‘The Steeple Times’ asks readers to name the brilliantly batshit bonkers bird spotted gyrating in front of Chelsea shop windows during the coronavirus lockdown
Spotted on both the Fulham Road and Kings in Chelsea in recent days, a sometimes lycra-clad lady has been spotted by beady eyed readers gyrating in the glistening windows of empty shops. In days of old, we had ‘Widow Twanky’ and in days of coronavirus lockdown, we’ve got ‘Window Twerky.’
Presumably using said elevations as the mirror in which she can celebrate her very own maniac moves, little else is known about this non-conformist. Today, therefore, we ask anyone in the know to send in this wonderfully wacky woman’s name. We would like to contact her and push her forward to Simon Cowell for an audition as he will undoubtedly join in giving an almighty ‘YES!’
The Steeple Times joins those suggesting that this wacky wonder deserves wider public accolade and also a thank you for bringing joy to all who’ve witnessed her Fifty Shadesof Crazy antics during this Strictly insane time. Bring on yet more batshit bonkers as, after all, that’s what the Kings Road was always meant to be all about.
Rock on ‘Window Twerky’ – Your nation needs you!
With thanks to Claire Rubinstein and Tom Griffiths for first sharing ‘Window Twerky’ at-work on their Instagram stories.
“Ugly duckling” ex-crab boat converted into “ultimate fun factory” by billionaire equity investor for sale for 47% less than in 2017; it comes with gadgets galore amongst them a two-seat amphibious flying boat
Stanford educated private equity investor Richard Kayne manages over £25.3 billion ($31 billion, €28.7 billion or درهم113.8 billion) through his firm Kayne Anderson Capital Advisers. He also “doesn’t like to sit still,” has over 300 employees and is not only pretty “alternative” in the way he invests; he’s also pretty unusual in the style of yacht he favours.
Father of three Kayne took up sailing in order to “get [his] daughters involved in a family experience” around 2002 and then commissioned a 164-foot yacht named JeMaSa – a merger of the names of Jenni, Maggie and Saree, his aforementioned children. His love of “toys” – such as Eurocopter helicopters, sea planes, submarines, tenders, flyboards, jet-skis and inflatable water slides – subsequently resulted in a further purchase, a 170-foot steel hulled crab fishing boat that he intended simply to use as a “supply boat” to house his ever-growing collection of “kit.”
Richard Kayne and his wife Suzanne.Prior to becoming ‘SuRi,’ the yacht was a crab fishing vessel named ‘Fierce Contender.’Nowadays, the boat is more likely to be found taking wealthy individuals to off-the-beaten track locations.
Previously known as Fierce Contender (built in Lockport, Louisiana in 1978) and used in the Discovery Channel television series Deadliest Catch, the boat was converted into a “shadow yacht” in Seattle over the winter of 2007. Of the work, in November 2019, Kayne told Boat International:
“Designing the garage was a challenge. In addition to the helicopter we had a hovercraft, one of the world’s noisiest boats, a hand-built mahogany speedboat, a work boat, WaveRunners, Sea-Doos, sailboats, ski and wakesurfing boats and, eventually, an amphibious airplane.”
Renamed SuRi – a combination of his name and that of his wife, Suzanne – the Kayne family then took their fleet to Denarau, Fiji and though together the financier termed them his “hundred-metre articulated yacht,” he later came to realise that “neither yacht was adequate for all the people and all the toys.”
His response came in 2011 and of it, he announced: “I did another silly thing – I decided to sell JeMeSa and jumbo-size SuRi.” The boat was taken to Alameda, California, cut in half and expanded to provide further accommodation and “what is arguably the largest toy garage-cum-aircraft hangar afloat outside the US Navy.” The resulting “amenity-rich explorer yacht” is now 208-foot long and can accommodate 18 guests in 7 cabins with 19 crew.
Capable of a range of 7,400 nautical miles at a maximum speed of 13 knots, SuRi became what its owner termed “the ultimate fun factory” where: “Whatever it is that you want to do – put jet boots on your feet and go flying up in the air, go kitesurfing, take a cruise in a Riva type of boat, or go wakeboarding, wake surfing, waterskiing, fishing or diving, you just go and do it.”
Now, however, Kayne’s enthusiasm has moved on to developing an “American-style golf club” on New Zealand’s North Island. He first put SuRi – which astonishingly has over 3,300 followers on its Instagram account – up for charter through firms such as Cookson Adventures and then tried to sell the yacht for £35.8 million ($43.9 million, €40.7 million or درهم161.2 million) in 2017. That price plainly was not achievable and now, Burgess Yachts are offering the craft for the much-reduced sum of £18.8 million ($23 million, €21.7 million or درهم84.5 million).
“The Lovely Debbie McGee” hits a new low in appearing in adverts for a crappy kitchen makeover company (with captions across her cleavage)
The late Caroline Aherne (AKA Mrs Merton) made an utter fool of the dimwitted bimbo Debbie McGee in 1997 when she mockingly asked: “What, first, Debbie, was it that attracted you to the multi-millionaire Paul Daniels?”
Now, four years after her meal ticket was magicked into the sky, McGee has hit a new low and resorted to appearing in print and television advertising for a company that offers to “create your dream kitchen without the nightmare price tag” named Kitchen Magic.
The only problem with the “drab to fab” advert that appeared in last week’s The Sunday Times? A picture of Debbie looking especially dumb is ambitiously captioned: “The Lovely Debbie McGee.” The position of the lettering? Directly across this bleach blonde bird’s tits. A most sublime magic moment indeed.
Matthew Steeples suggests the jailing of Fiona Onasanya MP over her lies over a speeding ticket is quite absurd
They say: “Don’t kick a dog when it’s down,” but plainly that doesn’t apply in the case of Fiona Onasanya, jailed yesterday for three months for lying to avoid a speeding ticket.
Yes, Onasanya commited an offence and yes, she should be punished but is it really necessary to lock her up? Undoubtedly named and shamed – though not yet forced to resign from her position as Member of Parliament for Peterborough – the cost alone of incarcerating this woman will be ludicrous.
If the forces of the law want to make examples of Members of Parliament, they should do more to stop the many that are still abusing their expenses and put right the damage done by the likes of the paedo politicians Lord Boothby and Sir Cyril Smith. As for Onasanya, a stint of litter picking and community service would have been quite enough.
‘Mad Friday’ thankfully calmer than ever in Chelsea reports Matthew Steeples
Last year, as I walked across the Royal Borough in the evening of the day known as ‘Mad Friday’ or ‘Black Friday’ – the Friday before Christmas and the most popular night of the year for the public to go mental on the streets – I witnessed pissed-up children vomiting in Cadogan Gardens and grown men fighting in Sloane Square.
Aside from dodging past loose looking women smeared with lipstick with their shoes off falling over in Kings Road and avoiding eye contact with yobbish sorts drunkenly attempting to croon in Pont Street, I somehow got to my destination unblemished and poured myself a stiff drink.
This year, thanks I guess to it raining, it was thankfully not quite the same. Yes, there were a few ‘over-refreshed’ sorts, but ‘Mad Friday’ definitely did not kick-off in SW3. Thank bloody goodness.
Actor Dudley Sutton – AKA ‘Lovejoy’s’ Tinker – passes away aged 85 shortly after giving an interview lauding the NHS
The talented actor and regular at the Chelsea Arts Club, Dudley Sutton sadly died yesterday after a short battle with cancer.
Best known for playing Tinker Dill in the brilliant BBC comedy-drama series Lovejoy in 1986 and from 1991 to 1994, Sutton most recently took the lead role in a video for the Tom Chaplin song Midnight Mass and also appeared in everything from the first production of Joe Orton’s Entertaining Mr Sloane in 1964 to Emmerdale and Eastenders.
Speaking about Lovejoy and himself in general in 2017, Sutton commented:
“It’s what they’re going to say on my obituary when I die, regardless of all the different and diverse stuff I’ve done throughout my life.”
“It’s good fun because Lovejoy is so popular throughout the world, wherever you go. But people recognise Tinker, they don’t recognise Dudley Sutton.”
Dudley Sutton (6th April 1933 – 15th September 2018)
In July, Sutton gave a video interview from his bed in the Royal Trinity Hospice in Clapham in which he spoke about the NHS. He spoke of how he was a Socialist and lauded doctors and nurses for “caring about people, caring about folk, caring about people who can’t look after themselves” and said: “Don’t let the NHS go. Don’t flog it away with all the rest of the rubbish… That’s all I’m saying.”
In a statement yesterday, Sutton’s family remarked:
“Today we’re devastated by the loss of our beautiful Dudley, who leaves a gaping hole in all our lives.”
“We’re grateful for the love expressed by friends and fans everywhere and for the extraordinary care he received at the Royal Trinity Hospice in Clapham, south London, where he went out fighting for our NHS.”
To those that encountered “this wonderfully disruptive cherub” at the Chelsea Arts Club and elsewhere, Dudley will be remembered for much more. This “neo-Wildean” actor and gent was charming, witty and fun and he added great colour to the lives of so many. May he rest in peace.
Featuring a completely removable hood frame, doors with drop down windows and such features a rear step to allow ease of access for female passengers, the car is being marketed as the “ultimate utility vehicle.”
Designed for “family fun on the Promenade de la Croisette, a somewhat punchy sum of £97,500 ($137,000, €111,000 or درهم504,000) is sought for this somewhat bonkers car.
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Kitsch San Francisco mansion turned private museum that houses everything from Hitler memorabilia to a portrait turned down by Prince Philip for sale for £9.5 million
The collection of a former advertising executive turned San Francisco based bon viveur named Robert C. Pritikin – better known as ‘Bob’ to his friends – includes everything from Hitler’s Swastika armband and his personal world globe (supposedly acquired by American soldiers at the end of the Second World War) to a portrait of Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh of which the royal once proclaimed: “I bloody well wouldn’t hang it on the walls of Buckingham Palace.”
Pritikin houses these items – and others including a replica electric chair, a mural featuring the cult leader Jim Jones, an exact replica of Rembrandt’s ‘The Night Watch’ and an original J. M. W. Turner painting – in a totally eccentric neo-classical mansion in the Glen Park area of the city. He built the property in 1987 and though it provides 9,966 square foot of accommodation it is primarily designed as an entertaining space and museum rather than a conventional family home.
Bob Pritikin with the portrait Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh so loathedThe mansion-cum-museum Pritikin built in 1987 for his collection is now for saleArtworks in the building include a mock electric chairThere also many murals inside and outside of Chenery House
Now offered for sale for £9.5 million ($12.5 million, €10.4 million or درهم45.9 million) by the equally flamboyant realtor Joel Goodrich, Chenery House – or plain old 47 Chenery Street – has hosted guests including Liberace and Mickey Rooney. The building is dominated by a top floor swimming pool with glass retractable roof, a vast ‘showroom’ with adjoining display rooms but also comes with 5 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. There is a 4-car carport, a garden cottage and a three unit building with two 2 bedroom units and one 1 bedroom unit.
Hidden from the street at its entrance and adjoining the Fairmount Elementary School on another, Chenery House stands on a 1 acre plot crammed to the brim with art pieces, murals and statues. It was offered by Pritikin to the City of San Francisco as an official mayoral residence in 2004 but after they declined he has since rented it for weddings and events.
In 2014, of living there, Pritikin remarked: “It’s a fun place to live. I would build the exact same house if I had to do it again, and in the unlikely event that I kick the bucket I intend to have my ashes buried here.” Though that will now unlikely happen, this true eccentric’s spirit will no doubt live on in spite of whoever eventually purchases what has to be one of America’s most whacky compounds.
George Freeman MP denies he wants to create a Tory version of Glastonbury; imagining Theresa May boozing with Liam Gallagher definitely would be hard
Theresa May, Dizzee Rascal and Liam Gallagher would certainly make for unlikely bedfellows but now a Conservative MP, George Freeman, wishes to replicate Jeremy Corbyn’s success in such company at Glastonbury and in September will host his own festival in Norfolk.
Former biotechnology entrepreneur Mr Freeman, chairman of Mrs May’s policy board, asked: “Why is it just the left who have all the fun in politics?” and has received support for what he calls a “friends and family event” and a “cross between Hay-on-Wye and the Latitude festival” from a number of sponsors and venues.
Expected to be called the “Conservative Ideas Festival,” the event was remarked on by one unnamed fellow MP as: “Very trendy” but needing “a lot of expensive booze” for him to attend. One might argue seeing Mrs May drunk in one of her beloved wheat fields might amuse many, but in reality this idea sounds nearly as bad as when the party put William Hague in a baseball cap at a theme park in 1997. Theresa, a word of advice: Don’t do it.
Gatecrasher ‘Dr Nastro’ admits defeat and announces he’ll be retiring from the ligging circuit; perhaps Denis Doble, David Pun and Sandra Shevey ought to follow his lead
On Wednesday, we received a message from a known member of London’s ligging community of aging oddballs using the pseudonym ‘Dr Nastro’.
In an email to our main editorial email address and sent from a Yahoo account, this gatecrasher accused Matthew Steeples of effectively being responsible for his being “banned from venues” and suggested that one of the worst of his very own number “had me thrown out of a place. ” also. He added a link to an article on a website named ‘Stop Wine Liggers’ and rather pathetically concluded: “I will not be going to events any more.”
By return, Matthew Steeples responded:
“I have nothing to do with the website you have linked to – I am busy enough with my own work – but have responded to the comments there. If they decide to publish, you will see my thoughts.”
“I do believe the behaviour of the ligging community is unacceptable. You and your friends do not add to events, they subtract and they are a nuisance to organisers. Some of your number are thieves and others are just racist bigots. Plainly, you have offended the person behind the site you mention but what I cannot understand is why you are surprised.”
“As for giving up going, it is probably the wisest decision you’ve made given the chaos you’ve caused previously. Enjoy your retirement.”
In reply, ‘Dr Nastro’ immediately answered: “I just did it for fun the rest are not [sic].”
