The Steeple Times

Tag: pensioner

  • Moron of the Moment – Sir Philip Green

    Moron of the Moment – Sir Philip Green

    ‘Sir Shifty’ filmed in debauched incident in Mykonos; he would do better to sip rather than spray his beverages

     

    Sir Philip Green will forever be remembered as a man whose former company, BHS, collapsed with the loss of 11,000 jobs. At that time, in The Steeple Times, the actor and producer Steven Berkoff compared him to both Shylock and Al Capone, but now ‘Badly Behaved Boozy Brit Abroad’ can add be added to this slug-like individual’s roster after he was spotted dousing fellow diners with champagne in Greece.

     

    Filmed by someone named Sarah Nazari and shared on her Instagram page, the minute long clip shows Sir Philip at a beach bar-restaurant named Nammos Mykonos. Alongside other revelers, the business tycoon was pictured hosing other guests down with £109 ($141, €120 or درهم517) per bottle “spraying champagne.” He didn’t look like he had a care in the world and perhaps, just maybe, his daughter’s new jailbird boyfriend, Jeremy Meeks, had provided him with inspiration to behave like a reprobate.

     

    Of antics more befitting of a 20-year old than a 65-year old, an unnamed source told The Times: “You couldn’t be in this club if you aren’t rich, so he wasn’t impressing anyone. He just looked like a sad old man trying to play with the pretty people.” Spot on: ‘Sir Shifty’, at his age, would do well to sip rather than spray.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ep_PrxAZE4

     

  • Carol Bowditch

    Carol Bowditch

    Whilst the problem play The Goat, or who is Sylvia? – which, in a 2017 adaptation, starred Damian Lewis as a man who falls head over heels for a goat named Sylvia – shocked many, pensioner Carol Bowditch is a true life example of someone whom repeatedly engaged in carnal activities with animals. Spared jail for being filmed having penetrative vaginal and oral sex with a St Bernard, a black Labrador and an Alsatian in April 2017, Mrs Bowditch of Evedon, Lincolnshire bizarrely claimed: “I was unaware it was illegal”. After giving her a given a community order with 12 months supervision and a 16 week night-time curfew, Judge Michael Heath concluded: “I am told that you have received public humiliation as a result of the publicity that this case has attracted. That does not surprise me”.

     

  • Sexing up Brexit

    Sexing up Brexit

    Defrocked priest appears outside the Supreme Court dancing a jig without any trousers; he believes Nigel Farage was “sent by Christ”

     

    This week, as the Supreme Court debated one of the most serious constitutional cases in history, a strange little man dressed as a leprechaun danced a jig whilst holding placards about Nigel Farage, a Third World War and Brexit.

     

    The strange, trouser-less pensioner’s banners bizarrely were captioned:

     

    “Nigel Farage was sent by Christ to get Britain out of Europe and fulfill [sic] Bible prophecy”.

     

    “Britain will fight for Israel in the Third World War whereas Europe will fight against Israel and against Christ”.

     

    Dubbed a “sex elf” in one tweet, The Huffington Post later suggested the man to be Neil Horan, “a defrocked Irish Catholic priest who has previously disrupted major events like the Grand Prix and the Olympics and appeared on Britain’s Got Talent”. Horan was given an ASBO for attempting to disrupt the London Marathon in 2007 and his published works number A Glorious New World Very Soon to Come and Christ Will Soon Take Power From All Governments.

     

    In 2006, Horan was held for two months in custody in Germany during the World Cup. He had announced that he had planned to carry posters that declared “Adolf Hitler was a good leader who was following the word of Christ”.

     

    You truly couldn’t make it up.

     

    Sexing up Brexit – Defrocked priest Neil Horan appears outside the Supreme Court dancing a jig without any trousers; he believes Nigel Farage was “sent by Christ”Sexing up Brexit – Defrocked priest Neil Horan appears outside the Supreme Court dancing a jig without any trousers; he believes Nigel Farage was “sent by Christ”

  • Baba Vanga (баба Ванга, AKA ‘Nostradamus from the Balkans’, 1911 – 1996)

    Baba Vanga (баба Ванга, AKA ‘Nostradamus from the Balkans’, 1911 – 1996)

    This blind, illiterate, psychic Macedonian villager predicted everything from 9/11 – in suggesting that “the American brethren would be attacked by two steel birds” in 2001 many years earlier in 1989 – to an African-American being the 44th US President. Baba Vanga got it right on the “great Muslim war” that started with the Arab Spring in 2010 and claimed it would “come to a conclusion in 2043 with the establishment of a caliphate with Rome at its centre”. She supposedly found her power after “losing her eyesight during a storm when she was picked up in a fierce gust of wind and dumped back down on the ground” and looking further into the future, the clairvoyant claimed that everything on earth will die by 3797 and aliens will help civilisations live underwater by 2130. Tellingly, she also predicted: “An economic crisis will prevent the 45th President from taking office”. Anyone care to break this news to ‘The Donald’?

     

  • Lauding Lucas

    Lauding Lucas

    George Lucas’ decision to build affordable housing on his estate is commendable – the Candy brothers in London should take note

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  • Overheard: 14th August

    Overheard: 14th August

    Classic clangers from the last week (more…)

  • Dame Judi Dench CH, DBE, FRSA

    Dame Judi Dench CH, DBE, FRSA

    Undoubtedly best known as one of the greatest actresses of the post-war period, Yorkshire born Dench briefly played Pru Forrest in the BBC’s The Archers. She’s an advocate for “more progressive drug policies” and only took the role of Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Pride & Prejudice after director Joe Wright wrote to her and said: “I love it when you play a bitch. Please come and be a bitch for me.” There’s barely a role she hasn’t conquered.

  • Picture of the Week: A typical whingeing Brit

    Picture of the Week: A typical whingeing Brit

    The “plight” of Pamela Burbery

     

    The Steeple Times picture of the week has to be of Pamela Burbery, a pensioner from Birmingham.

     

    Pamela Burbery puts on her best face

    Photographed for an article in the Daily Mail, this 76-year old told of how she feels like she’s “under siege” after a school was built at the end of her garden.

     

    In typical whingeing Brit mode, Burbery stated:

     

    “I’ve worked it out that I won’t even be able to make a cup of tea without being watched… My home will be like a goldfish bowl with nowhere to hide… I haven’t been in my garden for 12 months and it’s not going to change now.”

     

    Deborah Carpenter, Burbery’s daughter, had to chip in as well:

     

    “We’re just nothing to the council, it’s a joke how people can be treated like this. They just sit there shrugging their shoulders. It’s absolutely disgusting what can be done to a 76-year-old woman. The council should have bought my mum’s house under a compulsory purchase order.”

     

    Who do this pair think they are? When soldiers are dying in Afghanistan and countries verge on bankruptcy, could the Daily Mail not have found something more worthy to write about? It plainly was a bad news day but the tortured face of this moaning old bag was just too good not to share.

     

    Read more about Pamela Burbery at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2194196/Grandmothers-fear-living-goldfish-bowl-2-000-pupil-school-built-overlooking-bedroom.html