Phillip Schofield – What a Plonker!

Phillip Schofield – What a Plonker! Wine range condemned as “bin fit” – All-round plonker Phillip Schofield’s wine range condemned as “only fit for the bin” and “no more palatable than fizzy Ribena.”

All-round plonker Phillip Schofield’s wine range condemned as “only fit for the bin” and “no more palatable than fizzy Ribena”

Known for his extremely short fuse and once described by David Dimbleby as “cretinous,” Phillip Schofield recently launched a wine range in Waitrose and on Amazon. Unsurprisingly, it’s been a total flop and was quite deservedly condemned at the weekend in The Sun as “overpriced” and “bitter.”


Priced between £19.99 and £24.99 for 2.25-litre boxes, Schofield’s was slammed by one punter as “only fit for the bin” on Waitrose’s website. They added: “The wine [was] effervescing within the bag. No more palatable than fizzy Ribena” whilst another suggested: “I don’t have anything positive to say about the flavour at all. Not pleasant drinking. We failed to finish the box.”


Prior to launching the range in April, Schofield quite pompously bragged to The Drinks Business:


“When I agreed to this partnership, I had certain conditions; I wanted to be part of the tasting team… I wanted it to be good value. The result is something I felt I could really invest in.”


Schofield – whose ‘coming out’ and alleged connections to a young man named Matthew McGreevy attracted much media attention earlier this year – unsurprisingly failed to respond to a request from The Steeple Times for comment; he was probably instead too busy nursing a hangover headache from drinking his equivalent of Sir Cliff Richard’s equally vile plonk.


Pictured top: All-round plonker Phillip Schofield on a night out with his one-time ‘friend’ Matt McGreevy; Phillip Schofield’s bag-in-box wines.


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Sir Cliff Richard’s associations with wines, just like Phillip Schofield’s, have not always proved fruitful. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the crappy crooner had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, Sir Cliff announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine”. The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”
What a Plonker – Phillip Schofield was photographed with Matthew McGreevy on a number of occasions during the latter’s youth.
What a Plonker – The television presenter with his “friend” at a later date.


  1. His wine is probably as shite as his taste in men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not send him Down Under!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He looks creepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He might pester the surfer dudes a bit too much —– and they’d thump him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. He turns milk sour so nobody should risk their lives sipping his failed attempt at wine! Even Blue Nun would be preferable to Schofield’s crocodile tears.

    • Correct Penny,he’s a very nasty little man,maybe Black Tower as an alternative to Blue Nun?Ah they were the days,dinner parties and a bottle of Mateus Rose!!


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