Tag: fishing

  • Edward Thomson: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    Edward Thomson: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    The Steeple Times asks estate agent Edward Thomson: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force?

    Honesty and integrity.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    My favourite is: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” but “Try everything once, except incest and Morris dancing” is more amusing.

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2013?

    Mexicans using live dogs and kittens as shark bait.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Living in the countryside and most of the time, a river and a dog.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    The love of my life.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the banking crisis?

    My integrity and reputation is all that I am; all that I can absolutely determine. When you give that up what have you become? The banks no longer have a code. A few prison sentences ought to remind them to gamble their money, not ours.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    “It’s not my problem”:  I absolutely hate the mentality of people who say this.

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    Family and friends first and then animal welfare. In particular, beasts of burden across the world.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    Mobile phones are anti-social, but absolutely necessary in today’s world.

     

    Estate agent Edward Thomson
    Estate agent Edward Thomson

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    Bill Murray, Ranulph Fiennes, that chap who just survived 40 minutes at depth in the North Sea with 20 minutes of mix (seriously interesting chat to be had there I think), Johnny Cash and oh yes, a seriously amazing and beautiful Australian I know.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    Potted shrimp on toast, lamb cutlets and some very good Stilton. I would have it on the banks of the River Nadder near Salisbury.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    12 noon. Sherry.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    Definitely a cocktail. A Porn Star martini is my current favourite.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Any that end up in Annabel’s. Call me old hat, but I just love the dance floor in there.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    My stepfather, Richard.  An extraordinary chap.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Smoking. I have to stop again soon.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A rod and a rifle.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    My Triumph TR6. My dream car is a 1949 Ferrari 166MM Barchetta.

     

    Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I like crooning to old Fred Astaire songs in the shower.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    A carriage clock, two candlesticks, a picture of me releasing a salmon, a wedding invitation and a Herend porcelain rabbit.

     

    Edward Thomson works for Strutt & Parker LLP in their Cadogan Street sales office. Website: http://www.StruttAndParker.com

     

  • Five of the best: Holiday rentals

    Five of the best: Holiday rentals

    Five of the best places to escape to with family and friends in 2013

     

    Farmhouse, Blackberry Farm, Walland, Tennessee, USA

    Farmhouse 400Farmhouse bedroom 400

    Crafted of materials from an 1800s Pennsylvania bank barn, this classic American farmhouse forms part of the exclusive Blackberry Farm, one of America’s most celebrated luxury culinary escapes. Set in 4,200-acres, this stylish property includes 3 bedrooms and is perfect for families and small groups. An on-site chef service is available and rates start at $4,800 per night.

     

    Branche d’Olive, Aveyron, midi-Pyrenees, France

    Branche d'Olive 400 exteriorInterior of Branche d'Olive 400

    Owned by a well-known English journalist, this large stone gîte in the South-West of France comfortably sleeps a family of four and is just 20-minutes from Villefranche. It has an outdoor pool, a private terrace and even an ancient stone pizza oven. Prices start at £425 per week.

     

    Mill Cottage, near Taunton, Somerset, England

     Mill Cottage 400Mill Cottage bedroom 400

    Spacious Mill Cottage on Sir Benjamin Slade’s Maunsel House estate in Somerset sleeps up to 10 people. Prices start at £675 per night and for those looking for a location for a wedding or somewhere for a corporate event, the welcoming and efficient team here can cater for your every whim.

     

    The Old Kirk, Kilninver, near Oban, Scotland

    Kilniver view 400The Old Kirk 400

    With views across the waters where Enigma and Ring of Bright Water were filmed, The Old Kirk in Argyll provides accommodation for 6 to 8 people. Fishing is available on the owner’s 3,000-acre estate on 3 lochs and the River Euchar. Prices start at £495 per week.

     

    The Samling, Windermere, Cumbria, England

    The Samling 400The Samling view 400

    The Samling can be rented in its entirety from £4,500 per night. Set in 67 acres, this 11-bedroom property has been used by Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Stella McCartney and David and Victoria Beckham amongst others. It is the perfect base from which to explore the Lake District and the views across Lake Windermere are stunning.

     

    Blackberry Farm: http://www.blackberryfarm.com

    Branche d’Olive: http://www.branchedolive.co.uk

    Mill Cottage: http://www.maunselhouse.co.uk

    The Old Kirk: http://www.kilninver-estate.co.uk

    The Samling: http://www.thesamlinghotel.co.uk

  • Liz Jones

    Liz Jones

    This mouthpiece was born in Rettendon, Essex in 1958 and vents bile on all manner of subjects. Articles such as: “Why don’t more women moan like me?” and “Liz Jones’ baby craving drove her to steal husband’s sperm in ultimate deception” are frankly illustrative of why she’s so unpopular. After she got banned from the majority of fashion shows and her husband left her, she quit London for Somerset in 2007 to feed organic muesli to the rats in the barns of a 47-acre farm she purchased as her “rural idyll.” That misadventure came to a sticky end in November 2012 after she’d alienated the whole county by calling them, amongst other things, “smelly” and “faintly Amish.” Goodness knows whom she’ll choose to offend next. Phillip Schofield sums her up best: “She is inconsistent, bitter, nasty and unhinged.” Our advice: Just steer well clear of this acid tongued poison pen.

  • Patricia Kluge (née Rose)

    Patricia Kluge (née Rose)

    The rise and fall of the “wealthiest divorcee in history” has been extraordinary. A former nude model for her first husband’s Knave magazine and star of adult films such as “The Nine Acres of Nakedness,” Patricia Kluge is the daughter of an Englishman and a Scots-Iraqi. She married her second husband, the late John Kluge, chairman of Metromedia and once the richest man in America, in 1981 after belly dancing for him at a dinner party in New York. As part of her plan to dovetail herself into the top drawer of American society, the couple built a 24,000 square foot mock 18th century English-style mansion, Albermarle, in Virginia and stuffed it full of Chippendale furniture. She got this as part of her $100 million divorce settlement in 1990 and wisely invested part of the payoff in a highly successful business trading football cards but then vanity struck. The Kluge Estate Winery project that she started with her third husband, William Moses, bankrupted the pair in June 2011 and the Bank of America foreclosed on her properties. A lifeline came from “longtime friend” Donald Trump who purchased the vineyard and employed her, but even he’s now uttered the words: “You’re fired!” and sent her packing. Of her newfound predicament Kluge commented: “What did we lose? Material things, nothing too important. When something like this happens you really see who your friends are, those you can rely on, and we have many friends.” Here is a lady with fortitude that can only be described as admirable. It’s probably best, however, to keep her away from the cash register.

  • More Purdey than Posh

    More Purdey than Posh

    Charles Mitford Cust test drives the Range Rover Evoque

     

    When I saw my first Range Rover Evoque coupé in the flesh I decided right then that it was time to emigrate. The actual remark I made is too rude to put in print, but the jist is that it’s ‘slammed’ rear styling reminded me of a baboon whose derriere had just suffered the unwanted amorous attentions of a short-sighted elephant.

     

    The Evoque has a lot more off-road capability than you might expect

     

    It was my indignation that such a macho and traditional brand as Land Rover had built the thing at all, which led to me to cast unwarranted aspersions about the kind of car designers now working at the Land Rover HQ and the much-published fact that Victoria Beckham had designed the interior only added to my incandescent rage. As far I was concerned this was the ultimate example of design over function, and the last word in brand exploitation and betrayal, and to me this proved Land Rover as a British institution was dead.

     

    You see, my family has owned every model of Land Rover since the Series One was launched in the 1948. My father even took delivery of the second privately owned Range Rover sold, just a few days after Her Majesty had taken delivery of hers. I have Land Rover in my DNA, so to me the fact that they had built something like the Evoque coupe was like Purdey deciding to give up building guns in order to make designer curtains.

     

    Then one day, about a month ago, out shooting, I came across an example of the 2011 5-door version of the Evoque, the roofline of which has subtly been raised some 2-inches to accommodate the rear doors without compromising the original radical design. It was finished in dark Aintree green rather than the normal footballer pearlescent white, and standing there covered in mud on the top of a rain swept hill, it looked quite at home in it’s surroundings. I looked inside fully expecting to see the usual multi coloured blinged up interior, but instead I saw a muddy Labrador panting contentedly on plain black leather seats, which were strewn with cartridge boxes and general shooting detritus.

     

    I stepped back a couple of paces and looked at the vehicle in a new light, not as in the context of a Rangy, Disco or any full size 4×4, but as a compact SUV, or shooting break in old parlance, which is what the Evoque actually is, and do you know what? I reluctantly began to appreciate that I was looking at a work of genius, in fact quite simply the best looking SUV vehicle ever designed… in the entire world.

     

    It was with some considerable trepidation therefore that I decided to check out the performance reviews of the machine that was now causing me some consternation. I felt sure that my brief change of heart would be proved totally unjustified by reports of laughably pathetic off-road capability and a reinforcement of my original scepticism.

     

    Well I was to be disappointed; every test I read praised the quite unexpected off-road capability. Oh, obviously, with it’s sexy aerodynamic curves it was never destined to be a Defender, but it was more than holding it’s own against the best Jerry could build, and for that reason alone, it is a bit of a hero. Especially as whilst the efforts of BMW, Mercedes and Porsche were all incredibly ugly, in comparison, our homegrown SUV was as handsome as James Bond standing in a room full of bald, fat Blofeld clones.

     

    My research led me to a great YouTube clip of Top Gear’s James May driving an Evoque across the Mojave Desert. I noted that he was able to talk quite normally as he traversed the rock strewn desert floor at 70 mph, praising the amazing ride. Now I have considerable respect for deserts, I have nearly died in three: in the Nullabor from sun stroke, in the Nevada from hyperthermia and in the Sahara from riding a Paris Dakar bike at 60 mph into a dry river bed hidden from view by a the dust of riders ahead of me. So, I know only too well to my cost that deserts are places without mercy but May’s Evoque was making one of the toughest of the lot look like the M4 on a sunny midweek afternoon.

     

    It was not the high-speed desert floor performance, impressive although it was, that convinced me to look more closely at the Evoque. No, rather it was watching May climb up a horrific 40-degree rock strewn dry watercourse like the one that nearly accounted for the last of the Mitford Custs that caught my attention. I have been up these nightmares many times and take it from me, although ultimately the Evoque’s low profile road orientated tyres finally failed it about 90% of the way up, the fact it even made it that far was enough to make me pick up the phone to my local Land Rover dealer and request an immediate test drive.

     

    I really hadn’t bothered to bone up on the different specs in which the car is built before going there but it really came down to the fact I would be testing two versions: A 2-litre 240 bhp petrol Dynamic spec model with the optional Adaptive Dynamics suspension fitted, and a 2.2-litre 190 bhp diesel version in the Prestige configuration with standard suspension.

     

    So let’s see, one will go well and will corner like a sports car and the other will cough along like a drunk camel on roller skates. Pretty obvious which the Ferrari and Ducati loving Charlie boy is going to like best eh?

     

    Well that’s exactly what I thought, but once again, I could not have been more wrong.

     

    More handsome than it’s German rivals, but also tougher in the rough stuff, the Evoque is the James Bond of the SUV world

     

    Handling and ride

    What I am about to say is so extraordinary that it is essential that I establish my credibility first. As a teenager, I cut my teeth thrashing the wheel nuts off hairy arsed rear wheel drive rally cars like the 1800 BDA Mexico and RS 2000’s that only knew one way to corner, and that was completely sideways leaving a streak of molten rubber. By dealing in cars like this as a student I earned enough money to buy my first Ferrari, a black 308 GTS just in time for my 25th birthday.

     

    That is when my real driving career started. There have been many occasions during the next two decades and a quarter of a million Ferrari miles in which I have found it necessary to prove to some upstart in a Evo or Imprezza that contrary to what he obviously read in a car magazine, his slant eyed rice burner was not in fact able to overtake Italy’s finest on a tight twisting back-road. You get the picture.

     

    So if I say a car’s handling is crap please trust me, it truly is. If on the other hand I say that it’s cornering capability is utterly, and quite unexpectedly astonishing, well, you can take my word for it. I really do know what I am talking about.

     

    Such was the case when I picked up the “Prestige Pack” Evoque, the cooking pot version which drinks the fuel of the Devil, I fully expected it to roll about hopelessly on the tight switchback North Devon back-roads like most top heavy tractor-fuel guzzling four wheel drives do. I was so glad when they said that I could drive this model first, because this would make driving the petrol version so much more fun afterwards. Oh boy, was I was in for a shock.

     

    Once I turned off the main North Devon Link Road in the SD4 and on to one of the finest drivers ‘B’ roads in Devon, I found myself at the wheel of a car with truly astonishing poise. I simply could not find fault with it. The electrically powered steering was perfectly balanced, weighted and geared. It ‘turned in’ with absolute precision, no oversteer, no understeer, just right. The body control was astonishing for a vehicle of this type with no almost no roll or weave in mid corner. There was no discernable lateral pitch either under hard breaking. Believe me, I tried very hard to upset it by deliberately chucking it into corners using the wrong line or by making clumsy mid corner steering inputs, but it always kept its cool, very impressive indeed.

     

    In fact I can honestly say that much to my absolute amazement, the Evoque SD4 prestige proved to have one of the best combinations of ride and handling of any 5-door car I have ever driven, let alone an SUV with a relatively high centre of gravity.

     

    That said, here comes the next surprise: The petrol version, even this one which was fitted with the Adaptive Dynamics option with MagneRide dampers (which supposedly react to the road inputs 1000 times per second by employing magnetically reactive damper fluid and clever electronics), was a total disappointment. In ‘normal’ or ‘comfort’ setting it rolled around in all directions horribly, pitching and weaving like a tramp steamer in a rough sea. Unlike the SD4, the turn-in was woolly and the wheel twitched nervously whilst under-steering horribly, totally lacking the precision of the diesel.

     

    Bizarrely, engaging ’Adaptive Dynamics’ mode did very little to cure any of this, it just seemed to make the ride harder whilst still doing the same thing. It was horrible. I simply cannot understand how two versions of the same vehicle could be so different, one utterly brilliant, the other totally crap. Clearly as even the Adaptive Dynamics option did little to improve matters the problem has to be fundamental.

     

    All I can assume is that Land Rover must have spent the whole suspension budget perfecting the spring and damper rates for the most common model, the turbo diesel, and then just didn’t have any time resources or cash left over for the lighter engined petrol version.

     

    Performance and economy

    Other differences in the driving experience between the two models would seem to support this hypothesis. Both cars have the excellent steering wheel mounted flapper changes allowing manual override of the 6-speed auto boxes. However, whilst on the diesel the operation was seamlessly faultless, the petrol’s was jerky and rough. Presumably they haven’t bothered to re-tune the torque convertor for the higher revving petrol engine.

     

    I would say that the diesel lacked a bit of mid-range grunt, but at least its torque was usually in the right place. The same could not be said of the petrol’s, which was simply hard work to row along if you were trying to make ‘good progress’ as my ex-Police Class 1 driving instructors, whose services I have engaged over the years would say. Again, another first for me was that whilst the diesel was quiet and refined, the petrol engine was actually intrusively noisy. Not in a good or exciting way as it is in a Ferrari, just annoyingly so.

     

    The only good thing I can think to say about the petrol was that in a straight line, you could certainly feel the benefit of the extra 50 bhp in terms of overtaking acceleration. However, in real terms all the other drawbacks would outweigh this. On the average B-road, the diesel would win hands down with a real driver at the wheel. Plus a diesel is easy to re-programme these days. With the right engine management remap, you can claw that 50 bhp back in a few minutes.

     

    Economy was surprisingly similar between the two models. Zeroing the average mpg on the trip computer before the back road thrash, the diesel achieved 21 mpg and the petrol 19.6 mpg. Zeroing it again just as I rejoined the North Devon Link Road and then driving very sedately at a steady 60 mph average for 25 miles, achieved almost identical mpg of 30.5 for the diesel and 30.2 for the petrol. However, undoubtedly the diesel would prove more economical around town and also would creep up nearer to mid or late 30’s mpg over a longer distance on a motorway. Although I would bet my socks that cruising at motorway speeds it would not crack 40 mpg, no matter what Land Rover claims.

     

    An interesting insight as to why the diesel returned such poor economy could be identified when I followed up the test of these two Evoques with a test of the Discovery 4 by way of comparison. Doing exactly the same back road thrash and sedate run on the main road returned an average of 3 mpg better despite the fact that the Disco weighs nearly a tonne more than a Evoque. This can only be down to a better engine/weight ratio. This is why the 2011 Range Rover is even more economical again than the Disco. The combination of its larger 4.4 V8 engine and lighter alloy body win the day. You cannot escape the fact that big heavy cars need an appropriate engine capacity.

     

    It seems Land Rover has missed a trick here. Had they installed the Disco’s larger 3-litre diesel engine in the Evoque it would have had a world class winner. Not only would this drop the already respectable if not exactly tarmac melting 0-60 from 8 seconds to around 6.5 seconds by my guess, whilst adding mind blowing mid range grunt to boot, but it would also achieve at least 10 mpg better economy, probably 15 mpg.

     

    This is all down to the crazy way the green brigade force car manufacturers to create vehicles which produce fewer emissions at the exhaust pipe, whilst ignoring the reality of the fact that putting too small an engine in a vehicle will actually cause it to use far more fuel and therefore produce far more emissions over its lifetime. Just like catalytic convertors, yes they cut emissions, but fitting them causes all vehicles to use 5-10% more fuel, so the net result is far more global emissions, duh.

     

    The only advantage of the 2.2-litre diesel is the fact that it saves you £185 per year road tax, which is only a saving if you are not doing large mileages. If you were, then this would soon be negated by the extra economy from an Evoque fitted with the larger Disco engine.

     

    Off-road performance

    I had only a limited opportunity to try the SD4 off-road, but the little I did looked promising. A muddy field can sometimes stop even the most seriously modified off-roader in it’s tracks but despite it’s low profile road tyres the SD4 had no trouble pulling itself up a 25 degree slope of muddy wet grass. When I tried to get it to break traction by flooring the accelerator it’s traction control cut in smoothly and it refused to even step out of line.

     

    Next, I then tried it on a short stretch of green lane, which is used not only by serious offroading enthusiasts, but also several motor clubs for trials. Known locally as ‘Hell Hill’ its broken surface consists of mud covered slick rock. Very few contestants, either car drivers or dirt bikers clear the section in one attempt in a trial. The SD4 made light work of both going down and up the short section I attempted and surprisingly the road-orientated suspension did not cause it to bang or crash over the rough ground. It just absorbed it all smoothly and without drama. That’s all you could ask for on a compromise SUV like this, it does not pretend to be a Defender. I doubt any of the German competitors would have performed anywhere near as competently.

     

    The interior of the Evoque (I’d personally ditch the WAG look and get it in black)
    The Evoque’s glass ceiling
    Ample room for a Labrador and a pair of Purdeys

     

    Build quality and interior

    The Evoque has a high quality feel about it both inside and out. Fit and finish is excellent and both examples were rattle free. I have to confess I really struggle to believe Posh had much input in the interior’s design as it appears to me to be an identical clone of the Rangy and Disco’s but more compact. Even the instruments and switchgear are identical. Sounds like PR BS to me, and you know what that stands for.

     

    Frankly the seats could have been more comfortable, a little more front thigh support would have done wonders for long journey comfort. The sports seats in the ‘Dynamic’ package are worse than the ‘Prestige’. Why can’t car manufacturers get this simple aspect of seat design right? They only have to consult the top motor sport seat manufacturers.

     

    I loved the full-length transparent tinted roof, which gave the interior an airy feel it might have otherwise lacked, plus more headroom. The surround camera system was a nice gimmick, which could come in handy off-road sometimes although they would need to be frequently cleaned in muddy environments. The sat nav was clear and even works off-road. The upgrade 825w sound system with 16 speakers was first class and frankly I found it like sitting in my own Albert Hall.

     

    In conclusion

    The 5-door Evoque is actually a really brilliant SUV, which in its unique way is a credit to the Land Rover brand. I started off hating it but now I am a bit in love with it. If you are going to get one, take my advice and buy the diesel Prestige in a decent colour like dark green or the very nice dark blue like the SD4 tested. Avoid the petrol version like the plague. If you want to get the Adaptive Dynamics option make sure you test it back to back with the standard suspension first. There wasn’t a diesel available with this option for me to compare. Stick to black leather and everyone will applaud your good taste. The tinted transparent roof is a must and don’t, whatever you do, dare mess up the ride and handling by fitting the optional 20-inch wheels.

     

    What else? Oh yes, but you did not hear this from me right? Get the diesel re-programmed on the quiet to give it about 240 bhp, tons more torque and better economy. Make sure it is done by a reputable firm whose work cannot be detected so it doesn’t invalidate the warranty. Believe me, the chassis will easily handle the extra performance and it will be a lot cheaper to run. Then, I can assure you, the Evoque SD4 will become the best all round 5-door country car you ever owned.

     

    The Range Rover Evoque is priced from £28,695. For more details, go to: http://www.landrover.com/gb/en/lr/range-rover-evoque/

     

    Watch the Range Rover Evqoue in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6miuU8G7ufw

  • The battleaxe in the Beemer

    The battleaxe in the Beemer

    Matthew Steeples examines the truth behind Liz Jones giving up on her “rural idyll”

     

    The Mail’s Liz Jones is a waspish woman who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Those who’ve paid even a moment’s attention to her bleating, will be familiar with lines such as: “Last week, my brand new £1,300 MacBook Pro broke” and “Phil Spencer wanted his £46,000 and he wanted it now!” She never stops talking about money and the size of what she both owns and owes.

     

    Liz Jones

    In today’s Femail, Jones bores on about about how she feels “like a cross-dresser” trying out the Kardashian Kollection of clothing in a pointed attack on Kim Kardashian, but it was for her diatribe yesterday that she truly got the goat of the nation in “[bidding] a ferocious farewell” to life in the country in an article entitled “Goodbye… and good riddance!” 2,151 people have commented so far and most of them have been far from sympathetic.

     

    When Upcott Farm at Brushford, near Dulverton in Somerset came up for sale in 2007 at a price of £1.6 million, it featured in an article by The Telegraph’s Caroline McGhie. The 5-bedroomed farmhouse came with a 2-bedroom annexe, a courtyard of barns and stables and 47 acres of land. McGhie waxed lyrical about the merits of moving to this location: “People come here for the peace and quiet, the night skies, the dramatic coastline, and they work from home,” she stated before adding: “You can find everything here, including butchers, bakers, afternoon tea and cake, fish and chips, an art gallery and a shop selling fishing tackle.” Of Upcott Farm itself, she concluded:

     

    “This would suit a member of the new wave of buyers dubbed Droppies (Disillusioned Relatively Ordinary Professionals Preferring Independent Employment Situations).”

     

    McGhie got it half right: Upcott Farm sold to someone who considers herself far from “relatively ordinary” and someone who is far from “professional.” The purchaser, however, was certainly someone who’d become “disillusioned” with what she’d bought and someone whose desire to be “independent” and create a “situation” just alienated all she encountered. The buyer, you’ve guessed it, was none other than Elizabeth Ann Jones.

     

    Jones was born in Brentwood, Essex in 1958 and studied journalism at the London College of Printing. She became editor of Marie Claire in 1999 but was sacked, she herself suggests, for “listing in the magazine the freebies she had been offered in the previous month.” Here, it seems, began Jones’s obsession with all things material and here she also met an Indian BBC radio journalist named Nirpal Dhaliwal in 2000.

     

    Jones married Dhaliwal but the union was to prove an “utter disaster” as he had affairs with women she terms “younger, dimmer [and] slimmer.” “I’m no racist” Jones was divorced in 2007 and said goodbye to her “3,000 square foot of Islington real estate” and “easy, if super-busy, London life” in favour of the green, green grass of Somerset.

     

    Upcott Farm, Brushford, Dulverton, Somerset, TA22 9RS

    Whoever’s side you see it from, five years of hell followed. Jones baited the locals and they grew to loathe her. She wrote columns and a book, The Exmoor Files, where she attacked them as “faintly Amish… feral, old and smelly” and another hack and neighbour, Jane Alexander of The Telegraph, responded: “Dulverton [was] positively fizzing with fury” after each and every publication.

     

    Of the local restaurants, Jones stated:

     

    “I have given up trying to eat out in restaurants here on Exmoor… It is still stuck in the Seventies, with only things in baskets and rum babas on the menu… If you tell the waiter you are vegetarian, you are stared at, incredulously, as if you are black.”

     

    She whinged about her inability to find love:

     

    ”I will never, ever meet a man here in the middle of a moor, where even to be in possession of your own teeth is a bonus.”

     

    And whined about fieldsports:

     

    “I didn’t increase my popularity by being unable to pass a party of men and often children with guns, shooting rabbits and deer, without getting out of my BMW and saying: ‘Do you really have nothing better to do with your Saturday morning?’ The look of shock on their faces that I had the cheek to challenge them was priceless. I would stop, too, and shout at huntsmen on horses, galloping on tarmaced roads, one hand on the reins, the other clamping a mobile phone to their heads. ‘You will ruin your horses’ tendons!’ I would wail.”

     

    Whilst Jones found little to like in her new community, they found nothing positive in her arrival either. Her dog was blamed for worrying lambs, and Jones’s inability to control it, locals say, was an indicator of the chasm between her life and theirs. In 2009, one neighbour went as far as to tell Danny Brierley of The Independent:

     

    “We have got nothing in common with her, really. I think she may find it difficult to make any kind of life here now. She is not a very friendly person and we are all sick to death of talking about Liz Jones. A hatred has been building up for months. She is actually having a go at people and they are not going to tolerate that. She has feelings like all people, of course she has. But everyone wants her to leave and leave now. No one can make her, but we think she will go. I don’t see how you can live in such a small community with people who think that way about you.”

     

    Matters came to a head when Jones’s precious black BMW convertible, “bought in 2005 for £26,000,” was pelted with eggs and teenagers fired shots at her letterbox with an air rifle. A local councilor even dressed up as her in the local carnival and yesterday Jones took revenge on those she blames for her “five-year prison sentence” and deprivation from Space NK, Cath Kidston and Illy coffee.

     

    Instead, the article just shows the true reality of this bombastic harpy. The lines Jones penned speak for themselves. Country people don’t welcome someone who planned to “hack for miles across the open moorland in my Prada jodhpurs” anymore than the folk of Knightsbridge welcome Arabs treating their roads like racetracks. The gardener who had to endure Jones yelling “walk faster!” at him didn’t deserve such anymore than a bus driver in SW11 deserves abuse from his passengers. Jones concludes:

     

    “I’m now a different person. I became so lonely. I would often get in my car, not just for the warmth, but for the kind voice of the satnav lady. I’ve learned that an amazing view and a pair of nesting grey herons are not enough to make me happy.”

     

    27 acres of land including paddocks and a fishing lake remain on the market through Savills and Strutt & Parker at a price of £200,000 at Upcott Farm

    Miss Jones bleats that she’s taken a £500,000 loss on Upcott Farm, which languished on the market at first at £1,900,000 and then £1,750,000 for three years. The “unexpected” sale of the property has given her the ability to “flee back to the city” but the locals and even the “Droopies” should be warned: there’s still 27 acres of the farm unsold and on the market at a price of £200,000. Halloween may have passed but the battleaxe in the Beemer could still call again.

     

    Read yesterday’s “Goodbye… and good riddance!” article by Liz Jones for the Mail on Sunday at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2231033/Goodbye–good-riddance-During-catastrophic-years-country-Liz-Jones-greeted-gun-attack-relentless-abuse-Now-flees-city-bids-ferocious-farewell.html

     

    To purchase Liz Jones’s book, The Exmoor Diaries, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Exmoor-Files-Husband-Found-Rural/dp/0297854437

     

    For more information about the remaining 27 acres at Upcott Farm, contact Strutt & Parker on +44 (0) 1392 976005 or go to: http://www.primelocation.com/for-sale/details/18314693?search_identifier=71cbb8a2fb43a12182bfa7b79b5de0a3

  • The Savile defence

    The Savile defence

    Hugo Istay discovers Jimmy Savile’s most unlikely advocates: The Daily Mail

     

    Here are some quotes from that bastion of the country’s morals, The Daily Mail. Apparently Jimmy Savile had been collecting ones like these for years to aid his defence should the proverbial hit the fan.

     

    A screenshot of the somewhat “sexed-up” first version of the MailOnline article

    A screenshot of the somewhat “toned-down” second version of the MailOnline article

     

    He was going to kick off his case with:

     

    “Elle Fanning looks all grown up at 14.”

     

    And then follow up with:

     

    “She may be only 14, but rising star Elle Fanning isn’t counting on her good genes or youth to keep her slim. Wearing black cropped spandex jazz dance pants and orange Nike trainers, the little sister of Dakota had obviously been letting loose in the dance studio as her usually silky hair was hanging down in a sweaty tangle.”

     

    No sexual innuendo there, then.

     

    Next, he’d add:

     

    ”Dressed in a satin babydoll-style top, black skinny jeans and patent peep-toe wedges, Elle looked mature beyond her 14 years.”

     

    Or this:

     

    “She has a maturity that belies her years, so sometimes it’s difficult to remember that Elle Fanning is only fourteen years old.”

     

    And, if all else failed:

     

    “The 14-year-old took to Instagram to share a photograph of her Halloween outfit and wasn’t afraid to flaunt her curves for the camera.”

     

    He then planned to sum up with:

     

    “So it wasn’t my fault M’Lud, I was misled and egged on by the Daily Mail.”

     

    Maybe there should be a crime of journalistic paedophilia.

     

    Read the Mail Online’s original (now edited) article at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2226294/Halloween-2012-Elle-Fanning-pays-homage-New-Yorks-Statue-Liberty.html

     

    This article was originally published on Hugo Istay’s blog. Follow him at: http://hugoistay.wordpress.com/

  • Urs Schwarzenbach

    Urs Schwarzenbach

    This Swiss born son of a printer has spent over £85 million buying up properties in the Henley-on-Thames area of Oxfordshire. Schwarzenbach also owns 123,000 acres in Australia, 26,000 acres in Scotland and has his own polo team, the Black Bears. This financier’s foreign exchange dealership, Interexchange, is the biggest in Switzerland and betting against the dollar has brought much success. He supposedly even named his Gulfstream G650 “George” as “ultimately it was Bush who paid for it.” Whilst Schwarzenbach’s Grand Hotel Dolder in Zurich wins plaudits galore. an investment in Mayfair’s Café Grand Prix was less successful. It is, however, for philanthropy and discretion that Schwarzenbach and his wife, a former Miss Australia, are known best.

  • The land of Tarka and Salar

    The land of Tarka and Salar

    The North Devon countryside that inspired Henry Williamson, R. D. Blackmore and Charles Kingsley

     

    Much of my childhood was spent reading the works of superb authors and amongst the best of them were Arthur Ransome (1884 – 1967), Denys Watkins-Pitchford (1905 – 1990), who wrote many of his works under the pseudonym “B.B.”, and Henry Williamson (1895 – 1977). As a youngster, I was lucky enough to be read to by Ransome’s nephew, a most captivating professional storyteller, and was given first editions of many of the works of all three of these early to mid twentieth century authors.

     

    I had my first sailing lessons on Windermere, where Ransome set many of his works, and went shooting in the Forest of Bowland, a place dear to B.B. Though I also fished in many wonderful locations, until now I’d never been to the land of Henry Williamson and his most famous creation, Tarka the Otter. I currently find myself here enjoying a break from London and yesterday I randomly discovered, I am staying next to the setting of one of Williamson’s lesser known stories, Salar the Salmon, on the River Bray close to Exmoor.

     

    “Salar the Salmon” by Henry Williamson (1935)
    Henry Williamson (1895 – 1977) photographed by Mark Gerson, cibachrome print from original transparency, August 1970
    “Tarka the Otter” by Henry Williamson (1927)

    Originally published in 1935, Salar the Salmon combines Henry Williamson’s great talent as a writer with his insight as a naturalist. The story tells the tale of a five-year old salmon named Salar, whose name means the “leaper,” and his return to the stream of his birth. Salar’s migration through the riverways of Devon involve him surviving porpoises, seals, nets, fishermen, otters, poachers and weirs and Williamson’s account truly gives the reader an insight into one of nature’s great journeys.

     

    Henry Williamson wrote both Salar the Salmon and The Children of Shallowford (1939) whilst living beside the River Bray in a hamlet named Shallowford, near Lynton in Devon. The river plainly inspired him and whilst he lived there on the Fortescue Estate he also sired four children, joined Oswald Moseley’s British Union of Fascists, was briefly imprisoned for his views and conducted several extra-marital affairs.

     

    “War Horse” author Michael Morpurgo OBE

    Salar the Salmon is a story I am not alone in recommending. Another Devon based author and poet, Michael Morpurgo OBE, best known for his acclaimed work, War Horse, speaks very fondly of Williamson and the novel in a dedication he prepared for a recent reprint of it:

     

    “It is a rare gift indeed for a storyteller to be poet as much as a storyteller, to tell a tale so deeply engaging that the reader wants to know what will happen and never want it to end, and yet at the same time tells it in such a way as to leave a reader wide-eyed with amazement at the sheer intensity of feeling that can be induced by the word-magic of a poet. Henry Williamson is just such a story-maker poet.”

     

    Where I am staying, I have a view of the very river on which Salar made his journey and here also a detached barn conversion is currently available to rent at a price of £1,150 per month. Malle’s Barn is a 2-bedroom stone-built property that includes a 25ft by 12ft open plan sitting room with a fully fitted kitchen and a dining area, as well as a study and shower room.

     

    The exterior of Malle’s Barn, Brayford, Near Barnstaple, Devon, EX32 7QB
    A large open plan reception room includes sitting, dining and kitchen areas
    The setting of Malle’s Barn overlooking the valley of the River Bray

     

    Tenants of the house will have access to the owner’s 60-acre estate which includes a mile of salmon and brown trout fishing on both the Rivers Bray and Holewater, ancient woodland and a lake in addition to a private garden and adequate parking for several vehicles.

     

    Malle’s Barn would make a perfect retreat for any author or artist and is just 10 minutes from South Molton, Barnstaple is 9 miles away and Exeter 40 miles. The location is 30 minutes from J27 of the M5 and Tiverton Parkway Station, which provides mainline links to London Paddington within 2 hours.

     

    Close to Malle’s Barn are the prettiest sections of a footpath named the Tarka Trail. Consisting of over 180 miles of footpaths and cycle tracks that take in the Dartmoor and Exmoor National Parks and the North Devon Coast Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. The trail takes in many of the locations described in Williamson’s most famous novel but this area of North Devon also galvanized the pens of a number of other authors.

     

    Richard Doddridge Blackmore (1825 – 1900)
    Professor Charles Kingsley (1819 – 1875)

    Richard Doddridge Blackmore (1825 – 1900) set Lorna Doone: A Romance on Exmoor in the locality in 1869 and Professor Charles Kingsley (1819 – 1875) put pen to paper here when he wrote Westward Ho! in 1855. A village of the same name was subsequently established near Bideford in the 1860s by entrepreneurs, led by Lord Portsmouth, who saw an opportunity to capitalise on the novel’s success. Westward Ho! is the only place in the United Kingdom with an exclamation mark in its name. The only other place in the world that shares such is Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha! in Quebec, Canada.

     

    Aside from literary connections, the locality is famous for its excellent fieldsports. The Earl and Countess of Arran’s Castle Hill and the Molland shoot are considered amongst two of England’s finest high bird pheasant shoots and both the Devon and Somerset Staghounds and Devon and Somerset Foxhounds hunt on Exmoor.

     

    Johnny Kingdom

     

    Johnny Kingdom, who describes himself as having been “a farmer, quarryman, forestry worker, gravedigger and, if truth be told, a poacher” in his youth, also lives in the locality and is well known as a wildlife photographer, filmmaker and television presenter. He sets many of his series on Exmoor because of the vast array of wildlife he comes across here and is, like Williamson before him, often to be found exploring the valley of the River Bray.

     

    In a 1965 BBC interview Henry Williamson was asked: “What influence has this [the Devon] countryside had on you?”:

     

    “Everything, I should say. I came down here as a youth, aged just 18 in 1914, spent a fortnight’s holiday here in the beginning of May, beginning of June. I walked 20 to 25 miles every day. Everything I saw was radiant and beautiful.”

     

    This idyllic part of Devon that Williamson loved so much remains unspoilt to this day. If you haven’t visited yet, it really should be added to your bucketlist.

     

    For more information about Henry Williamson, go to The Henry Williamson Society’s webpage: http://www.henrywilliamson.co.uk

     

    Watch the 1965 BBC interview with Williamson at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/devon/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8475000/8475989.stm

     

    For details and a map of the Tarka Trail, go to: http://www.devon.gov.uk/tarkatrail and http://www.devon.gov.uk/tarka-trail-circular-routes.pdf

     

    For information on the Molland shoot, go to: http://www.bettwshall.com/molland.htm

     

    For more information about the Devon and Somerset Staghounds, go to: http://www.devonandsomersetstaghounds.net

     

    For more information on the Devon and Somerset Foxhounds, go to: http://www.exmoorfoxhounds.co.uk

     

    View the official website of the author and poet Michael Morpurgo at: http://www.michaelmorpurgo.com

     

    View the official website of Johnny Kingdom at: http://www.johnnykingdom.co.uk/

    For more information about Malle’s Barn, contact Charles Mitford Cust at: [email protected]

  • Arthur Ransome (1864 – 1967)

    Arthur Ransome (1864 – 1967)

    Though best known for Swallows and Amazons, Ransome’s life in Russia was what makes him most fascinating. He was sued unsuccessfully by Lord Alfred Douglas over a biography of Oscar Wilde, played chess with Lenin and married Trotsky’s personal secretary, Evgenia Petrovna Shelepina. Accused by many of being a spy, his books on fishing, some might argue, are actually his finest literary examples.