Tag: London

Overheard – 8th April

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

Candy Knockers

At Scalini in Knightsbridge, two brash housebuilders from Essex sat devouring veal chops. One referenced his idols and observed: “The Candy brothers have a brilliant setup. They are like the Peter Stringfellows of property”. The other looked puzzled but the first continued: “They’ve got properties that sell as well as Katie Price’s knockers. What assets! Value for money? I don’t know. But, impressive? Hell yeah!” Try telling that to Mark Holyoake.

You’ve Got That Sinking Feeling

The same duo moved on to talking about their respective staff. The louder of the two offered his thoughts: “I’m so proud of Ray. He’s like the Titanic. He’s like the best ship in the world. Not because it sank but because it was the best ship in the world”. The other opined: “It still f**king sank and Ray will still f**king sink too”. All that was needed next was for My Heart Will Go On to play.

Housing the Godly

Two priests were spotted drinking Bloody Marys at the bar at PJ’s on Fulham Road. The first remarked: “I never quite manage to get given houses”. The second answered: “Shocking, isn’t it? I look through Country Life each week and I think: ‘All I get given each week is Communion wine’”.

Partying with a 4×4

A group of ladies gathered in the garden at Chiltern Firehouse after a hard day’s shopping in Selfridges. As they discussed an impending party an absent ‘friend’ was due to host, one Pucci clad creature shared her thoughts. She commented: “It’s not a party. They’re telling porkie pies. They’re just having it to show off that new Range Rover they’ve just bought. I bet they’ll block the bloody drive with it”. Miaow!

An Iggy Hangover

“My worst hangover was when I drank three bottles of champagne” remarked a passenger on the 14 bus. “Why?” asked her friend. “Because I had to take three days off work and because I thought I was Iggy Pop for two of them”.

Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

April 8, 2017
Billionaire Battersea

Historic Battersea mansion for sale for the same sum it was marketed for in 2011; it has been mostly empty throughout the intervening period and was renovated by the late billionaire Malcolm Forbes

Billionaire publisher Malcolm Forbes was a man who liked to live large. He had a huge yacht named The Highlander, threw lavish parties across the globe and counted Gianni Agnelli, Gordon Getty, Calvin Klein, Robert Maxwell, Rupert Murdoch, Henry Kissinger, Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump as friends. This “mysterious collector” also owned numerous residences and one of these, Old Battersea House in London, is for sale for the same sum as it was marketed for in 2011.

Often seen with Elizabeth Taylor at his side and described as “living life in the fabulous”, Forbes purchased Old Battersea House in 1971. It had previously been home to and saved from demolition by Battersea Council by the eccentric author and ghost hunter Wilhemina Stirling. She took up a lifetime tenancy on the building in 1931 and used it to house artworks by her sister, Evelyn de Morgan (1855 – 1919).

Businessman and publisher Malcolm S. Forbes (1919 – 1990) with seven times married actress Dame Elizabeth Taylor DBE (1932 – 2011) at his lavish 70th birthday party at the Palais Mendoub, Tangier, Morocco in 1989

Old Battersea House, 30 Vicarage Crescent, Battersea, London, SW11 3LD, United Kingdom

A. M. D. Wilhemina Stirling (1865 – 1965) owned the house prior to Malcolm Forbes

Christopher ‘Kip’ Forbes (born 1951) assisted his father restore Old Battersea House and later oversaw the family selling its art collection in 2003 and 2009

Grade II* listed since 1954 and adapted during Forbes and subsequently his son Kip’s ownership to showcase a vast collection of Victorian art and antiques, Old Battersea House was built on Tudor foundations in 1699 and was at first known as ‘Terrace House’. It originally had gardens extending down to the River Thames and is rumoured to have been designed by Sir Christopher Wren (1632 – 1723).

Featuring “handsome classical proportions throughout” and standing within a 110-foot wide walled garden, the 10,100 square foot house includes 4 reception rooms, 10 double bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. It has off-street parking and a garden store but it is sadly overlooked by the adjoining housing estate that was built in its grounds in the 1930s.

Savills seek £12 million ($15 million, €14 million or درهم54.9 million) for Old Battersea House.

The impressive hallway of Old Battersea House

Another entertaining space

Elizabeth Taylor and her then husband Larry Fortensky at Old Battersea House in 1992

Images of the house as it was furnished during the ownership of the Forbes family

April 6, 2017
Trumping Livingstone

Has Ken Livingstone become Britain’s answer to Donald Trump?

Father of five Ken Livingstone would no doubt hate the comparison but, putting him in perspective, he’s rather like a British version of the American father of five Donald Trump.

When Ken Livingstone doesn’t like what is said about him, he terms it “incredible lies”; Donald Trump, by comparison, prefers to reference such reporting: “Fake news!” Whereas Livingstone claims to have “no interest in managing [his] financial affairs”, Trump simply refuses to release details of his income. Here, in the form a reptile loving socialist and a four times bankrupt billionaire, are two bombastic politicians with not a care for books and history and here are two loudmouths who respectively suggest: “My only regret is the media’s obsession with the past” and that they believe themselves to be the “Ernest Hemmingway of 140 characters”.

Yesterday, whilst Trump decided to ridiculously try to blame President Obama for a gas attack in Syria, Livingstone – a man prone to pushing journalists over walls and accusing hedge funds donating to Labour being akin to “Jimmy Savile funding a children’s group” (in spite of taking £8,000 from a hedge fund himself) – managed to avoid being expelled from the Labour party in spite of being deemed to have brought the party into disrepute over remarks about Zionism, Hitler and anti-semitism.

That “anti-politician politician” Livingstone, like “anti-politician, real persona” Trump, has been able to get off scot-free speaks volumes. It is time such men were brought to book and it is time their ability to avoid being held accountable for their truly offensive views came to an end.

April 5, 2017
Over-Engineered

Essex “neo Georgian Palladian” residence created from an ordinary detached house marketed for £5.4 million; it is a bit of a mish-mash and described as “over-engineered”

Estate agents normally wax lyrical about properties they are marketing but in the case of £5.4 million ($6.7 million, €6.3 million or درهم24.8million) Threshers House at Threshers Bush, near Harlow in Essex, Beresfords bizarrely go as far as to describe it as “over-engineered”.

Situated on a plot of 11.5 acres and redeveloped and extended since 2010 by an “award winning builder” named Paul Pickering, the 7,409 square foot main residence offered is described as being “neo Georgian Palladian” in style. Given such an architectural period doesn’t exist as a sole entity, it is a bit of a mish-mash but given the new building is an improvement on the plain house that it has been created from, one can be forgiving of the result.

The old Threshers House, Hobbs Cross Road, Threshers Bush, Harlow, Essex, CM17 0NP

The new Threshers House, Hobbs Cross Road, Threshers Bush, Harlow, Essex, CM17 0NP

The old interior of the building and the new interior

A proposed design that was ultimately rejected by planning officials at Epping Forest District Council

Aside from a somewhat ostentatious South Fork-esque portico entrance, Threshers House is presented without kitchens and bathrooms so as to allow “incoming purchasers to design to their own requirements”. It includes 5 reception rooms, 5 bedrooms and a 2-bedroom first floor flat and comes with planning permission for a 1,400 square foot orangery and underground leisure facility. Within the grounds is a completed 1,988 square foot 3 bedroom cottage, a 886 square foot bungalow, a 768 square foot bungalow and a 1,386 square foot six car garage.

Elsewhere and benefitting from separate access, a tiled stable and thatched barn complex provides accommodation for 14 horses and was previously run as a business named Threshers Equestrian. It comes with a horse walker, floodlit manège, lunging room and hard standing as well as a number of paddocks.

Threshers House – which is situated about 40 minutes drive from Canary Wharf – is also available for £3.25 million ($4.06 million, €3.81 million or درهم14.92 million) with just 5 acres of land and minus the ancillary accommodation.

April 3, 2017
A Blank Canvas

Chelsea “studio with living rooms” built for Augustus John and later owned by Dame Grace Fields DBE available to rent

Though the Pembrokeshire born artist, bohemian and pacifist Augustus John (1878 – 1961) was best known for his portraits of Lawrence of Arabia and Dylan Thomas, he is also said to have fathered as many as 100 children over the course of his life. A Grade II listed “Dutch farmhouse-style” studio he built and occupied for twenty years in Chelsea, London is currently available to rent.

This vast studio room is the most impressive feature of 28 Mallord Street, Chelsea, London, SW3 6U

Built in 1913 to 1914 from designs by a Dutch architect named Robert van ’t Hoff and Grade II listed, 28 Mallord Street cost an estimated £2,200 to build (the equivalent of £233,000, $291,000, €272,000 or درهم1.1 million today). It includes features influenced by Frank Lloyd Wright and was described by Augustus John as “my new studio with living rooms” on completion. He lived there until 1934 and though initially delighted by the building’s “solidity and tautness”, ultimately termed it “this damned Dutch shanty” and moved to a new, purpose-built ferro-concrete at Fryern Court in Fordingbridge, Hampshire.

Owned by the thrice married actress and singer Dame Gracie Fields OBE (1898 – 1979) – who described it as “feeling like home” and “a love nest” – in the 1930s and sold for £5.4 million in 2009 (the equivalent of £6.6 million, $8.2 million, €7.7 million or درهم30.2 million today). 28 Mallord Street is now available to rent for £9,500 per week ($11,800, €11,100 or درهم43,500 per week) or £494,000 per year ($616,000, €576,000 or درهم2.3 million per year) through Aylesford International.

Augustus John OM, RA was celebrated for brilliant figure drawings, and for a new technique of oil sketching; his work was often favourably compared with Gauguin and Matisse

A Blue Plaque commemorating the artist was installed on the building in 1981

28 Mallord Street in 1981

Actress and singer Dame Gracie Fields OBE took up occupancy of the building soon after Augustus John sold it

Expanded to provide 5,109 square foot of accommodation over five levels, the house is dominated by a 38’3” by 25’2” studio reception room with a ceiling height of 18’4” and also includes upto 6 bedrooms, 2 kitchens and a temperature controlled wine cellar with Hermès wallpaper.

Aylesford describe 28 Mallord Street as “a true family home, the ultimate blank canvas and ideal for any art collector”. They offer it on an unfurnished basis.

March 31, 2017
Overheard – 31st March

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

Ferry & Yah

A PR maven at the Chiltern Firehouse loudly spoke into her mobile. She speedily told the person at the other end of the line: “Bryan Ferry is amazing. Yah. Super yah… I saw his son in 5 Hertford Street. That was a triple yah… Becks and I had such a laugh coming up in the car. That was a yah, a cheers and yah… I didn’t try and talk to Bryan Ferry’s son. That wouldn’t be a yah”. She put the phone down, quaffed her cocktail and dialled her next yah-ing victim.

Milton to Walton

At the bar of The Enterprise in Walton Street, Chelsea, a chubby woman from the Midlands summoned a waitress. She exclaimed: “I want a table now. Outside. This is war. I want one now. Who do those bloody people sat there think they are? We’ve come all the way from Milton Keynes”. Another customer mumbled: “We’d rather you go back there”.

Storming Doris

“What is it with these storms?” asked a middle-aged estate agent at the bar of the since closed restaurant La Brasserie in Brompton Road, SW3. His equally bright friend answered: “Storm Doris: I thought it was a terrorist incident”.

Blairing Blackpool

At lunch at Sexy Fish in Berkeley Square, W1, a pair of businessmen debated their worst ever mistakes. The winner? “I paid £1,500 to meet Tony Blair’s son for lunch once. What a waste. I wish I’d bought a flight to Blackpool instead”.

A Need for Pecorino

“Pecorino, I need some Pecorino”, remarked a woman with an expensive looking pram in a deli in Marylebone. An elderly gent tapped her on the shoulder and asked: “Who do you and your kid think you are? Wallace and Bloody Gromit?”

The Richness of Wholefoods

On Facebook, Matthew Cranwell posted: “When I see a rich bitch in Wholefoods, I pretend I need help and ask: ‘Excuse me, do you work here?’ Just to keep things real”.

Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

March 31, 2017
Narrow in Knightsbridge

Tiny 2.5-foot deep Knightsbridge “corridor house” sells for £810,000 at auction

Yesterday, at an auction in London, a 2.5-foot deep (at its minimum) and 3-foot deep (at its maximum) mews house sold for £810,000 ($1 million, €936,000 or درهم3.7 million) despite being nothing more than a very long corridor.

Extending to 275 square foot in total and 65-foot long, 1B Ennismore Gardens Mews needs “complete refurbishment” but has potential for a first floor extension. The single-storey freehold property, which was owned from the 1950s to 2010 by a lady named Linda Wildoner, is certainly one of the smallest houses in Knightsbridge and could definitely be described as a curiosity.

Linda Wildoner (1916 – 2010) outside 1B Ennismore Gardens Mews, Knightsbridge, London, SW7 1HX with Sir Martyn Poliakoff CBE (born 1947)

Miss Wildoner, an Austrian who moved to London after the Second World War to take care of Sir Martin Poliakoff and his family, died in 2010 and yesterday’s sale was carried out at the behest of her executors.

Of this extraordinarily weird property, Chris Coleman-Smith of auctioneers Savills told the Mail Online:

“You see narrow houses, but this is something completely different… It is on a prime, crème de la crème mews on Knightsbridge. It is a superb, picturesque mews. One of the top addresses”.

“It is very basic and will need a complete refurbishment. It is brilliant. It is weird and wonderful and I’ve not come across anything like it. Someone will create something fantastic here. In a cobbled mews in Knightsbridge it is a great opportunity”.

March 30, 2017
Taxi!

Rare 1938 Austin taxi to be auctioned; it is one of just four known to survive

On 29^th March, the very day Theresa May taxis towards Brexit and triggers Article 50, H&H Classics will auction a 1938 Austin 12/4 Heavy Low Loader Taxicab with coachwork by J. & H. Ricketts at their Imperial War Museum Duxford sale in Cambridgeshire.

Offered with an estimate of £24,000 to £28,000 ($30,100 to $35,200, €27,700 to €32,400 or درهم110,700 to درهم129,100)., the quirky landaulette hooded vehicle features a retractable roof, roof rack and taxi meter. It has a red interior and an 1842 cc engine.

The maroon and black vehicle was used in London before the Second World War and up until 1955, participated in the London to Brighton Historic Commercial Run in 1964 and then was left in a lock-up in Gravesend, Kent until the 1980s. Restored and returned to the road in 2003, the car is described as being in “presentable” condition.

March 27, 2017
Taxi!

Rare 1938 Austin taxi to be auctioned; it is one of just four known to survive

On 29^th March, the very day Theresa May taxis towards Brexit and triggers Article 50, H&H Classics will auction a 1938 Austin 12/4 Heavy Low Loader Taxicab with coachwork by J. & H. Ricketts at their Imperial War Museum Duxford sale in Cambridgeshire.

Offered with an estimate of £24,000 to £28,000 ($30,100 to $35,200, €27,700 to €32,400 or درهم110,700 to درهم129,100)., the quirky landaulette hooded vehicle features a retractable roof, roof rack and taxi meter. It has a red interior and an 1842 cc engine.

The maroon and black vehicle was used in London before the Second World War and up until 1955, participated in the London to Brighton Historic Commercial Run in 1964 and then was left in a lock-up in Gravesend, Kent until the 1980s. Restored and returned to the road in 2003, the car is described as being in “presentable” condition.

March 27, 2017
Bigots & Baseball Caps

Intolerance comes in many forms but the very worst kind is middle class hypocrisy

In a week when Damien Hirst was told: “Go home!” by animal rights activists in Venice (who also dumped 40kg of dung outside where he is due to exhibit a non-animal related show at the Palazzo Grassi), I, myself, experienced the wrath of a middle class maniac.

On Saturday, minding my own business, walking along a quiet South Kensington street, I was accosted by a well-dressed woman. She screeched at me: “Take that hat off. It promotes terrorism”.

My crime? Wearing a William Evans baseball cap. The reasoning for her distaste? The cap was captioned: “Gun and rifle makers, 1883”.

After I responded to this ridiculous individual by telling her: “I can wear whatever I wish” and she had had her chance to rant about about intolerance and extremism, I realized one sorry thing: Here, in front of me, stood was nothing but the worst kind of bigot.

William Evans signature baseball caps are available for £25. Wear one at your peril.

March 27, 2017