Whilst only a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we today ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?”
In 2019, ‘Carrie Symonds’ bestie’ and supposed clatterfart Henry Newman described Dominic Cummings as “one of only a few political advisers who understands the importance of, and is truly committed to, reforming the Whitehall machine.” In April 2020, Cummings responded by branding Newman a leaker.
Now, as the media delve into the scandal of Boris Johnson’s hole riddled ship and he seeks to dissipate the disgrace of his decorating debacle, with Cummings’ intervention on Friday, elements of the media have begun to examine exactly who Henry Newman is.
Whilst widely referenced for dancing to ABBA with his longstanding chum Symonds and for being the go-to mouthpiece in support of Brexit during Theresa May’s “Brexit means Brexit” era, Newman should also go down in history for banging on about a need for fortnightly bin collections in Hampstead and Kilburn and for his somewhat bizarre Facebook ramblings.
On his wall on the social media site, former special adviser (SPAD) to Francis Maude and Michael Gove, Newman – a graduate of ritzy institutions including the University of Oxford, Harvard University and the London School of Economics – has shared posts about being drunk. He has remarked that he was once “discreetly charmed by the bourgeoisie” and bragged that he even listened “to the Stones as the economy [collapsed].”
Tellingly also, this one-time “rising star” and “Goveite” also declared he was “drowning in honey, stingless” and, most appropriately, providing illustration of why Daylesford addict ‘Costly Carrie’ counts him as “one of her four favourite people,” once announced: “[I’m] opening an organic box.”
‘Henry The Bin Boy’ Newman’s words of wisdom on Facebook…
“Is drunk.”
“Is opening an organic box.”
“Is discreetly charmed by the bourgeoisie.”
“Is drowning in honey, stingless.”
“Once you kill a cow you gotta make a burger.”
“Wondering if he is really a top concern for US immigration.”
“Waiting for Jacqui Smith to resign.”
“Is dancing, dancing, dancing… Is listening to rumba in W. Hartford… Is dancing in the dark… Is missing dancing.”
“Is listening to the Stones while the economy collapses.”
“Is watching his tan fall off.”
“Hates people who don’t know how to use a rowing machine.”
“Is thinking what this country needs is a new taskforce.”
Descriptions of Henry Newman by…
Boris Johnson:
“One of my three musketeers.”
Carrie Symonds:
“One of my four favourite people.”
Toby Young:
“He is new role model… If you were a [politics show] booker who had to find someone… Newman was the only name on your Rolodex.”
“As the oxygen went out of Theresa May’s premiership, and her withdrawal agreement began to breathe its last, the great balloon of his career became more and more inflated.”
Dominic Cummings:
“All the evidence [regarding the second lockdown leak] definitely leads to Henry Newman… I’m just trying to get the communications data to prove it.”
An unnamed “senior government source”:
“The allegations against Henry Newman are entirely false. He wouldn’t be working in Downing Street if he was suspected of leaking information.”
Follow Henry Newman on his now somewhat secretive social media (if he lets you) at @henryjohnnewman on Facebook, @henryjohnnewman on Instagram and @HenryNewman on Twitter.
