The Steeple Times

Category: Alcoholics

  • Poundland Pinching Pest Out – Sex Pest Chris Pincher Resigns As An MP

    Poundland Pinching Pest Out – Sex Pest Chris Pincher Resigns As An MP

    As the grubby groper Chris Pincher resigns as an MP, this sex pest bizarrely pens a crass column in which he laments times passed when “life was to be lived and not loathed”

    A ‘Poundland sex fiend’ best known for “arse squeezing” at the tony Carlton Club in London’s ritzy St James’s has finally done the decent thing and resigned.

     

    The Right Honourable Chris Pincher, the 53-year-old now former Member of Parliament for Tamworth, groped two men in the private members’ club on the night of 21st June 2022.

     

    Parliament’s Independent Expert Panel subsequently found that the associate of Boris Johnson and former minister exhibited behaviour that “was completely inappropriate, profoundly damaging to the individuals concerned, and represented an abuse of power.” They added that he had “touched [one of] his victim’s bottom before moving his hand to touch and squeeze the witness’s testicles, which lasted for a few seconds.”

     

    Formally announcing his resignation today and triggering a by-election in the process, the disgraced Tory stated:

     

    “I have said already that I will not stand at the next general election. However, following the Independent Expert Panel’s decision I wanted to talk to my office team and family.”

     

    “I do not want my constituents to be put to further uncertainty, and so in consequence I have made arrangements to resign and leave the Commons.”

     

    Concluding in typically cowardy custard fashion, Pincher concluded:

     

    “Tamworth is a wonderful place and it has been an honour to represent its people. I shall make no further comment at this time.”

     

    Shockingly and in spite of the scandal surrounding him, in the August-September issue of The Critic magazine, Pincher has been given space to share his views. In an article about Alvis cars, the ‘trouser department sex pest’ shared his view that “owning an Alvis has never been for tight wallets or shallow pockets” and then whined:

     

    “They are beautiful cars, redolent of an age when motoring meant adventure, freedom and fun, long before we all began to fret about the future and flog our friends and ourselves for daring to show some spirit and enjoy the day. It was a better time when life was to be lived not loathed. Boris Johnson would suit an Alvis.”

     

    It is unknown if Pincher remains a member of the Carlton Club or if he actually himself owns an Alvis, but what is most definitely for sure is that this grubby groper will go down in history as one of the key reasons for the fall of Boris Johnson as Prime Minister.

     

    Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 9pm daily.

     

    A message from our editorial team – Thank you for reading this article. We’re more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus and the cost-of-living crisis impacts our advertisers.

     

    If you haven’t already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by supporting our work via Patreon.

     

    Chris Pincher Twitter
    Christopher Pincher has now revised his Twitter account and states himself to be “formerly” the Member of Parliament for Tamworth. He’ll simply now go down in history as nothing but another filthy Tory scumbag.

    Other Tory twerps who’ll go down in history as ‘Sex Pests’ (at the very least)…

    Neil-Parish-tractor-porn
    Now ex-MP Neil Parish will forever just be remembered at for watching ‘tractor porn’ whilst sitting in the Chamber of the House of Commons. This creepy farmer turned Tory will go down in history as a grubby, skid-mark on parliamentary history. Mr Parish laughably claimed later that what he had done was “very immoral” but not illegal; he argued that he’d actually been looking at Class Dominator tractors, a brand of combine harvesters.
    Sally-Bercow
    Another person who thought she could make the House of Commons a “sexual area” was Sally Bercow, the wife of the now former Speaker, John Bercow. She is pictured here in their home within the Palace of Westminster clad in nothing but a sheet. That she went on to have an affair with her own husband’s cousin, Alan Bercow, about says all that needs to be said.
    David-Warburton
    In April 2022, the Conservative MP for Somerton and Frome, David Warburton, was accused of sexually harassing three women. He was subsequently admitted to a psychiatric hospital, pictured in a photograph with lines of what looked like cocaine and was also revealed to have taken a loan of £150,000 from a Russian businessman through a Seychelles company without declaring it. This member of Mensa was subsequently suspended from the Tories awaiting the outcome of an Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme (ICGS) investigation into allegations of harassment and drug abuse.
    Rob-Roberts
    Another decidedly dodgy MP still in the House of Commons is Rob Roberts. The Member for Delyn “acted inappropriately after he sought to engage in a relationship with a male member of his staff,” according to a report in May 2021. This former “financial planner” was elected as a Conservative, but still shockingly sits as an independent to this day, but has now “separated” from his wife Alexandra Roberts supposedly.
    Imran-Ahmad-Khan
    In April 2022, Tory MP Imran Ahmad Khan was jailed for groping a 15-year-old boy in 2008. He was expelled from the Conservative Party and resigned as an MP. He subsequently appealed, but failed to convince anyone that he was anything but a nonce in December 2022.
    Charles-Elphicke-Natalie-Elphicke-Naughty-Tory-sex-offender
    The ultimate examples in Tory sex pest scum are Charlie Elphicke – a now convicted, ex-MP and sex offender – and his wicked, immigrant hating scumbag wife, Natalie Elphicke. That the Conservatives gave this woman her criminal husband’s seat to make her own speaks volumes as to how the once great political party of Margaret Thatcher feels about making monsters pay for sex crimes.
  • Arse v Ass – Amusing John O’Hara Letters For Sale

    Arse v Ass – Amusing John O’Hara Letters For Sale

    Bonhams to sell amusing letters from “alcoholic crank” and author John O’Hara that examine the difference between “arse” and “ass;” of his work ‘BUtterfield 8’ Elizabeth Taylor once raged: “I think it stinks!”

    “Bingeworthy” American short story author John O’Hara (1905 – 1970) was once described as “may not [having] been the best story writer of the twentieth century, but he [was] the most addictive.”

     

    “Unfashionable in literary circles in the 1960s” and known for his “easily bruised ego, alcoholic crankiness, long-held resentments and politically conservative views,” an amusing letter from O’Hara – whose notable works included Appointment in Samarra and BUtterfield 8 – that was held in the collection of the Frasier screenwriter and producer David Lloyd (1934 – 2009) is to be auctioned by Bonhams in Los Angeles this month.

     

    Written on 9th July 1938 to one Mr Mavrogordato and sent from 52 Chesil Court, Manor Street, Chelsea, London, SW3 – which was also for a time home to the “cheeky Cockney” actor Harry Fowler MBE (1926 – 2012) – the second of the letters points to the difference between the word “arse” in England and its counterpoint “ass” in America. It reads:

     

    “In America the word is pronounced and spelled ass. In England, where I have had one book published, and another to be published in September, they spell it your way in my books. I happen to think it’s inconsistent to do that with a writer whose stuff is so completely American, but after a certain point has been reached, I always let publishers have their way.”

     

    It comes with an earlier typed letter dated 4th July 1938 written to Fred J. Feldkamp (1914 – 1981), the editor of For Men, in which O’Hara submits an article (not present with the lot). The author informs that he will be “traveling through Europe for most of the summer” and complains:

     

    “I admit that I was a little surprised at the small size of the cheque for the other piece, but we can take that up when I get home. Over here every little bit helps, and anyway it takes so God damn long to argue by mail.”

     

    The letters – which come with an original transmittal envelope – will be sold as part of an online only sale that concludes on 10th August at 10:00 PDT. The lot has a guide of £247 to £411 ($300 to $500, €293 to €488 or درهم1,102 to درهم1,836) and the current bid is just £4.11 ($5, €4.89 or درهم18.36).

     

    Whether this argumentative author subsequently made an “arse” or an “ass” of himself with his bosses remains unknown, but one thing is for sure, John O’Hara considered Americans above Brits to the end. In 1952, he concluded: “Sometimes I almost feel that I ought to apologize [sic] for having the ability to write good dialogue, and yet it’s the attribute most lacking in American writers and almost totally lacking in the British.”

     

    Pictured top – One of the two letters that Bonhams are to sell on 10th August (left) and its “among the greatest short-story writers in English, or in any other language” – according to his fellow ‘New Yorker’ contributor Brendan Gill (1914 – 1997) – author John O’Hara (right).

     

    A July 2013 ‘Chicago Tribune’ tribute to the “floating from one newspaper job to another… generally fired in a matter of months” author by Rick Kogan began: “John O’Hara was not a nice man, but he was, for a while, one hell of a great writer.” It ends: “As you might have guess, he wrote his own epitaph: ‘Better than anyone else, he told the truth about his time. He was a professional. He wrote honestly and well.’ ‘Better than anyone else?’ C’mon. ‘Honestly and well’? I can’t argue that.”
    Elizabeth Taylor BUtterfield 8
    Elizabeth Taylor starred in the 1960 drama film adaptation of O’Hara’s novel ‘BUttterfield 8” alongside her then husband Eddie Fisher. In spite of it being MGM’s biggest hit that year, Taylor “hated it” and cuttingly commented: “I still say in stinks.”
    “Witty” and known for being passionate about the “relationship of a man and his typewriter” David Lloyd – pictured with his son Christopher in 1998 with Emmy awards for ‘Frasier’ and the longtime owner of the letters and other lots to be offered on 10th August – died in November 2009 of prostate cancer. He was the co-creator of ABC’s ‘Modern Family’ and known for “his enormous first edition collection (a stunning number of which he actually read) and travelling the world with his leading lady.” His favourite restaurant, La Dolce Vita, has a dish named ‘Lambchops Lloyd’ on its menu in his honour.