Tag: joke

  • Turn off the Kinnock

    Turn off the Kinnock

    Neil Kinnock is a loathesome oaf

     

    When Neil Kinnock held a celebration prior to the 1992 General Election, he made an utter prat of himself and guaranteed Labour’s subsequent thrashing at the polls. That The Sun ran the headline “Will the last person to leave Britain please turn out the lights” spoke volumes but now a letter by him has again shown this failed politician for the fool that he truly is. (more…)

  • Moving on: August 2013

    Moving on: August 2013

    A round up of the moves of the newsworthy

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  • Katie Hopkins (nicknames include The Wicked Witch of the West, Cruella De Vil, Widow Twanky, Miss Piggy and Patrick Bateman)

    Katie Hopkins (nicknames include The Wicked Witch of the West, Cruella De Vil, Widow Twanky, Miss Piggy and Patrick Bateman)

    Katie Hopkins Katie Hopkins romps in a field with Mark CrossBorn in Barnstaple, Hopkins is a serial reality contestant who is serially capable of making seriously stupid remarks. This blonde blabbermouth was once a stand-by contestant for Big Brother and appeared on both The Apprentice and I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! in 2007. During and after her stint in competitive television, Hopkins became known for insulting successful businesswoman Michelle Mone by telling her she should be “just happy to be out of the underwear factory for the day”, having sex with another contestant and declaring that she’d slept with another man in the barracks at The Royal Military Academy, Sandhurst. This “serial homewrecker” has done a volte-face since and though photographed romping in a field is also regularly to be found moralising about society on chat shows. Amongst her many clangers was to state that she doesn’t like children to be given “geographical location names” in July 2013. Her own daughter is called India.

  • Picture of the week: A shining horror

    Picture of the week: A shining horror

    The BNP’s candidate for South Shields shines and trends

     

    Dorothy Brooke, who calls herself “Lady Dorothy MacBeth Brooke”, had to be our picture of the week. This platinum blonde has what is quite possibly the most over tanned face on the planet.

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  • Picture of the week: Cracking up

    Picture of the week: Cracking up

    The most unlikely of bedfellows, crack cocaine and judges

     

    Our picture of the week was kindly supplied by barrister James Dove. It features two advertisements spotted in London.

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  • Dame Judi Dench CH, DBE, FRSA

    Dame Judi Dench CH, DBE, FRSA

    Undoubtedly best known as one of the greatest actresses of the post-war period, Yorkshire born Dench briefly played Pru Forrest in the BBC’s The Archers. She’s an advocate for “more progressive drug policies” and only took the role of Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Pride & Prejudice after director Joe Wright wrote to her and said: “I love it when you play a bitch. Please come and be a bitch for me.” There’s barely a role she hasn’t conquered.

  • The Media: Friend or foe?

    The Media: Friend or foe?

    Sarah Tucker shares her experiences on a panel discussing the outcomes of Leveson

     

    Journalist and author Sarah Tucker was one of the panelists at a talk at the Richmond Literary Festival on Thursday evening. By chance, since it coincided with the publication of the Leveson Report, the panel’s discussion naturally focused on that. Here Tucker share her thought in an article first published on her own blog:

     

    Will the outcome of Leveson change the media?

    I was in excellent company last night as part of a panel at the Richmond Literary Festival that felt almost weirdly timed to coincide with the day of the Leveson announcement.

     

    I appeared on a panel with Sir Trevor MacDonald (who needs no introduction, but got one any way), the editor of the Sheengate Titles, Richard Nye; Claire Fox, the director of the wonderfully named Institute of Ideas (which I thought sounded like something out of Hogwarts) and Matthew Syed, illustrious columnist, Times writer and former Commonwealth table tennis champion (I wanted to ask him about table tennis but felt it oddly irrelevant in context of the debate). We discussed if the media were ‘friend or foe’ (though it wasn’t specified ‘to whom’) this of course had been perfectly timed to coincide with the Leveson findings. It was pure fluke but that’s timing for you.

     

    Sir Trevor felt Leveson would change nothing. Everything, he suggested, would be bogged down in committees and sub committees and nothing would be done. Ever. Fox and Syed felt if statute was put in place, it would potentially be very dangerous especially if you had the likes of Blair or Thatcher in charge again or some lesser megalomaniac.

     

    As for my view, I think the politicians are playing a game. They are losers all of them, we are the biggest ones (the punter, the voter, the onlooker), but to think they could come out and out say one way or another would be a nonsense and would take a great deal of courage, which they don’t have.

     

    When I look at politicians now I think of them as actors upon a stage, not meaning anything they are saying, not even understanding most of it, just reciting it. I don’t feel contempt because it takes courage to get up on that stage. And Sir Trevor noted that many journalists and reporters now treat politicians with barely restrained contempt when they interview them. As he noted, at least politicians enter the process to do something of good for their community (although I think some do enter it for ego), something you can never say about those who work in the city.

     

    Sir Trevor McDonald OBE

    And who will be in this ‘organisation’ that will monitor the press?  Who on earth, on this earth, is so honourable, so without fault, so incorruptible to be considered for this position? A politician? No. A banker?  You’re joking. A policeman. Perhaps.

     

    I think you need a ‘common man’, or woman who has a sense, a common sense and an ability to see through the emperor with no clothes phenomenon of what is bullshit and what isn’t, what is in the public interest and what isn’t. It isn’t someone who has risen to the top. If this year has proved anything the shit rises to the top more regularly than the cream does. Although I must say I do like Eddie George. I think his contempt for the city mirrors that of my own, but then he deals with them on a daily basis so that’s understandable.

     

    In many ways the media has been it’s own worst enemy. Editors allowing for lazy journalism – the recent article about Canada in The Telegraph being an example. I met the head of PR for Canada in the UK for lunch this week and she despaired that they usual cliché about Canadians came up without anything relevant or up to date on a country that had a government which managed to manage their bankers – something our politicians have not.  As she commented: “It’s harmless but it’s pathetic.”

     

    Then there’s the phone hacking which hacked into ‘common man’ rather than celebrity, who I am afraid I have absolutely no sympathy with. That includes the royals, both the young and old. They are sold to us as though we know them. We don’t have a clue who they are. We just think we do.

     

    Editors encourage journalists to get stories, to hit the negative angles because they are told ‘it makes better news’ and people are more interested in bad news than good. I think it’s been proven somewhere, with stats or something, but then so have a lot of other things which also turn out to be rubbish. And all media are businesses so their bottom line is more important than anything else. Associated Papers are making money, The Times is running on a subsidy, the rest of the papers I think are losing money. The BBC may have been dented but they are respected around the world and like the NHS should not be tampered with. They should not be interested in profit and should aim in their production values at all times and at all cost. Every panelist agreed on that point.

     

    The weave between the institutions of the police, the law, the church, the city, the media, the royals, the politicians has become so entwined. This is like a lover’s tiff that will pass over because the end game is more important. There is too much money, too much power and far far too much ego invested in these institutions for morality and integrity to get in the way of profit.

     

    This has been a year of revelation but not revolution. And if it were it would be the wrong heads that would roll.

     

    Sarah Tucker is an award winning travel journalist, novelist, producer and broadcaster. She has edited, produced and presented her own radio and TV series as well as presenting reports for BBC Holiday Programme and anchored I Want That House on ITV. She is the author of best selling novels The Playground Mafia (short listed for the Good Housekeeping book of the year 2007) The Battle for Big School, The Last Year of Being Single, and The Control Freak Chronicles.

     

    For more information about Sarah Tucker, go to: http://www.sarahtucker.info

     

    Buy The Playground Mafia on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Playground-Mafia-Sarah-Tucker/dp/0099498456/ref=sr_1_7/202-9265101-5575054?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193856472&sr=1-7

     

    Follow Sarah Tucker on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/madasatucker

     

     

  • Picture of the Week: White fleece

    Picture of the Week: White fleece

    Amy Childs: A brash young lady with questionable taste

     

    Our last picture of the week featuring a Range Rover Sport was of one that had been driven by a couple described in the comments section of a Mail Online article as a “pair of pillocks in a puddle.” We subsequently received a Tweet from one of them whining about our article in which he stated that our editor was a “prat.” Those that saw this, excuse the pun, laughed like drains about such a missive coming from a person who drove their car into a flooded ford and then wondered why that vehicle sank.

     

    Amy Childs in a well managed pose with signage for a tyre company, a new car, a new numberplate and another of her vehicles

    Mr and Mr Drewitt-Barlow, primarily known for having had five children by a surrogate, had been at an event named Essex Fashion Week on the evening in question and today’s picture features another of their number, the former The Only Way is Essex “star,” Amy Childs along with two white Range Rover Sport vehicles.

     

    Miss Childs, a “beautician” aged 22, is someone who has been moulded into a “brand” by Claire Powell of Can Associates, a lady who variously has been the representative of Katie Price, Peter Andre and Kerry Katona. Though the appearance fees Childs received on TOWIE were “minimal,” she’s amazingly made a lot of money since “[shooting] to fame in 2010.” Childs, the Mail revealed, has just spent £80,000 of her new found wealth on a personalised plate based on her favourite phrase, WE11 JEL.

     

    Whilst the Mail Online suggest Childs posing in the lot of Imperial Cars in Romford with her new Range Rover and its expensive plate came about because she “outbid a premiership footballer and a TOWIE producer to win” it in a DVLA auction, we’re not entirely convinced.

     

    The Mail are especially keen to share with their readers that Amy Childs paid for the car itself on her American Express platinum card but publishing an image of her in a far from glamorous yard under a sign for “part worn tyres” and next to a wheelie bin just looks silly. This story seems just as staged and ludicrous as that of the puddle dwellers and for that reason we make this Essex girl and her pointless “purchases” our picture of the week.

     

    Read the Mail Online’s report about WE11 JEL at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2238775/Former-TOWIE-star-Amy-Childs-shows-customised-licence-plates–cost-80-000-privilege.html

  • Put a sock in it

    Put a sock in it

    Matthew Steeples takes a look at the farcical results of the PCC elections

     

    A former ambassador to the US undiplomatically Tweeted the following an hour or two ago: “Prezza beaten. Humberside policing saved.” His dovetailed stooge, one Mowbray Jackson, added: “Tiresome tub thumper ‘Lord’ Prescott rejected in PCC election. There is a god.”

     

    Lord Prescott faces defeat in the PCC elections like all great men: He proudly holds his head up and heads straight to the bar.
    Sir Christopher Meyer and his sidekick Mowbray Jackson share their somewhat predictable views about Lord Prescott’s defeat.

     

    The first of this pair of social elevators loves a good old Ralph Lauren sofa and the second is often to be found lizard-like with a carafe swilling partner at the bars of London’s Hollywood Road. One stood accused by Prescott of doing “nothing” over phone-hacking whilst chair of the PCC, which probably explains his bitterness, but the other has little connections to the former Deputy Prime Minister other than a picture of himself posing outside 10 Downing Street on his Twitter handle. This image was taken at an event that a certain Lady Meyer hosted with “she so enthusiastic for PCC’s,” our “esteemed” Home Secretary, Theresa May. Dogs, fleas and all that.

     

    From the start, I was very vocal in my view that the PCC elections were a waste of time. I personally couldn’t see the point of them but the one person I thought deserved to win was John Prescott. The right-wing columnist Peter Oborne agreed and summed up my views perfectly in a Daily Telegraph column on Wednesday:

     

    “Most members of the Labour Cabinet [Prescott] served in are now off doing rather grubby jobs in the private sector and feathering their nest, whereas John Prescott, well into his 70s, is still filled with the desire to serve. Good luck to him tomorrow. It would be a magnificent thing for British politics if he wins.”

     

    A Conservative government, though, should not have advocated this additional layer of bureaucracy and all the Police and Crime Commissioners will be is just such. Conservatives are meant to be about “less” rather than “more” government and that one polling station in Wales had a ballot box that, when opened, contained zero papers speaks volumes. It’s been a dismal day for democracy and frankly the government should “sock” the lot of these bureauprats before they have chance to do an iota of damage.

     

    Read Peter Oborne’s article, “Why I hope John Prescott wins in Humberside tomorrow,” at: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/peteroborne/100189605/why-i-hope-john-prescott-wins-in-humberside-tomorrow/