The Steeple Times

Tag: marriage

  • United in Plastic

    United in Plastic

    ‘Bride of Wildenstein’ Jocelyn Wildenstein reunites with her lover Lloyd Klein; the plastic faced couple will marry at some point in the future

     

    Yesterday, the world’s ugliest woman announced she is to marry the world’s vainest man in an exclusive feature in the DailyMail.com.

     

    According to the paper, Jocelyn Wildenstein – a New York based billionairess by divorce commonly known as the ‘Bride of Wildenstein’ and ‘Catwoman’ due to her hideous feline-like face – will not actually marry her on-off fashion designer boyfriend, Lloyd Klein, until next year and also revealed: “You never know if you’re ready for a relationship.”

     

    In the frankly ghastly interview with someone named Ben Ashford, Klein – whose startled looks also are also no doubt the result of a few visits to surgeons and scalpels – declared he himself designed the multi-million dollar 32-carat diamond ring he gave to Wildenstein and revealed he gave it to her at the Miami home where Gianni Versace was murdered on the twentieth anniversary of his death last month. He commented: “I said: ‘Jocelyn this was the day Versace died and this the day we will live.’”

     

    Pictured above: Jocelyn Wildenstein looking her normal scary self and Lloyd Klein after he had his now fiancée’s fingers dug into his skin.

     

  • Sandra Howard – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    Sandra Howard – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    A 20-question interview with Sandra Howard – novelist, former model and wife of Conservative politician The Rt. Hon. Lord Howard of Lympne

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force?

    Seeing the upside of life and what’s to laugh at.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    Perseverance pays.

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2017?

    Kim Kardashian’s bottom.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Talking to my mother – She was a sage and a wonderful rock.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    A continuing, happy, healthy marriage.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the state of the financial system?

    That’s too taxing for my ‘small bear’ financial brain. Well above my pay grade.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “At the end of the day” and I’m not mad about: “You know what?” (Jeremy Corbyn’s favourite phrase).

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    It should begin at home and continue overseas. I’d hate to see our foreign aid budget cut. I support Addaction (to help people off drugs), Youth Epilepsy and Hospice UK.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    They rule our lives, sometimes for better and frequently for worse.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    All my closest (bridge-playing and witty) friends.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    Fresh crab, Dover sole, some delicious smelly cheese and a ripe mango. I’d eat it on Grand Anse Beach in Grenada, slipping in a last swim in that glorious clear sea.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    A Buck’s Fizz at breakfast isn’t a bad start to the day.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A cup of tea.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Other peoples’ – I’m a mess of nerves when giving one of my own.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    My husband – Most of the time.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    A day (or more) entirely to myself to write in peace and privacy, not doing any of all the stuff, emails etc. that gets in the way.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A black cat – I think I’ve had lots of luck in my life.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A Mini Cooper is about my marque – fast, but I hope not flashy.

     

    Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I’m a passionate supporter of Liverpool Football Club.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Family photos, a pair of china cockerels and a vase of lovely lavender freesias.

     

    Sandra Howard has quickly established herself as a successful author and journalist. She has written six novels; her latest, ‘The Consequence of Love’, is published on 13th July. She was, in the 1960s, a leading photographic fashion model and lives in London and Kent.

     

    Follow Sandra Howard on Twitter at @howardsandrac and like her page on Facebook at @sandrahoward76.

     

  • What a Difference a Day Makes

    What a Difference a Day Makes

    Twenty-four hours ago Arthur Collins was the toast of OK! magazine; he’s now on the run and a wanted man

     

    Twenty-four hours ago, the Mail Online gushed about Ferne McCann and Arthur Collins, a couple most of our readers will never have heard of. Now, that article is gone and instead the press are focusing on the fact that Mr Collins is on the run in the wake of a police raid on his home.

     

    What a Difference a Day Makes – Ferne McCann and Arthur Collins
    Ferne McCann and Arthur Collins in happier times
    What a Difference a Day Makes – Ferne McCann and Arthur Collins
    A mugshot of Arthur Collins issued by the Metropolitan Police and an image of him captured on CCTV at Mangle, the Dalston Club where he is alleged to have been involved in an acid attack

     

    “Bad boy Arthur”, as The Sun today refer to the 25-year old scaffolder, is alleged to have been involved in an acid attack in a London club on Sunday in which sixteen people were injured. Police have issued an arrest warrant for Collins and when they visited his home, they discovered cannabis plants, cultivation equipment and illegal firearms.

     

    OK! magazine feature an interview with the couple in their current edition. In it, Miss McCann, a “reality television star”, referenced how she and Collins were planning on moving in together and commented:

     

    “We spend every night together anyway. Moving in is definitely the next step. And I know that seems a bit rushed, but when you know, you know”.

     

    “Arthur is moving in the day after I get the keys! I get them on May 5th, he’ll move in on May 6th. So I just need 24 hours to settle in and put my stuff down”.

     

    Such an occurrence now seems highly unlikely and here, indeed, is an example that never has the adage “what a difference a day makes” been truer.

     

  • Blabbermouth Burrell

    Blabbermouth Burrell

    Butler-turned-blabbermouth Paul Burrell sinks to a new low; he should retreat to Siberia and live out his days privately

     

    Cat-like Paul Burrell again and again reinvents himself. Somehow, in spite of already having undeservedly exhausted more than nine lives, this ghastly individual is back in the press and this time he’s milking the story of his marriage to a corporate lawyer he met on a train.

     

    “Diana’s rock”, as the traitorous butler-turned-blabbermouth likes to call himself, chose not to keep his wedding to Graham Cooper private but instead bared the story of his union with his “soulmate” to various media outlets.

     

    Mr Burrell, in spite of being born in Derbyshire wore a kilt to the ceremony (in a bizarre pattern of tartan he’d, of course, commissioned himself in 2006) at the Linthwaite House Hotel in the Lake District and in comments to the Mail Online remarked:

     

    “There’s no more hiding my unbridled happiness now. Life is about being true to who you are and, for the first time ever, I’m able to stand proudly beside my husband and say: ‘This is who I am’”.

     

    Burrell also told the newspaper of how he walked into the ceremony to Barbara Streisand’s Some Enchanted Evening and “danced out of [it] to Kylie Minogue’s Better the Devil You Know” and disrespectfully remarked on references to his late employer, Diana, Princess of Wales, being made during the ceremony. He again showed himself to be a master of the kiss-and-tell and even, in case anyone cared, shared the menu for his “three course wedding dinner”. It consisted of: “A starter of ham hock terrine, egg and chipped potatoes followed by pot-roasted breast of Goosnargh chicken served with Pommes Anna and wild mushroom fricassee and finished with a dessert of apple Tarte Tatin with a Calvados caramel and vanilla ice cream”.

     

    An anything but credible individual according to Lord Justice Scott Baker, Burrell – a man prone to crying on a whim – was severely criticised by Princes William and Harry in 2003. In a statement, at the time, they remarked:

     

    “We cannot believe that Paul who was entrusted with so much could abuse his position in such a cold and overt betrayal”.

     

    “It is not only deeply painful for the two of us but also for everyone else affected and it would mortify our mother if she were alive today and, if we might say so, we feel we are more able to speak for our mother than Paul”.

     

    “We ask Paul please to bring these revelations to an end”.

     

    Burrell plainly paid no attention to this request and now, fourteen years later, it is again time to urge this self-serving toad to do the decent thing: May Paul Burrell please stop peddling tat and may he please retreat to Siberia.

     

  • Powering a Wedding

    Powering a Wedding

    Publicity seeking duo share details of their wedding – prepare to be amused at the bizarre details of their ridiculously over-the-top nuptials

     

    New York based Norah Lawlor is undoubtedly a talented PR and her ability to create something out of nothing is a quality that we at The Steeple Times admire. The stories that one or two of her clients wish to put out, such as that of a Texan teenager who had a £1.4 million 15th birthday party, however, undoubtedly rightly attract comments of shock and disgust and yesterday, something similar popped into our inbox of equal ridiculousness.

     

    In the missive, the nuptials of a self-described “Power Couple” named Ashley Taylor Cooper and Ernesto Argüello, whose marriage occurred at New York’s St Patrick’s Cathedral with a reception and wedding dinner at the Plaza Hotel on Saturday 15th October, are described in detail. As well as sending “every guest a briefcase with a [bizarre Danielle Steele-esque] video message [filmed in Colombia]”, the pair listed their international guest list of 400 names and communicated that they had used “Beyoncé’s sought after florist”, a celebrity cake-maker and a 10 year old “Instagram star” named Vivian Hicks.

     

    The couple, who are described as co-founders of Snap2Live, will honeymoon in Iceland, Finland, Spain, Czech Republic, Switzerland, Australia and Fiji. Do keep up!

     

    Photograph: Oscar Castro.

     

  • Sabine Getty (née Ghanem, AKA ‘Sabine G’)

    Sabine Getty (née Ghanem, AKA ‘Sabine G’)

    Sabine Getty (née Ghanem, AKA ‘Sabine G’)Born to a Lebanese financier and an Egyptian interior decorator in Geneva, Sabine Getty is a jewellery designer and socialite. (more…)

  • Tanya Burr

    Tanya Burr

    Blogger and vlogger Tanya BurrBorn Norwich in 1989, beauty and fashion blogger and vlogger Tanya Burr has made a small fortune from her craft. (more…)

  • The house formerly known as Prince

    The house formerly known as Prince

    Despite a Málaga villa built by the musician Prince remaining on the market a year after it was put up for sale, bizarrely its asking price has been increased by £1 million (more…)

  • Gillian Clarke (1941 – 2015)

    Gillian Clarke (1941 – 2015)

    Gillian ClarkeThe late daughter of schoolteachers from Sidcup, Kent and a mother of two, Gillian Clarke met her Conservative politician husband Kenneth at Cambridge in 1963. (more…)

  • Leandra Medine (AKA “The Man Repeller”)

    Leandra Medine (AKA “The Man Repeller”)

    Man Repeller fashion blogger Leandra MedineNew York based fashion blogger Leandra Medine claims she “may have been Ernest Hemingway in my last life, or Prince” on her personal Twitter handle (more…)