All-round plonker Phillip Schofield’s wine range condemned as “only fit for the bin” and “no more palatable than fizzy Ribena”
Known for his extremely short fuse and once described by David Dimbleby as “cretinous,” Phillip Schofield recently launched a wine range in Waitrose and on Amazon. Unsurprisingly, it’s been a total flop and was quite deservedly condemned at the weekend in The Sun as “overpriced” and “bitter.”
Priced between £19.99 and £24.99 for 2.25-litre boxes, Schofield’s was slammed by one punter as “only fit for the bin” on Waitrose’s website. They added: “The wine [was] effervescing within the bag. No more palatable than fizzy Ribena” whilst another suggested: “I don’t have anything positive to say about the flavour at all. Not pleasant drinking. We failed to finish the box.”
Prior to launching the range in April, Schofield quite pompously bragged to The Drinks Business:
“When I agreed to this partnership, I had certain conditions; I wanted to be part of the tasting team… I wanted it to be good value. The result is something I felt I could really invest in.”
Schofield – whose ‘coming out’ and alleged connections to a young man named Matthew McGreevy attracted much media attention earlier this year – unsurprisingly failed to respond to a request from The Steeple Times for comment; he was probably instead too busy nursing a hangover headache from drinking his equivalent of Sir Cliff Richard’s equally vile plonk.
Pictured top: All-round plonker Phillip Schofield on a night out with his one-time ‘friend’ Matt McGreevy; Phillip Schofield’s bag-in-box wines.
Sir Cliff Richard’s associations with wines, just like Phillip Schofield’s, have not always proved fruitful. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the crappy crooner had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, Sir Cliff announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine”. The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”What a Plonker – Phillip Schofield was photographed with Matthew McGreevy on a number of occasions during the latter’s youth.What a Plonker – The television presenter with his “friend” at a later date.
‘The Steeple Times’ selects five undesirable homes currently for sale that many would say would remain best avoided; they’ve all been in the news and they’re all connected to infamous names
Destined most certainly not to feature in Penny Churchill’s Downton Abbey-esque country house porn Country Life column or as an Evening Standard chi-chi ‘Homes & Property’ ‘House of the Week,’ we have selected five undesirable homes currently for sale.
In spite of the fact that one has a link to a recently deceased paedophile, two have been the scene of murders, one is supposedly haunted and the final was the setting for a bizarre nine year sleep, their prices seem somewhat crazy – but maybe some people will just love the idea of living with notoriety. Whether any of these undesirable homes sell for their asking prices, however, seems as likely as the case of Jack the Ripper ever being solved.
Paedo Palace – 9 East 71st Street, Lenox Hill, New York, NY 10021, USA
For sale for £69 million ($88 million, €74 million or درهم121 million) through Modlin Group.
Known as the ‘Herbert Straus House’ in polite circles, but now forever more likely to be remembered as ‘Jeffrey Epstein’s Paedo Mansion,’ this 28,000 square foot, 7-floor, 40 room mansion was home to the deceased bestie of Prince Andrew from 1996 until his incarceration and suicide in 2019.
Few details are shared on the listing other than to declare it of “gargantuan size and opulence” and “the largest single-family home in New York City.” Though the late Alberto Pinto’s design work at the property is lauded, there’s no mention of what Ghislaine Maxwell got up to there or the bizarre birthday parties with Christopher Mason.
Originally called ‘Oakleigh,’ this “striking Gothic Victorian villa” subsequently became known as ‘The House of Horror’ but has now been renamed ‘Devisdale House’ in an attempt to relieve it of a position in the ranks of undesirable homes.
In March 2005, Christopher Lumsden, a partner in the international law firm Pinsent Masons, killed his former Sotheby’s auctioneer wife Alison in the house in a “frenzied domestic attack in the master bedroom” according to The Sun. He stabbed her 30 times after she announced she was leaving him for another man and was amazingly jailed for just five years “after he was found guilty of manslaughter on the ground of diminished responsibility, claiming he had a depressive illness.”
‘Oakleigh’ subsequently “fell into rack and ruin” in spite of reports suggesting Lumsden may have inherited his wife’s fortune, but more recently it was purchased by a property developer. They have added an especially ghastly underground swimming pool, sauna, cinema room and triple garage and now pompous selling agents Jackson-Stops pretentiously laud the property as “incredible,” “striking” and “meticulously remodelled.” Christopher Lumsden, meanwhile, was released from prison after serving just two years of his jail sentence.
A Killer Castle – Pencoed Castle, Pencoed Lane, Llanmartin, Newport, Gwent, Wales, NP18 2ED, UK
For sale with a guide price of £950,000 ($1.2 million, €1 million or درهم1.7 million) by auction on 17th September 2020 through Allsop.
Pencoed Castle dates to the 13th century and in the time since one can imagine all sorts has gone on there. Most recently, in 2016, a then 56-year-old businessman Peter Morgan strangled his girlfriend of three years, a 25-year-old personal escort named Georgina Symonds, in a bungalow in the castle grounds. The married multi-millionaire was sentenced to life with a minimum term of 25 years in prison and with that the estate found itself joining the ranks of undesirable homes.
Wales Online report that “it is not known if Mr Morgan still owns the property,” but for less than a million pounds, a buyer could get themselves not only the castle (which could be turned into 12 dwellings and offices also), but also a former farmhouse, two bungalows and 64.8 acres of land. Previous plans to turn the site into a Disneyland-style theme park called Legend Court came to nothing and of the property a local cryptically remarked: “This place’s recent history is very dark.”
Axing a Ghost – Maplecroft, 306 French Street, Fall River, Massachusetts, MA 02720, USA
For sale for £696,000 ($890,000, €751,000 or درهم1.2 million) through Century 21 The Seyboth Team.
Sold last for £469,000 in February 2018 and £386,000 in November 2014, Maplecroft is described by realtor Suzanne St. John as “a Queen Anne Victorian Mansion,” but many would consider it fitting instead of a listing on a roster of undesirable homes. It was built in 1887, extends to 3,935 square foot and includes 7 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms.
The allegedly haunted residence, which stands on a plot of 0.31 acres, is notable as the post-prison home of one Lizzie Borden (1860 – 1927) – a woman who was the main suspect in the 1892 axe murders of her father and step-mother. Accused, tried and acquitted, Miss Borden inherited a fortune, bought Maplecroft and when she died of pneumonia her wake was held in the parlour.
The current owner also owns the house where the murders were committed and runs it as a ‘murder house B&B.’ He had intended to convert Maplecroft into something similar, but COVID-19 (and perhaps the spirit of Lizzie Borden) got in the way.
A Nine Year Sleep – Sleepy Cottage, 1 School Lane, Turville, Henley-On-Thames, Buckinghamshire, RG9 6QX, UK
For sale for £750,000 ($960,000, €810,000 or درهم1.3 million) through Savills.
Strictly speaking, our final choice in our roster of undesirable homes, has had only a gruesome past in a fictional sense given that it sits in a village used in Midsomer Murders. Nobody in their right minds – if such a place did really exist – would want to reside in any of Midsomer’s locations given the risk of ending up brown bread would be so high, but the innocent sounding name of this cottage makes it worthy of mention.
Used also in the perfectly harmless series Goodnight Uncle Tom and the BBC sitcom The Vicar of Dibley, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom Sleepy Cottage is also noteworthy as it was most famously home to ‘The Sleeping Girl of Turville.’
Of this enigma, selling agents Savills remark:
“Ellen Sadler, who lived in the cottage with her family when in 1871, aged eleven she purportedly fell into a deep sleep from which she could not be roused for nine years. The case attracted international attention from newspapers, medical professionals and the public. She became a tourist attraction for the village, and her family made considerable money from visitors’ donations.”
“Rumours exist that among the elder Turville residents that Royalty even took an interest in her. The Prince of Wales, the future King Edward VII, visited her and laid his hands on her which people in those days believed would cure the sick.”
“As the years went on and with no sign of Ellen waking, speculation grew that her illness was caused by her mother, an issue that was never resolved. In late 1880, soon after her mother’s death, Ellen awoke. She later married and had at least five children.”
Undesirable Homes Currently For Sale – Pictured top: Jeffrey Epstein’s initials were prominently displayed at the entrance to 9 East 71st Street whilst the entrance hallway beyond aimed to impress with its classical grandeur. Goodness knows how many unfortunates passed through this space on their way on their way to be abused by the late Mr Epstein and his mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell.
As allegations of Bill Clinton having had an affair with mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell resurface, further documents should quite rightly be released
Bill Clinton denied allegations that he had an affair with mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell in May, but now with new photographs of the pair together, that issue has again been raised.
In pictures obtained by the New York Post, the former President is seen posing on Jeffrey Epstein’s ‘Lolita Express’ with his arm on Ms Maxwell’s shoulder and in other images featured in The Sun, she is seen “playfully wrestling with model agency boss Jean-Luc Brunel.”
Shockingly the paper also report: “Brunel, 73, is also accused of using his agency to recruit underage girls for Epstein and is alleged to have given him three 12-year-old sisters to abuse as a birthday present” and that he flew on the dead paedophile’s jet 25 times.
Pictured top: Mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell looking especially dreadful.
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Bill Clinton poses with his arm around the shoulder of Ghislaine Maxwell. He denies having had an affair with the mucky madam, but the rumours do not seem to be disappearing.
Boris Johnson’s alleged ex-mistress Jennifer Arcuri slams NHS coronavirus tracking app and suggests: “There is no way I would download that!” … but she is set to go on Channel 4’s ‘Hunted’
Just when Boris Johnson believed the Dominic Cummings travel scandal had (quite literally) been put to bed the press talking about his own nocturnal antics with his American “technology teacher,” the meddling minx Jennifer Arcuri has started to get her own back.
“There is no way I would download [the NHS coronavirus tracking app] app. The government can say they’re doing the best to keep it secure, there’s just no guarantee it’s 100 per cent secure or the data is going to be kept secure, encrypted and used only for this. I don’t think people should give away their freedoms.”
“Anything like your personal health data in a government database being used in some obscure app just raises all kind of flags for me. It became very apparent that the NHS was ill-equipped for a cyber attack. I don’t think tracking Covid-19 is an effective way of using tech money or trying to cure one’s health. I do not believe it is an acceptable use of government time, energy or money.”
Elsewhere, on her Twitter account, Arcuri recently retweeted a December 2019 feature about herself by Techcrunch editor-at-large Mike Butcher for the New Statesman. In it, the author referenced how the far-right “Trumpsexual” paedophile apologist Milo Yiannopoulos used to attend the Hacker House co-founder’s parties [Note: We’re not sure why anyone would be proud of having that lunatic on their premises] and beneath that she retweeted a post by The Sunday People. It linked to a feature announcing she’ll supposedly be “starring” in a “special celebrity version of hit Channel 4 show Hunted.”
With his alleged lover no doubt set to be plied with booze on a tacky reality television show, ‘Bosie The Clown’ must be delighted; it’s time for ‘Deviant Dom’ to “Fire Up the Quattro” and head off on another road trip. This time though, Dom, just don’t go via Barnard Castle.
Boobs out – Jennifer Arcuri pictured out campaigning with Boris Johnson.How twee – Boris Johnson snapped having a cup of tea with Boris Johnson.She’s having a laugh – Jennifer Arcuri’s Twitter account handle. She describes herself as: an “entrepreneur” and “fearless” and claims to have “more brains and drive than two or three British politicians put together.” She directs the media to contact her at [email protected]
1978 Piaggio Ape ‘limousine’ used by the controversial Countess Agusta – a woman who either fell or was pushed to her death from her home above Portofino in 2001 – to be auctioned
On 8th January 2001, “shop assistant turned model turned multi-millionairess many times over turned fugitive” (via a stretch in what American’s so pleasantly term ‘pokey’) Countess Francesca Vacca Agusta “disappeared” from the terrace of her Ligurian seaside home. The series of events that preceded and followed could have featured in an Agatha Christie novel or a Sherlock Holmes story.
Graffagni saw off the business tycoon’s first wife, Pupetta Maresca, after a torrid affair and following their marriage in 1974, amongst other things, became chatelaine of a 40-room property complete with a helipad. It had been built in 1870 by George Herbert, 4th Earl of Carnarvon – whose death was attributed by amongst others Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to the “curse of King Tut” – as his holiday home and during the 1970s and 1980s guests to “jet-set parties” given at the house by the socialite Countess were ferried back and forth from their dock in Portofino harbour in a custom built 1978 Piaggio Ape coachbuilt ‘limousine.’ This vehicle, described as a “perfect yacht tender” with its opulently patterned interior and passenger-driver intercom, is now for sale.
Countess Francesca Agusta (née Francesca Vacca Graffagni, 29th October 1942 – 8th January 2001). It is most surprising that the late Dominick Dunne did not make a television programme about her life and demise.Villa Altachiara (alternatively known as ‘Villa Alta Chiara’ or ‘Villa Carnarvon’) was one of Countess Agusta’s homes from the 1960s until her death in 2001; it was originally built as a holiday home for Lord Carnarvon (26th June 1866 – 5th April 1923) – the financier of Howard Carter’s explorations of Egypt’s Valley of the Kings that led to the discovery of Tutankhamen’s tomb. The Carnarvon family hosted many guests during their ownership, amongst them Brooke Astor and Evelyn Waugh.
Count Agusta died in 1989 without divorcing his second wife in spite of separating from her in 1985. At that time, in addition to Villa Altachiara, he had given her four apartments in Milan, an estate in Cuernavaca, Mexico, family jewellery and an undisclosed cash sum. With his demise, she came into yet further fortune.
This by-then “very wealthy woman” hit the headlines again in 1994 when she and her new lover, a “former Portofino playboy politician [named] Maurizio Raggio,” were discovered to have been part of a corruption scandal involving Bettino Craxi, the Prime Minister of Italy from 1983 to 1987. Before police could apprehend them to charge them with amongst other things money laundering, the pair fled to Mexico and lived on her estate until 1997 as fugitives. During this period, the Countess reportedly attempted suicide at least once.
Upon her return to Italy, the Countess plea-bargained and spent just three months in Milan’s Opera prison for her crimes in spite of receiving a two-year jail sentence. After “some further time under house arrest” in the Villa Altachiara, the “retired” gadabout then took up with a Mexican, Tirso ‘Tito’ Chazaro (also known as ‘Tirso Di Ricardo’ and ‘Rafael Tirso Roncado Gonzales’), and lived in the style of Miss Havisham. She was rarely seen in public and having become dependent on drink and drugs, was known for her erratic behaviour and temper.
“Considerably the worse for wear and muttering she would not be coming back” on the night of 8th January 2001, the Countess supposedly told her lover and two others present that she was going for a swim, but either slipped on wet leaves or was pushed off a veranda into the sea. A search followed, but after the only traces found were the Countess’s dressing gown on the seabed close to the Villa Altachiara and her slippers on nearby rocks, press reports suggested she had either committed suicide or, given her past form, staged an “elaborate disappearing act.”
Countess Agusta’s badly decomposed body washed up three weeks later on a beach at Toulon on the French Riviera. Her feet had been gnawed off by fish, her skull was smashed and her face was disfigured. She could only be identified by two rings she was wearing and her exact cause of death could thus not be determined.
As an autopsy found no trace of water in her lungs, she plainly did not die by drowning, but in in 2004 the Countess’s brother, Domenico Vacca Graffagni, was quoted in the Independent as stating: “The [original] inquiry was closed in a hasty fashion because of absence of proof, relying too readily on ‘reasonable doubt’ … It was manslaughter. He [Chazaro] was always beating her. He didn’t mean to kill her. But that evening things didn’t go the way the Carabinieri said, my sister was not drunk and she did not slip on wet leaves on the veranda.”
Adding further to speculation, much earlier, the Countess’s step-son, racing driver and team owner Rocky Agusta (1950 – 2018), told Corriere della Sera in 2001: “Francesca was a beautiful woman, simpatica, very rich… People have written that she inherited 500bn lire, but if it had been only 50 or 25, who commits suicide with 25bn lire set aside? … The people who were around her certainly did not help her… It’s not up to me to formulate accusations, but Francesca was not alone that night. She was very upset. She should have been put to bed. Instead, they let her go out into a dark, wet, cold night, not even dressed.”
In due course, the last of many wills left by Countess Agusta revealed Tirso Chazaro to be her sole beneficiary, but after this was challenged in court by her former lover, Maurizio Raggio, the pair split the legacy – reported to be worth as much as £165 million ($201 million, €186 million or درهم738 million) according to the Guardian in 2001 – sixty-forty between them.
In 2009, the Villa Altachiara was offered for sale initially for £44 million ($54 million, €50 million or درهم198 million) and then for £30 million ($37 million, €34 million or درهم135 million) in 2014. It supposedly eventually sold for less than half that sum to a Russian billionaire a number of years later in spite of an estate agent remarking: “Some say the spirit of Countess Francesca Vacca Agusta still walks the estate looking for her husband and you can hear her shouting for him on the wind.”
An estimate of £37,000 to £49,000 ($45,000 to $60,000, €42,000 to €55,000 or درهم165,000 to درهم220,000) for the Countess’s Piaggio Ape. Described as “sweet” and “[anything but] an Italian tuk-tuk” by RideApart, the one-off private taxi will be auctioned as part of the forthcoming RM Sotheby’s ‘Driving Into Summer’ 21st to 29th May 2020 online sale. One can only hope it finds a happier home than it encountered at that of its former mistress.
The ‘Guardian’s’ Rebecca Nicholson’s fascinating interview with the actor Michael Sheen is exactly the kind of reading needed during coronavirus lockdown; he reveals previously unknown details about bizarre encounters with Tony Blair, Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng Murdoch
It’s hard to find stories to read right now in newspapers that don’t relate to coronavirus and it’s even harder to find compelling interviews that don’t feature bleeding hearts banging on about what good they’re doing (when they’re just actually craving a return to their glory days gaining acres of Alexa Chung-type press acreage).
Gone are the days of the great, the good and the not-so-good actually revealing something we didn’t already know and instead, it seems, COVID-19 has reduced The Telegraph, for example, to unimaginatively asking the chef Jason Atherton: “Powder or piste?” (His 50/50 chance answer: The latter – for those of you actually interested in this kind of inane drivel).
Today, however, the Guardian’s Rebecca Nicholson pulled a blinder with what one reader described as a “marvellous portrait” of the actor best known for repeatedly playing Tony Blair, Michael Sheen. Though ‘Two Tony’s’ – according to an individual who left a comment online afterwards – “sounds thoroughly uncomfortable,” Nicholson coaxed her subject into revealing amongst other things that Wendi Deng Murdoch once asked him to “dress like [Blair]” and “make [his] hair look like him” so she could “bring [him] out and surprise [Blair].” Please don’t throw up whilst considering that rather scary image. Thankfully there’s no mention as to whether Sheen enquired about the alleged extra-marital relations that went on between the ‘real’ Tony and the now ex-Mrs Murdoch, as there would be a detail that’d certainly be nearly as off-putting as what allegedly went on between the wife of one of the most loathed premier’s in history and Carole Caplin (what on earth became of her?) in a shower in Downing Street.
Sheen, a man “fascinated by Blair’s legacy,” but someone who didn’t meet the “wary of [him]” ex-PM until after he’d already played him twice, also shares snippets of an encounter with Rupert Murdoch. Of it, the ex of Kate Beckinsale recalls: “There was a very peculiar moment with Murdoch. I remember standing looking out at the view, and then I realised that Murdoch was standing next to me. It was quite a hot day. I just remember seeing a little bead of black dye, running down his face. I thought, oh, Ozymandias [two sonnets by Percy Shelley about the decline of rulers with their pretensions to greatness].”
Moving on to how he is “astonished” by our current Prime Minister, Sheen observes: “It’s very hard to trust someone who can go so easily in different ways.” Nicholson then concludes the interview with a suggestion: “Part of me hopes [Michael Sheen] might one day take the idea of Michael Sheen MP seriously, after all.” Superb.
As some ‘Guardian’ readers attempt to move on from marmalade, others demand the “marmalade saga” is allowed to continue on the letters pages
Readers of the Guardian have been banging on about marmalade now for months. In a most endearing series, which we’ve occasionally chronicled ourselves, they’ve discussed different types, having the time (or not) to make it and even suggested it can beat coronavirus. Longevity and marmalade attracted an especially significant amount of attention.
This week, however, the love-hate affair with marmalade came to a head. Whilst one reader, Dr Anthony Isaacs, wrote in to urge people to move on to pickles and jams, another, Claudia Campbell, demanded the matter doesn’t “come to a sticky end.”
Their respective missives follow for your amusement:
Since the marmalade saga is coming to a sticky end (Letters, 17 March), would it not be appropriate to our current tribulations for your letter writers to advise us on the challenges of pickles and jams?
Dr Anthony Isaacs
London
Oh no! Please don’t let the marmalade saga come to a sticky end. The letters page is the first thing I turn to these days in the hope of sharing the joy of marmalade with others. After Seville marmalade comes three-fruit marmalade and after that comes lemon or lime. The show must go on! (I’m not an octogenarian but my husband is 86 and he helps me cut up the rinds.)
Phillip Schofield’s mum has more to fear from this angry man’s presence on screen than the coronavirus
In a recent Evening Standard article, Susannah Butter reported that Phillip Schofield had been worrying about when to tell his mother “to stay in now” due to coronavirus.
We’d argue a different point: Mr Schofield would be better off just forcing her to turn off her telly box instead. This angry man’s mum has much more to fear from the daily drivel he spouts there.
Pictured top: Phillip Schofield with his former ‘friend’ Matt McGreevy.
Fresh from ‘outing’ himself Phillip Schofield finds his new television series ‘How To Spend It Well’ axed
After outing himself and facing allegations of an affair with a young man named Matt McGreevy now faces further woes after his new television series, How To Spend It Well, was scrapped by ITV “over coronavirus fears” according to the Mirror.
Lightweight Schofield, a person widely known for having temper tantrums, planned to tell “the British public [how to] get the most out of their holidays,” but now “bosses pulled it from Thursday’s listings.”
Whilst COVID-19 may have been blamed for this decision, perhaps that was just a distraction. A source told The Steeple Times: “There are set to be further developments in the McGreevy-Schofield saga and ITV will most definitely want to distance themselves from this very angry man.”
Pictured top: Phillip Schofield with Matt McGreevy.
Phillip Schofield filmed smoking shisha with his alleged ex-lover Matt McGreevy (and pictured in bed thereafter); another image shows the pair together in photograph taken at a school
Phillip Schofield has most certainly manipulated most people into thinking he’s a national treasure. He’s cried on the telly box and most recently orchestrated a ‘coming out’ that has done nothing but bolstered his career. Here, indeed, is someone, it seems, who can do no wrong.
In the aftermath of our covering claims that Schofield “orchestrated his mass coming out” in Politicalite, we have now been sent further evidence that the known for being very, very angry television presenter likely first met the former This Morning runner Matt McGreevy prior to 2011.
In a picture, shared in a YouTube video in which the duo are primarily filmed smoking shisha, Schofield is seen posing alongside McGreevy and a whole array of children in school uniforms. The latter appears to look extremely young and though we cannot confirm that there was any relationship between the pair at that stage, what is apparent is that there is most definitely more to this story than first meets the eye.
