The Steeple Times

Category: MOVERS & SHAKERS

The snakes and ladders of society.

A chronicle of drama, scandal and success in London, Paris, New York and elsewhere

  • The Arab Arrival

    The Arab Arrival

    As Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road is invaded by Arabs, The Steeple Times finds that there is both good and bad in their number

     

    Last night, it was a party of two halves on Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road.

     

    At one end, close to the Caramel restaurant, a gaggle of vulgar Chanel handbag wielding Arab women (pictured top right) showed their low class ways when approached by an Englishwoman who simply asked them to let her pass. One remarked: “We have more money than you and we do what we want, whenever we want. You walk in the road. This pavement is our space.”

     

    Elsewhere, closer to the Brompton Road hoards of young Saudis and Kuwaitis gathered on the pavements. Asked why they were there, two Qatari men (pictured top left) politely explained that they would actually like to integrate with locals. They claimed they didn’t know where to find such but apologised profusely for others in their number blocking the streets.

     

    As is often the case, here was illustration that generalisations are never fair. There is good and bad in every part of society and we would all do well to remember that.

     

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    The Arab Arrival – As Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road is invaded by Arabs, The Steeple Times finds that there is both good and bad in their number. The Arab Arrival – As Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road is invaded by Arabs, The Steeple Times finds that there is both good and bad in their number.

  • Porn Pest Pun

    Porn Pest Pun

    Gatecrasher David Pun evicted from London hotel for watching porn

     

    Aside from gatecrashing parties and nabbing gift bags, it seems David Pun likes to visit London hotels to check his emails.

     

    A photograph captured at a South Kensington establishment we shall not name shows this reprobate ligger using a computer meant for resident guests.

     

    Of Pun – for whom a comedy Twitter account named @WheresThePun has been created in his ”(dis)honour” – a member of staff at the hotel told The Steeple Times:

     

    “He comes here either late at night or early in the morning and has even been evicted after falling asleep on sofas in our bar.”

     

    “Worse still, we once caught him watching pornography. He is a menace and though we have repeatedly tried to ban him, he just keeps coming back.”

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

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  • Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds

    Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds

    Matthew Steeples suggests Noel Edmonds’ latest outburst just confirms himself to be a strange, publicity desperate fool

     

    Spiritualist television personality Noel Edmonds is certainly an off-the-scale oddity. He blamed the banking giant HBOS for getting cancer and then claimed he knew of an electric box that could cure the disease; he tried to “comfort” a cat on Jeremy Vine’s radio show in 2016 and he’ll also forever be associated with his financially disastrous ‘Blobby Land’ theme park in Morecambe, Lancashire.

     

    Determined to keep himself in the public eye, Edmonds recently chose to participate in a BBC Two “endurance rally show” programme named Eight Go Rallying: The Road To Saigon. Likely paid handsomely for driving 2,500 miles through Cambodia, Thailand and Vietnam in an MGB GT with his wife, the television presenter have since complained that the experience was “a farce” and that he was even “deceived” into attending a wrap party in a brothel.

     

    In an article for The Sunday Times, Edmonds commented:

     

    “We were trapped in the worst kind of reality TV show, in which the reality is that the producers are deceiving the viewers.”

     

    “After months of silence, I assumed they had come to the only sensible conclusion and had decided to drop the series. But no — out of the blue I received an email announcing the dates for broadcast. To compound the insanity, the BBC is using my name and image to promote the series.”

     

    “No, Auntie, you’re misbehaving and I won’t be implicated.”

     

    Seriously Noel, stop drinking the Kool Aid: We all know you are publicity desperate and we all know you planted this story simply to boost your own pathetic ego.

     

    As the comedy character David Brent once quipped:

     

    “You know, like poor Noel Edmonds. People going, What’s he doing going round hospitals at Christmas giving out presents? He’s doing it for himself, isn’t he? He’s not doing it for himself! He’s doing it for them. He’s not doing it at all any more. He can’t get on telly for love nor money. But when he did it, he did it for them.”

     

    In summary Noel: Please. Please just shut up.

     

    Pictured top: Noel Edmonds hugging his creation ‘Mr Blobby’ at the opening of Crinkley Bottom at Happy Mount Park in Morecambe, Lancashire in 1994.

     

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @TheSteepleTimes and @M_Steeples

     

  • Cliff The Airhead

    Cliff The Airhead

    Crackpot Christian crooner Cliff Richard’s lawyers allude to him owning air

     

    The libel case brought by Sir Cliff Richard – a self-declared “genuine international celebrity” with an ego the size of China – against the BBC took an unexpected turn yesterday, according to a report on the corporation’s very own website.

     

    In an article published Tuesday, ‘Auntie’ remarked:

     

    “Sir Cliff’s barrister, Justin Rushbrooke QC, asked [Jonathan] Munro [the BBC’s head of newsgathering] if he thought it had been acceptable to fly a helicopter over a private estate to ‘spy’ on the singer’s home.”

     

    “Mr Munro said he would not use the word ‘spy’ and added he thought it was acceptable to film police searching the home of someone under investigation.”

     

    “Mr Rushbrooke said: ‘If that is your genuine belief I suggest to you that you are unfit for your job.’”

     

    Clearly, aside from being supposedly cheated out of winning Eurovision by General Franco, ‘Cliffy’ now plainly is of the belief he was robbed of the airspace above the apartment complex he used to live in. No congratulations required; the man’s an airhead.

     

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  • Potted Trolls

    Potted Trolls

    Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is right to speak out against those of the belief that social media trolls should simply be ignored suggests Matthew Steeples

     

    As someone subject to daily abuse on social media at the hands of mostly deranged, aged right-wing trolls, I was truly impressed that the author J.K. Rowling took to Twitter this week to speak out against those of the belief that “it is best simply to ignore them.”

     

    “I’m tired of this ‘don’t feed the troll’ advice,” remarked Rowling in one tweet. She continued: “Ignoring racist abuse leaves targets feeling isolated and unsupported. Hate loves silence, which it takes for consent” before adding: “|The overwhelming majority of people whose focus is ‘what the troll wants’ have never personally experienced abuse or threats. How about we focus on what the victims want? My experience is that most of them would really like the rest of us not to look the other way.”

     

    Ms. Rowling is entirely right. After my involvement in a case that ultimately resulted in the jailing of the racist bigot Viscount St Davids last summer, I have since been targeted by a number of his supporters. These dangerous oddities have posted up to fifty offensive messages about me per day, harassed those close to me publicly and made threats to my person also. I will, like J.K. Rowling, not remain silent and I urge others facing such vile abuse to follow our lead.

     

    Follow The Steeple Times on Twitter at @SteepleTimes and Matthew Steeples at @M_Steeples.

    Potted Trolls – Matthew Steeples salutes J.K. Rowling’s views on trolls – Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is right to speak out against those of the belief that social media trolls should simply be ignored.

  • Analysing Borwick

    Analysing Borwick

    The Cambridge Analytica connection you’ve most likely never heard of; meet The Hon. Thomas Borwick, son of ex-Tory MP Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick

     

    The Hon. Thomas Borwick is a figure in the Cambridge Analytica scandal you’ve probably never heard of.

     

    Bizarrely largely overlooked by the mainstream media, the son of the ousted ex-MP for Kensington Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick is an extremely well connected man who keeps himself under the radar on social media. The 31-year old has just 500 followers on Twitter – a surprisingly low number given he has been described as a “computer specialist” – and was put in a position of huge power as Vote Leave’s chief technology officer from August 2015 to July 2016.

     

    Educated at the University of Richmond, Virginia from 2006 to 2010, with a period studying law courses at Cambridge briefly during 2008, Borwick subsequently worked in IT for the financial services company Killik & Co in 2012 and simultaneously “developed music technology for interactive lessons.”

     

    More interestingly, this youngster’s move into political data profiling came also in 2012 when he founded a company named Kanto Systems with an aim of “bring[ing] UK Campaigning into the 21st century.” Here, Borwick developed a “mobile canvassing app” and came into contact with Cambridge Analytica in order to provide them with “digital services,” according to The Huffington Post. In turn, he sold an app to Cambridge Analytica’s parent company, SCL, and now, in March this year, his firm was brought in by Ireland’s Save The 8th anti-abortion campaign group as part of their efforts “to persuade Irish voters to keep the country’s strict anti-abortion laws.”

     

    “Hiring Thomas Borwick to create and manage a website is like employing the SAS to run security at a school hop or bringing in Einstein to tot up your shopping bill,” comments journalist Fintan O’Toole in The Irish Times, and in further revelations in the Evening Standard late March, Borwick himself admitted to also having worked with the equally controversial Canadian data firm Aggregate IQ – an operation that earned £3.5 million working for Vote Leave during the 2016 referendum campaign.

     

    The public and press need to wake up and smell the coffee. The manipulation of politics in America, Britain, Ireland and elsewhere runs far deeper than even the most avid viewer of the Daily Politics could imagine. Figures like Thomas Borwick may well operate in the backrooms but it is increasingly becoming apparent that with doorstep canvassing all but irrelevant, such people are worryingly our new political powerhouses.

     

    Follow The Steeple Times on Twitter at @SteepleTimes.

     

  • Clear The Roads

    Clear The Roads

    Irresponsible Volkswagen Polo driver – registration HW06 CWM – needs to be removed from Britain’s roads

     

    Jeremy Clarkson regularly shares the registration plates of irresponsible motorists he spots on his Twitter feed and having encountered similarly bad driving yesterday, here we share imagery of a woman who deserves to be removed from Britain’s roads.

     

    Witnessed by numerous drivers swerving in and out of traffic on the Cromwell Road in London, SW7 on Sunday afternoon, the female driver of a Volkswagen Polo – registration HW06 CWM – was observed nearly causing an accident with a Range Rover and then hooting her horn abusively.

     

    We share a picture of the white, female driver concerned and urge readers to clear the roads if you see this menace approaching.

     

    Follow The Steeple Times on Twitter at @SteepleTimes.

     Clear The Roads – Volkswagen Polo, HW06 CWM – Female driver – Irresponsible Volkswagen Polo driver – registration HW06 CWM – needs to be removed from Britain’s roads. Clear the roads.

  • Moron of the Moment – Barbara Woodward

    Moron of the Moment – Barbara Woodward

    Rich drink driver who could have killed someone but got off unpaid community work because “it would make her feel uncomfortable” Barbara Woodward is an utter disgrace

     

    If ever there were a case of: “There’s one rule for the rich and another for the poor,” Cheshire widow Barbara Woodward sums such up perfectly.

     

    Discovered drunk in a car park on 17th November 2017 with “makeup smudged across her face… slurring her words [and] very incoherent,” Mrs Woodward was found to be four times over the legal limit by police. She was “slumped” at the wheel of her £80,000 Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen and accompanied by her dog, a number of bottles of wine and a sandwich.

     

    At her trial this week at Stockport Magistrates’ Court, Mrs Woodward outrageously put in a not guilty plea and attempted to claim she needed her luxury car as it was too far to walk down the driveway to her multi-million pound mansion. Of her situation Nigel Benson, defending, told the court:

     

    “This lady has quite a large front drive, it is a quarter of a mile from the road and [a ban] would be difficult for her – she would have to make some lifestyle changes to go about her day-to-day life.”

     

    “She is a lady of mature years who has led a blameless life and has somehow found herself breaking the law… She is already in a strange enough situation for her and giving her unpaid work would put her in an alien surrounding and would make her feel uncomfortable and out of her depth. She has never worked and putting her in this situation will affect her mental health.”

     

    Of her, in a report, a probation officer added:

     

    “She went out to buy alcohol because she [claimed she] had friends coming over and she liked to make sure they had something to drink… This was completely out of character for her. She doesn’t drink ever. Her husband never drank, they didn’t have alcohol in the house.”

     

    “She has never had to pay a bill her life. She has never worked… She has never had financial issues… She is a mature lady and I don’t think she would benefit from unpaid work or a curfew… I challenged her about why she felt the need to go out in rush hour traffic at 9am on a Friday morning to buy wine and she accepts she was in a vulnerable situation… Due to the fact she hasn’t worked, she would find herself in an alien situation and I believe this would add to her stress and mental wellbeing.”

     

    Despite being rightly banned from the road for two years, that Mrs Woodward got off a harsher punishment and community service is utterly wrong. One is now simply left asking: “If this wealthy woman had killed someone whilst at the wheel or was poor, would the courts be treating her with such lenience?”

     

    Follow The Steeple Times on Twitter at @SteepleTimes.

     

    Moron of the Moment – Rich dink driver who got off unpaid work because it would make her feel uncomfortable Barbara Woodward is an utter disgrace.
    An aerial view of Barbara Woodward’s mansion and its driveway
  • Mad K&C

    Mad K&C

    Matthew Steeples reports on ‘Mad Friday’s’ arrival in the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea

     

    Vomit on the pavement and kids pissed on the streets: A standard night in Newcastle on ‘Mad Friday’ but this year this horrific occurrence hit the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea with vengeance and with equal aplomb to whatever damage it does elsewhere.

     

    On taking a stroll through Chelsea and Knightsbridge at around 9pm, I witnessed 14-year old drunks taking half-naked selfies in Cadogan Square and someone a little older vomiting in Milner Street. In Sloane Street itself, supercars roared and raced one another and outside The Botanist, instead of the Sloane Rangers of old, were individuals resembling Wayne and Waynetta Slob looking like they were about to pass out.

     

    Welcome to modern Britain: Thanks ever so much Theresa Trump.

     

    Follow The Steeple Times at @SteepleTimes and Matthew Steeples at @M_Steeples.

     

  • Calendar Cliff

    Calendar Cliff

    Sir Cliff Richard pompously announces his calendar sales “leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre”

     

    “The Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff Richard is in jubilant mood. After having seen off various interesting allegations against him in 2016, the Christian singer has taken to the Internet to announce his calendar sales “leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre.”

     

    The self-declared “genuine celebrity” – perceived to be a “national treasure” by some but loathed for his connections to the Krays, Rolf Harris, Sir Jimmy Savile and Lord Boothby by others – offers calendars on his official site for between £5.99 (for a “slim” Cliffy) and £9.99 (for what is bizarrely termed a “collectors edition”). Though it is supposedly “selling fast,” those with a desire for more can have Cliff in their pocket: His “official” diary can be had for just £5.99. How the ‘Faithful Ones’ fall.

     

    Pictured above – Sir Cliff Richard with his friend Rolf Harris.

     

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    Calendar Cliff – “Genuine celebrity” Cliff Richard mocks Beckham – Sir Cliff Richard pompously announces his calendar sales “leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre”
    Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Lord Boothby
    Calendar Cliff – “Genuine celebrity” Cliff Richard mocks Beckham – Sir Cliff Richard pompously announces his calendar sales “leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre”
    Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile