of Britain’s current leader’s residence was turned into a branch of Martin’s lowbrow hosterlries. Aside from a Wetherspoons sign, the railings of the Westminster residence were adorned with signage and Johnson and Martin were inserted inside serving from behind a bar.

The two signs themselves read: “BYOB – No COVID rules here!” and “It’s a work do baby, wear a suit.”

Cheers and please everyone, always remember the rules: “Bring Your Own Bottle.”

Ex-Conservative Member of the European Parliament Roger Helmer thought it funny to tweet: “Perfect for Veganuary: Wetherspoons’ double six-oz burger (with cheese, bacon & onion rings). Delicious. And cheap as chips (which it comes with). Take a stand. Fight back against the nonsense.” All he got met with, unsurprisingly, was mockery. The man’s a twerp. In fact, he’s an utter bloody berk.

Boris Johnson and Tim Martin were happy to pal up in support of Brexit in times past. Now, with Martin’s Wetherspoons profits plummeting due to coronavirus restrictions and him being unable to get staff due to most quitting Britain due to Brexit, he’s moaning like the baby that he truly is. Frankly, nobody of sane mind likes his hideous outlets and frankly he deserves his sorry fate.

In 2008, Roger Helmer, then a Conservative MEP, declared that he wanted rid of the majority of immigrants that came to Britain. He continued: “They are a threat to social cohesion and the welfare of our nation.” What a charming, caring chap.

Roger Helmer’s Worst Moments

Visits to sleazy massage parlours

In October 2014, the then MEP was photographed visiting a “sleazy massage parlour” in Lutterworth, Leicestershire. Of this, he told The Sun that he believed: “MEPs are entitled to a private life. I work extremely hard and when I do occasionally have time off, I enjoy a massage.” Speaking to the Derby Telegraph, he later added: “I think ‘The Sun’ quoted me quite well and I don’t have anything to add to that.”

Continuing later, the Tory tried to excuse his mucky antics at a “discreet gentleman’s retreat” venue whose motto featured the words “driving men wild since 1999” by stating: “I hope my constituents will agree people are entitled to enjoy their leisure as they please.”

On the NHS

“A sixty-year mistake.”

On climate change

“It’s junk economics built on junk science. No more than hot air, yet it looks set to beggar our grandchildren.”

On energy subsidies

“Morally dubious… A regressive tax.”

“I really don’t want to say I am a closet green… [But] let me describe these subsidies to you. You can make a unit of electricity at a power station for about 4p in this country. As a householder I can buy unit of electricity from the Grid for about 12p in this country. Every unit of electricity I get off the solar PV system I have on the roof of my wife’s stables I get just about 50p for.”

“I am getting 12 times the cost of producing that electricity, and four times the amount it would cost me to buy it from the Grid. I would be mad to refuse. So, I put that in place. Oh, by the way, that it guaranteed for 25 years. It’s inflation protected. And it’s tax free.”

On the Church of England

“[They’ve] abandoned religious faith entirely.”

On the Roman Catholic church

“Systematically paedophile.”

On gay people

“I will argue homosexual behaviour [and gay people are] abnormal and undesirable.”

“I don’t know why you guys in the media are obsessed with sexuality, but there are other issues… Some people dislike it and this is a fact.”

“Different people have different tastes, you may tell me you don’t like Earl Grey tea. That may be a minority view but you are entitled not to like it if you don’t like it.”

In January 2019, on Twitter, Roger Helmer was condemned for having “zero self-awareness” and a “massage parlour loyalty card.”

January 15, 2022
Finickity Facebook Goes to War on Rustic Restaurateur

Finickity ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ Facebook group members get it completely wrong in attacking a restaurateur fined for putting up a poster advertising work at his Italian in Bristol

Riccardo Damiani runs a “rustic” Italian restaurant in Bristol that serves food that looks simple yet delicious. He clearly is someone actually trying to be successful and someone who wants to employ people, but in doing so he’s pissed off the people of the finickity Facebook group Angry People in Local Newspapers.

His venue, La Panza – which has a charming Georgian façade and is named rather charmingly and honestly for “rounded abdomen, in other words a big, full, happy belly” – struggled to get staff no doubt due to the repeated coronavirus lockdowns and Brexit and as a result he placed a poster on a lamppost offering people work.

In any sane society, people would be delighted to see opportunity being offered, but this was not case with the goons at Bristol City Council. They responded by giving Mr Damiani a fine of £150 under the Highway Act 1980 for illegal flyposting in July 2021.

Speaking to Bristol Live yesterday, Damiani remarked:

“It’s absolutely insane how many people just leave a flyer saying my cat is missing or advertising nights out. It happens all over Bristol, Stokes Croft is the epicentre of it, and I can’t believe that this has happened.”

Subsequently prosecuted and summoned to the local magistrates’ court earlier this week in spite of having offered to pay the fine in August 2021, an adjournment has sensibly been made, but this simply set off members of Angry People in Local Newpapers.

Responding furiously, 27 members of the group have thus far put fingers to keyboards and one, Jeremy Twiggs, mocked: “Yeah, if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would he do it too? As my nan used to say: ‘Probably,’” whilst another, Ste Biram, added: “I can only imagine the quality of staff you’ll get from advertising on a lamppost.”

Amusingly, however, making a mockery of Boris Johnson’s current travails, one Dave Jackson concluded: “Should have advertised a cheese and wine party.”

La Panza, Chatterton’s Café, Redcliffe Way, Redcliffe, Bristol, BS1 6NL. Telephone: +44 (0) 731 129 1 93.

On Instagram, La Panza describes itself as a “traditional trattoria and Italian restaurant serving regional food, pasta, wine and cocktails.” It is open from 12 noon until 10pm, Tuesday to Saturday for aperitivo and music.

Images of food and drink served at this restaurant suggest a venue that serves simple, yet delicious items in a relaxed setting. That keyboard warriors on social media and a local council that frankly should be supporting not hindering local businesses get angry about its patron advertising to offer members of its local community work is nothing other than ludicrous we’d suggest.

In the past, we’ve lauded members of ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ for their amusing finds, but on this occasion they are wrong to condemn a businessman for trying to find staff for a place clearly serving perfectly decent grub at perfectly reasonable prices.

Last March, when APILN members had a pop at a clearly ropey hobbit-like couple named Mr and Mrs Kipling, they were spot on. This Aston Martin driving dweller of a Grade II listed cottage thought he could get away with adding a hideous UPVC carbuncle conservatory to his home without planning permission. When he failed and was told to tear down the hideous structure, he bombarded everyone from Boris Johnson to Prince Charles and when that failed, he complained angrily to the ‘Banbury Guardian.’ This clear lunatic remarked: “We feel that our lives are being dictated to by people that haven’t even seen our house or the conservatory – would they eat their meals off a tray 24/7 – I don’t think so. We are both lifelong members of the National Trust so there’s no way we would damage our property. The inspector is saying that we are hurting the wall… But we’re not causing any harm. We have emailed Boris though he is otherwise engaged at this time, Jeremy Wright MP who did reply, Robert Jenrick MP housing minister who has not replied and the Prince of Wales who immediately sent a letter of support but stated he was not allowed to intervene. We are going to keep going on with this until some form of common sense prevails. We’re not very good with Facebook and Twitter, and we would like to start a petition to allow us to have it remain for the next eight years.”

January 14, 2022
Easter in January at Waitrose

Waitrose started promoting Easter merchandise on the 2^nd January; Easter Sunday is not until 17^th April and naturally ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ mentality kicked in on social media

Waitrose presents itself as a supermarket for the sophisticated. It’s more the kind of place you’d expect to find Jennifer Aldridge of The Archers than perhaps, say, Gail Platt of Coronation Street, but now the retailer to royalty has been slammed online after “going after the chav market.”

On the 2^nd January – a supposed ‘day of rest’ when the no doubt still pissed-up public were no doubt still recovering from their Christmas and New Year bingeing hangovers – one Rebecca Norton-Gray uploaded two images of merchandising in an unnamed store to Facebook and assiduously captioned them: “No, no, no, no. Today. Waitrose (South Coast).”

The pictures shared featured Cadbury’s Mini Eggs and Lindt chocolate bunnies and were accompanied by signage reading: “Easter: Sunday 17^th April.”

Clearly joining the somewhat flustered Ms Norton-Gray in being not as enthusiastic for another holiday fest as the management of that particular store, other members of the ‘Overheard in Waitrose’ Facebook group reacted with equal shock, fury and amazement.

Another member of the nigh on 21,000 strong group, Abi Lewis, described the marketing of Easter 105 days early as “mental” and added: “On Christmas Eve… they were taking down the Christmas shelving and filling up with Easter eggs and Easter bits” whilst an especially militant ‘Catherine McG’ proposed action and declared: “Too soon. Melt them.” What is she proposing to do? Pop round her local store with a flamethrower?

Taking a contrary view, one Bob Anderson Bowden, obviously had other things on his mind. He scoffingly suggested: “People really have lost the ability to not get riled up over things they could just ignore, eh?” whilst Fred Hill turned to comedy and concluded: “Oh my God. I’ve only just come to terms with the birth of our baby Jesus and now you want me to mark his execution with a bunny and an egg. I’m an atheist but this is superficial by even my standards.”

Thinking outside the box and instead focused on matters of the heart, Andrea Marlowe brought up Valentine’s Day on 14^th February and enquired as to what the supermarket was doing about that. Her priority, most definitely, was for love and lust rather than Easter and chocolates.

Finally, meanwhile, Peter Raymond was clearly someone who’s truly simply had enough of utterly everything. He opined: “Oh, for f#@% off!!!”

In May 2020, members of the Facebook group got especially overexcited after news emerged that Asda, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and Tesco had put out “urgent recall notices” for Magnum White ice cream tubs “because they contain milk” in spite of Waitrose being unaffected by the recall. Nonagenarian Magnum brand ambassador Iris Apfel – a living legend who believes: “More is more and less is a bore” – was sadly not asked for comment.

Earlier in April that year, a member of the group gave advice on how to ensure social distancing when shopping and remarked: “When shopping in Waitrose, ensure others shoppers stay the recommended two metres away by taking a Lidl carrier bag with you.”

In December 2020, a self-professed “international magician” named Mike Alan went “mental with a cucumber after alleging a ‘razor sharp’ M&S shelf ‘savaged’ his coat and left him ‘looking like a snowman.’” Aptly from Tunbridge Wells, Kent – a place best known for originating a complaining sort going by the name of ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ in June 1929 – subsequently received advice from readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ that numbered: “Should have gone to Waitrose.”

An early example of ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ correspondence:

SIR – Being present at the unveiling of the plaque on Thursday last week on the Pantiles, I was surprised when the National Anthem was played to see that in a place like Tunbridge Wells, which is noted for its loyalty and calls itself ‘Royal,’ there should be people who refused to remove their hats. Are such people Communists? If they are, Tunbridge Wells should be no place for such as they. We can do without them.

Letters to the Editor, ‘Tunbridge Wells Advertiser’ – 14th June 1929.

January 8, 2022