The Steeple Times

Tag: sex

  • Five of the best: Ideas for Valentine’s Day

    Five of the best: Ideas for Valentine’s Day

    Five ways to please someone special on Valentine’s Day

     

    With Valentine’s Day nearly upon us, we offer five suggestions for gifts for ladies, gents and to enjoy together. Naturally, there’s something for all budgets.
     

    For her:

     

    Bougie Macaron

    Macaron 400 Macaron2 400

    Girls love macarons and they love Bougie’s creations more than any other. These delicate, slightly chewy biscuits incite passionate enthusiasm and any gent who delivers his date some of these this Valentine’s Day will be on to a sure fire winner. Prices start at £30 for 16 macarons.

     

    2013 Bentley Continental GTC “Tiffany Blue” Beverly Hills limited edition

    Bentley Tiffany 400 Bentley interior 400

    If you live in Beverly Hills, you can almost certainly afford to purchase a little blue box from Tiffany & Co. for the lady of your dreams, so why not buy her a matching Bentley to go with it? For $224,215 O’Gara Coach, who specialise in customizing luxury vehicles, have two Continental GTC V8’s on offer complete with Linen Beluga interiors.

     

    For him:

     

    The Gentlemen’s Tonic

    Gentlemen's Tonic Main 400 Gentlemen's Tonic 400

    This impressive Mayfair barbershop is far from the norm. It is, in fact, the perfect place to send any playboy – they even offer Bloody Mary’s. Starting at £250, they can give your man an image makeover or at £160 they offer “The Valentino” package. It includes “a hand and foot treatment, rejuvenation facial and a revitalising and refreshing eye treatment.”

     

    A tour of the Sipsmith distillery

    Prudence 400 Prudence sign 400

    Any gent who loves gin or vodka would love to meet Prudence and have a tour of the first distillery to be opened in London in 200 years. For just £12 per person, tours run every Wednesday from 6.30pm until 8pm and visitors are “greeted with a drink, which of course can be topped up throughout the evening”.

     

    For two:

     

    The Acorn Inn

    Acorn Inn 400 Acorn Inn bedroom 400

    Thomas Hardy mentioned this delightful 16th Dorset coaching inn in Tess of the d’Urbervilles and it has also been named as one of Tom Chessyre’s Top 6 British Inns. Treat your loved one to an overnight stay at this well kept secret with a package that includes a three course dinner for two, full English breakfast for between £179 upto £229 for a suite. There’s even an original skittle alley and a romantic walk on the county’s Jurassic Coast is a must.

     
    Bougie Macaron: http://www.bougie.co.uk

    O’Gara Coach Beverly Hills: http://www.ogaracoach.com

    Gentlemen’s Tonic: http://www.gentlemenstonic.com

    Sipsmith: http://www.sipsmith.com/tours

    The Acorn Inn: http://www.acorn-inn.co.uk/inspiring-experiences/rediscover-romance-on-valentines-day

  • Neil “Razor” Ruddock: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    Neil “Razor” Ruddock: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    The Steeple Times asks former footballer and television personality Neil “Razor” Ruddock: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    My dad.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    If anyone hits you, hit them back twice as hard.

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2013?

    Speidi.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Frankie Dettori.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    World peace.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the banking crisis?

    It’s great because I’ve got fuck all.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “I’m not opening my legs, I’ve got a headache”.

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    World peace and nurses.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    Ban mobile phones.

     

    Neil "Razor" Ruddock
    Neil “Razor” Ruddock

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    Kate Winslet, Donald Pleasence and King Kong.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    A meal with Pussy Galore off James Bond.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    When one wakes up.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A cup of tea.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Ann Summers because. Exactly.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    Ann Summers.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Ann Summers.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A grizzly bear.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A Fiat 500.

     

    Cilla Black presented “Surprise, Surprise.” Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I used to cry at “Surprise, Surprise”.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Elvis.

     

    Neil “Razor” Ruddock is a former professional footballer, television personality and actor. He debuted at Millwall and had a long career playing for Tottenham Hotspur, Southampton, Liverpool, West Ham and Crystal Palace. He appeared in I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! in 2004 and Celebrity Big Brother in 2013.

     

    Follow him on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/RealRazor

     

  • This Hall should not be decked with holly

    This Hall should not be decked with holly

    Matthew Steeples examines the charges against Stuart Hall

     

    In my youth I met a man named Stuart Hall MBE. Today, this self-appointed northern joker was charged with three counts of indecent assault on girls aged between 9 and 16.

     

    Hall is a man described by The Independent as a “Northern hero with a penchant for hyperbole and hilarity.” In reality, he is just a bit of a fool. This television presenter’s attempts at humour were always cheap and tacky and whether he is guilty or innocent, he is a man who should be consigned to history.

     

    Broadcaster Stuart Hall

    This broadcaster portrays himself as a “national treasure” but in reality it is time he was just silenced. May the halls not be decked with Stuart this Christmas.

  • The Woman Who’ll Make Politicians Jealous

    The Woman Who’ll Make Politicians Jealous

    Jilly Cooper’s state of the nation style summary strikes chords with Matthew Steeples

     

    Best-selling bonkbuster author Jilly Cooper might be best known for novels such as Riders and Jump! but in the 1980s and 90s she was equally lauded as “one of the Conservative Party’s most ardent supporters.”

     

    Jilly Cooper

    Cooper, born in 1937, showed she still has a grip on the nation’s pulse yesterday when she declared that the Conservative Party is “full of terrible people now” to The Spectator’s “Steerpike.”

     

    Separately, in a comment to The Telegraph’s “Mandrake,” Mrs Cooper shared her thoughts on Pippa Middleton’s first book, Celebrate:

     

    “[It] wasn’t a good idea. I don’t blame her – I think that she was ill-advised… All I can say is that I hope the British don’t demonise her because of it. She seems a lovely girl and her sister is wonderful.”

     

    Ever the diplomat, Jilly Cooper, in these comments, shows herself as a truly brilliant wordsmith. She has tact and decency but at the same time doesn’t hold back when it comes to honesty.

     

    Nigel Farage should put in a call. Mrs Cooper could be just the asset UKIP needs to transform them from a “bunch of loons” to electability.

  • Seeing RED

    Seeing RED

    Our new columnist Jacinta de Vere analyses fashion’s most dangerous colour

     

    I really enjoy seeing people take various pieces that you would think would look hideous on their own and combine them to make a fantastic look. Alternatively, there are people who take one piece and manage to look like a hot mess.

     

    Jacinta de Vere suggests that opting for a red outfit can result in you either looking like a “vision in…” or “getting it all wrong.” There’s no middle ground.

    When I choose an ensemble, I think to myself: “Keep it simple and edit.” I am not sure what I loathe more, a slovenly attired woman or a woman who manages to miswear a fabulous designer. One does not need to wear a well-known label to look good. One just needs to edit and to think about what is flattering for one’s body and proportions. Colours are very important when selecting a piece to buy or to pull out of your closet. If you go too soft, you get drowned out by the shade and if you go too bold, you become an easy eyesore.

     

    As any respectable person who loves fashion will tell you, the colour red tends to be more associated with your bank balance at the end of the month after a Harrods shopping spree rather than the “it” colour of your wardrobe. Red is one of the colours that some people tend to get all wrong. Selecting the right shade of red for your skin tone can really lift and brighten you. Selecting the wrong shade of red for your skin tone can make you resemble a flashing street light and overwhelm you. Additionally, if you choose a busy red dress in the wrong shade, you may find yourself with an imaginary bowl of fruit on your head, holding maracas.

     

    Recently while dining with friends, a woman dressed in a red feathered and lace ensemble walked by our table. This hideous dress made her look like a bright red “Big Bird.” I spotted the back of Big Bird and much to my horror, she had also decided to wear her favorite red bra. I would have chosen a nude strapless Le Mystere bustier bra. I am not sure what “look” this woman was attempting to achieve, aside from resembling “Cha-cha” in Grease, but I think everyone should try to keep it simple when wearing red. If I were her, I would get new friends because letting her leave the house in that ensemble was a crime to any friendship. Either pick lace or pick the feathers but to wear both together is a fashion disaster on any continent.

     

    Marchesa versus Jane Norman

     

    Marchesa has a lace and tulle cocktail dress at £5,700 (http://www.netaporter.com) that is sexy, stylish and just the right kind of busy. If you’re on a recession budget, then have a look at Jane Norman’s lace dress at £35 (http://www.houseoffraser.com). You want the attention on you because of your fabulous lace dress, not because of your poor choice of red.

     

    Elie Saab versus Jessica Howard

    Another woman was wearing a red Lanvin, floor length chiffon Grecian style gown. She was blond with an uneven skin tone, so the red gown with all the chiffon layers overpowered her. The fact she skipped putting on a bra did not help her case. I was confounded, wondering if her chest sagged due to the lack of support or if she failed to tailor the layers of chiffon draping the dress. It pained me to see this lovely dress make this woman look terrible. If we are insecure about our bodies and would like to hide our imperfections, we should find a way to emphasize the positive assets whilst camouflaging the bits you do not like. Buying designer does not guarantee you are going to look amazing. The dress may be amazing but you can still get it wrong if the dress overwhelms you. You want to wear the dress not the opposite. I think if our pot-bellied, saggy chested friend had chosen Elie Saab’s gathered front gown at £3,065 (http://www.netaporter.com) or, if on budget, Jessica Howard’s one shouldered beaded waist gown at £80 (http://www.houseoffraser.com), she would have looked like a million bucks.

     

    Spanx, Le Mystère and Bring It Up

    One can hide unsightly bits and pieces in an outfit without getting lost in yards of chiffon. Just because you’re wearing Lanvin, Valentino, Erdem or Chanel, it does not mean it will look good on you. Buy for the cut and fit and not the label. For these unfortunate situations, I turn to Spanx Slimplicity Convertible Full Slip at £79 (http://www.spanx.co.uk) and to Le Mystère sculptural strapless bra Style 2755 at £56 (http://www.lemystere.com). These are my lifesavers when I am wearing borrowed, tighter fitting or strapless outfits. Lastly, if my chest needs a temporary lift, I rely on Bring It Up Instant Breast Lifts, 8 pairs/pack at $20 (http://www.bringitup.com).

     

    Jacinta de Vere is a lover of haute couture and all things fashionable and decadent. She is based in London.

     

    Follow her on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/jacintadevere

  • Nicholas Gruber: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    Nicholas Gruber: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    The Steeple Times asks model and personality Nicholas Gruber: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    I try to learn something from everyone I meet.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    Life is short so enjoy a part of every day, even the shitty ones.

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2012?

    Picking on anyone less fortunate than you. That’s why the Republicans lost the election in the US.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    My grandmother, Judy Bolduc. She was the first lesbian in California to adopt a child, my dad.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    Honey, pick up a paper: I did that already for some freedom.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the banking crisis?

    Greed is never good in any way, shape or form.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “Thank you so much.” It seems insincere whereas just “thank you” seems genuine.

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    Toys for Tots because I know first hand what it feels like to be a kid with nothing under the tree.

     

    The judge in “Law Abiding Citizen” states: “I can pretty do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    It is only appropriate to blow up terrorists.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    My new boyfriend, John Luciano, and my former one, Calvin Klein. Now, that would be one hell of a ride.

     

    Nicholas Gruber

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    Pasta from Bar Pitti.  Two helpings. Plus a slice of German chocolate cake.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    I’m sober so for me that would be noon. Joking. I don’t drink but I also don’t judge.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    None of the above. I will take a coconut water please.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Calvin Klein.  He might be three times my age but he can party like a rock star.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    A tie between Calvin and John. They both believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Having a mob related boyfriend who allows me to have girlfriends.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A glass that was half full because that’s how I roll.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A smiley face.

     

    Cilla Black presented “Surprise, Surprise.” Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I’m straight but bang guys.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Nothing. It’s all about no clutter.

     

     

    Follow Nicholas Gruber on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/NicholasGruber

  • Jocelyn Wildenstein (née Périsset and also known as “Jocelynnys Dayannnys da Silva Bezerra”)

    Jocelyn Wildenstein (née Périsset and also known as “Jocelynnys Dayannnys da Silva Bezerra”)

    If one spent $2,000,000 on cosmetic surgery, one would expect to end up looking fantastic. It didn’t quite work out in the case of the billionairess “Bride of Wildenstein,” though, as instead she discovered the husband she thought she’d please in bed with a 19-year old Russian. Feline like in appearance, the purr of this New York socialite is said to be just as bad as her bite. She’s known to be a skilled hunter and pilot and once boasted her telephone bills were at least $60,000 a year. Surprisingly far from camera shy, what on earth will she look like at ninety?

  • Jax Martin: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    Jax Martin: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    The Steeple Times asks the financier turned fashion designer Jax Martin: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    Love.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.”

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2012?

    Reality TV personalities are unacceptable in any year (but to be clear Kerry Katona is still unacceptable).

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Sleep.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    High quality education for all children.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the banking crisis?

    Bankers who created complex financial instruments should not receive the brunt of the blame. Let us not forget the inept regulators who permitted these activities to flourish, causing the crisis to become much worse than it might have been.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “Reaching out.”

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.” Plato. I anonymously support several charitable causes related to: education, medical research, the arts and women’s and children’s issues.

     

    The judge in “Law Abiding Citizen” states: “I can pretty do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. But, I have no interest in listening to other people’s loud conversations on their mobiles.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    Oscar de La Renta, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Mao Tse Tung, Madonna and Ronald McDonald.

     

    Fashion designer Jax Martin

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    I LOVE to eat; I would have a very large meal comprised of chateaubriand with shallot sauce, Cajun chicken and fries from Le Bilboquet and a bacon cheeseburger with grilled onions from Corner Bistro. All of the aforementioned would be served with a bottle of Gevrey-Chambertin. For dessert, I would have a slice of mille-feuille with fresh cut strawberries on the side. If I were allowed to dine outside of death row, I would have the meal served in either Trancoso in Bahia, Brazil or José Ignacio in Punta del Este, Uruguay.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    This question makes the assumption that somehow one has stopped partying from the previous evening.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A martini.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    It doesn’t matter who throws the party, it’s the company you carry that makes the party.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    Lucy.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Can’t say.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A phoenix.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A Koenigsegg Agera R.

     

    Cilla Black presented “Surprise, Surprise.” Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    While I was in engineering school, I was also a professional dancer.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    An antique Buddha, candles and a couple of black and white family photographs.

     

     

    British designer Jax Martin is a former financier and professional dancer. A graduate of Columbia University, Martin also has an MBA from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and began her career in the hedge fund business. She now creates “chic clothing for today’s woman” and states: “I live to make women feel great and look fabulous”.

     

    For more information about Jax Martin, go to: http://jaxmartin.co.uk

  • Patricia Kluge (née Rose)

    Patricia Kluge (née Rose)

    The rise and fall of the “wealthiest divorcee in history” has been extraordinary. A former nude model for her first husband’s Knave magazine and star of adult films such as “The Nine Acres of Nakedness,” Patricia Kluge is the daughter of an Englishman and a Scots-Iraqi. She married her second husband, the late John Kluge, chairman of Metromedia and once the richest man in America, in 1981 after belly dancing for him at a dinner party in New York. As part of her plan to dovetail herself into the top drawer of American society, the couple built a 24,000 square foot mock 18th century English-style mansion, Albermarle, in Virginia and stuffed it full of Chippendale furniture. She got this as part of her $100 million divorce settlement in 1990 and wisely invested part of the payoff in a highly successful business trading football cards but then vanity struck. The Kluge Estate Winery project that she started with her third husband, William Moses, bankrupted the pair in June 2011 and the Bank of America foreclosed on her properties. A lifeline came from “longtime friend” Donald Trump who purchased the vineyard and employed her, but even he’s now uttered the words: “You’re fired!” and sent her packing. Of her newfound predicament Kluge commented: “What did we lose? Material things, nothing too important. When something like this happens you really see who your friends are, those you can rely on, and we have many friends.” Here is a lady with fortitude that can only be described as admirable. It’s probably best, however, to keep her away from the cash register.

  • Adele Adkins

    Adele Adkins

    “I don’t know what’s going to happen if my music career goes wrong,” states this Tottenham born singer. Having been named “one of the most influential people in the world” by TIME Magazine and broken the record for the longest number-1 album by a woman in Billboard history, she really need not worry. Adele’s still “Someone Like You,” except she’s now worth in excess of £23 million and is guaranteed a place amongst the music greats. Gordon Brown wrote to this Labour supporter to tell her that she’s a “light end of the tunnel” but we prefer the view of former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash. Of her, he proclaims: “She’s great. She’s a shot in the arm for this industry.”