New wine tribes identified as ‘Tiggers’ and ‘Angels’ reports Matthew Steeples; both are to be avoided at all costs (unless you are the modern day Boycie)
The label ‘Tigger’ was for a short time earlier this year given to those who’d defected from various parties to form what proved to be the utterly shambolic mess that was The Independent Group. They’re called something else now – not that anyone is interested – but with news that Boris Johnson has become a fan of an expensive wine named Tignanello, it is time for those that join him in drinking it to be named ‘Tiggers.’
Previously lauded by the then Meghan Markle on her pretentious blog, ‘The Tig’ (named after she had a sip of it and informed her followers to pronounce it ‘teen-ya-nello’), this wine was this morning described in a Daily Telegraph article by an unnamed wine expert as: “A bit of a status symbol. It’s the personalised number plate of wine. A bit flash.”
Whilst ‘MeGain,’ back when she was rambling on about her tipple of choice, announced: “Suddenly I understood what people meant by the body, legs, structure of wine. It was an ah-ha moment at its finest. For me, it became a Tig moment – a moment of getting it,” we’d take a different view and suggest this to be the Boycie of wines. Here, in fact, is a bottle of booze that has a South London nasal twang to its name that’d even he’d mock and here is something that’s about as genuine as Peckham Spring Water. It’s now time to avoid it at all costs (unless you’re on a night out with Andrea ‘Loathsome’ Leadsom).
Elsewhere on social media, the equally vulgar wine of the summer season, Whispering Angel Rosé, is once again trending. A woman I know of who drinks it like water – a woman also prone to commonly referring to sexual acts as “banging” and one that counts aamongst her social circle an oddity known as ‘The Yoghurt Pot’ (due to her often “double dipping”; our advice: “Don’t delve any further into that element of her character”) – swears by it. She won’t drink anything else and when I once gave her a rather fine Chablis, she snottily turned her nose up and remarked: “Why didn’t you bring Whispering Angel? It’s the only wine to be seen drinking.”
Whispering Angel, in my view, is the preserve of the pretentious and the ill-educated. The ‘Angels’ that drink it are generally loud-mouthed divorced women and that they have fallen for this overpriced – at £17.99 and upwards – poison about sums their naffness up. That Majestic suggest that their £22.99 2018 offering is best with pizza is about right. Here is a wine that should only be consumed when you’ve run out of Blue Nun. Next!
Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes
Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes
Twitter: @SteepleTimes and @M_Steeples