Five of the Worst – London Bars and Restaurants

Five of the Worst – London Bars and Restaurants – Matthew Steeples takes a look at where you might want to not go if you wish to avoid bad service, hygiene disasters and vile customers.

Matthew Steeples takes a look at where you might want to not go if you wish to avoid bad service, hygiene disasters and vile customers

Baglioni Hotel London 60 Hyde Park Gate, Kensington, SW7 5BB

The bar at the Baglioni Hotel serves gin and tonics. They don’t actually know how to serve gin and tonics. If you’re lucky, you get something close to a single measure of something ghastly like Gordon’s and then they charge you something like £28 for the bloody privilege. Forget it.

Bluebird 350 Kings Road, Chelsea, SW3 5UU

Described as “soulless and overpriced” by the New York Times, Bluebird on Kings Road is too vast for its own good. It’s rather like a warehouse but one full of the trashiest cast members of Made in Chelsea. A total dump and a hangout for angry middle-aged, divorced women and their braying brats, this is a place that serves the most revolting food known to man. The fare is so bad, in fact, that even a dog starved for a year wouldn’t touch it.

Harry’s Dolce Vita 27-31 Basil Street, Knightsbridge, SW3 1BB

Harry’s Dolce Vita is somewhere Giles Coren hates. It’s somewhere the ‘Gulfies’ love. Narrow and full of oiks like Lucy Siddiqi and her deranged ‘vlogger’ daughter, Tijan, this idiotic hell-hole makes you throw a dice if you want a Negroni. God knows why. I’d throw a dice to Never Ever go back. There’s a reference to the pop group All Saints in that, but what is clear is this: We’d even rather the fleapit that was Café Rouge came back. (Pictured immediately above: Lucy Siddiqi harrassing the gold door of Harry’s Dolce Vita)


Janet’s Bar – 30 Old Brompton Road, South Kensington, SW7 3DL

Janet’s Bar has quite possibly the worst set of reviews ever on TripAdvisor. The majority fall into the category “terrible” and such news won’t surprise anyone who has actually been there. “Run” – if this acid tongued Tory councilor is capable of such an action – by one Janet Evans, here is a bar that should be a hit. For one, it is has late licence and for two, it’s in the middle of South Kensington – but no, Janet just cannot help herself. She is mean to her staff we’re reliably told, but worse still, this vicious old bat treats her customers like shit. Supposedly, also, she rarely bothers to wash the glasses. Go there at your peril.


Princi135 Wardour Street, Soho, W1F 0UT

Princi in Wardour Street is a pizza joint with bouncers. If you dare criticise their frankly crap “plastic pizza,” they’ll chuck you out. Avoid the bother and just go somewhere wonderful like Delfino in Mount Street or Riccardo’s in Fulham Road instead.

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  1. thank you for alerting us to those.
    There also many unsavoury arab and italian and other restaurants round the corner from me in Knightsbridge, one in particular has its curtains closed at all times as inside is a smoking inferno, and no doubt there is more than cigarettes.. It is opposite the Bulgari Hotel side entrance. There are scary bouncers outside this bunker . The council is turning a blind eye. I would suspect there must be on the take.. otherwise how to explain .

  2. Very well observed and well written. I totally agree with NYT review of Bluebird Cafe. Soulless. What ever is it meant to be?

  3. Ugh that siddiqi brunch. Father is Tariq who is the biggest fake out there. Always trying to get invites to Tchenguiz’s parties etc….


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