Tag: advertisement

A ‘Private Eye’ At Crackpot Crazy Classifieds – 1974 Princess Anne Kidnap Attempt

‘Private Eye’ called out for publishing classified adverts from wacko wannabe “Village Elders” with a penchant for “amusing kids” and an actual crackpot crazy who tried and failed to kidnap Princess Anne in London in 1974

The latest edition of Private Eye contains an especially creepy classified advertisement. A link to it was sent to us by an especially beady eyed reader. It states:

Couple (60s) seek position as Village Elders in a community. Skills include knitting, martial arts, book-keeping, business advice, vegetable growing and amusing the kids. Any location worldwide but must speak English. No remuneration needed. Text 07486 434079 for more details.

Aside from the Jimmy Savile-esque vibes that the throwaway inclusion of “amusing kids” gives off, the fact that two sixty somethings of sex undefined want to move utterly anywhere for utterly no payment seems a little beyond weird. Whilst calls and texts from The Steeple Times to the number for the knitting and martial arts lovers listed were not answered, what’s the betting on these wannabe “Village Elders” being successful in their quest for their wacko wants? We wouldn’t go below 999/1.

The advert posted by the wannabe “Village Elders” that will likely not result in them achieving the placement they desire.

Elsewhere in the same magazine’s classified section is an advert placed by another oddity named Ian Ball. It doesn’t exactly share a great deal of detail, but simply offers:

‘To Kidnap a Princess’ by Ian Ball noveltokidnapaprincess.co.uk

For the majority whom unsurprisingly don’t immediately recognise this somewhat ordinary sounding name, this is the very same Ian Ball who attempted to kidnap Princess Anne on 20^th March 1974 on Pall Mall in London, but who only succeeded in injuring a number of bystanders with a series of shots. Ball failed in his attempt – which was later bizarrely ‘justified’ as a “publicity stunt” and an attempt to raise £2 million from a ransom that he claimed he intended to give to the NHS – and subsequently pleaded guilty to attempted murder and kidnapping. John Hazan QC, defending, claimed his client was “mad” and had been “led by a voice of either his late father or God.”

Top: The attempted kidnapping of Princess Anne in March 1974, as reconstructed in the 2006 ITV drama ‘To Kidnap A Princess’. Bottom: Failed kidnapper Ian Ball snapped arriving for his trial and the Rolls-Royce in which Princess Anne travelled on the night of the attempt to abduct her.

The advert promoting Ian Ball’s book.

Ball – who also goes by the pseudonym ‘Anthony Stewart’ – was subsequently diagnosed with schizophrenia and detained in mental hospitals for 45 years until his release in 2019. In August 2025, he laughably claimed the late Queen Elizabeth II had been the “ringleader” of a plot that led to him being wrongfully jailed and told the Daily Mail: “I’m an innocent, sane man… The whole idea of performing the hoax was to get the publicity so I could write my autobiography and I expected to get £10,000 in royalties.”

Going further, on the website linked to from the online version of the weekly magazine, most certainly beyond bonkers Ball rages whilst promoting his tall tale tome To Kidnap a Princess:

“The author spent 45 years locked up in Rampton and Broadmoor criminal lunatic asylums, after being convicted of the attempted kidnapping of Princess Anne.”

“Throughout his stay in the asylums he was in constant conflict with the psychopathic screws and criminal doctors.”

“The abuse resulting from the conflict was born with a remarkable stoicism and with an astonishing positive attitude. Such resilience was due, mainly, to the author’s efforts in applying his hilariously unique and wry sense of humour to the situation.”

“Although the authorities did everything to try and break his spirit, the author remains unbowed and eventually prevails.”

In light of the highlighting of these two clearly crackpot advertisements, perhaps Private Eye might henceforth implement a better procedure to vet those taking space in their classifieds. Paraphrasing what Princess Anne is said to have exclaimed on being ordered out of her chauffeur driven Rolls-Royce by her wannabe kidnapper Ian Ball that dark night in March 1974, the chances of such are probably to be found in the land of “not bloody likely!”

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January 11, 2026
Maxwell’s Fake Image
As her lawyer issues an image of her with a black eye, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s history with fakery should lead anyone rational to question whether its current or genuine even
- In the wake of its release yesterday, one has to ask: “When was the supposedly ‘new’ photograph of Ghislaine Maxwell with a black eye under her eye actually taken and is it actually genuine?”
- Responding to the snap being shared on the official ‘RealGhislaine’ Twitter handle, one user remarked of the allegedly fake image: “Absolute trot!” whilst another added: “Perhaps she slipped manicuring her eyebrows with clippers.”
- Miss Maxwell’s history with fake imagery and manipulation relating to such has previously illustrated her dishonesty in this area.
- The photograph of alleged vegan Ghislaine Maxwell munching on a burger in Los Angeles in August 2019 that was released by her associate was widely debunked later as a fake.
- A photograph that Prince Andrew claims to be faked – taken in Miss Maxwell’s house in 2001 – has never been proven to be anything other than real.
- Like her fraudulent father, anything but honest Ghislaine Maxwell also has a history of using pseudonyms and called herself “Jen Marshall” or “Janet Marshall” when buying ‘Tuckedaway’ in November 2019.
- Our conclusion: “Is Ghislaine Maxwell a woman whose word and images can be trusted in any regard or is she just an utter fake?”
Like the case of the boy who repeatedly cried wolf, grubby groaner Ghislaine Maxwell and those close to her also have a history with visual media that would make even the most sympathetic individual doubt what they have to say in that context. As a result, the latest potentially fake image – released by her lawyer and on her ‘RealGhislaine’ Twitter handle – of the incarcerated alleged teenage trafficker with a black eye should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Aside from her and Prince Andrew having utterly failed in their efforts to get anyone to believe the 2001 photograph of the randy royal with his “chubby fingers” around the waist of the then 17-year-old Virginia Roberts at her Kinnerton Street house to be anything but genuine, the ‘Bouncing Czech’s’ daughter has many other links to the misuse and manipulation of imagery.

Firstly, it must be remembered that the mucky madam was likely involved in leaking that infamous “too perfect” photoshopped image of herself at an In-N-Out Burger restaurant in Los Angeles in August 2019. Aside from this wicked woman – whom bangs on about being vegan constantly now – “planting herself for a double-double” burger, that image was subsequently debunked by The Cut. For them, Bridget Read stated:

“The intrepid Daily Mail checked out the location of the burger joint in Hollywood where Maxwell was allegedly spotted by a regular last week and found some odd discrepancies. Notably, a bus stop in the background of the shot shows an advertisement for the movie Good Boys – which the company that operates the ad space said has never been there. The bus stop currently displays an ad for a local hospital, which it says has been there since July 28. Maxwell was supposedly photographed at the In-N-Out on August 12.”

Fake Maxwell – Prior to her arrest at the curiously named ‘Tucked Away’ using the invented name ‘Jen Marshall’ or Janet Marshall,’ woman-of-multiple identities Ghislaine Maxwell’s associates allegedly released most likely faked images of her at an In-N-Out restaurant.

Fake Maxwell – This anything but fake photograph of “chubby fingered” Prince Andrew, Virginia Roberts and Ghislaine Maxwell on the first floor landing of 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia, London, SW1X 8ES on 10th March 2001 quite rightly remains in the public domain in spite of the royal claiming it to have been a doctored creation.

“Questions about Maxwell’s lunch outing have fed into the already robust set of conspiracy theories around Epstein, his high-profile acquaintances, and his death. Why was a second smartphone on the In-N-Out table? Why did Maxwell never stick a straw in either her soda or her shake? Why did the diner who supposedly photographed her have such a nice camera, with a lens that took a very clear photo? It doesn’t help that the In-N-Out employees at that location have been forbidden, supposedly by their employer, to talk about Maxwell’s visit.”

“If Saffian did indeed leak the photo of Maxwell, it was likely to try and throw the FBI off her scent… If the In-N-Out photo is indeed doctored, Maxwell could be anywhere and could show up anywhere she pleases. What’s next? Some predictions: eating a hot dog on the steps of the Met, posing with a cactus at Joshua Tree, riding a unicycle at Burning Man, or painting her nails on the C train.”

Secondly, Miss Maxwell and her now deceased paedophile ex-lover have been repeatedly accused of covert surveillance of high-profile guests – including potentially the film director Woody Allen, President Bill Clinton, lawyer Alan Dershowitz, Barclay’s chief Jes Staley and the Duke of York – at the homes they shared. With holes in ceilings where technology for such was installed found in Epstein’s Lenox Hill, New York townhouse, for example, the clear indication is that information gathered was used to blackmail those targeted into doing whatever this deviant duo wished.

Thirdly and most relevantly, the most ‘recent’ image of Miss Maxwell – a woman accused of having snapped sleazy images of naked people at Epstein’s now demolished Palm Beach perv pad in addition – shared by lawyer Bobbi Sternheim yesterday of the disgraced socialite allegedly sporting a black eye should now be questioned in the same way as that of the supposedly spurious In-N-Out snapshot.

Of the very dubious and potentially fake image of the “black eye,” Sternheim moaned in a letter to the Honorable Alison J. Nathan:

“Last night, she was confronted by MDC staff due a visible bruise over her left eye. The ‘black eye’ is depicted in Exhibit B. Despite 24/7 camera surveillance (except when guards elect to exert authority in an intimidating way off-camera, as they did in Saturday’s bathroom incident), no guard addressed the bruise until Ms. Maxwell, who has no mirror, caught a reflection of her aching eye in the glean of a nail clipper.”

“At that point, MDC staff confronted Ms. Maxwell regarding the source of the bruise, threatening to place her in the SHU if she did not reveal how she got it.”

“While Ms. Maxwell is unaware of the cause of the bruise, as reported to medical and psych staff, she has grown increasingly reluctant to report information to the guards for fear of retaliation, discipline, and punitive chores. However, there is concern that the bruise may be related to the need for Ms. Maxwell to shield her eyes from the lights projected into her cell throughout the night.”

“The MDC routinely places inmates in the SHU if they have engaged in physical altercation with other inmates or to protect inmates who are the subject of abuse. It would be ironic if the MDC follows through with its threat to place Ms. Maxwell in the SHU: It would signal that Ms. Maxwell needs protection from the very staff so intent on protecting her, since she has no contact with anyone but staff.”

Frankly, given said image is unaccompanied by any kind of source information or date, it should be treated with the same skepticism as to anything related to a woman who once answered: “[I am a citizen of] TerraMar,” when asked what country she was from by the FBI.

Pictured top: The undated, unsourced, potentially fake image released by Bobbi Sternheim showing Ghislaine Maxwell sporting what they claim to be a black eye (left) and the subsequently debunked ‘fake’ image of Ghislaine Maxwell at a Los Angeles, California In-N-Out burger diner in August 2019 (right).

Brothers in Coats – Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein

Elsewhere yesterday, a beady eyed reader pointed out to The Steeple Times something that surprisingly utterly everybody else has missed about the 2010 photograph of ‘Randy Andy’ walking in New York’s Central Park with the then already released from jail for two years already paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

Both men are clearly wearing identical coats and frankly anyone with half a brain will now enquire: “Why? What are they? Creepy, copycat blood brothers?”

What next? Perhaps ‘Mucky Maxwell’s’ PR peddler Brian Basham could launch a sideline fundraiser by selling a limited edition run of the coats on RealGhislaine.com. Cha-ching!
April 30, 2021
Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget)
‘Antebellum style’ residence in Tennessee that looks like a ‘bargain basement budget’ ‘Gone with the Wind’ house for sale for just £128,000

Slammed in the Facebook group ‘Vintage Houses For Sale – Pre 1940s’ as “looking like it’s wearing a giant sombrero,” an ‘antebellum style’ house in Ridgley, Tennessee has gone on sale for just £128,700 ($179,900).

Extending to 3,632 square foot in total and on a plot of just under an acre, 221 Poplar Street is marketed by agents Carousel Realty as “gorgeous” and built in 1910. It was last sold in 2008 for just £42,900 ($60,000) and this time comes with “all furniture and antique furniture.”

Very much having the appearance of a ‘bargain basement budget’ version of “frankly my dear” Rhett Butler’s mansion in the 1939 movie adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s 1936 novel, 221 Poplar Street’s wrap-around-porch has most definitely got ‘Marmite-like’ qualities. Of it, on Facebook, one commentator remarked: “It looks like a house in a cage” whilst another concluded: “I just love it.”

Situated in the Lake County area, where the militant ‘Night Riders of Reelfoot Lake’ tobacco farmers took on the monopolistic American Tobacco Company in the early 1900s and where between 1877 and 1950 thirteen black people were tragically lynched, the population makeup of the locality according to the 2000 census was 67% white and 31% black or African American.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – ‘Gone with the Wind’ was written by Margaret Mitchell in 1936. The fictional plantation house it centred upon, ‘Tara’, was of the antebellum style and in the novel was not nearly as palatial as the one depicted in the 1939 movie of the same name.

The Public’s Take…
- “Is this the house from Dallas?”
- “Looks like a mortuary.”
- “Looks like a houseboat.”
- “Looks like the Flying Nun!”
- “Looks like a house in a cage.”
- “Looks like Amazon just delivered it.”
- “Reminds me of a ‘Tara’ recreation, circa 1960s-1970s.”
- “Is there an actual house in there somewhere or is it just a porch?”
- “What’s with the flat roof? You could land a helicopter on that thing.”
- “That veranda is a bit much.”
- “Does it come with the dog statue?”
- “Can they still advertise antebellum [in the new ‘woke’ age]?”
- “Poor photography. This is what happens when a realtor uses their phone for photos.”
The Numbers – 221 Poplar Street, Ridgely, Lake County, Tennessee, TN 38080, United States of America

March 2021 – For sale for £128,700 ($179,900, €150,100 or درهم660,700) or the equivalent of £36 per square foot ($50, €42 or درهم184 per square foot). Offered by realtor Karen Paschall of Carousel Realty of Dyer County at a sum 200% more than the December 2008 sale price.

December 2008 – Sold for £42,900 ($60,000, €50,000 or درهم220,400) or the equivalent of £12 per square foot ($17, €14 or درهم62 per square foot).

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – The entrance hall to the property is somewhat plain. It could be a dentist’s waiting room area, in fact, though the faux bulldog adds a comedy touch.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – This “formal living room” has the look of more like something from the 1980s BBC comedy series ‘Last of the Summer Wine’ than the elegance of ‘Gone with the Wind.’ The crappy coffee table, doily pelmeting and fake flower arrangements mixed with an oversized telly box are anything but classy.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – The dining room is somewhat plainer in its styling.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – A mural on the wall is surprisingly classy. It’s not quite de Gournay, but it’s certainly far from objectionable. The chandelier, on the other hand, most certainly belongs in a skip.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – Another entertaining area complete with yet more fake shrubbery.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – The kitchen is basic but functional.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – One of four bedrooms. This one’s curtains, cushions and accompaniments have been carefully coordinated.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – Another is a little more ‘Holiday Inn on an expense account-esque.’

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – A more flattering view of the building from the side. If only they’d watered the lawn.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – From the side, the setting looks somewhat neglected.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – There is a three car garage.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – In addition, the 0.96 acre plot features an outbuilding also.

Gone with the Wind (on a Bargain Basement Budget) – Two adjoining plots of land come as part of the property and the selling agents declare: “All furniture and antique furniture stays with the property.”
March 11, 2021
Michael Russell (1933 – 2020)

Described in The Telegraph’s obituary of him as a “publisher, wit and author,” Michael Russell is best known for writing the spoof memoirs of J. R. Hartley – the charming mythical old man of Yellow Pages advert fame in the 1980s. Bournemouth born, Oxford educated and a father of three, Russell loved horse racing and fishing and was known for his “extremely shrewd judgement as to which books would sell in shops.” His one-man company produced over 500 books by the time of his death and amongst titles that were hits were Richard Spitzy’s How We Squandered the Reich – a book that described Hitler as being “like a cross between a head waiter and a chimney sweep.”

April 13, 2020
Rolf’s Rotters

Loopy Lizzie Cornish and pop paedophile Jonathan King leap to the defence of child abuser and playground pest Rolf Harris

Disgraced music mogul Jonathan King is someone who bizarrely believes that the serial killer Dr Harold Shipman – a man who possibly murdered 250 of his patients – may have been a victim of the media. Yesterday, this odd looking singer-songwriter stooped to a new low by defending a fellow nonce, Rolf Harris, in the wake of news that the latter had turned up in a primary school playground.

In a comment on Twitter, King pompously announced:

#RolfHarris – I think the media should be prosecuted for hate crimes. A disgraceful and stupid story deliberately designed to provoke hatred and violence. Bastards.

Responding, all-round nuisance and Rolf Harris obsessive Lizzie Cornish joined in and aside from sharing her views with the Mail Online, issued a more detailed supporting rant on Facebook. In it, this nutty, self-professed “woman pissed off by lying women” droned on about “despair” and commented:

Gawd, I DESPAIR of thick journalists who know NOTHING of the subject of their stories. Just off the phone to the Mail Online about their recent ‘Rolf Story’, dressed up to be all that it was NOT. The CONSTANT PERSECUTION of Rolf is beyond shocking, but the STUPIDITY and IGNORANCE of these people DARING to call themselves JOURNALISTS shocks me even more. Today’s one didn’t even KNOW Rolf has already had one case overturned by The Court of Appeal, arrogantly telling me “HE ABUSED AN 8 YEAR OLD, YOU KNOW!”. There was, the usual, stunned silence when I informed him that case was overturned in November 2017…..

I’m not Jewish, but….OY VEY!

Story? Rolf, one of the most creative, friendly humans on the planet, who’s worked with children (and adults) for 60 years, spots a sculptor using wood for his sculpture, in a school playing field, excitedly dashes over to talk to him, probably to give him lots of encouragement, as that’s Rolf All Over, as well as discussing the finer points of sculpting….Then, Rolf merely waves to children INSIDE the school, without thinking, as after 60 YEARS of a totally UNBLEMISHED CAREER working WITH children, it’s an AUTOMATIC reaction, even after all he’s been put through, as the children were watching both men….Headmaster goes out, shakes Rolf’s hand, explains he can’t be on school grounds, Rolf realizes his mistake immediately, leaves straight away….Head feels he has to inform police, I’d imagine in case any child told their parents, thus putting him in awkward situation…Press get hold of it, turn it into a Paedo Lurking In The Bushes kind of story to grab the headlines yet again using Rolf’s name, and thus, get as much money from their advertizerment backers as possible.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

With Harris having been out for another wander in public again yesterday as well, shame once again on him but shame also on these two oddballs.

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February 7, 2019
Watery Child Labour

Advert for a Quooker boiling-water tap featuring a child in pyjamas using it was plainly the choice of a deranged marketing executive

Priced at between £1,150 and £1,600 depending on specification, a Quooker boiling-water tap with a flexible pull-out hose is anything but cheap but an advert for it, also, is anything but appropriate.

Though promoted as “extremely safe,” the marketing executive who came up with the advert for the product truly must have been on acid. It features a child in pyjamas perilously perched on something that allows him to reach the Quooker Flex. He is pictured squirting the hose into six glasses already filled with some kind of no doubt unhealthy sugary drink.

Whatever next? A return to child labour?

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August 26, 2018
The Pamborghini

Pink Lamborghini owned by 32-year old multi-millionaire appears in South Kensington (complete with images of Pamela Anderson) (more…)

April 11, 2016
Video of the Week: #PleaseNotThem

National Lottery make a cringeworthy advert featuring Piers Morgan as part of their #PleaseNotThem promotion (more…)

July 9, 2015
Video of the Week: An advert worth watching

Sainsbury’s produces a short film telling the story of the Christmas truce of 1914 (more…)

November 17, 2014
Beckham’s blend

David Beckham and Guy Ritchie launch new whisky with Diageo (more…)

September 8, 2014