Is it time for “Keep Calm And…” to “Sod Off And Get Lost”?
Since 2001, whatever the situation and whatever the context, three words, “Keep Calm And…”, can and often have been applied. The rediscovery of what was originally a British wartime propaganda poster in a secondhand bookshop in Alnwick, Northumberland set about this trend and it has continued unabated.
The bookshop’s owners, Stuart and Mary Manley, seized upon their customer’s enthusiasm for “Keep Calm And…” and they, then others, printed it onto clothing, doormats, postcards, mugs and other merchandise. Millions of items featuring the distinctive font and “Tudor” crown have been sold worldwide and a trademark dispute about it commenced in 2011 and continues to this day.
On the Barter Books website is a link to a video giving the story of how such a simple phrase has become so popular. On it the narrator states:
“It’s perhaps the words on the poster that people find most enchanting. Like a voice out of history, it offers a very simple warmhearted message to inspire confidence in others in difficult times and it is something that should never fade from fashion”.
Adaptations naturally followed and amongst the many thousands created, some of the more tolerable ones include:
– Keep Calm Or Drink Wine
– Keep Calm You’re Not On The Titanic
– Keep Calm And Smoke Weed
– Keep Korma And Curry On
– Keep Calm And Get Over Yourself
– Keep Calm And Chillax (for David Cameron)
– Keep Calm And Kill Justin Bieber
– Keep Calm And Get Certified
– Keep Calm And F**k Off
– Now Panic And Freak Out
– Change Words And Be Hilarious
Increasingly, though, the overuse of “Keep Calm And…” has resulted in even Stuart Manley stating: “You almost get sick of it… Very few are genuinely funny”. There are hundreds of them and some are more bizarre than others. A selection numbers:
– Keep Calm And Have A Cupcake
– Keep Calm And Farm On
– Keep Quiet And Continue Working
– Keep Calm And Rule Britannia
– Keep Calm And Pass Me The Ball
– Keep Calm And Watch Skins
– Keep Calm And Go Watch The Hunger Games
– Keep Calm And Fake A British Accent
– Keep Calm And Hack On
– Keep Calm And Go Gangnam Style
– Keep Calm And Act Like Kate Middleton
– Calm You Shall Keep
Frankly, the majority of us are now bored. The time has come for reasonable souls to adopt the tone of Victor Meldrew. On sight of another piece of “Keep Calm And…” merchandise, the cry should ring out: “Sod Off And Get Lost”.
A singer, actress and composer who has been a star all her life. Brought up in Epsom, Surrey and best known for Downtown, Petula Clark surprisingly made her radio debut aged just 9 and appeared at the Royal Albert Hall when she was only 11. She now lives between Switzerland and Chelsea and can occasionally be spotted at La Brasserie in Brompton Cross. A lady of simple tastes, Clark modestly states: “The stretch limo with the blackout windows and the bodyguards are fun, but I prefer going out alone with just my bus fare in my pocket and catching a number 19 bus. The scenery’s the same whatever form of transport you’re using”. A Facebook page was created in 2012 as part of a campaign to make this legend a Dame. We back it with enthusiasm.
This genius of British design was told by leading bicycle manufacturer Raleigh that his lightweight, small-wheeled bicycle wouldn’t sell in the early 1960s. He proved them utterly wrong and his work with Sir Alexander Issigonis on the Austin Mini created a car that will be remembered forever. This unmarried and utterly eccentric engineer was also told by the Duke of Edinburgh “that he might end up under a glass case himself” and went as far as to swap his Rolls-Royce for a chauffeur driven Mini to beat ever escalating fuel costs.
The story of a 1929 bi-plane with a truly fascinating pedigree
Britain’s best-known wartime Prime Minister piloted a Gipsy Moth aeroplane that will be sold by auctioneers Bonhams in February 2013 at a guide of £120,000. The same craft was also featured in an iconic 1980s film and was also supposedly flown by a member of the Fiennes family who mysteriously disappeared in 1998.
The 1929 De Havilland DH 60 GMW Gipsy Moth bi-plane G-AAMY that will be sold by Bonhams at the Grand Palais in Paris in February 2013Sir Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965)
Piloted several times by Sir Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965) and used in the Oscar award winning Out of Africa, this 1929 De Havilland Gipsy Moth bi-plane is 24-foot long and has a 30-foot wingspan. It is capable of a maximum speed of 105mph and “wears” a yellow and black livery. It’s registration is G-AAMY in homage to the pioneering English aviatrix Amy Johnson (1903 – 1941).
In the film, the plane was flown by Robert Redford but though the life of the big game hunter Denys Finch Hatton he played is intriguing; the exploits of Redford’s aviator double are just as fascinating a story.
Sydney Pollack’s “Out of Africa” (1985) starred Robert Redford and Meryl StreepTom Danaher pictured whilst filming with Mel Gibson
Few outside of the aviation world will have heard of Tom Danaher (1929 – ) but aside from Out of Africa, he’s pretty much done it all. After graduating from a high school in Dallas in 1941, he became a Marine Corps fighter pilot. Stationed on Okiwana in August 1945, he shot down the last Japanese bomber on the final night of the Second World War and also made history, aged 21, for downing three other Japanese “Betty” bombers in the eight nights before the ceasefire.
Recalled to active service in 1951, Danaher flew one of the earliest jets, the F3D Skynight, with the Marines in Korea on night combat patrols and then was part of the last combat mission on a high altitude bombing strike over Pyongyang, North Korea in July 1953.
Danaher’s passion for flying continued after the war and in 1954 he flew his own plane, a 1948 Bonanza, to England to visit friends he’d made from the RAF whilst in Korea. To make the journey, he built a 109-gallon auxiliary fuel tank so that he could fly straight across the Atlantic. On the way home he called in for an audience with Pope Pius XII in Rome.
The surplus Second World War minesweeper from which Wonderful Radio London operated in the 1960s
Danaher’s visits to England led to him becoming involved in a pirate radio station in from 1944 to 1967 named Wonderful Radio London. Like many others, Danaher was not impressed by the BBC’s monopolistic attitude to radio programming and so helped build a 17,000-watt station on a surplus Second World War minesweeper. It was anchored three and a half miles off the English coast and outside of Britain’s territorial limit. Of the experience, Danaher told Airport Journals:
“We had someone in Dallas who would record KLIF, a top 40 station, and we put it right on the air… The Englishmen over there just ate it up… The station programmed news and top 40 music and was very successful. It had the largest listening audience of any of any commercial broadcast station at the time.”
Back in America, Danaher owned three car dealerships in Wichita Falls, Texas but sold them in 1972 to open his own airport, the Tom Danaher Airport. Lake Wichita Airport (7TXO), as it was also known, kept the aviator busy but he has also piloted in films numbering Empire of the Sun, Sky Bandits, Air America, Bad Medicine, The Pleasure of Love, White Hunter Black Heart, Cliffhanger and Goldeneye.
In 1985, Danaher was recruited to fly Gipsy Moth G-AAMY by Sydney Pollack (1934 – 2008), the American director of Out of Africa. He recounted his six week experience on set in Masai Mara, Kenya in an interview for his local Texan newspaper, the TimesRecordNews, in 2008. Here, he highlighted the problems of trying to film with a vintage plane that “has no brakes and is difficult to steer”:
“Robert Redford couldn’t make the thing turn. It took considerable finesse to turn it on the ground… The third time, he gave it full throttle… The left wing contacted a thick thorn bush and it tore some of the fabric off the lower left wing of the plane. We couldn’t fly it the rest of the day.”
Other dramas arose with G-AAMY in terms of Meryl Streep’s body double refusing to fly in it and the craft struggling to reach the high altitudes necessary to film a sweeping shot of the plane flying past a waterfall. Danaher took charge stating: “If I can get a piece of string and a ruler, I can fix this.” He found just such, cleverly installed them and Pollack: “got every single shot he wanted.”
Pilot Roger Fiennes (1944 – 1998) pictured with Alexy Zaitov during the 1989 Glasmoth project expedition to Moscow and back
Another person to have piloted the Gipsy Moth G-AAMY, according to a comment left in the PPRuNe Professional Pilots Rumour Network forum, was a man named Roger Fiennes. Whether this “rumour” is true or not, the cousin of the actor Ralph Fiennes and the explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes, is another character with a flying history as fascinating as his true family name – which turns out to be “Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes” when presented in full. Of why he did not use this lengthy and historic surname, Fiennes is said to have once commented:
“You try writing that signature on a 6 foot long cheque book.”
Fiennes flew many hours in a variety of planes and one of the best documented was an expedition supported by the Daily Mail from White Waltham Airfield in Berkshire to Sheremetyevo Airport in the Soviet Union in April 1989 and back. He flew one of three Tiger Moth bi-planes with a Russian navigator named Alexy Zaitov. The journey took three weeks to complete, involved 33 perilous stops and covered 5,000 miles.
On 19th April 1998, Fiennes was piloting a 1941 DH82A Tiger Moth, G-BALX, from Dieppe to Headcorn Aerodrome in Kent but he failed to reach his destination. The Air Accidents Investigation Branch (AAIB) report into the disappearance concluded:
“Although the pilot contacted Paris Information by radio, in the absence of a specific request, the flight plan was not activated. Lashenden was therefore unaware of the flight’s departure and ETA. When the aircraft was reported missing overdue action, and the subsequent Search and Rescue operation, which was activated on the morning of 21 April 1998. Since then there has been no sign of the aircraft or pilot.”
Articles at the time and forums since are sparse in detail but several forum posters and articles suggest that Mr Fiennes had “mounting debts and a string of business collapses.” Whilst some go as far as to suggest a “Lord Lucan” style disappearance and make references to “paddling canoes” and “check[ing] the Panamanian register,” others remember a “nice guy, sadly missed.” Whatever really happened that fateful day, though, will probably never be solved.
Another image of Gipsy Moth G-AAMY
G-AAMY, which was marked G-AAMT for the filming of Out of Africa, is a plane with a remarkable past. We suspect there’ll be a few more dramas for this craft yet.
The 1929 De Havilland DH 60 GMW Gipsy Moth bi-plane G-AAMY will be sold by Bonhams at the Grand Palais in Paris, France sale during Rétromobile week (6th to 7th February 2013). For more information telephone +33 1 42 61 10 11 or go to: http://www.bonhams.com
A marine residence with a history tied to the Rolls-Royce Spirit of Ecstasy, the Special Operations Executive and Babycham
The House on the Shore on Thorns Beach at Beaulieu in Hampshire is a home that wouldn’t look out of place in the Hamptons or Rhode Island. Dramatically situated next to the Solent waters to the north of the Isle of Wight, this suitably named building wouldn’t have been out of place in the 1980s BBC series Howards’ Way. It could. Indeed, have been an ideal home for Gerald and Polly Urquhart. (more…)
Charles Mitford Cust asks: “Do the clocks really need to go back?”
Yesterday, once again, the clocks went back and now we are officially in winter. As is always the case on this sad annual occasion, I am left asking myself why we have do something so apparently illogical and what are the origins of this extraordinary ritual.
These “hairy beasties” definitely govern the clock rather than being governed by it
I used to think it all started in World War Two but, in fact, having done some research, it transpires that we very sensibly did the exact opposite during the war years. Between 1940 and 1945 and also in 1947, we actually switched to “British Double Summer Time” (BDST). Why? We did so to save precious fuel as it was in limited supply. That should strike a chord today, don’t you think?
You bet it should. Supporters of BDST point out that 500,000 tonnes of CO2 would be saved this year if instead of putting the clocks back yesterday, we’d left them alone and then put them forward one further hour in the spring, thereby achieving British Double Summer Time (BDST). Half a million tonnes of CO2… Wow! That is the equivalent of permanently removing 185,000 cars from the road. Hang on, aren’t we meant to be concerned about the environment these days or am I missing something?
Where are the eco-warriors? Surely they should be screaming from the rooftops about CO2 savings like this. This makes all their bleating about wind turbines and solar panels seem stupid. Unlike these alternative energy sources, which we all know are only viable thanks to taxpayer subsidies, putting the clocks forward is free, and you can’t get anything greener than a free CO2 reduction. Yet strangely there is barely a whisper from the normally most vocal section of the green orchestra. Now, I am no conspiracy theorist, but I cannot help but feel that this is highly odd if not darn right suspicious.
There have always been myths concerning BDST, including strong if vague references to the requirements of farming being the reason for us being plunged into darkness earlier than necessary. This is something that, as a countryman, I have always found puzzling.
Farmers do not rely on the time indicated on their watches to go about their business. They do what their ancestors have done for thousands of years: they operate from first light to last light. The time that happens to be recorded on a watch face is all but irrelevant to them because unlike 90 per cent of the population, they do not have to catch trains or commute to work. What’s more, cows don’t wear watches, they just know when they want to be milked and they don’t care what Mr Rolex has to say about it.
Interestingly though, even this well used excuse seems to have been run off the road. In March 2010, in a survey of their membership, the National Farmers Union found that most respondent farmers were neutral about BDST and actually the only strong representation was from members supporting longer daylight in winter.
Another long-term excuse is that children in the north of Britain would be in more danger walking to school in the mornings if it were dark. “Walking to school?” When was the last time a kid walked to school in this country? 1951? Seriously though, with traffic density as it is today, no responsible parent would let their child walk to school even if they could do so. As Lord Archer has pointed out, this is outdated nonsense and therefore not a viable excuse for rejecting BDST.
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA), the RAC and the AA have campaigned for years to reintroduce BDST as they argue that police accident records clearly indicate that more accidents occur in the dark evenings during rush hour when tired commuters are returning from work than when they are fresh in the mornings. According to their research, they estimate 600 lives per year could be saved. 600 lives: that’s the equivalent of a bloody massacre. The government moved heaven and earth to ban competitive handgun target shooting when 30 people were killed but have routinely ignored 600 lives per yearfor decades? What are these politicians doing?
A Conservative Member of Parliament, Rebecca Harris, put forward the Daylight Saving Bill 2010-12. It was debated in November 2011 and January 2012, but despite being supported by “Call Me Dave” himself, it was filibustered out of Parliament by largely Scottish based members who argued it would disadvantage Scotland.
These politicians used this argument despite a 2010 survey of 3,000 Scots indicating that they were actually in favour of BDST. I guess Scots like to save money on their heating bills too: oh, there’s a surprise. Anyway, the efforts of these objectors were enough to ensure that the bill’s time was used up and it will now proceed no further.
What? That’s it? 500,000 tonnes of CO2 and 600 lives a year swept under the carpet because a couple of whingeing Scottish MPs are out of touch with their the views of their own constituents? Does that sound right to you? Even if they didn’t vote for BDST, which with fuel prices the way they are, being canny Scots, they almost certainly would, why can’t Scotland have it’s own time zone? Many of them want independence, so here’s a good start. As an aside, evidence also shows that if Scots did adopt BDST, their suicide rate would drop dramatically as the statistics show this is clearly linked to long dark winter nights.
Either way, we have reached a point where political correctness simply has to be outweighed by common sense. You cannot let 85 per cent of the UK population suffer for the sake of the other 15 per cent. What of the adverse affect this is having on GNP at a time when the economy is struggling so much?
The thing about this clock moving business is that the more you search for answers, the more questions you are left asking. One is forced to conclude that it is either a deeply sinister conspiracy involving multi-billion pound energy companies who would rather we carried on paying for an extra half a million tonnes of unnecessary smog, or simply an old fashioned British farce of monstrous proportions.
All in all, I’m left rather perplexed. What’s your view? Isn’t it time that something changed?
Whenever the name Rachman is mentioned, the first things that come to mind are greed, extortion and intimidation. The word is so engrained in such that “Rachmanism” now features in the dictionary, defined as:
“The exploitation of tenants of slum properties by unscrupulous landlords.”
“Notorious slum landlord” Peter Rachman (1920 – 1962)
Perec “Peter” Rachman (1920 – 1962) was born in Poland and the son of a Jewish dentist. He is best known for having built up a property empire of over 100 mansion blocks in London’s Westbourne Grove and Notting Hill areas in the 1950s where he evicted longstanding sitting tenants and replaced them with prostitutes and immigrants from the West Indies. Due to the relaxation of rent controls by the Conservative government in 1957 and as no other landlord was prepared to take them, he was able to charge these unfortunates whatever he wished.
Rachman came to public attention after the Labour MP for Paddington North, Ben Parkin (1906 – 1969), became vocal about the poor housing conditions of his tenants. Parkin coined the phrase “Rachnamism” in his quest to put a stop to the activities of “rent racketeers” and highlighted him as someone who used violence to maintain control of “his manor.” The MP even went as far as to suggest that Peter Rachman’s death was merely a ploy to distract from his activities and the result was to leave the public engrained with a belief that this landlord was a “manipulative, grasping Jew” who symbolised the moral decay of Great Britain.
Ben Parkin MP (1906 – 1969) on a CND march
A Radio 4 programme this week, however, highlighted an entirely different side to Rachman. In The Real Rachman – Lord of the Slums, a “barrister turned investigative reporter” named Joshua Levine suggested that those who believe Peter Rachman just to be a sordid intimidator fail to see the true persona of the man.
Levine’s witnesses, who number former tenants and Rachman’s biographer Shirley Green, do describe him as a “chancer” who was prepared to use the system to make money, but they also portray another side of this supposed “figure of evil’s” character.
Nicholas van Hoogstraten (born 1945)
One immigrant tenant stated: “He was the only one who ever did anything for us” whilst others added that Rachman was “well-liked” and “too soft to be a landlord.” He was a “benefactor” and “jolly” commented others who’d rented from him and a truly notorious modern-day landlord, Nicholas van Hoogstraten, failed to see the opportunist in Rachman at all: “It’s laughable. He had no wealth. It’s an invented moral [mission].” Rachman, equally, was defined as a man “affected” by his imprisonment in a Soviet labour camp in the Second World War by his former lover Mandy Rice-Davis and as someone who suffered true sorrow over the deaths of his family there.
Levine’s examination recounts how Rachman, who drove a navy blue Rolls-Royce with a white interior, was built into a symbol of corruption and moral decay. Rachman, like so many other mythical scapegoats, it turns out only died with only one conviction: parking without lights. The truth, indeed, is often stranger than fiction.
This week we must thank Dan Large for having alerted us to an amazing YouTube video showing Her Majesty The Queen’s life in 3 minutes and 24 seconds.
Elizabeth II
Created by “an old retired guy who likes to play with computers” named “HerBunk” and using the technological wizardy of FantaMorph, the video has attracted nearly 6,000 likes and 300 dislikes. We look forward to hearing what readers of The Steeple Times make of it.
Watch the video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8nJhG1xE5o&feature=share
The Steeple Times asks the chef, author and television personality Sophie Michell: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”
The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?
“Independence and the life choices that come with it.”
“Never regret, never explain, never apologise” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?
As Virginia Woolf once said: “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
Kerry Katona was unacceptable in 2007. Who is unacceptable in 2012?
Samantha Brick: She gave women a bad name by writing so many self-serving articles implying that all women are as shallow and as vacuous as she, and that we as a gender make judgements solely on looks.
Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?
Friends and family who I have loved and lost.
What might you swap all your wealth for?
A simple life living by the sea and working in a job that involved the ocean and it’s stunning environment and creatures.
What phrase or word do you most loathe?
I hate the abbreviated text language that people use, it makes people sound very moronic
In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?
I try and support charities as much as possible within my means and I think we should all do the same. Time is also as worth as much as money in many cases. I generally support Breakthrough Breast Cancer, but I am very keen to get involved in a charity that works for abused women and children. It’s a bigger issue than people think, routinely ignored and sadly it’s on our doorstep.
Have you ever been arrested and if so, for what?
Hahaha, nope! But that could just mean that I’ve never been caught… Only joking.
If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?
Definitely Marie Antoinette as she knew how to party and I love the clothes of that era. Cleopatra was a glamorous and formidable woman so she must come too. I’d also like Gregory Peck as he seemed like a real gentleman and my great grandfather Admiral Godfrey, who was head of Naval Intelligence in World War II. Ian Fleming was his PA and apparently the James Bond books were based on Ian Fleming’s time working with him. In fact, the character ‘M’ was based on my great grandfather and I would just love to hear the stories in person. There are many more people too, but those four would make an interesting start.
Sophie Michell
If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?
It would be a classic seafood platter by the sea somewhere possibly on the French Riviera. I suggest this mainly because with all the shells you have to crack open to extract the tasty morsels taking such a long time to get through, it would give me time to plan my escape.
What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?
Any time after noon if on holiday. Any time after 6pm if at home. Failing those terms, you can always bend the rules by proclaiming loudly that it is always cocktail hour somewhere in the world at any given time. This works for me.
A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?
A dirty martini every time.
Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?
I love private house parties as they are personal and always great fun. I entertain a lot when I can for both work and pleasure. I think it enables one to be quite creative and I love seeing an event come off well. I also love really chilled out beach parties, when everyone is glowing from a day in the sunshine and you can hear the sea.
Who is the most positive person you know?
My darling friend Miss Emma Nettleton. Nothing seems so serious after some dancing and giggles with her.
What’s your most guilty pleasure?
Ha ha ha: Guilt is a pointless emotion, so a pleasure should be left at that and basically if you feel guilt creeping in, then just don’t do it.
What was the first bone that you broke?
An ankle bone due to my first foray into ridiculously large platform shoes, aged 14. I haven’t stopped wearing large heels, but I have since mastered the art.
If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?
Probably a dolphin. I am happier in the sea than anywhere else. Although for the record I think tattoos are vile.
If you were a car, what marque would you be?
God knows. I don’t drive and have never tried. I am not adverse to beautiful cars, but also not attached to them either.
Cilla Black presented “Surprise, Surprise.” Tell us the most surprising thing about you.
I am actually quite shy and have faint OCD according to my friends. I think it’s otherwise known as being tidy.
What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?
A French antique mirror, a beautiful fluorite crystal, a Dyptique blackberry leaf candle and a couple of out of date invites that will soon be removed.
Sophie Michell is a chef with a true passion for nutrition and healthy eating. She was the private chef for Claudia Schiffer for two years and has cooked for various other famous names including Leonardo DiCaprio and David Cameron. She has presented and appeared on a number of television shows including Cook Yourself Thin, Market Kitchen and Ready Steady Cook.
