Sunday, May 16, 2021

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Jobsworth Jenrick Props Up Property

Jobsworth Robert Jenrick announces estate agents CAN take potential virus spreaders into peoples’ homes even in Tier 4 lockdown areas; a QUARTER of donations to the Tory party come from the property sector.

Hollie Doyle – The Heroine of 2020

For once, the normally “condescending cow” Karren Brady got it right in supporting the tremendous jockey Hollie Doyle to become BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2020.

Bear Slaying Barbarian Tries Going Global

Larysa Switlyk’s attempt to go global with a new website sharing imagery of her slaying bears and zebras is proof that this woman is nothing but an international menace and monster.

The Filthy Money of Maxwell (and Borgerson and Epstein)

As two associates of Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew get snared, the money of Ghislaine Maxwell (and her supposed “boss”) starts to be clawed back for victims.

A Bit of a Bully – Priti Patel

Well-known bully Priti Patel inspires a bingo game after her latest “egregious” telly box blunder over Christmas Covid-19 rules.

Carrie, Cummings & Calamity

Matthew Steeples condemns Boris Johnson’s puppet masters for leading him down a path that will bring calamity to our economy in 2021.

Dining With The Dopey Dorks

Prince Andrew and his daughter’s dining habits – and the tall tales about did-he-or-didn’t-he go to Pizza Express (Woking branch) – get this dopey dork-like pair into hot water yet again.

Elvis & Epstein’s ‘Dictator Car’

1969 Mercedes-Benz 600 ‘Dictator Car’ sedan originally owned by Elvis Presley and currently by an Epstein is being sold by auction.

Murky McCanns Yet Again Meddle

Latest PR spin from anonymous “friend” of Gerry and Kate McCann is plainly simply part of yet another attempt to get more cash to top up the £12 million already wasted.

Distraction Dawn

Deranged dope Dawn Ward uses the ‘distraction technique’ by quitting ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’ as she faces a trial for racism and cocaine possession.

Watching Ghislaine

EXCLUSIVE – Neighbour reveals Ghislaine Maxwell was under surveillance in 1994 over her “mucky madam” activities at her South Kensington mews house by Met Police officers; Why didn’t they stop her?

Moron of the Moment – Alexa Chung

Self-declared “human” Alexa Chung’s fashion business unsurprisingly flops; the “stuck-up socialite’s” company is supposedly very deservedly “in tatters.”

A Cottage or a Car Space?

Detached Georgian cottage in Wales goes on for sale for a sum 64% lower than a single parking space in a basement in Knightsbridge.

Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

“International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”

Basham-ing Ghislaine

Ghislaine Maxwell apologist Brian Basham leaves a curious comment on ‘The Steeple Times’ as part of his campaign to try to free the mucky madam from the clink.

Tempestuous Teenage Swarm Savages SW3

Swarm of tempestuous teenagers descend on Brompton Road, SW3 and end up in a maskless face-off with 200 police officers.

Carrie On Cronyism

Carrie Symonds is morphing into the Lynda Snell of Downing Street; this busybody bird’s cronyism and nepotism stinks to high heaven.

Erecting a C(l)ock

WARNING: EXPLICIT – Chi-chi auction house auction smutty Benny Hill-esque novelty automotive clock; it’ll be erecting a lot of interest.

Runners & Riders – The Tingle Creek Chase 2020

‘The Steeple Times’ shares an analysis of the top tipsters and their selections for the ‘Betfair Tingle Creek Chase 2020’ at Sandown in the wake of Altior being pulled out.

Petitioning Sir Shifty

Change.org petition seeking to have ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green stripped of his knighthood soars to 190,000 supporters in just...

The (Loss) of Ludicrous Lord’s

EXCLUSIVE – Matthew Steeples reports on coronavirus and the lack of Arabic arrivals killing off Knightsbridge’s most expensive ‘convenience’ store, Lord’s Food & Wine of Brompton Road, SW3.

Pardoning Ghislaine

Odds of 3/1 emerge on Donald Trump pardoning Ghislaine Maxwell before 21st January 2021 alongside Joe Exotic.

Trump’s Jaguar Wall

As the ‘Guardian’ reveals Donald Trump’s border wall construction is threatening the survival of jaguars in the US, our petition to get his endangered animal slaying supporter Larysa Switlyk banned from Instagram tops 13,000 signatures.

Greedy Green Goes Red

As ‘The Sun’ quite rightly rebrands Tina Green ‘Lady Greed,’ we join those demanding this creep cough up before...

Sir Shifty Returns to Zero

As Arcadia looks set to go under today, ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green will deservedly become this season’s pantomime villain.

Pintless, Pointless & Pathetic

The government’s decision to ban people from further drinking after they’ve finished a “substantial meal” is pointless and pathetic.

A Defender Desk

As more and more people work from home, how about an unusual desk? Jaguar Land Rover have made one out of a Defender and it’ll set you back a pretty penny.

Moron of the Moment – Gordon Ramsay

That Gordon Ramsay thinks it acceptable to start selling burgers at £80 a pop at a time of economic meltdown confirms him as a cretin.

Heroine of the Hour – Micheline Stephen

Ninety-year-old daily martini drinker Micheline Stephen of Cupar, Scotland is to be saluted for grabbing a robber and calling him “a wee sh*te.”

Get Out Ghislaine

As Donald Trump looks set to pardon Michael Flynn, will he also somehow help Ghislaine Maxwell get out of jail also?

Spying a Watch

1950s Cold War espionage device disguised as a watch to be auctioned for a surprisingly low sum; someone could end up spying a bargain and something akin to what Jack Ruby even once owned.

Nasty Nat’s Naughty Notes

‘Nasty Nat’ Natalie Elphicke MP – wife of convicted ex-MP turned sex offender Charlie Elphicke – rightly called out for pestering the judiciary with naughty notes.

The World’s Worst McMansion – It’s So Bad, It’s Good

New Jersey ‘McMansion’ complete with Flintstone-esque pebbled bathrooms and gaudy grottos goes on sale for £1.65 million; it’s so bad, it’s good.

Is Covid Racist?

Channel 4’s decision to show a documentary provocatively titled: ‘Is Covid Racist’ tonight is neither clever nor appropriate argues Matthew Steeples.

The Best Gastrowagon By Far

Land Rover converted into a ‘gastrowagon’ for television chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s first television series heads to auction.

Word of the Week – Autolatry

Susie Dent’s choice of ‘autolatry’ as her ‘word of the day’ was most appropriate; it sums up both Boris Johnson and Ghislaine Maxwell perfectly.

Ban The Bear Slayer – 10,000 Signatures on Petition Against Larysa Switlyk

As our petition to ban bear slaying barbarian Larysa Switlyk from Instagram soars past 10,000 signatures, it is time...

Anth’ Swings Back To The Bog

Anthea Turner’s decision to talk about how she doesn’t like seeing bleach in a bathroom confirms her desperation for any kind of publicity; shouldn’t she just bog off?

A Pintless Policy

Matthew Steeples slams ‘Bosie The Clown’s’ pub destroying lockdown; 7 out of 10 pubs are likely to close as a result and the nation will be left pintless.

Steeply Priced Roof Space Slashed

Steeply-pitched, unused mansard roof space in Hampshire House, 150 Central Park South, New York heads to a slashed no reserve auction after failing to sell for £30.3 million.
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