The Steeple Times

Tag: creepy

  • Crackpot Cliff Can Still Breathe

    Crackpot Cliff Can Still Breathe

    ‘The Daily Mail’ gets over enthusiastic in sharing news of creepy crackpot crooner Sir Cliff Richard’s new album, ‘Music… The Air That I Breathe’ whilst only 18 fans react on YouTube

    A year after bouncing around cryptically announcing “they’re never going to take me down” with his disastrous Rise Up album, creepy crackpot Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard has returned to share what the Daily Mail’s Eve Buckland bizarrely termed his “dashing looks.”

     

    Going further of a man she also rather over ambitiously described as a “singing legend,” Buckland joined the soppy singer in moaning about the “star’s” songs not being played on the radio often enough as “unfair.” She also announced the arrival of his “newest music,” Music… The Air That I Breathe.

     

    Surprisingly, however, Buckland did not reference the most famous ever crier-on-the-kitchen-floor and self-declared “genuine international celebrity’s” previous claims of being supposedly cheated out of winning Eurovision by General Franco. She also avoided the issue of his calendar sales “leaving David Beckham standing” (whilst actually flopping) and strangely made no mention of his friendships with Lord Boothby, Rolf Harris, the Kray brothers and Sir Jimmy Savile. Funny that. She’s most definitely a Faithful One.

     

    Pictured top: Emboldened plainly by another visit to the botox bar, Sir Cliff Richard announced his ‘Music… The Air That I Breathe’ on YouTube on Tuesday 29th September. One of just 18 fans that reacted to him sharing this news and informing them that they’d have to pre-order responded by moaning: “Don’t make us wait a month.” An orderly queue is most definitely not required.

     

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    After Sir Cliff Richard announced ‘Music… The Air That I Breathe’ on YouTube, only 18 fans responded with comments. No doubt ‘Crackpot Cliff’ will declare this a conspiracy of similar proportions to that of General Franco stealing his supposed Eurovision win.
    Sir Cliff Richard’s previous attempt at ‘music’ – which one critic slammed more accurately as “nauseous noise” – came in the form of ‘Rise Up.’ It was universally panned and in response the “star” complained that radio stations were being “unfair” in not giving him airtime.
    Another disaster for this friend of the paedophiles Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile came in the form of him treating the funeral of Cilla Black like a pop concert. The faces of the priests to the left of him (as he attempted to ‘sing’) are telling of their disgust at his behaviour.
  • Moron of the Moment – Dan Wootton

    Moron of the Moment – Dan Wootton

    Dominic Cummings mouthpiece Dan Wootton yet again shows himself to be a bit of a berk in attacking both ‘Tatler’ and Sir Keir Starmer in one hit in his column in ‘The Sun’

    Dan Wootton has previously been branded a “deeply unpleasant” sort and today he yet again showed his true credentials in attacking two completely unrelated entities, Tatler and Sir Keir Starmer, in his diabolically dire column in The Sun.

     

    Executive editor of the banned-in-Liverpool ‘paper’ Wootton – a New Zealander known for his “less than stellar career” according to Zelo Street – pathetically branded “dripping-with-bile” Tatler a “repulsive… bible for the elite… that makes my skin crawl” simply because it had dared to criticise the Duchess of Cambridge. He raged: “Tatler should be shunned because of the vile way it perpetuates a class system that does so much damage to society. Not Quite Our Magazine, Darling.”

     

    Moron of the Moment – Dan Wootton – ‘The Sun’s’ Dan Wootton yet again shows himself to be a bit of a berk in attacking both ‘Tatler’ and Sir Keir Starmer in one hit.
    Dan Wootton slammed the “lack of class from snobs at Tatler” on Friday in his “big exclusives, bold opinion” column.

    Turning to Sir Keir Starmer, whom thus far has shown himself as quite the stellar opposite of Jeremy Corbyn, self-declared “working-class lad” Wootton’s analysis was clear: “The same old politics from the same old Labour… Up to its old tricks.”

     

    Thanks Dan; perhaps return to upsetting “Warrington’s finest export” Kerry Katona, you were more effective at that. Next!

     

    Dan Wootton’s not-so ‘finest’ moments:

     

    On Dominic Cummings (who’d probably have preferred even Katie Hopkins as a defender): “Make no mistake, the establishment is out to get Dominic Cummings… I despair.”

     

    On footballer David Beckham and his singer turned fashion designer wife Victoria (whose fans responded with fury): “Weird and creepy.”

     

    On singer George Shelley (whose fans got equally upset): “[He’s] done a Tom Daley and come out as bisexual.”

     

    On singer Susan Boyle (whose management hit back with denial): “Volatile… Forced to shop Tesco and travel by bus.”

     

    On political activist and Novara Media editor Ash Sarkar (before he “shut her down” during a “fiery conversation”): “Grasping.”

     

    On Celebrity Masterchef winner Emma Kennedy (who reported him to Ofcom and threated to sue him with the help of Carter Ruck): “Deranged Boris hater.”

     

    On actor Johnny Depp (who sued him for defamation, outcome awaited post-coronavirus): “Wife beater.”

     

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  • Wally of the Week – Sir Cliff Richard

    Wally of the Week – Sir Cliff Richard

    Creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard demands his music should be given “priority” play ahead of younger artists; he must be the centre of attention, as always, even during the coronavirus lockdown

    He’s previously claimed his calendar sales “leave David Beckham standing” and make Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre,” but Sir Cliff Richard is back to his moaning ways and is bleating about what he considers “the fact” that radio stations are being “unfair” and “snubbing” his music.

     

    According to the Mirror, Sir Cliff went on the ‘Greatest Music of All Time’ podcast and “blasted” the BBC for their “model of broadcasting music to niche audiences.” He also, in sage-like fashion, pointed out: “We’re all dying. Long-term fans may not be with us anymore.”

     

    “Why will people download a record of mine if they don’t know it’s out?” complained the crackpot crooner before adding: “Those among us who have proved ourselves over and over and over again should be given a priority chance. That should happen even if it’s to say: ‘We’re going to play this record once a day for two weeks.’”

     

    Speaking to The Steeple Times, a millennial remarked: “I can’t see why this pensioner’s beats should be played at all. He’s definitely held together with Botox and actually, I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already.”

     

    Rise Up, the 79-year-old’s 2019 car-wreck album, had “little or no airplay on most radio stations,” the Mirror concluded. Given how God-awful it is, that’s probably the real reason; now, Sir Cliff, please, get back to crying on your kitchen floor.

     

    Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.

     

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  • Roasting Randy Andy

    Roasting Randy Andy

    Caitlin Moran sums up the Duke of York perfectly in mocking the deviant royal’s creepiness

    There’s awkward and then there’s Prince Andrew and then there’s awful and there’s Prince Andrew.

     

    On Friday, witty journalist Caitlin Moran continued the barrage of mockery of this ghastly buffoon in The Times. She referenced how there no longer any “non-creepy” stories about this repugnant royal and cited stories about how the alleged non-sweating, Pizza Express (Woking branch) fanatic took alleged potential sexual conquests to Buckingham Palace. He supposedly told them to sit “on the Queen’s throne and pretend to be her and onto the famous balcony to wave to “imaginary crowds.”

     

    Continuing about these “what-abouts,” Moran concluded: “I know now the thing I would least like to see: Prince Andrew licking a stamp.” Spot on.

     

    Pictured top: Prince Andrew and his equally ghastly ex-wife, Sarah, Duchess of York.

     

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  • Calling Out A Creep

    Calling Out A Creep

    Cousin of Prince Andrew speaks with the FBI about alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein case

    The Duke of York’s very own cousin has called the FBI about what she knows about the Epstein case according to Sebastian Shakespeare in the Daily Mail this morning.

     

    Speaking to the columnist, Christina Oxenberg, the daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia, remarked:

     

    “Anything I can do, I want to do because I’m so disgusted by what has happened.”

     

    “Nothing will heal the trauma. These women are affected for their whole lives, but at the very least they should have money.”

     

    “[Ghislaine Maxwell] definitely has millions… She wanted to marry [Jeffrey Epstein]. She didn’t, but she got a lot of money. Cash and assets. All blood money.”

     

    Of Maxwell herself, Oxenberg spoke of a conversation between them in 1997. She stated:

     

    “Never forget it. We were alone. She said many things. All creepy. Unorthodox. Strange. I could not believe whatever she was saying was real. Stuff like: ‘Jeffrey and I have everyone on videotape!’”

     

    Detectives supposedly want to do a follow-up and thus plainly now, Prince Andrew most likely won’t be calling Oxenberg anytime soon.

     

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  • Fishwife Ferne

    Fishwife Ferne

    Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards

     

    Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go together. First, the father of her child was deservedly jailed after attacking 22 innocent people with acid and now it has been revealed that this Brentwood born broad chucked wine at a fellow guest at the National Television Awards at the O2 Arena on the 22nd January.

     

    During the attack, Ms McCann – a tawdry fishwife-like woman whose ‘fame’ stems from stints on such drivel as TOWIE, Loose Women and This Morning –  also supposedly shoved a plastic cup containing the liquid in the face of her victim, Love Island participant Adam Collard.

     

    Here is a woman who also tastelessly promoted lip plumping primer on the day her evil ex, “despicable liar” Arthur Collins, was sent down and here also is someone happy to pose with the creepy Christian crooner Cliff Richard. Ferne McCann – who was questioned by police over the drink throwing incident – is as common as muck and plainly also deserves to be sent to anger management classes.

     

    #NameAndShame #ShameOnFerneMcCann

     

    Pictured above: Adam Collard (who is threatening to release CCTV footage of the incident) and Ferne McCann (who named her child Sunday in spite of its father carrying out his vile assault on a Sunday).

     

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    Fishwife Ferne – Ferne McCann in drink throwing incident – Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards.
    Ms McCann took to Twitter to tell her 827,000 followers about the incident but tried to justify her actions rather than properly apologise.

  • Creepy Cliff

    Creepy Cliff

    Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross

     

    On Tuesday, Cliff Richard announced “he would rather ten sex offenders escape than one innocent man suffer” on that pillar of revoltingness that is ITV1’s Loose Women.

     

    “Outrage” rightly ensued amongst viewers according to the Mirror, but that this strange victim of the surgeon’s knife was allowed half an hour of airtime on a prime daytime channel is quite beyond ludicrous.

     

    Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross.
    After the popstar made his comments about sex offender’s ITV1 strangely chose to briefly interrupt the show; we wonder why

     

    Aside from using airtime to bang on about his “next chapter” and promote his inglorious new album (the on-air performance was vomit inducing), this stranger-than-strange individual went on about his apologist ‘bestie’ Gloria Hunniford (on air to toadily support him; ‘Glo-ing Me, Glo-ing You’) “wheeling him onto the stage at the Albert Hall.” He then played a ‘game’ with her.

     

    During ‘Sir Cliff and Gloria test their friendship,’ each was asked to sum up their friendship in three words. He used six: “She is fab, she is mad” whilst the Northern Irish busybody got even more carried away. Her description? “He is a fab-u-lous friend.” Truly ghastly.

     

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    Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross. Creepy Cliff – Cliff Richard given another Loose Women platform; yuck – Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross.

  • Susan Bennett (AKA Siri and Tillie The All Time Teller)

    Susan Bennett (AKA Siri and Tillie The All Time Teller)

    Susan BennettThis voice actor provided the voice for Apple’s Siri and First National Bank’s Tillie the All Time Teller. She lives in suburban Atlanta, Georgia and finds hearing herself “creepy”.

  • This Hall should not be decked with holly

    This Hall should not be decked with holly

    Matthew Steeples examines the charges against Stuart Hall

     

    In my youth I met a man named Stuart Hall MBE. Today, this self-appointed northern joker was charged with three counts of indecent assault on girls aged between 9 and 16.

     

    Hall is a man described by The Independent as a “Northern hero with a penchant for hyperbole and hilarity.” In reality, he is just a bit of a fool. This television presenter’s attempts at humour were always cheap and tacky and whether he is guilty or innocent, he is a man who should be consigned to history.

     

    Broadcaster Stuart Hall

    This broadcaster portrays himself as a “national treasure” but in reality it is time he was just silenced. May the halls not be decked with Stuart this Christmas.

  • The Savile defence

    The Savile defence

    Hugo Istay discovers Jimmy Savile’s most unlikely advocates: The Daily Mail

     

    Here are some quotes from that bastion of the country’s morals, The Daily Mail. Apparently Jimmy Savile had been collecting ones like these for years to aid his defence should the proverbial hit the fan.

     

    A screenshot of the somewhat “sexed-up” first version of the MailOnline article

    A screenshot of the somewhat “toned-down” second version of the MailOnline article

     

    He was going to kick off his case with:

     

    “Elle Fanning looks all grown up at 14.”

     

    And then follow up with:

     

    “She may be only 14, but rising star Elle Fanning isn’t counting on her good genes or youth to keep her slim. Wearing black cropped spandex jazz dance pants and orange Nike trainers, the little sister of Dakota had obviously been letting loose in the dance studio as her usually silky hair was hanging down in a sweaty tangle.”

     

    No sexual innuendo there, then.

     

    Next, he’d add:

     

    ”Dressed in a satin babydoll-style top, black skinny jeans and patent peep-toe wedges, Elle looked mature beyond her 14 years.”

     

    Or this:

     

    “She has a maturity that belies her years, so sometimes it’s difficult to remember that Elle Fanning is only fourteen years old.”

     

    And, if all else failed:

     

    “The 14-year-old took to Instagram to share a photograph of her Halloween outfit and wasn’t afraid to flaunt her curves for the camera.”

     

    He then planned to sum up with:

     

    “So it wasn’t my fault M’Lud, I was misled and egged on by the Daily Mail.”

     

    Maybe there should be a crime of journalistic paedophilia.

     

    Read the Mail Online’s original (now edited) article at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2226294/Halloween-2012-Elle-Fanning-pays-homage-New-Yorks-Statue-Liberty.html

     

    This article was originally published on Hugo Istay’s blog. Follow him at: http://hugoistay.wordpress.com/