The Steeple Times

Tag: London

  • Save The Swan

    Save The Swan

    Matthew Steeples highlights that not only the appalling case of two swans and five cygnets being shot in Kent but also other problems facing these majestic birds

     

    This summer, on The Serpentine in Hyde Park, I witnessed a Chinese tourist attempting to hug a swan. Though I told him how unacceptable this truly was, he simply shrugged his shoulders (he plainly couldn’t speak a word of English) and attempted to carry on. Though hindered by one of my arm being in a sling, in a slightly wingless fashion, I managed to pull him away and the majestic yet wrongly targeted bird waddled off into the water.

     

    Yesterday, an even more shocking case of “swan abuse” was sadly highlighted with news that that two swans and five cygnets had been found wrapped in plastic bags and thrown in a stream in Benenden, Kent. After X-rays of the birds were taken it was revealed that these innocent creatures were peppered with pellets and thus victims of what an RSPCA inspector, Dave Grant, termed an “absolutely disgusting” attack.

     

    Save The Swan – Matthew Steeples highlights that not only the appalling case of swans being shot but also other problems facing these majestic birds.
    An X-ray of one of the birds that was so brutally slaughtered

     

    Given that virtually all swans in England and Wales are owned by the Queen, it has been suggested that the birds were targeted due to their association with royalty. Stephen Knight of the Swan Sanctuary in Shepperton, Middlesex remarked:

     

    “The reason they pick on swans is because it is widely know that they belong to the Crown, so they are a symbol of the establishment.”

     

    “The kind of people who do this are faceless bullies that have got no moral compass. Someone once posted a gag that was titled ‘how to upset the Queen.’ It included a picture of a gun and swan, which was locked in a cage. After that we saw a little spike in shootings.”

     

    Elsewhere, it has been revealed that the “Bin the Bread” campaign to stop people feeding swans bread has resulted in many of the birds now being underweight. In comments to The Telegraph, the Queen’s Swan Marker, David Barber, Member of the Royal Victorian Order, remarked stated “there is no good reason” not to feeds swans bread. He remarked that many now wander the roads and put themselves in further danger whilst looking for food and added:

     

    “Supporters of the campaign claim that bread should not be fed to swans on the grounds that it is bad for them. This is not correct. Swans have been fed bread for many hundreds of years without causing any ill effects.”

     

    “While bread may not be the best dietary option for swans compared to their natural food such as river weed, it has become a very important source of energy for them, supplementing their natural diet and helping them to survive the cold winter months when vegetation is very scarce.”

     

    “There is no good reason not to feed bread to swans, provided it is not mouldy.”

     

    “Most households have surplus bread and children have always enjoyed feeding swans with their parents.”

     

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  • The Modern Macnab

    The Modern Macnab

    6,000 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat

     

    John Buchan’s 1925 novel John Macnab is a must read and centres on three successful but bored friends – lawyer Sir Edward Leithen, Conservative politician John Palliser-Yeates MP and former adventurer the Earl of Lamancha – who decide to turn to poaching. Under the collective name of ‘John Macnab,’ they set themselves the challenge of within 48 hours they will remove a salmon or stag, undetected, and present it at the door of the three estates they warn.

     

    Revisited more recently by Robert Harris in  his recently published second ‘Richard Hannay series’ novel, Castle Macnab, an opportunity for anyone wishing to partake in the The Field magazine’s modern day ‘Macnab Challenge’ has arisen as a result of the 5,885 acre Achnabourin Estate, near Bettyhill in Sutherland coming to the market.

     

    Offered for just £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) – the price of a poky 580 square foot one bedroom flat in Knightsbridge – Achnabourin is split between coastal dunes, pastureland, semi-ancient natural woodland and heather clad hills.

     

    As well as five bedroom lodge and a two bedroom housekeeper’s cottage, the estate provides stalking, grouse, woodcock and duck shooting potential and wild brown trout fishing on thirteen lochs. Salmon fishing is possible through a local permit also and selling agents Goldmsith & Co. describe the property as “a wonderfully diverse coastal estate offering mixed sport and fantastic views… A true gem.”

     

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    The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat.The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat. The Modern Macnab – Achnabourin Estate, Bettyhill, Sutherland, Scotland – For sale for £995,000 ($1.3 million, €1.1 million or درهم4.7 million) through Goldsmith & Co. Estate Agents – 5,885 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat.

  • Moscow Nights

    Moscow Nights

    John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone

     

    Described as: “An engaging yarn with a strong, sometimes mischievous autobiographical element” by The Sunday Times, esteemed foreign correspondent John Simpson launched his second novel at Daunt Books in Marylebone last night.

     

    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    John Simpson and Claire Rubinstein

     

    Amongst those present to celebrate the occasion were – in from New York – financier Marcel Croome, Brexit campaigner Gina Miller and her hedge fund titan husband Alan, the Daily Mail’s Alexis Parr and social media guru Claire Rubinstein. As drinks flowed, guests admired Daunt Books’ clever displays and many copies of Simpson’s book – a topical tale based around espionage and skulduggery titled Moscow, Midnight – were sold to a most enthusiastic gathering.

     

    To purchase a copy, click here.

     

    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    Alan Miller, Gina Miller, Claire Rubinstein and Matthew Steeples
    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    Daunt Books was packed for the occasion
    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    Claire Rubinstein and Marcel Croome
    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    Matthew Steeples, Claire Rubinstein and friends
    Moscow Nights – John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone
    Marcel Croome, Claire Rubinstein and Alexis Parr

     

    Description – MP Patrick Macready has been found dead in his flat. The coroner rules it an accident, a sex game gone wrong.

     

    Jon Swift is from the old stock of journos – cynical, cantankerous and overweight – and something about his friend’s death doesn’t seem right. Then days after Macready’s flat is apparently burgled, Swift discovers that his friend had been researching a string of Russian government figures who had met similarly ‘accidental’ fates.

     

    When the police refuse to investigate further, Swift gets in touch with his contacts in Moscow, determined to find out if his hunch is correct. Following the lead, he is soon drawn into a violent underworld, where whispers of conspiracies, assassinations and double-agents start blurring the line between friend and foe.

     

    But the truth will come at a price, and it may cost him everything.

     

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  • Waitrose Wake-Up

    Waitrose Wake-Up

    Waitrose Belgravia respond to ‘The Steeple Times’s’ expose of their not selling Royal British Legion poppies and allow them into their store

     

    After The Steeple Times reported on various high street retailers in Belgravia, Chelsea, Fulham and Knightsbridge not selling Royal British Legion poppies, our story went viral.

     

    Shared on Twitter by countless individuals – including the radio and television presenter Matthew Wright – we can now report that Waitrose Belgravia (the store where our editor was told: “We do not condone war so do not sell poppies. It is against our company policy.”) have caved in.

     

    In a tweet received Saturday, the firm announced:

     

    “We had a poppy seller at the shop yesterday who will be returning Monday. We looked after her with a hot drink and treated her to lunch and are really looking forward to seeing her again next week – she did a fab job on a brisk autumn day!”

     

    Aside from their rightful climb down, we would suggest Waitrose Belgravia make up for their transgression with a more substantial gesture. We call upon the store’s management to give a donation to the Royal British Legion’s poppy appeal and we also urge our readers to buy a poppy and wear it with pride.

     

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    Waitrose Wake-Up – Waitrose Belgravia cave in and start selling poppies – Waitrose Belgravia respond to ‘The Steeple Times’s’ expose of their not selling Royal British Legion poppies and allow them into their store.

  • No Offence Taken

    No Offence Taken

    Matthew Steeples questions the validity of  getting easily offended as a man “offends” a woman on the Underground by dressing as Samuel L. Jackson

     

    People will always find reasons to be offended it seems. In the days of the overblown #MeToo movement our snowflake society cannot cope with anything that isn’t politically correct.

     

    This morning’s Mail Online reported that a woman was outraged when she spotted a white man who’d made himself look like Samuel L. Jackson for Halloween on a London Underground train.

     

    Whilst I personally wouldn’t do such a thing – for starters, I do not “do” fancy dress of any kind – that the bizarrely named Petra-Isabella Joli declared it “a bit racist” is a little bit ridiculous.

     

    Why not get angry about something a little bit more serious?

     

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  • The Poppy Pariahs

    The Poppy Pariahs

    Matthew Steeples names and shames the retail giants who won’t be selling Royal British Legion poppies this year; they include Boots, Sainsbury’s, Selfridges, Tesco, Waitrose and Wholefoods

     

    Even ‘Murky’ Meghan Markle – down under in New Zealand on tour – is sporting one right now; the humble poppy. A mark of respect to those who fought so we didn’t end up living under a regime of terror, most surprisingly, isn’t available at a single supermarket in Belgravia, Chelsea, Fulham or Knightsbridge.

     

    Today, I visited Sainsbury’s in Elizabeth Street, Belgravia in the hope of buying a Royal British Legion poppy. I asked at the counter and was met with: “We don’t sell those things.” I then telephoned the company’s press office and was told: “Our employees got the wrong end of the stick.”

     

    Subsequently, by email, a media relations executive working at the firm, Jordan Grant, replied and commented: “We can reassure customers poppies will be available in store this week.” Given it is already 29th October and Remembrance Sunday is just 13 days away, this is hardly acceptable – especially given the store is already selling Christmas decorations (Christmas Day is 57 days away).

     

    Next, in frustration, I visited Tesco on Royal Hospital Road in Chelsea. Situated directly next to the National Army Museum and close to the Royal Hospital – home to the legendary and widely respected Chelsea Pensioners. On asking for a poppy, a till operative lackadaisically remarked: “We do not sell those things. We are a supermarket.”

     

    Waitrose Belgravia – commonly known as “Celebrity Waitrose” due to the likes of John Cleese and Lady Helen Taylor being regulars –presented a similar but worse response. The customer service desk operative at the flagship store told me: “We do not condone war so do not sell poppies. It is against our company policy.”

     

    A friend, on my behalf, visited Wholefoods and was told: “We don’t know what poppies are” (they, at least, suggested donating to a homeless charity). She also got told at Boots: “We don’t sell things like that” but did find a lovely pair of Sikh gentlemen selling poppies in the Fulham Broadway underground station. She gave them £25.

     

    A phone call to Selfridges was met with: “We do not supply poppies” but Harrods came through. Their customer service desk call handler announced: “We will be selling poppies later this week. We like to support the Royal British Legion.”

     

    Shame on the high street retailers of Britain. Not a poppy in sight and not an ounce of support for the heroes who’ve saved us. This is an utter disgrace and it should be named as such.

     

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  • Pun Parties With Police

    Pun Parties With Police

    David Pun arrested at a party in London

     

    Last night in Mayfair, David Pun was arrested in full view of invited guests. Cuffed and taken to a police station, this renowned party crasher finally was brought to book.

     

    Having pretended to own Harvey Nichols and Peninsula Hotels on occasions, Pun is the very best known of the liggers of London. He has featured on walls of shame in supermarkets, on television and on the cover of a book even; he has been spotted nabbing canapes at funerals and in places as diverse as Blenheim Palace and Venice. He has even been caught watching porn in the foyer of a hotel in South Kensington.

     

    David Pun has, now, however, finally met his match. May he now disappear to the bottom of the drinks tray.

     

    Follow David Pun on Twitter at @wheresthepun

     

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  • Overheard – 22nd October 2018

    Overheard – 22nd October 2018

    Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

     

    Mobile Arabs

    An Arab sat outside a shisha café on Brompton Road told her friend: “I lost my phone in Harrods today but I went back and they’d found it. Thank God it was Harrods. They’d have been so racist anywhere else but Harrods, they love us. In this country, it’s whites first and us second but in Harrods, it’s the other way round.”

     

    Lunching (Un)like Liz

    At Granger in Chelsea, a Hill House mother chatted with another of her number. She stated: “I go to lunch at 4.30pm as I don’t do breakfast or dinner. You know why: I don’t want to end up looking like Liz Hurley, do I?”

     

    Standard Death

    A pair of Russian women lunched at Chiltern Firehouse. One announced: “I went to a really f***ing budget wedding recently… One thing that is so important is alcohol but these people served Russian Standard. Social death. It’s like doing something in Shoreditch.”

     

    Priestly Observations

    Two Brompton Oratory priests lunching at Colbert on Sloane Square chatted with a fellow diner about the locality. “It’s changed very much lately,” said one. The other added: “I preferred it when there were more ladies like Miss Marple.”

     

    Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

     

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  • Bog Off Brexit

    Bog Off Brexit

    Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London

     

    Yesterday, sporting a Michael Portillo style shirt and a ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ sticker for comedy value, I joined the nigh on 700,000 people at the People’s Vote March in Central London.

     

    Though I expected to ‘march’  alongside my friends Gina and Alan Miller, we actually found ourselves in a somewhat chaotic ‘shuffle.’ Police and organisers, it seemed, could not cope with the numbers – only 100,000 had been expected – but the atmosphere was jovial yet focused on the gathering’s aim.

     

    I met people who’d traveled from places as diverse as Australia, Brussels and Rotherham and I must say some of the placards were brilliant. Ranging from the witty ‘No Deal Means Gucci Will Be More Expensive’ to the plain but clear ‘Brexit? More Like Brexshit,’ attendees got creative. Whilst a woman appeared dressed in a somewhat sexually provocative police costume with a poster claiming: ‘Political Sensitivities My Arse @MetPoliceUK Don’t Let Vote Leave Criminals Off The Hook,’ I also spotted a Boris Johnson lookalike waving and even a poor woman stranded on Park Lane in her G-Wagen.

     

    Overall, though ‘The One Armed Bandit’ did not get to actually hear the speeches from the likes of Deborah Meaden and Delia Smith, I thought the event a success. At least 670,000 – a number larger than the population of Britain’s fifth largest city – made their opinions known and it is now jolly well time Theresa May listened.

     

    #PeoplesVoteMarch #EndTheChaos

     

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    Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London. Bog Off Brexit – Matthew Steeples & Gina Miller at People’s Vote March – Matthew Steeples reports on his experiences at the People’s Vote March in London.

  • Blind Brexit

    Blind Brexit

    Boris Johnson pictured wheeling Theresa May around Chelsea in a wheel barrow whilst elsewhere the pair of them make themselves known in a phone box

     

    Spotted in Chelsea on Sunday. No comment required.

     

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