The Steeple Times

Category: Brexit

  • Dracula’s Hooch – Bargain £2 A Bottle ‘Legend Of Dracula’ Wine

    Dracula’s Hooch – Bargain £2 A Bottle ‘Legend Of Dracula’ Wine

    Wine enthusiast Fred Skulthorp samples Romania’s £2 a bottle Legend of Dracula wine whilst flying from Cluj to Stansted and considers national decline

    This summer’s travel chaos provides a welcome opportunity to savour the novelty wines of the duty free – and reflect on the decline of our nation.

     

    One of the few pleasures left afforded by the budget holiday to the continent is the chance to take advantage of the discounted duty free wines. Cluj is not the obvious destination of choice for the seasoned drinker, but a post-lager wonder through the cobbled streets of this Transylvanian gem, with its mediaeval churches and the resentful stares of ageing locals and you could be in Languedoc, Bordeaux or Plovdiv.

     

    This stretch of the imagination is confirmed by the unashamedly bold and vibrant reds on offer in the airport’s duty free. Too often, a novelty wine for the jaded traveller is very much the sum of its carefully marketed label and alcohol content – and at first glance, The Legend of Dracula, Cabernet Sauvignon seems precisely this.

     

    Yet, persevere with the tricky corkscrew in the departure lounge (the pop of the cork drowned out by the sound of feral children and announcements for delayed flights) and you’ll be setting yourself up for a mid-air treat.

     

    First sips tend to go well with whatever marketing copy has made itself onto the back of the bottle. In this case, there’s a tasteful prose poem that soothes the initial acidic taste, and comes to pass for something quite moving as the plane taxis in the late afternoon haze of Romanian runway:

     

    A restless traveller through time, that’s who I am, 500 years ago I was known as Vlad the Impaler. I wanted to change the world for the better – so I became a rule-breaker and rule-maker, a warrior taking all the risks to follow his vision.

     

    What a risk it is to open a second bottle at 30,000 feet, the Carpathian mountains in your wake, and a feeling of smugness as your fellow travellers opt for whatever plonk has made its way into the Ryanair drinks trolley. A second bottle is a necessity really, as you go in search of the promised blackberry aftertaste, and though increasingly sour, some stale fizzy water and a forgotten flapjack from your carry-on luggage rejuvenates the bouquet. Stubborn perseverance is rewarded with something vaguely fruity.

     

    What really should be a final indulgence leaves me longing for more deals at Stansted. But where is the novelty wine for Britain? Where is our Legend of Dracula? The absence of such a bottle, I suspect, points to a profound sense of national decline. A nation that lacks the confidence to whack a picture of its national icon on a bottle of plonk, a Sir Francis Drake or a Sue Barker, is one mired in a sad and seemingly irreversible crisis of identity.

     

    Tasting Notes

     

    Fred Skulthorp is a freelance critic of the finer things in life. He first wrote for ‘The Steeple Times’ in 2013 about amongst Tesco’s Everyday Value Chardonnay and wines fit for students and after a significant hiatus has returned to share his thoughts on all things 2022.

     

    The capital of Transylvania, Cluj-Napoca, has been lauded as a “vivacious” city where the “tourism scene is still developing.” It has an opera house, a cathedral and an ethnographic park. The local football team, CFR Cluj, beat Celtic in the 2019 Champion’s League qualifiers and a visit to its salt mines are considered “one of the best things to do in Romania.”
    Bram Stoker
    Dublin born Bram Stoker’s famous novel was published in May 1897 and is considered one of England’s most famous pieces of literature. It has been adapted for film over 30 times and its characters have made numerous appearances in all media. Stoker (1847 – 1912) wrote many other novels and short stories including ‘The Primrose Path’ and ‘The Lair of the White Worm.’
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJYW5oBaE0A
  • Picture of the Week 2022 – BYOB Veganuary at Wetherspoons

    Picture of the Week 2022 – BYOB Veganuary at Wetherspoons

    As horrendously nutty ex-MEP Roger Helmer bangs on about having a burger at Wetherspoons, an image of PM Boris Johnson and the chain’s boss Tim Martin at a BYOB at 10 Downing Street trends on Twitter; we also remind readers of Helmer’s past antics

    On Friday, on Twitter, Roger Helmer – an off-his-merry-rocker Conservative MEP for the East Midlands between 1999 and 2017 – shared an image of a burger and declared:

     

    “Perfect for Veganuary: Wetherspoons’ double six-oz burger (with cheese, bacon & onion rings). Delicious. And cheap as chips (which it comes with). Take a stand.  Fight back against the nonsense.”

     

    Clearly as potty as the BYOB bottle party loving Prime Minister whose political party he used to be part of before heading off to the headbangers at UKIP, Helmer was mocked not only because the image was not of a double burger, but because even the cretinous Wetherspoons pub chain owner Tim Martin has turned on the Tories.

     

    Leading Brexiteer Martin – whose friendship with ‘Bosie The Buffoon’ has been longstanding – came under fire elsewhere on social media when a picture of 10 Downing Street did the rounds.

     

    In it, the residence of Britain’s current leader’s residence was turned into a branch of Martin’s lowbrow hosterlries. Aside from a Wetherspoons sign, the railings of the Westminster residence were adorned with signage and Johnson and Martin were inserted inside serving from behind a bar.

     

    The two signs themselves read: “BYOB – No COVID rules here!” and “It’s a work do baby, wear a suit.”

     

    Cheers and please everyone, always remember the rules: “Bring Your Own Bottle.”

     

    Roger Helmer Wetherspoons Twitter
    Ex-Conservative Member of the European Parliament Roger Helmer thought it funny to tweet: “Perfect for Veganuary: Wetherspoons’ double six-oz burger (with cheese, bacon & onion rings). Delicious. And cheap as chips (which it comes with). Take a stand. Fight back against the nonsense.” All he got met with, unsurprisingly, was mockery. The man’s a twerp. In fact, he’s an utter bloody berk.
    Boris Johnson Tim Martin Wetherspoons
    Boris Johnson and Tim Martin were happy to pal up in support of Brexit in times past. Now, with Martin’s Wetherspoons profits plummeting due to coronavirus restrictions and him being unable to get staff due to most quitting Britain due to Brexit, he’s moaning like the baby that he truly is. Frankly, nobody of sane mind likes his hideous outlets and frankly he deserves his sorry fate.
    In 2008, Roger Helmer, then a Conservative MEP, declared that he wanted rid of the majority of immigrants that came to Britain. He continued: “They are a threat to social cohesion and the welfare of our nation.” What a charming, caring chap.

    Roger Helmer’s Worst Moments

    Visits to sleazy massage parlours

    In October 2014, the then MEP was photographed visiting a “sleazy massage parlour” in Lutterworth, Leicestershire. Of this, he told The Sun that he believed: “MEPs are entitled to a private life. I work extremely hard and when I do occasionally have time off, I enjoy a massage.” Speaking to the Derby Telegraph, he later added: “I think ‘The Sun’ quoted me quite well and I don’t have anything to add to that.”

     

    Continuing later, the Tory tried to excuse his mucky antics at a “discreet gentleman’s retreat” venue whose motto featured the words “driving men wild since 1999” by stating: “I hope my constituents will agree people are entitled to enjoy their leisure as they please.”

     

    On the NHS

    “A sixty-year mistake.”

     

    On climate change

    “It’s junk economics built on junk science. No more than hot air, yet it looks set to beggar our grandchildren.”

     

    On energy subsidies

    “Morally dubious… A regressive tax.”

     

    “I really don’t want to say I am a closet green… [But] let me describe these subsidies to you. You can make a unit of electricity at a power station for about 4p in this country. As a householder I can buy unit of electricity from the Grid for about 12p in this country. Every unit of electricity I get off the solar PV system I have on the roof of my wife’s stables I get just about 50p for.”

     

    “I am getting 12 times the cost of producing that electricity, and four times the amount it would cost me to buy it from the Grid. I would be mad to refuse. So, I put that in place. Oh, by the way, that it guaranteed for 25 years. It’s inflation protected. And it’s tax free.”

     

    On the Church of England

    “[They’ve] abandoned religious faith entirely.”

     

    On the Roman Catholic church

    “Systematically paedophile.”

     

    On gay people

    “I will argue homosexual behaviour [and gay people are] abnormal and undesirable.”

     

    “I don’t know why you guys in the media are obsessed with sexuality, but there are other issues… Some people dislike it and this is a fact.”

     

    “Different people have different tastes, you may tell me you don’t like Earl Grey tea. That may be a minority view but you are entitled not to like it if you don’t like it.”

     

    Twitter
    In January 2019, on Twitter, Roger Helmer was condemned for having “zero self-awareness” and a “massage parlour loyalty card.”
  • Dim Tim Martin’s Doom

    Dim Tim Martin’s Doom

    Nikolay Kalinin on extremist Brexiteer Tim Martin moaning about shortages at Wetherspoons being caused ironically by Brexit; ‘Dim Martin’ should blame himself only for such a situation

    It has recently been revealed that Wetherspoons – owned by Brexiteer Tim Martin – has been facing shortages partly due to ironically enough, Brexit. One branch for example put up a sign saying it has run out of Bud Light, Carling and Coors due to lorry driver shortages.

     

    A spokesperson for the company stated: “We are experiencing some supply problems with both Carling and Coors, which means that some pubs do not have the products available. We apologise to our customers for any inconvenience caused. We know that the brewers are trying to resolve the issue.”

     

    Martin – not having learnt from his mistakes from June – told The i that the shortages were due to industrial action, stating: “Last week, we understand, there was industrial action by delivery drivers acting on behalf of Heineken, our biggest supplier.”

     

    “As a result of a shortage of deliveries of Heineken, some other products ran out in some locations – for example Carling and Coors lagers.”

     

    However, Heineken were keen to point out to the paper that shortage of hauliers was the cause of shortages and that the strike action was canceled on 20th August.

     

    The shortages were mocked on the Internet, with many making fun of Martin for his blind support for Brexit, including him printing out 200,000 bear mats which advocated for Britain leaving the EU.

     

    Meanwhile, political activist Femi Oluwole wrote in his column for The Independent: “Can you imagine the entertainment value of watching Brexiteers argue with their past selves from 2016? The ratings alone would boost the economy so much we’d soon forget about Brexit and Covid.”

     

    There is no denying that COVID-19 had a massive impact on the supply chain, because the 60,000 drivers from EU who left the UK were unable to come back. However, the new restricting immigration system has also meant that many of those workers were reluctant to return.

     

    It looks like the sunny uplands of post-Brexit Britain are a bit more stormy that one could have expected, and that’s something that hardcore Brexiteers like Tim Martin and Nigel Farage truly need to accept and acknowledge.

     

    Tim Martin Boris Johnson
    The Wetherspoons owner has previously made much of his links with Boris Johnson. Strangely, he’s now rather quiet on that subject.