The Steeple Times

Tag: blog

  • Nad's not that Mad

    Matthew Steeples suggests that Nadine Dorries is perhaps right to head for the jungle

     

    Don’t get me wrong: I think Nadine Dorries is an utter loon. For those who haven’t heard of her, she’s the MP for Mid-Bedfordshire and a bit of a mouthpiece. Her entry on our roll call attracted over 8,000 hits yesterday and that alone is clear indication that she, unlike the majority of dimwits that occupy the Houses of Parliament, is an MP who gets noticed.

     

    Nadine Dorries heads for the jungle

    “Gets noticed,” I hear you splutter. Yes, she’s someone who loves the limelight and doesn’t care whom she offends. She’s best known for having described David Cameron and George Osborne as a pair of “arrogant posh boys” who “don’t know the price of milk” and is regularly derided for her “maverick” ways. Here is a woman who gets compared to Ann Widdecombe and Edwina Currie and one that hasn’t let her party tell her what to do.

     

    In the House of Commons she’s achieved little apart from becoming a figure of fun. She’s commonly known as “Mad Nad” and the media reel her out whenever they fancy a bit of sport. Dorries can be relied upon to produce lines such as: “[I’m] not an MP for any other reason other than because God wants me to be” and these indeed are classic examples of her idiocy.

     

    On Tuesday, it was announced that Ms. Dorries, on full parliamentary pay, has headed off to Australia to participate in the ITV1 television series I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! For this, she’s pocketing a fee of circa £40,000 and will, without doubt, rake in a lot more in appearance fees and for interviews on her return. MPs and the media derided this move but I congratulate her.

     

    Martha Payne

    I cannot disagree with those who state that she’d be fired if she were in a normal job and just disappeared for a month, but “Mad Nad” has realised that the Conservative Party is not the place for her. She has plainly come to the conclusion that the House of Commons is nothing other than a chamber full of hot air and that to get things changed, you follow the example of the schoolgirl Martha Payne and use technology and the media to the max. With NeverSeconds, this fearless 9-year old took on the might of a council and improved school dinners. In the meantime, MPs haven’t even been able to come up with an appropriate solution to restore the Houses of Parliament, let alone solve a nation in the midst of economic meltdown.

     

    Frankly, we have too many MPs in this country and they don’t work hard enough. In total, there are 650 and this corresponds to one for every 68,000 parliamentary electors. It would be better to halve this number and double the pay of the remainder. We’d get better quality people applying to be our representatives and people like “Mad Nad” would be a thing of the past. Nadine Dorries isn’t an A-list “celebrity” but she should most certainly stick to the jungle.

     

    Follow Nadine Dorries on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/nadinedorriesmp

  • For the love of Jobs

    For the love of Jobs

    Edward Kay takes a look at a yacht that forms part of the legacy of Steve Jobs

     

    In a bittersweet moment, Steve Jobs’s yacht was launched on 29th October from the Feadship’s de Vries yard in Aalsmeer, The Netherlands with his wife and three children aboard. The Jobs family gave the members of the yard iPod’s inscribed with the name of the yacht to show their appreciation for the six-year build.

     

    The unusual 256-foot yacht has been christened “Venus” after the Roman goddess of love and features huge floor to ceiling windows and teak decks.

     

    Venus emerges from the Feadship de Vries yard
    A closeup of the bridge deck of Venus shows seven 27-inch iMacs
    The iMacs in situ
    Venus in all her glory
    Steve Jobs (1955 – 2011)

    The minimalist Phillipe Starck designed aluminium vessel has been described as looking like an iPhone resting on an iPad resting on a MacBook Air and there are indeed seven 27-inch Mac screens clearly visible on the bridge deck.

     

    Jobs told his biographer Walter Isaacson: “I know it’s possible I will die and leave Laurene [his wife] with a half built boat. But I have to keep going on it. If I don’t, it’s an admission that I’m about to die.”

     

    Of the boat itself, Starck adds:

     

    “The idea for the boat was very simple. It was mainly philosophical. It is not like a lot of mega yachts showing the vulgarity of money. It’s a boat showing the elegance of intelligence.”

     

    Indeed, when Jobs saw the designs, he is said to have stated: “My God, it’s better than I could have dreamt.” I quite agree. Venus is a spectacular bequest.

     

    Remembering Steve Jobs: http://www.apple.com/stevejobs/

     

    To view more examples of the works of Feadship, go to: http://www.feadship.nl

  • Derek Paravicini

    Derek Paravicini

    This echolaliac prodigy has absolute pitch and has been described as “the human iPod.” His abilities as a musician are amazing given that he’s both blind and autistic. The cousin of The Duchess of Cornwall’s children, Tom Parker Bowles and Laura Lopes, Paravicini unexpectedly played Big Spender to the then Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, in 2009 and made legal history when The Court of Protection was opened for the first time in 2010 to discuss his future care. He captivates audiences throughout the land.

  • The Savile defence

    The Savile defence

    Hugo Istay discovers Jimmy Savile’s most unlikely advocates: The Daily Mail

     

    Here are some quotes from that bastion of the country’s morals, The Daily Mail. Apparently Jimmy Savile had been collecting ones like these for years to aid his defence should the proverbial hit the fan.

     

    A screenshot of the somewhat “sexed-up” first version of the MailOnline article

    A screenshot of the somewhat “toned-down” second version of the MailOnline article

     

    He was going to kick off his case with:

     

    “Elle Fanning looks all grown up at 14.”

     

    And then follow up with:

     

    “She may be only 14, but rising star Elle Fanning isn’t counting on her good genes or youth to keep her slim. Wearing black cropped spandex jazz dance pants and orange Nike trainers, the little sister of Dakota had obviously been letting loose in the dance studio as her usually silky hair was hanging down in a sweaty tangle.”

     

    No sexual innuendo there, then.

     

    Next, he’d add:

     

    ”Dressed in a satin babydoll-style top, black skinny jeans and patent peep-toe wedges, Elle looked mature beyond her 14 years.”

     

    Or this:

     

    “She has a maturity that belies her years, so sometimes it’s difficult to remember that Elle Fanning is only fourteen years old.”

     

    And, if all else failed:

     

    “The 14-year-old took to Instagram to share a photograph of her Halloween outfit and wasn’t afraid to flaunt her curves for the camera.”

     

    He then planned to sum up with:

     

    “So it wasn’t my fault M’Lud, I was misled and egged on by the Daily Mail.”

     

    Maybe there should be a crime of journalistic paedophilia.

     

    Read the Mail Online’s original (now edited) article at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2226294/Halloween-2012-Elle-Fanning-pays-homage-New-Yorks-Statue-Liberty.html

     

    This article was originally published on Hugo Istay’s blog. Follow him at: http://hugoistay.wordpress.com/

  • Hugh Bonneville

    Hugh Bonneville

    In his role as Downton Abbey’s Lord Grantham, this actor warned that “scandals” always have a habit of coming out. He graduated in Theology at Cambridge but, according to Adam Helliker of the Daily Express, Bonneville wasn’t especially keen to show Christian compassion towards Lord Archer at a party at The Cadogan Hotel when it was requested that the pair be photographed together.

  • Annabel Giles

    Annabel Giles

    On her website, Giles describes herself as a “model, TV and radio presenter, actress and comedienne, novelist and journalist…” Is there anything this ex-wife of Midge Ure of Ultravox does not do? On her blog: “When 140 characters just isn’t enough…” she tells David Cameron: “I’m not into politics, I’m into people” and states that “celebrities have feelings too, even if they can’t show them.” This former game show panelist plainly still considers herself still to be one. We’re not so sure and though she tells us on her Twitter handle that she’s “NOT Lara Croft,” we really don’t have a clue as to what she really is.

  • Sir Benjamin Slade Bt.: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    Sir Benjamin Slade Bt.: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

    The Steeple Times asks the right-wing businessman and owner of Maunsel House and Woodlands Castle, Sir Benjamin Slade: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom.” What’s your guiding force?

    Money, power, sex, success, land, trees, books and fine wine.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    “If it f**ks, floats or flies: Rent it, don’t buy it and don’t marry it!”

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2012?

    David Cameron and Sir Mervyn King.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Being in London full-time.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    Good health and two healthy sons.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank.” What’s your view on the banking crisis?

    It’s like putting bartenders on commission and allowing them to give credit to alcoholics who die and go bankrupt.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    I’ve got three: 1. “Sustainability.” 2. “Stakeholder.” 3. “Human rights.”

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home.” What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    UKIP and Help for Heroes.

     

    The judge in “Law Abiding Citizen” states: “I can pretty do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    They are useful for ringing up if late, doing deals and arranging dinners with girls.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    Warren Buffett, Bobby Faber, Philip Gibbs, Bettany Hughes, Brian Kingham, Lady Kitchener-Fellowes, Francis Fulford, Robert Lyle, Sir John Madejski, David Ord, General Sir Michael Rose, Roger Seelig, Alexander Stockton, Jonathan Sumption PC, Norman Tebbit, Lord Westbury, the Duke of Westminster and Mrs William Worsley.  Adrian de Ferranti can sit in the luggage car and serve wine.

     

    Sir Benjamin Slade Bt.

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    It’d have to be at La Tour d’Argent in Paris.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    1pm and 6pm.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    Green tea.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Sotheby’s and Christie’s and those hosted by Liz Floyd and Philip Gibbs.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    My friend Bobby Faber.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    Drinking claret at £100 per bottle.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A big castle with lots of walnut trees, good books and bottles of wine. And girls’ hips.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A Ford Fiesta.

     

    Cilla Black presented “Surprise, Surprise.” Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    I’m self-made, have a great knowledge of history and am a seriously good doctor with over 120 patients. And, you’ll be surprised to learn that I was a spy in the Middle East for Britain.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    Tankards, invites, various Mouser and Walther pistols, cows horns, Roman artifacts, decanters, pewter cups, silver, an 18th century bottle of port and a Russian machine gun.

     

    Maunsel House, North Newton, Near Taunton, Somerset, TA7 0BU. Telephone: +44 (0) 1278 661076. Website: http://www.maunselhouse.co.uk

     

    Woodlands Castle, Ruishton, Taunton, Somerset, TA3 5LU. Telephone: +44 (0) 1823 444955. Website: http://www.woodlandscastle.co.uk

     

    Read Sir Benjamin Slade’s blog at: http://sirbenslade.blogspot.co.uk/ and follow him on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/sirbenslade

  • Taylor Swift

    Taylor Swift

    This American singer-songwriter was born in 1989 and earned $120 million between 2009 and 2012. The first thing she did on her 18th birthday was to register to vote and she’s dated Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhall, Conor Kennedy and Harry Styles. Swift owns homes in Nashville, Brentwood, Beverley Hills and Cape Cod. In August 2012, she added a $4,800,000 million oceanfront estate next to the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts to her burgeoning collection but offloaded it in March 2013 at a profit of $875,000. Perhaps it’s time that she paused for a moment.

  • Martha Payne

    Martha Payne

    A fearless child who set about improving school meals by posting photographs and rating the junk she was fed. Her blog, NeverSeconds, became an internet sensation and even Jamie Oliver backed her. Subsequently, bureaucrats at Argyll and Bute Council banned her from taking photographs but all that did was make her more famous. Good for her.

  • Karen Matthews

    Karen Matthews

    She told “The Mother Of All Lies” when she arranged for her degenerate boyfriend to help her kidnap her own daughter, Shannon, in 2008. She hid the poor child under a bed and basked in the media attention. Not being very bright was what resulted in her being caught and resultantly she failed to collect a reward of some £50,000. Matthews was jailed for eight years but released in April 2012. Goodness knows what this simpleton will do next.