Category: BRAINSTORM

The comings and goings of the entrepreneurial classes.

The brightest and the stupidest in business

  • Banishing Branson

    Banishing Branson

    That Richard Branson has been barred from bidding on rail contracts is correct; that the Americans have welcomed him is most unfortunate

    News that “tie-loathing adventurer and troublemaker” (more like “arrogant prick”) Sir Richard Branson is “devastated” after his £300 million gravy train has been abruptly stopped will delight any rightminded person.

     

    The pompous self-described “entrepreneur” Branson, aside from presiding over a company that brought with it a terrible crash, never ran his British train operation efficiently. That he has rightly been barred from bidding for franchises on the basis of his failure to correctly provide employees with pensions provides clear evidence of such.

     

    Banishing Branson –Richard Branson rightly banned from railways – That Richard Branson has been barred from bidding on rail contracts is correct; that the Americans have welcomed him is most unfortunate.
    Sir Richard Branson will hopefully not be getting to travel on his own trains for very much longer in the UK

    ‘Dicky’ Branson – a cretin who also crazily refers to how he’s provided “Virgin magic to train travel” – is, in fact, not only a man who cannot run a train on time. He is also a job and environment killer. Amongst examples of the disasters he’s presided over include the flop that was his alternative to Coca Cola and his bid to take people into space. That resulted in deaths and frankly the British public deserve better. We need railways that are not only safe but ones that emulate the Swiss rather than the third world.

     

    Separately, earlier this month, Branson “unveiled Virgin Trains USA.” We pity the naïve Americans that allowed him to operate on their shores.

     

    Recent comments about Sir Richard Branson on Twitter:

     

    Wake Up Britain: “Looks like Karma does exist!”

     

    Mary Jackson: “I’m sure the UK will cope without your crappy trains.”

     

    Lorraine Anne: “What you going to do, sue them [the regulator] like you did with our NHS you hypocritical tax evader?”

     

    Jo Moreland: “@Lord_Sugar When were you last on a Virgin train? I couldn’t afford to go to a close friends funeral last week. The fares are extortionate and they don’t run on time.”

     

    Arfon: “Serves you right – you abolished subsidised peak time travel for us disabled people. Did you not realise your commitments to pension payments? You reap what you sow – good riddance.”

     

    Brian Cooper: “@Lord_Sugar You trying to big up Virgin Trains? Have you seen how much Mr Branson charges to get from Manchester to London?”

     

    Maria Carroll: “Now if Richard Branson could just ‘be gone’ from NHS, wouldn’t that be a thing?”

     

    Cherry Berry: “#RichardBranson was a supporter of McCanns, say no more.”

     

    Mark Seddon: “Look at how much this latter day ‘robber baron’ has pocketed courtesy of the taxpayer!”

     

    Grump Old Bint: “Awww Dicky, when you posted this were you expecting sympathy?”

     

    Mr Mister: “Am I supposed to weep over this news?”

     

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  • Silly Philly

    Silly Philly

    ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green reduced to celebrating his birthday on his lonesome; here is proof of how the mighty can truly fall

     

    The Mail on Sunday, for once, provided an accurate assessment this morning.

     

    In reporting on having encountered Sir Philip Green on his birthday in Monaco, the paper’s Katie Hind actually did something truly amusing.

     

    Supposedly, the man dubbed a “cross between Shylock and Al Capone” by Steven Berkoff in this very publication now has a “group of friends… growing smaller by the day.” He sat mostly on his lonesome drinking “a flat white” and when asked why he wasn’t having a birthday party, bizarrely answered:

     

    “I don’t want a party and I didn’t get any presents. I didn’t have a party so that’s why I didn’t get any presents. I just want to be left alone for three months.”

     

    The only remaining questions are these: Where was his sorry excuse for a daughter and where was his title obssessed wife? ‘Sir Shifty’ truly is fast becoming ‘Billy No Mates.’ Diddums.

     

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  • Branson Sickness

    Branson Sickness

    That Virgin have had to quarantine passengers is one thing; that Sir Richard Branson continues to be taken seriously is another

     

    Sir Richard Branson cannot do anything without making, as Princess Anne once remarked, “a complete Horlicks of it.” Be it crashing trains and thus destroying lives and trees or his job killing at the Roof Gardens and in his call centres, this megalomaniac’s ability to wreck just about everything always shines through.

     

    Aside from also having had debacles of destruction on Necker Island and killed a couple of pilots with his shoddily run space operation also, Branson’s Virgin now has had to quarantine passengers and staff from a flight from Barbados this morning. Of course, as he will no doubt attempt to claim, it’s not his fault;  as always with this creepy creature (pictured above with his arms all around a dodgy looking woman), it’ll all be down to somebody bloody else.

     

    It’s time ‘Dickie Dimwit’ hung up his spurs. This ridiculous self-proclaimed “entrepreneur” needs to be for once and for all put out to pasture.

     

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  • Losing Lazy Brady

    Losing Lazy Brady

    That Lady Brady has resigned from Arcadia is news to be celebrated; that she took so long to go is proof of her hypocrisy

     

    Finally, this morning, Lady Brady has done the decent thing. With the announcement of this grubby woman’s resignation as chairman of Arcadia, though, we now have yet more proof of her hypocrisy.

     

    Unsurprisingly  given the accusations against Sir ‘Shifty’ Philip Green and her contradictory remarks about other powerful men and accusations of sexual harassment, ‘Lazy Brady’ declined to comment this morning. Instead, she took to Twitter and remarked on a tweet by Hillary Clinton. In it, she said: “Great positive quote to start the morning… ‘@HillaryClinton: Immigrants and women move humanity forward.” Well said, @chefjoseandres. #Oscars.’”

     

    A spokesman for Taveta also neglected to announce exactly why this acid tongued harridan had decided to go. They did, however, state:

     

    “Taveta would like to announce that Karren Brady and Sharon Brown (in their respective capacities as non-executive chairman and non-executive director) have resigned from its board.”

     

    “Taveta thanks them for their contribution and wishes them well for the future. Taveta is in active discussions with individuals who have significant relevant experience and expects to make a further announcement as to the composition of its board shortly.”

     

    The BBC should also get rid of Lady Brady. Her entirely lacking moral compass makes her unfit for our screens. It is time this wicked wench was turned off.

     

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  • Philly G. Fails

    Philly G. Fails

    Bully and braggart Sir Philip Green ditches his libel action against ‘The Telegraph’ and is deservedly met with a bill of £3 million in costs alone

     

    Described as “Shylock meets Al Capone” in this publication by the actor Steven Berkoff, the now increasingly potless and rudderless Sir Philip Green has well and truly hit the buffers this morning.

     

    Fat bruiser ‘Philly G’ tried to destroy The Telegraph in a bid to protect himself against their investigation into allegations of racial and sexual abuse against him. This brash, one-time “modern day monarch” – whose pig-like daughter has recently got herself pregnant by a violent felon – can now by heard in taped conversations with the paper’s Daniel Foggo. They reveal a foul-mouthed egoist with an incapability to respond rationally.

     

    A businessman described once as “having the Midas touch,” Sir Philip – whose primary aim in all of this seems to be to protect his Lady Docker-like title obsessed wife, ‘Lady Tina’ – has finally met his match. We imagine he’ll today be wishing copies of The Telegraph be yesterday’s chip papers.

     

    Some of the remarks made by Sir Philip Green in phone conversations with The Telegraph’s Daniel Foggo

     

    “Let’s be intelligent.”

     

    “If you damage the business, these people will need a new job… And your paper will end up bankrupt.”

     

    “You’re not going [to publish] tomorrow… Do you want me to go and seek an injunction? I’ve got one against the government, I’ll get one against you.”

     

    “Tell your editor to get smart… We’re not running away… So we don’t have to have a punch up… Get smart.”

     

    Pictured above: Sir Philip Green looking disheveled and sweaty and with the then wife of his friend Richard Caring in better times. What a difference a few years make.

     

     

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  • A Moral Vacuum

    A Moral Vacuum

    Billionaire Brexiteer James Dyson (yet again) shows himself as nothing but a self-serving prick in relocating his HQ to Singapore

     

    Yesterday, in the wake of the crappy hoover manufacturer Sir James Dyson announcing he’d be relocating his headquarters to Singapore, the journalist Tim Walker tweeted: “Need a moral vacuum? Get a Dyson” and followed up with: “People are becoming legitimately angry about the sheer hypocrisy of the Brexiteers. We see them for what they are.”

     

    A Moral Vacuum – Brexiteer Sir James Dyson is nothing but a hypocrite – Billionaire Brexiteer James Dyson (yet again) shows himself as nothing but a self-serving prick in relocating his HQ to Singapore.
    Journalist Tim Walker tweets about James Dyson’s “moral vacuum”

     

    This morning, in a similar vein, a spoof news site named Evening Harold ran a story titled ‘Dyson launch moral vacuum’ in which they declared the billionaire’s products to have: “100% less integrity than rival products and comes in cordless, bagless, spineless and gutless models.”

     

    They are right: This tax avoider – whom also recently spent £57 million ($74 million) on a Manhattan penthouse – and his dreary overpriced rugmaker wife Deirdre are the finest examples of hypocrites on the planet; they pompously tell the populous what to do and do exactly the opposite. It’s time this “it’s one rule for us and another for everyone else” duo just bogged off to whatever tax haven they feel most comfortable in.

     

    #BoycottDyson #MoralVacuum #ExitBrexit

     

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  • Seeking Success

    Seeking Success

    Matthew Steeples  urges successful readers to help an ambitious young man who had the courage to write to the residents of London’s most prosperous areas asking for advice

     

    A letter came through my door recently from someone I’d never met. It impressed me and I want to share it with you, the successful and the talented.

     

    In it, a 19-year old man named ‘Mark’ told of his struggles to find a fulfilling career in London but he did not bleat. Instead, this plainly bright individual, asked not for money or a job, but simply requested that those reading his missive write to him to share their “take on success [and their] journey to it.”

     

    Adding: “It would mean a lot to me,” Mark then gave his email and I today urge readers to take a moment this Christmas to do something good: Join me and share your stories with him; this youngster deserves hope and he deserves to be saluted for having shown initiative.

     

    Email Mark at [email protected]

     

    The full letter follows:

     

    Dear Sir or Madam

     

    I am writing this letter to ask for your input on what makes people successful.

     

    I am 19 years old and just last year I was working on a construction site in an apprenticeship when one day I looked at everyone working and I could see in their faces that they were not happy. They had to work six days a week to earn enough money to pay the rent and some food bills and from that moment I knew that I had to change my life.

     

    It’s as though I was looking at myself twenty years into the future and as I was walking back to Victoria train station to go home, a brand new McLaren stopped at the traffic lights beside me. I looked at the man driving it and said to myself: “I have to be like him. I have to be financially free. I cannot live the rest of my life on £9 – 10 per hour. I will not settle for that.

     

    So, I quit my job. We as people have only a short time to truly enjoy our lives and I will not spend my time here making slightly above the minimum wage. I am here to take and achieve everything I can.

     

    I know I have what it takes to reach my goals but I am stuck on how to accomplish them. I want to hear other people’s stories for myself, real life journeys, no matter how basic or crazy they are, so I can implement some factors into my own life and achieve my dreams. I have complete confidence in my abilities and will stop at nothing to ensure I reach my purpose.

     

    If you could let me know your take on success or your journey to it, please email email me at [email protected]

     

    It would mean a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

     

    Yours faithfully

     

    Mark

     

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    Seeking Success – Help a young man by offering him advice – Matthew Steeples urges successful readers of The Steeple Times to help an ambitious young man who had the courage to write to the residents of London’s most prosperous areas asking for advice.

  • Davide Giardino – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    Davide Giardino – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    A 20-question interview with economist turned real estate investor Davide Giardino

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    “The happiness and success of those closest to my heart.”

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    “If you keep your destiny in mind, every moment in life becomes an opportunity to move closer to it.”

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2018?

    Technocrats – as at least populists are lying most of the time.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    A simpler life. I miss the routine of going to an office every morning. Am I crazy?

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    Assets? Well, in all seriousness, good health for me, my family and my friends.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the state of the financial system?

    Who is richer and who is poorer from the latest financial crisis? You’ve got my answer…

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “I am saying it for your sake.”

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    Charity often substitutes for the lack of adequate government or international policy which is disappointing. I support a variety of causes including helping children born with congenital diseases and homeless children.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    Shut them off at night.

     

    Real estate investor Davide Giardino – What’s on your mantelpiece? A 20-question interview with Beverly Hills and Greater LA based economist turned real estate investor Davide Giardino.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    My twin brother, a bunch of friends, Isabelle Huppert, Glenn Close and probably Angelina Jolie.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    Bucatini with lobster (I always liked bucatini more than spaghetti), gâteau de pommes de terre (cooked the Neapolitan way), a large portion of figs and a torta caprese chocolate cake. I woiuld probably eat it at the Villa San Michele in Capri, Hotel Bel Air or Cliveden House – all places close to my heart for different reasons.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    11am, though not every day.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A Negroni.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    A dear friend of mine throws the most memorable dinner parties. I love how he always selects a group of diverse people who do not know each other, but will create an incredible energy together by the end of the night. It always helps that I’m always the guest of honour!

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    Maybe me.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Buying French pâtisserie and flowers for myself many times each week.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    “I want it all.”

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A vintage Fiat 500 with a new engine. They are so cute and practical and I don’t need a Maserati to compensate for a lack of personality or something else.

     

    Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I am still trying to figure myself out.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Fresh flowers.

     

    Davide Giardino is the founder of DGC-Luxury Homes and a licensed realtor at Rodeo Realty – Beverly Hills and Greater LA. He has extensive experience in the real estate advisory and investment business and previously was an economist at several global finance institutions. He describes himself as “a multi-lingual globetrotter” and holds a double degree from Bocconi and USC, an MSc in European political economy from the London School of Economics and a masters in finance from LBS.

     

    Follow Davide Giardino on Facebook at @dgcluxuryhomes and on Instagram at @dgc_la

     

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  • The Affair That Never Was

    The Affair That Never Was

    As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker

     

    As was the case with the amazing yet surprisingly true story of The Man Who Never Was and his affair with the woman who ultimately became the inspiration for Ian Fleming’s Bond character Miss Moneypenny, last night the Mail Online created a similarly ridiculous work of fiction by mistakenly changing a few letters in one of their main news items.

     

    In the first edition of a header for an article about a star who’d taken to the dating app Bumble to “seek someone who isn’t uptight,” the paper falsely suggested that the somewhat drippy adventurer turned television presenter Ben Fogle was divorcing a woman (a singer and ‘Hottest Female 2009’ named Una Healey) who isn’t even his wife and having an affair with another (an until now unknown PR woman named Becky Milne) he’s unlikely never met also. Instead, they meant to reference a somewhat vain rugby player who likes to get his kit off for photoshoots called Ben Foden but somehow got the surnames mixed up.

     

    Though errors happen at all levels, the Daily Mail – a paper that is part of a company with a revenue of nearly £2 billion annually and a vast staff of around 10,000 globally – could surely do better. This was not a story that was run on Page 54 in the graveyard section, but one that they have plastered as headline news and run as story number one online also.

     

    We may well be living in the era of hashtags and fake news and are certainly currently in August’s ‘silly season’, but come on Lord Rothermere – employ yourself a bloody half-decent copy checker.

     

    Pictured top: Rugby player Ben Foden (left) supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne (second left) whilst still married to ‘The Saturdays’ singer Una Healy (second from right); television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copy checker.

     

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    The Affair That Never Was – Ben Fogle, Ben Foden and the Daily Mail – As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker – Rugby player Ben Foden supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne whilst still married to ‘The Saturday’s’ singer Una Healy; television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copychecker – The story of The Man Who Never Was was inspired by an incident involving Dame Paddy Ridsdale, Ian Fleming’s secretary and later the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypeny, during the Second World War
    The Daily Mail’s first header to the story began “Ben Fogle” (left) whilst later they were forced to amend it to the correct name: “Ben Foden”; surprisingly this mistake was made in a story that they ran as their number one headline on the Mail Online.

    The Affair That Never Was – Ben Fogle, Ben Foden and the Daily Mail – As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker – Rugby player Ben Foden supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne whilst still married to ‘The Saturday’s’ singer Una Healy; television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copychecker – The story of The Man Who Never Was was inspired by an incident involving Dame Paddy Ridsdale, Ian Fleming’s secretary and later the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypeny, during the Second World War
    The acclaimed 1956 film ‘The Man Who Never Was’ was based on the true story of a British attempt to trick the Germans into weakening Sicily’s defenses before their 1943 attack there, using a dead man with faked papers. The late Dame Paddy Ridsdale, at one time Ian Fleming’s secretary and the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypenny, formed part of the plot and pretended to be having an affair with the aforementioned dead man in order to aid the deception.

  • Oliver Ouboter – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    Oliver Ouboter – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    A 20-question interview with Oliver Ouboter; the co-founder of the imminently launching innovative Swiss ‘bubble car’ – the Microlino

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    Passion.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    Just do it! (Thanks Nike).

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2018?

    SUVs.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Having the curiosity of a child.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    My family’s health.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the state of the financial system?

    It’s as fucked up as the Donald himself.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    ‘Trivial’ as in German nobody uses it and most people don’t understand it. I loathe ‘trivial’ for being a ‘non-trivial’ word to describe something ‘trivial.’

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    I support mainly environmental causes. It is not that I think that humans deserve it less, I just think sending money to developing countries won’t solve the problem and is just an easy fix for many people to feel good about themselves.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    Try to use it less, fail miserably in doing so and then tell yourself you’re gonna do better next year.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    My family and Barack Obama and Steve Jobs and Nelson Mandela if they were still alive.

     

    Microlino co-founder Oliver Ouboter – What’s on your mantelpiece? A 20-question interview with Oliver Ouboter; the co-founder of the imminently launching innovative Swiss ‘bubble car’ – the Microlino.
    Oliver Ouboter pictured with a Microlino (as featured in ‘The Steeple Times’ earlier this month) and his brother Merlin and father Wim.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    A special home-made roast.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    It depends on the situation.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A Negroni of course.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Parties of friends that I don’t spend too much time with. There are always new people to get to know.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    My dad.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Chocolate of course. I’m Swiss.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    It would be a Kickscooter, of course.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    What a question: I’d be a Microlino!

     

    Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I cannot operate a washing machine but that’s not surprising though.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Big companies and governments. They are slow and inefficient in dealing with global warming.

     

    Oliver Ouboter is the co-founder of a start-up alongside his father and brother that has developed a small electric city-car named Microlino. He is considered one of the best guinea pigs as his dad invented the world-famous Kickscooter in 1999.

     

    Follow Microlino on Twitter at @microlinoworld, on Facebook at @Microlino.car and on Instagram at @microlino_official

     

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