Tag: artist

  • Word of the Week 2022 – Galanthophile

    Word of the Week 2022 – Galanthophile

    In cultivating a new variety of snowdrop Joe Sharman – known to many as ‘Mr Snowdrop’ – has brought joy to ‘galanthophiles’ everywhere and made himself £1,850 from just one bulb also; amusingly there’s even a variety named ‘John’s Y-Fronts’

    It’s always great to improve one’s grasp of etymology and this morning I learnt about a word that describes a charmingly endearing collection of people. That word? Galanthophile.

     

    A noun of 19th century origin that takes the snowdrop galanthus’s taxonomic name from the Greek gala, galkt ‘milk’ and antho- ‘flower,’ those that so enthusiastically collect these “magical and really special” bell-shaped flowers are known as galanthophiles.

     

    The official flower for January birthdays and brought to Britain by the Romans, the “milk flower of the snow” – as it is sometimes described – is said to symbolise hope, purity, innocence and sympathy. It is the first flower to bloom at the end of winter and though Victorians associated it with death and bad luck, on Saturday, The Guardian’s Steven Morris charmingly reported on “hordes of galanthophiles” descending on Buckland Monachorum on the edge of Dartmoor in Devon this week to “take in the sight of a beloved flower that this time of year provides a vivid reminder than warmer, cheerier seasons are ahead.”

     

    In a second article for The Guardian this morning, the paper’s Jamie Grierson enthused that a single bulb of new type of snowdrop – a variety named ‘Golden Tears’ – that has just sold on eBay for the remarkable sum of £1,850.

     

    Grown by Cottenham, Cambridgeshire plantsman Joe Sharman (AKA ‘Mr Snowdrop’) of the Monksilver Nursery, ‘Golden Tears’ received 55 bids and finally hammered down to a buyer “unidentified.” It was listed as:

     

    “A narrow-flowered yellow pterugiform with a very large mark and bright yellow ovary. Very beautiful and distinct. Quite different from Golden Fleece.  Exceptionally vigorous. 25cm. The result of a deliberate cross by me using the same parents that created Golden Fleece. First time sold by us on eBay only named 2 weeks ago. Only one for the season.”

     

    In 2015, in an interview with The Guardian – clearly the paper with the most enthusiasm for snowdrops on the planet – Joe Sharman concluded:

     

    “They come up early in the year when nothing else is growing, so if you have the kind of brain that needs lots of things to think about, you focus in.”

     

    “They seem to be almost infinitely variable. You collect the 10 you recognise, then you realise that you can recognise 20 and it just goes from there. I don’t think there is another group of plants quite like it.”

     

    Pictured top – Joe Sharman (right) and the now famous £1,850 flower he has spent years cultivating.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQv7kHDHb5E
    Britain’s leading botanist by far Dr Shirley Sherwood OBE – the widow of the late buccaneering businessman and one-time owner of hotels including the Cipriani in Venice and the Venice-Simplon Orient Express train service also James Sherwood – is a noted enthusiast on the subject of snowdrops. In December 2021, this delightful lady took to YouTube to discuss a painting of the flowers by Susan Ogilvy and commented: “I love snowdrops. I have lots in my garden and we have a very particularly version of the snowdrop. Whole groups of people, clubs of people who like snowdrops and grow every single kind they can think of. I think there are many, many varieties and of course there are wild snowdrops too.” Of her painting, she endearingly declared: “This is a lovely painting and it justifiably is one of the favourite ones in my collection.”
    Snowdrop 1
    Speaking to the ‘Daily Mail’ yesterday, gardening writer Val Bourne remarked of the bulb sold of eBay: “[It’ll] go under the knife. They’ll cut it into 20 pieces and start selling individual plants. They’ll get their money back in three or four years. It’s a mad hobby.” Going further previously, Mr Sharman commented: “Security is a big problem. I know people who have opened their gardens and had everything stolen. I don’t open my garden or nursery. But stealing snowdrops is like stealing a Van Gogh. If it’s rare, all the galanthophiles will know who propagated it and where it was stolen from.” In 2019, two men were arrested for stealing 13,000 bulbs from the Walsingham Estate in Norfolk and amongst famous collectors are Lord and Lady Heseltine. The former Deputy Prime Minister under John Major has accumulated over 700 varieties at Thenford House in Northamptoshire in his “garden of major importance.” Whether they have the variety named ‘John’s Y-Fronts’ is unknown.
    Mount Spil Nature Park
    Anyone who picks an endemic variety of the plant in the national park will be fined £5,954 ($8,070, €7,113 or درهم29,600, 110,000 Turkish Lira) according to a report published in the ‘Hurriyet Daily News’ in February 2022. The fine has risen from £4,330 ($5,870, €5,174 or درهم21,600, 110,000 Turkish Lira) last year and of why, Halil Ernalçacı, the head of Mount Spil Nature Park, told the paper: “Our visitors should be cautious when they walk in the park. They should look for where they take their steps.”
    Edward Augustus Bowles botanist snowdrop
    Artist, botanist and horticulturist Edward Augustus Bowles (1865 – 1954) of Myddleton House, Enfield, London was a well known “snowdrop enthusiast.” In January 2013, the blog ‘Plant Heritage’ delved into his connections to the flower after visiting a snowdrop sale at his former home.

    Types of Snowdrops

    Snowdrops bloom from September through to March and peak in January and February. Amongst the many types – there are in excess of 1,700 in the collection of Joe Sharman alone – are:

     

    Galanthus ‘Dionysus’

    Named after the god of the grape harvest, winemaking, orchards and fruit.

     

    Galanthus ‘Elwesii”

    Named after H. J. Elwes, an English plant collector who found the original plants in Turkey. Its leaves “neatly fold inside the other” and its “flowers have two green spots on the inner petals, which sometimes fuse together.”

     

    Galanthus ‘Fly Fishing’

    Features a “long, slender pedicel (stalk) that looks like a fishing rod.”

     

    Galanthus ‘Golden Fleece’

    Joe Sharman spent 18 years developing this and sold a bulb of this variety for £1,390 ($1,884, €1,661 or درهم6,920).

     

    Galanthus ‘Golden Tears’

    A new variety and record breaker in terms of the £1,850 ($2,508, €2,210 or درهم9,210) price Joe Sharman sold it for, this variety features a “narrow-flowered yellow pterugiform with a very large mark and bright yellow ovary” and is noted as “very beautiful and distinct” and “exceptionally vigorous.”

     

    Galanthus ‘Ivy Cottage Corporal’

    “Features two green Vs resembling a corporal’s stripes.”

     

    Galanthus nivalis ‘Norfolk Blonde’

    Rather like a blonde bimbo, this snowdrop features “pale leaves and pale yellow flowers” and has a “long ovary” also.

     

    Galanthus ‘Ophelia’

    Named after Shakespeare’s tragic young noblewoman of Denmark who ends up in a state of madness that ultimately leads to her drowning.

     

    Galanthus ‘Nothing Special’

    Modestly named though lauded by Joe Sharman as “one of the best forms I have selected,” this “very clean white and wonderfully scented” snowdrop is supposedly “vigorous” also.

     

    Galanthus ‘Primrose Warburg’

    Described as a “dainty snowdrop with yellowish leaves” and named after the “legendary galanthophile Primrose Warburg.”

     

    Galanthus ‘Trumps’

    Described as having “an elegant flaring pagoda shape” and thankfully has nothing to do with the 45th POTUS of the same name.

     

    Galanthus ‘Wendy’s Gold’

    Described as “far more vigorous than [other] yellows.”

     

    Galanthus ‘John’s Y-Fronts’

    This variant is described as “small, late, neat, single with a very clearly Y-shaped mark on inner.” It has grey leaves. Could it’s name have been inspired by the former British Prime Minister John Major’s “underpant episode” with Edwina Currie where he allegedly tucked his shirt into his allegedly grey Y-fronts?

     

  • Tracey Emin: “Narcissistic, Deranged, Screaming Banshee”

    Tracey Emin: “Narcissistic, Deranged, Screaming Banshee”

    Serial party goer Tracey Emin CBE, RA bizarrely claims she doesn’t like parties but gets it spot on when she states she is treated as a “narcissistic, deranged, screaming banshee”

    On Saturday, Tracey Emin told The Guardian’s Miranda Bryant: “You cannot be an artist hanging out a giant party, it’s never going to work” in spite of the fact she’s been constantly pictured at parties for decades.

     

    In July 2012, of the attention seeking artist’s very own parties, Tatler’s ‘Bystander’ gushed: “When Tracey Emin throw’s a party, it’s always brilliant. Always amazing. Hip hip hooray” and added: “Tracey Emin: great party host.” Strangely, that pearl of wisdom didn’t get a mention in The Guardian.

     

    Known for hanging out at ritzy joints like Annabel’s and the GQ Awards with everyone from Prince and Princess Michael of Kent to Sir Elton John and his titleless husband David Furnish, super-connected, moaning multi-millionairess Emin used Saturday’s interview to bleat about how her life as an artist is “really lonely.”

     

    Going further, this 58-year-old Turner Prize nominee bizarrely bleated of one of her works exhibited at the rather prestigious Royal Academy in 2020:

     

    “I think I’ve been overlooked. I think they just thought I was some sort of narcissistic, deranged, screaming banshee.”

     

    Self-absorbed Emin seems to forget she leads a life that is slightly more privileged than most of her struggling contemporaries. Aside from having taken up a CBE in spite of threatening to quit Britain for France over tax and her appointment as Professor of Drawing at the Royal Academy, this motormouthed harpy has benefitted from an education at the Medway College of Design, Maidstone College, Royal College of Art and Birkbeck University. Not many artists get that lucky.

     

    In addition, exhibited at the likes of the Saatchi Gallery, National Gallery of Scotland, Tate Britain and La Biennale di Venezia, here is someone who cannot accept how fortunate she truly is. It’s time for Tracey Emin to do one thing: Finally learn the art of good grace and thankfulness.

     

    Pictured top: Artist who allegedly doesn’t like parties (and claims not to be taken seriously) Tracey Emin CBE, RA at various parties.

     

    Tracey Emin drunk Vivienne Westwood
    Tracey Emin – whom once claimed: “I’m simply not willing to pay tax at 50%… I’m seriously considering leaving Britain” – with fellow fruitcake Dame Vivienne Westwood, DBE, RDI, a woman who curiously based her companies in Luxembourg and got turfed out of the Green Party as a result (left) and slumped drunk in a car after a night out, um, er, partying.
    Tracey Emin’s ‘My Bed’ (1999).
    Tracey Emin’s ‘My Bed’ (1999).

    Tracey Emin on…

    Life:

    “I found that life has to be edited to continue.”

     

    “I had become conscious of my physicality, aware of my presence and open to the ugly truths of the world. At the age of 13, I realised that there was a danger in innocence and beauty and I could not live with both.”

     

    Gender:

    “A man doesn’t know what it’s like to be a woman. It’s that simple.”

     

    Her childhood:

    “I never grew up.”

     

    Her birthday and bodies in the Thames:

    “My New Year’s Eve is always 2nd July, the night before my birthday. That’s the night I make my resolutions. And this year scares the life out of me, because no matter how successful, how good things appear, there is always a deep core of failure within me, although I am trying to deal with it.”

     

    “My biggest fear, this coming year, is that I will be waking up alone. It makes me wonder how many bodies will be fished out of the Thames, how many decaying corpses will be found in one-room flats. I’m just being realistic.”

     

    Herself as an artist:

    “I think I’ve been overlooked. I think they just thought I was some sort of narcissistic, deranged, screaming banshee.”

     

    “There’s a part of you that has to go deep inside, like I say, ‘inside the cave’, and if you don’t go inside the cave, you’re never going to make any art. You need to be able to stand and see yourself to be able to make the art.”

     

    Beds:

    “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the bedroom like some people who just go to bed and never get out again.”

     

    Her friends:

    “I have hardly any friends who aren’t gay.”

     

    “I really love animals. My little cat is my little soulmate. He’s not just a cat, he’s my friend.”

     

    Having children:

    “My mum has never wanted me to have children. She thinks I would be destroying my life, even now.”

     

    “I’d make a good friend, not mother. I’m too selfish. I think a lot of mothers are selfish and they end up having children, but I don’t want to put some tiny small person through that.”

     

    Failure:

    “I had to come to terms with my failure as an artist… I had to find a way for myself.”

     

    Art and commerce:

    “I’m not opposed to commerce, even though I’m an artist.”

     

    Success and censorship:

    “One thing that success has taught me is censorship.”

     

    Truth:

    “What is truth? Truth doesn’t really exist.”

     

    “Maybe I don’t believe things myself… Truth is such a transient thing.”

     

    Revenge:

    “People don’t remember. Revenge is sweet.”

     

    The art world’s opinions of her:

    “I’ve been slagged off completely by the art world.”

     

    Her mistakes:

    “All the mistakes I’ve ever made in my life have been when I’ve been drunk. I haven’t made hardly any mistakes sober, ever, ever.”

     

    “Me and my mum were in Margate, sitting on a bench eating some jellied eels, when the scout person came and asked us if we would be extras [in the BBC’s Only Fools and Horses]… I thought I was too good to be an extra in Fools And Horses. How deranged was I?”

     

    Asking for an apology:

    “I don’t ask for an apology because it’s only tomorrow’s fish-and-chip paper.”

     

    Brexit:

    “It isn’t pushing people away, it isn’t pushing the whole of Britain away, it isn’t about Britain being demoted to some tiny demented island in the North Sea. It’s about people like me saying I’m very proud to be British.”

     

    “If we leave Europe and it turns out OK and we’re happy eating our cabbages and we’re happy living on an island with our island mentality then fine, I’ll go along with that.”

     

    Tony Blair and David Cameron:

    “Both of these men, who are fine politicians and essentially good people, will be remembered in history for doing the most terrible things to our political system and I don’t understand why they fell for it; I don’t understand why they did it.”

     

    “It really aggrieves me to know that I supported both of these men. All I know is that with both of these actions, we are in such a mess.”

     

    Boris Johnson:

    “I saw twits like Boris Johnson run when it actually dawned on him what he was doing.”

     

    What she thinks of other people:

    “People try constantly to use me and I hate it.”

     

    What she thinks of herself:

    “I’m better than all of you.”

     

    “I’m such a nice person and I have a couple of drinks and I’m really good fun and then I’m really not fun.”

     

    What she thinks other people think of her:

    “They look at someone like me and I just really get up their nose. I really wind them up.”

     

    Tracey Emin selfie
    When she’s not out partying, Tracey Emin focuses on taking selfies and self-promotion. She clearly just cannot help herself.
  • Wally of the Week 2021 – Mandy Selhurst

    Wally of the Week 2021 – Mandy Selhurst

    Roundabout ranter Mandy Selhurst plainly has nothing better to do than moan about wildflowers others would find wonderful; here is a traffic twerp with too much time on her hands

    Somebody ought to gift artist Mandy Selhurst a copy of Kevin Beresford’s 2004 book, Roundabouts of Great Britain. It’d keep her occupied for eons and it is something that she could go round and round and round and round again looking at.

     

    When not painting plainly perfectly acceptable “semi abstract seascapes and landscapes,” Selhurst is a woman whom spends her days worrying about wildflowers that she considers are “blighting” two roundabouts in Bridport, Dorset. And worry, she bloody does.

     

    Whilst most would welcome nature being allowed to blossom and plants that encourage birds and bees to pollinate and thrive, Selhurst took up the subject with the Bridport & Lyme Regis News first in April this year. At the time, she began by remarking:

     

    “[The first roundabout] could be such a welcome. But it isn’t. Both roundabouts are a neglected disappointment long term.”

     

    “Planting of low-level shrubs, colourful flowers, maybe some boulders to give a rockery effect would make such a difference to the first impressions of our lovely town to all of us ‘locals’ and to visitors.”

     

    Last week, the clear obsessive crackpot returned to the subject and, having plainly achieved nothing with her first rant, penned a lengthier complaint to another paper, the Dorset Echo, on the subject. It read:

     

    “Again, I am writing to my local paper. And again, it’s about THAT roundabout.”

     

    “Wildflowers? No. Surely not. They are wonderfully welcome in so many different places, but not on a roundabout.”

     

    “Shame on Dorset Council that they can’t come up with something a little more thoughtful than that.”

     

    “As for saying that anything – as suggested by Bridport Town Council, aesthetically pleasing – might be a possible distraction to motorists, let me say that a cheap, quick fix of a few packets of seeds will surely fill motorists with surprise and disappointment.”

     

    “I can only hope that next year, when the roundabout reverts to the responsibility of Highways England, that perhaps something more in keeping will emerge.”

     

    “Bridport, and that crucial location, deserves more of an effort. Something eye-catching in the shape of structure, form, colour, whatever. Wildflowers here? No. A total waste of their impact.”

     

    Reactions to this diatribe of drivel on the Facebook group Angry People in Local Newspapers were predictable. Echoing the mockery of the Tesco shopper who got in a tizzy over shelf movements in February, clearly “triggered” Selhurst was dubbed “Mandy… The new Karen” and told: “Sounds like [she] hasn’t had her lithium today.”

     

    With other responses numbering “Blimey, what a miserable woman,” “what a bellend” and “somebody needs to get a life,” another quite rightly pointed out that we should: “Say no to wildlife! Nothing like bee death and grey concrete to start the day off right, eh Mandy?”

     

    ‘Miserable Mandy’ clearly has both a lot of time on her hands and utterly no conception of the real problems affecting Britain and beyond. “It really makes me wonder what sad purposeless life someone would have to complain about wildflowers,” a lady named Tone Grina concluded.

     

    Five roundabouts ‘Miserable Mandy’ might actually like…

    Given our Wally of the Week has a clear obsession about roundabouts, she could perhaps take herself on a world tour and perhaps use her passion for painting to document such. Here, we share five unusual examples that should pique her interest and which she could quite easily document on canvas.

     

    The Double-Whopper Burger, Rotterdam, Netherlands

    Double Whopper Burger

    The Stoned Car, Sydney, Australia

    Stoned car roundabout

    Water, Water Everywhere… But Not A Drop To Drink, Ypres, Belgium

    Water roundabout

    Booked But Not Ticketed, Nizwa, Oman

    Booked roundabout

    Roundabout Wars, Scarborough, Yorkshire, United Kingdom

    War roundabout

    Reactions to ‘Roundabout Ranter’ Mandy Selhurst on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’

    Mandy Selhurst Angry People in Local Newspapers 1
  • Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns

    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns

    As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster

    This morning, the Mirror featured pictures of the disgraced deviant and all-round filth bag Rolf Harris out walking wearing soiled clothing.

     

    Previously snapped clearly breaching the terms of his release pestering children in a playground in February 2019, the now 90-year-old nuisance nonce was seen “hobbling along a walking stick” with his dog according to the paper’s Sara-Aisha Kent. He was charmingly described as having a “screwed up face” and “cut a scruffy figure in clothes covered in marks and stains.”

     

    Harris, it must be remembered, is a monster who has showed no remorse for what he did to his victims – whom called out his actions as having “destroyed their childhood innocence” and left them feeling “grubby, dirty and disgusting.” In 2015, this awful Australian penned a sordid ‘song’ in which he described them as “slimy little woodworms.” Sickly titled Gutter Girls, it went as follows:

     

    Climb up out of the woodwork babe

    From forty years ago,

    The climate’s great in Britain now

    For making loads of dough

    You’ve festered down there long enough,

    Time’s right to grab your chance

    Clap eyes on a rich celebrity

    And make the bastard dance

     

    Chorus

    Make him squirm, slimy little woodworm

    Make him squirm, squirm, squirm

    Sink your claws right in to the hilt, don’t let him go

     

    (Group) NO! NO!

     

    Make him burn, burn, burn

    Slimy little woodworm, make him burn

    Get your fifty-years-old hooks into his dough

     

    (Group) GO BABY GO

     

    That old bandwagon you crawled out of

    (rotten to the core)

    Conceals a host of foul accusers,

    Twenty maybe more

    My guess is they’ll slide after you

    All following your stench,

    Perhaps you believe you’re pretty still

    Some perfumed sultry wench

     

    Chorus

    “Make him squirm”,

    I can hear you singing

    “Make him squirm, squirm, squirm:

    Just imagine all of the money waiting there

     

    (Group) OH YEAH!

    Make him burn, burn, burn

    Come and join the feeding frenzy girls,

    Don’t miss out, come on and join me for your share

     

    (Group) PUT IT THERE!

     

    Elsewhere, a Change.org petition attempting to clear Harris’ name astoundingly remains online in spite of all avenues for such having been exhausted. On it, his loopy daughter – whom bizarrely goes by the name ‘Ava Reeves’ (in spite of previously calling herself Bindi Nicholls) – declares: “He has been tarred by the propaganda out there. He has been swept up in a witch hunt because of his high profile and celebrity! A total travesty at his age.”

     

    Frankly, the best thing for this deluded duo is the funny farm. It’s time for some straitjackets to be sent to Fishery Road, Bray.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns – Rolf Harris spotted in soiled clothing – As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster. Rolf Harris of Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP.
    Rotten Rolf’s Riverfront Lair – Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP; in August 2017 the ‘Daily Mail’ reported that neighbours were “selling up their homes disgust after [the paedophile Rolf Harris] returned from prison.”
    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns – Rolf Harris spotted in soiled clothing – As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster. Rolf Harris of Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP.
    Rotten Rolf’s Dirty Dinners – Prior to his conviction Harris and his weird looking wife used to enjoy consuming curries at Malik’s Tandorri House in Cookham. Whether he’s returned recently with “dear friend” Amanda Plattell, for example, is unknown, but if he did, he’d likely find his local Member of Parliament Theresa – now Lady – May at an adjoining table.
    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns – Rolf Harris spotted in soiled clothing – As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster. Rolf Harris of Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP.
    In February 2020, Twitter users reacted angrily to a forcible deportation flight bound for Jamaica by arguing that it was wrong that the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris was not put on such a flight back to Australia after his release from prison in May 2017. Here, we picture the monster with his equally off-the-scale weird chum Sir Cliff Richard.
    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns – Rolf Harris spotted in soiled clothing – As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster. Rolf Harris of Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP.
    Rolf Harris was quite deservedly described as a “Jekyll and Hyde character” at his trial in 2014. Here, he is pictured with his wife Alwen Hughes, daughter Bindi Nicholls and another relative.
    Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns – Rolf Harris spotted in soiled clothing – As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster. Rolf Harris of Highlands, Fishery Road, Bray, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 1UP.
    As with many of their type, paedophile Rolf Harris was friendly with fellow monsters including Sir Jimmy Savile. Here they are seen “sharing a joke” and “grinning creepily at each other” as the Australian ‘artist’ painted the abuser of even corpses.
  • A Socially Distanced Showcase

    A Socially Distanced Showcase

    An invitation from businesswoman Heather Bird Tchenguiz to a socially distanced ‘by appointment’ exhibition of the works of William Cookson in Knightsbridge

    Today’s updated COVID restrictions will sadly result in the curtailing of many activities for the next six months, but in Beauchamp Place, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 artist William Cookson and salon-gallery owner Heather Bird Tchenguiz are opening an appropriately socially distanced ‘by appointment only exhibition’ this evening.

     

    Limiting the number of guests to a maximum of six in total at any one time and offering hand sanitisation and masks to all attending, interested collectors will be able to view abstract works of art in complete safety whilst enjoying mindfully served refreshments. No walk-in visitors will be allowed access.

     

    Prior to the exhibition commencing Harrow School and Charles Cecil Studios trained Cookson briefly introduced his works in a video that has since been uploaded to Twitter.

     

    Now, today, as the exhibition commences, Bird Tchenguiz comments: “We all need a little joy right now and William’s vibrant works give just such. I hope many of you will be able to attend and be welcomed safely yet enthusiastically by us both.”

     

    Cookson’s oil on canvas works are priced at between £600 and £1,000 and will be available for sale at the gallery for the next two weeks. He has previously exhibited in London, Corfu and Barbados.

     

    To arrange an appointment to view William Cookson’s art at HB Gallery, 12 Beauchamp Place, London, SW3 1NQ, telephone: +44 (0) 777 568 5778 or email [email protected] to request further details.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes, @heatherbirdtchenguiz and @cookson.william

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    A Socially Distanced Showcase – William Cookson exhibition, HB Gallery, 12 Beauchamp Place, London, SW3 1NQ – An invitation from businesswoman Heather Bird Tchenguiz to a socially distanced exhibition of the works of William Cookson in Knightsbridge.
    A Socially Distanced Showcase – William Cookson with one of his works at the HB Gallery in Beauchamp Place, Knightsbridge, London, SW3.
  • Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy

    Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy

    Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy

    Soppy Savills Fail to Salivate

    Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy – Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy.
    https://vimeo.com/227878828

    Jasper Conran OBE paid just £2.75 million ($3.43 million, €3.04 million or درهم12.61 million) for New Wardour Castle in Tisbury, Wiltshire in August 2010. The catch? He didn’t get the whole James Paine and Giacomo Quarenghi designed Palladian mansion, but as the Daily Mail’s Alexis Parr reported at that time he “captured” 23,185 square foot of a repossessed building divided into a total of ten flats. ‘Apartment 1,’ as the space the designer son of Sir Terence Conran currently owns is known as, includes 8 reception rooms, 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms.

     

    Agents Savills could have enthused gushingly about the Grade I listed building and its spectacular 60-foot central rotunda, but instead they are simply seeking £3.95 million ($4.93 million, €4.36 million or درهم18.12 million) for what they underwhelmingly market as the “largest [apartment] in Wiltshire.” Conran would have done better to have appointed someone more akin to the late Roy Brooks we’d say – at least he’d have showed some flowery enthusiasm for this capacious crib.

     

    From Electric to Insta

    Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy – Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy.

    ‘The James Seymour Mansion,’ the £37,000 ($50,000, €45,000 or درهم184,000) Gothic revival mansion in New York State The Steeple Times featured in December 2019, has finally got itself new owners after 204 submissions from across the world to buy it.

     

    Creatively marketed by Michael DeRosa on behalf of the local authority after a property tax foreclosure, the 10-bedroom house on a 0.9-acre plot is situated in Auburn, Cayuga County – a place best known for being the gruesome location of the world’s first legal execution using an electric chair in August 1890.

     

    Whilst the process of the death of “vegetable peddler and known alcoholic” William Kemmler (whom murdered his common-law wife in March 1888) was regarded as a “historic bungle,” all worked out well James and Katie Joynt and their seven children. The family – whom currently manage an Amish co-op in Pennsylvania – will spend around £123,000 ($155,000, €136,000 or درهم565,000) restoring the house according to New York Upstate and are going to take the crumbling house into the 21st century whilst documenting their journey on Instagram.

     

    Going Gangsta

    Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy – Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy.

    Of a New York “multi-family townhouse” at 21 Garfield Place, North Slope in June 2017, the New York Post quipped: “A Brooklyn homeowner hopes a mob of buyers will take a shot at this town house.” That property was sold for £1.94 million ($2.42 million, €2.14 million or درهم8.89 million) in early 2018 to an Emmy award winning television producer named Steven Kalifowitz and is now again for sale, this time for £2.3 million ($2.9 million, €2.6 million or درهم10.7 million).

     

    Agents Douglas Elliman neglect to mention that the 2,980 square foot building – which is “currently configured as an owner’s duplex with two spacious one bedroom apartments above” – was a childhood home of the gangster Al Capone (1899 – 1947) in the early 1900s. 21 Garfield Place previously sold for a “little more than £800,000 ($1 million, €885,000 or درهم3.7 million)” according to The New York Times in July 2006 and now looks anything but like a bootlegger’s workplace; there’s even a child’s playroom in the basement.

     

    Anything But A Discount Holiday

    Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy – Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy.

    Those looking to escape to the Hamptons post-lockdown could do worse than purchase the childhood summer home of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (1929 – 1994) – if they’ve got £6 million ($7.5 million, €6.6 million or درهم27.5 million) going spare.

     

    Built in 1895, Wildmoor at East Hampton extends to 4,291 square foot and has 6 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms. It’s on the market through Paula S. Bulter of Sotheby’s International Realty and also noteworthy is that an art studio on the property was used for many years by the Abstract Expressionist artist Adolph Gottlieb (1903 – 1974).

     

    Gottlieb purchased the shingled house on a 0.92-acre plot in 1960, but interested buyers should note that the current décor scheme is definitely a bit passé. As Kennedy herself once said: “It looks like it’s been furnished by discount stores.”

     

    Submit stories of the moves of the notable to [email protected]

     

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  • Wally of the Week – Sir Cliff Richard

    Wally of the Week – Sir Cliff Richard

    Creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard demands his music should be given “priority” play ahead of younger artists; he must be the centre of attention, as always, even during the coronavirus lockdown

    He’s previously claimed his calendar sales “leave David Beckham standing” and make Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre,” but Sir Cliff Richard is back to his moaning ways and is bleating about what he considers “the fact” that radio stations are being “unfair” and “snubbing” his music.

     

    According to the Mirror, Sir Cliff went on the ‘Greatest Music of All Time’ podcast and “blasted” the BBC for their “model of broadcasting music to niche audiences.” He also, in sage-like fashion, pointed out: “We’re all dying. Long-term fans may not be with us anymore.”

     

    “Why will people download a record of mine if they don’t know it’s out?” complained the crackpot crooner before adding: “Those among us who have proved ourselves over and over and over again should be given a priority chance. That should happen even if it’s to say: ‘We’re going to play this record once a day for two weeks.’”

     

    Speaking to The Steeple Times, a millennial remarked: “I can’t see why this pensioner’s beats should be played at all. He’s definitely held together with Botox and actually, I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already.”

     

    Rise Up, the 79-year-old’s 2019 car-wreck album, had “little or no airplay on most radio stations,” the Mirror concluded. Given how God-awful it is, that’s probably the real reason; now, Sir Cliff, please, get back to crying on your kitchen floor.

     

    Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.

     

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  • Mike Posner

    Mike Posner

    Detroit born singer-songwriter Mike Posner became best known after the remixed version of I Took A Pill In Ibiza went viral. Whilst that single has been liked over 5.6 million times on YouTube, gathered over a billion streams on Spotify and peaked in the top 10 on the charts in 27 countries, Posner’s other claim to fame is that he walked 2,851 miles coast to coast across America in 2019. This Bernie Sanders supporting, Duke University graduate cites The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger as one of the books that has “impacted [his] life the most” and dyed his hair green when he joined a band named Mansionz; before he dies, he claims to want to work as a hospice chaplain, go to outer space and take his ‘mom’ to Namibia.

  • Going Thin – Two Into One?

    Going Thin – Two Into One?

    Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market after another has languished for sale for four years; the two could potentially be merged to make a truly spectacular artist’s studio in the sky

    In May 2016, The Steeple Times featured a 603 square foot third floor artist’s studio flat in a building known as ‘The Thin House’ (or ‘The Skinny House’) in Thurloe Square, South Kensington. Priced then at £895,000 ($1.1 million, €1 million or درهم4.1 million), this apartment is surprisingly still for sale for the same sum and complete with the same furniture four years later. Now, however, it is no longer offered by the defunct agents W. A. Ellis and is instead available through agents Rokstone.

     

    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    The third floor space for sale through Rokstone for £895,000 has been on the market since 2016, yet has never been reduced in price.

    A reason this flat may not have ‘moved’ in the period is not only that the building in which it is situated is not only of an “architecturally weird shape,” but also because it directly backs onto the District and Circle line. With trains running from around 5.30am to 12.30am each day, it is undoubtedly noise affected.

     

    Constructed on the remaining land of five neo-classical houses demolished to make way for the underground in the 1860s, red brick 5 Thurloe Square – just six foot wide at its narrowest point – was the brainchild of a local builder named William Douglas. Fitting into a “meagre” triangle, he designed and built seven artists’ studios between 1885 and 1887 and some of them are still in use by creatives to this day.

     

    As well as the aforementioned share of freehold third floor property, a studio on the second floor of the building is also on the market. Offered by Winkworth for £875,000 ($1.1 million, €980,000 or درهم4 million), the 676 square foot space features a 21-foot by 16-foot studio with a small kitchen and bathroom off and a 13-foot by 7-foot mezzanine bedroom over. The agents describe the property as offering “exceptional space” and “the most magnificent view over the treetops of Thurloe Square towards the Victoria and Albert Museum.”

     

    Subject to planning, imagination and deep pockets, an inspired individual could perhaps purchase and merge both apartments into one. The resulting 1,279 square foot creation would not only be thin, it could potentially be spectacular.

     

    Images and floor plans of the third floor artist’s studio follow.

     

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    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
    Going Thin – Two Into One? The Thin House, 5 Thurloe Square, South Kensington, London, SW7 2TA, United Kingdom. Second apartment in South Kensington’s famous ‘Thin House’ comes to the market in March 2020 after another has languished for sale for four years since 2016. Second floor for sale through Winkworth for £875,000. Third floor for sale through Rokstone for £895,000.
  • David Bishop (AKA ‘Lord Biro’ and ‘Bus-pass Elvis’)

    David Bishop (AKA ‘Lord Biro’ and ‘Bus-pass Elvis’)

    Described by the BBC as “a serial fringe candidate,” Broxtowe, Nottingham born ‘Lord Biro’ attended the late paedophile Jimmy Savile’s funeral dressed as Elvis. He threw a 99p bunch of flowers into his grave as “a mark of respect.”

     

    A divorced painter and decorator, wacky David Bishop adopted his first moniker (‘Lord Byro’) in honour of Lord Byron and later replaced the ‘y’ with an ‘I’ to stand against everyone from Eric Pickles to Neil Hamilton and Robert Kilroy-Silk.

     

    An artist and poet also, Bishop primarily campaigns as the ‘Church of the Militant Elvis Party’ and has a website named GrumpyOldElvis.co.uk. His wacky policies have included:

     

    – Imprisoning Cherie Blair to prevent her talking about her sex life.

    – Placing CCTV in the bedroom of Nick Clegg.

    – Bono for Pope.

    – Going to Antarctica to shout at icebergs to “stop melting.”

    – Turning public schools into pound shops.

    – Introducing moats around houses.

    – Legalising and nationalising cannabis and calling it British Grass.

    – Free neutering for cats and Boris Johnson.