The links between Owen Oyston, William Roache and Stuart Hall
Board meetings of Ridings Publishing Company Limited and its subsidiaries and Oystons Limited must have featured some interesting conversations as at them three well-known men were eligible to attend. Those three men, as of today, variously have served a jail sentence for rape, been convicted and await sentencing for 14 charges of indecent assault and await trial for two counts of raping a 15 year old.
The Steeple Times asks author Kathy Lette: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”
The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force?
I only write because it’s cheaper than therapy. Therapy and revenge. You can always impale an enemy on the end of your pen. Poetic justice is the only true justice in the world, and I say that married to a lawyer!
“Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?
Firstly: “Don’t wait to be rescued by a Knight in Shining Armani”. Secondly: “A woman must stand on her own two stilettos”. Oh, and thirdly: “Your female friends are your human wonder bras – uplifting, supportive and making each other look bigger and better”.
Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2013?
I would like to say misogyny is unacceptable in 2013, but as women still don’t have equal pay – we only get 80 pence in the pound, plus we’re constantly getting concussion hitting our heads on the glass ceiling, while also being expected to Windex it whilst up there, any woman who call herself a ‘post feminist’ has kept her wonder bra and burnt her brains.
Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?
I miss smooth, youthful skin with no sun-damage or wrinkles. Ageing to women is like kryptonite to superman. Show me a woman who is happy with her age and I’ll show you the electro-convulsive therapy scorch marks. The trouble is, women suffer from facial prejudice – we get judged on our looks in a way that men don’t. For women, wordplay is foreplay. How else is Woody Allen still getting laid? But don’t resort to cosmetic surgery – a woman should never pick her nose, especially from a catalogue. Dimmer switch – greatest beauty aid known to womankind!
What might you swap all your wealth for?
The best things in life really are free – walking, talking, laughter, air and orgasms. Which is just as well as authors don’t make a lot of money. We’re in a constant state of debt-lag. I don’t understand finance. I thought ‘stag flation’ meant stalking something elk-like in the Scottish highlands with minor royalty.
Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the banking crisis?
It seems that the only banks we can count on, post crash, are sperm banks. Write a cheque these days and the whole bank bounces. And yet bankers receive bonuses for this? It’s mind-boggling.
What phrase or word do you most loathe?
“It’s not the done thing” because once I do it, its done – so then it’s the “done thing”. I adore my British pals, but they do have Eyore-itis and a sense of impending failure. But optimism is not an eye disease. If you try something new, it might just work.
In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?
What I really like about the British is that you give generously to charitable causes and developing countries. You don’t believe in the skimmed milk of human kindness. As I have a child on the autistic spectrum (I adore him and he’s without doubt, the most original and interesting person I’ve ever met and the inspiration for my latest novel The Boy Who Fell To Earth, about the mother of an autistic boy and her quirky quest for love), I am an ambassador for the National Autistic Society. As I’m also a feminist, I am an ambassador for Plan, The White Ribbon Alliance and Women and Children First – three charitable organizations devoted to making sure that women are not runners up in the human race.
The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?
I have no idea what this question means. If you’re talking about mobile phone usage, I love my phone. I’m not on the Atkins Diet, but the Talkins diet – I just talk the weight off.
If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?
As I adore wit and wordplay, I would have Mae West and Dorothy Parker – two women who have black belts in the art of tongue-fu. Plus Oscar Wilde, Spike Milligan, Douglas Adams and Shakespeare – all excellent cunning linguists. And of course, Emily Pankhurst and Simone de Beauvoir and other heroines of the women’s movement because without them, where would the rest of us be? Our talents would still be lying doormat, sorry dormant for decades as men walked all over us.
If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?
My last meal would be a toy boy on a bed of meringue, eaten in a suite at the Savoy Hotel – ah, parting would be such suite sorrow. I was writer in residence there in 2004.
What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?
Children’s bath time – a stiff G and T is mother’s little helper. This habit continues well into their teens. Advice for any mothers of teenage daughters – next time your daughter hits you and kicks you and says “I wish you’d just die!” take a big drag on your cigarette and a big gulp of wine and say “I’m doing my best darling”. No mother can remain an aqua-holic.
A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?
Champagne – the least calorific drink and so effervescent. Otherwise a martini. But they make me tipsy so fast I get severe bottle fatigue.
Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?
I’m a socialist and a socialite, so my favourite parties combine a little of both – passion and politics, frivolity and fervor, flirtation and fierce debate. I’m leaving money in my will for the most chandelier-swinging send off ever. Plus I’ve thought of my epitaph – “Finally, a good plot”.
Who is the most positive person you know?
Eve Ensler who works with rape victims in the Congo and manages to restore their faith in life and humanity. She also organized One Billion Rising campaign, to stop violence againt women – one in three women on the planet will be raped or beaten in her lifetime.
What’s your most guilty pleasure?
Ah, you see, I don’t think pleasure should be guilty. Guilt – the gift that just keeps on giving! Guilt, or rather gilt should only be on rings. If you’re asking me what I like to do in sneaky moments – bubblebaths, when I should be doing housework. It’s scientifically proven that no woman ever shot her husband while she was having a soak and he was vacuuming.
If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?
My tattoo would say: “This is why I’m such a good lay. If the sex gets boring, at least I’ve given you something to read”.
If you were a car, what marque would you be?
Once again, I have no idea what this question means. The only thing I know about cars is that men thinks “sex drive” means doing it in the back seat of one – possibly because of that sign on the rear vision mirror which reads: “Objects in this mirror may appear larger than they are.”
Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.
Even though I pretend that the only thing I run up are bills, I am actually very fit. I run, jog, swim or cycle every day.
What’s on your mantelpiece?
Well, I’d like to say “My Nobel Prize for Literature” presented to me by George Clooney who then whisked me off to tropical isle to lick the roe of virgin sturgeon from my navel – but actually it’s all the little finger-paintings my kids did when they were young, which are haphazardly but endearingly framed.
Kathy Lette is an Australian born author who lives in London. Her novels have been published in seventeen languages around the world and her first, Puberty Blues, was made into both a film and a television miniseries. She cites her career highlights as once teaching Stephen Fry a word, Salman Rushdie, the limbo and scripting Julian Assange’s cameo in the 500th episode of The Simpsons. Lette’s latest novel The Boy Who Fell to Earth has just been published in paperback by Black Swan.
View Kathy Lette’s official website at: http://www.kathylette.com
Follow her on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/kathylette
Buy The Boy Who Fell to Earth at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-Who-Fell-Earth/dp/0552776823/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367056571&sr=1-1&keywords=the+boy+who+fell
The sale of a $125 million penthouse on the top three floors of The Pierre
In London this week, the Evening Standard announced that a 50,000 square foot Grade I listed Regency house, 18 Carlton House Terrace, SW1 has gone on the market at £250,000,000. If it achieves this figure, it will become the most expensive single home to be sold in the UK ever.
What has become of the world’s most famous intern Monica Lewinsky?
Monica Lewinsky, it seems, is making a return to public life. The world’s most famous intern was spotted at the birthday party of Heather Kerzner at the Downton Mayfair restaurant last Tuesday night. In the company of amongst others the Duchess of York, Princess Eugenie and her former Admiral Codrington barman boyfriend Jack Brooksbank, Donna Air and the Duchess of Cambridge’s brother, James Middleton, the Daily Mail described her as wearing “dark layers with gem-laden accessories”.
Boris Berezovsky found dead in his bathtub
It has just been confirmed that 67-year old oligarch Boris Berezovsky was found dead in a bath at his Surrey home at around 11am this morning. His son-in-law, Yegor Shuppe, revealed the news earlier today on Facebook and later a statement came from Alexander Dobrovinsky of Moscow based The Alexander Dobrovinsky & Partners law firm stating:
“Just got a call from London. Boris Berezovsky committed suicide. He was a difficult man. A move of disparity? Impossible to live poor? A strike of blows? I am afraid no one will get to know now”.
Berezovsky, who I encountered several times at The Lanesborough Hotel, lost a £3 billion damages claim against Chelsea Football Club owner Roman Abramovich in 2012. It was the largest private court action ever to have been heard in Britain and during the case he was described as “an inherently unreliable witness”.
In a separate case in January 2013, Mr Berezovsky former lover and mother of two of his six children, Elena Gorbunova, won a £200 million freezing order on his assets.
Aside from this, the political exile and outspoken critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin, was subjected to a number of assassination attempts. A 1994 car bomb decapitated Berezovsky’s chauffeur and after a hitman had been sent to kill him in 2007, he alleged that security sources had told him:
“Someone you know will come to Britain, he will try to connect to you and when you meet him, he will just kill you and will not try to hide”.
Whether Mr Berezovsky died of natural causes, committed suicide or was killed unlawfully remains to be revealed. Whatever transpires, this turn of events marks a most tragic end for this most colourful of oligarchs.
ASmallWorld gets even more small minded
When it started in the same month in 2004 as Facebook, the social network ASmallWorld was ahead of the game. Founded by Erik Wachtmeister with the help of such people as Rob Hersov, it fast found favour with the so-called “elite” of London, New York and Paris. It was a place where people made fun of one another but also a place where people trusted the advice they were given.
Such esteemed (and not so esteemed) people as Michael Ezra, Uri Schneider, Emma Gibbs (now Farah), Emma Louise Hill (now West), D’Arcy Wyvill, Anthony Mamo, Timmy Grech, William Aitken, Emma Rogers, David Reuben Jr, Jakob Eltz, Payam Ghamsari, Gabriele von Lutzau, the Ceveli sisters and Antonine Sorice quickly became the flavor of the site’s forums and others such as a woman who wore sunglasses and furs in all seasons [who since has demanded her name be removed otherwise she’ll report us to the police] talked about camels, chocolate and basements. A man named Eddy Chabli even went so far as to recount an encounter with “The Donald” (Trump) and much to the mirth of the membership was met with only: “Just have another glass… [of Chablis]”.
The likes of Robert Bell hosted parties in honour of the website and at some oddballs turned up. I remember an “up the skirt” photographer harassing my friend Kerri Moss (now Beaumont) at one but we laughed like drains the day after.
ASmallWorld, in fact, to the majority of the membership back then, was just another link in our already interlinked worlds. Then, with new ownership, as one could only expect, it went south. In came people who talked about what to do about the prostitutes who frequented the corridors of the buildings where they lived (I do not make this up) and a man named, if I recall correctly, Bruno, who worried about which private aviation firm would be able to let his dog aboard. Bruno later asked if anyone wanted to share his “ride” with him. I suspect this freak deservedly flew solo.
Friends renamed ASmallWorld “the small minded world” and we all turned off. I was, therefore, as someone who’d quit several years ago, surprised to receive the following yesterday:
Dear Valued Member
Trust is important to us. How important? Well, as part of our ongoing efforts to protect the integrity of our membership, we have decided to terminate the accounts of anyone who undermines the unique spirit of openness that serves as the cornerstone of ASW—and sets our community apart. Obviously you are not one of those people! You’re receiving this email because we value your contributions to the community, and we hope you always feel comfortable here at ASW, online and off. The reality is simply that our growth has inadvertently allowed certain members to degrade this trust, and those are the people we’re exiling, effective immediately. It is our hope that this will help you feel even more at ease in sharing your life with the rest of the ASW community.
Warm Regards and Happy Travels,
The ASW Team
P.S. Should you wish to review the conduct expected of an ASW member, feel free to read our rules. In the event that you feel a member is in clear violation of our Rules, please email [email protected].
The team at ASW have not only lost the battle to Facebook, they’ve lost the plot. Not only is their grammar appalling and not only is their use of capital letters awful, they have yet again illustrated all that is wrong about their “world”.
It’s simply time for another world. Next!
In 2013, this Danish-British former Liberal Democrat author and presenter stated: “The Duchess of Cambridge lacks a single [relevant] opinion”. The nation were far from impressed. “Toxic Toksvig”, as some refer to her, is a Cambridge educated lesbian and mother of three whose works number Hitler’s Canary and Heroines & Harridans. She started her career on the appropriately named Motormouth and once stated: “When I see comedian – and ‘comedienne’, of course I hate it – I think ‘Oh, really?’ because I think of myself as a writer and broadcaster”. Miaow!
This witty Northern comedian began his career as deputy headmaster at Caton Primary School in Lancashire. Best known as the host of Bullseye between 1981 and 1985, Bowen’s back in the limelight as many suggest he’s a lookalike of the new Pope. His BBC Radio Lancashire show was axed in 1999 after he referred to a guest as a “nig-nog” and in 2003 he launched a stand-up comedy DVD named You Can’t Tell These Anymore. Nothing, however, will ever “Beat a Bit of Bully!”
Her Evening Standard editor father was known as “Chilly Charlie” and she’s become “Nuclear Wintour”. This New York based Brit states that she’s “lost count” of the number of times she’s been attacked by activists and once retaliated by sending anti-fur campaigners a plate of roast beef when they picketed her Condé Nast offices. In her youth, Wintour went to parties with the Daily Mail’s Nigel Dempster, dated older men and set her stall out clearly in the remark: “You either know fashion, or you don’t”. Now, this divorced trendsetter has morphed into a grande dame and hidden behind her sunglasses and a pageboy bob, this powerhouse of fashion truly does deserve the title: “Unofficial Mayoress of New York”. The Devil Wears Prada may have indeed been based on her, but the reality is far more salacious.
This genial host is undoubtedly amongst the best connected on the London restaurant scene. Born in Gibraltar, Peire became senior maitre d’ at The Ivy in 1990 and after stints advising others such as Morton’s, The Halcyon Hotel and the Villa Nova in Barbados, he returned to The Ivy in 2007 as director. Instrumental in creating The Club at The Ivy in 2008, Peire also became Channel 5’s The Restaurant Inspector in 2011. If you’re lucky enough to have his details in your Rolodex, you’re most definitely all set.