Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Kensington Claus

Kensington Claus
Section:
THE ROLL CALLPERSONALITIESCHARACTERS

Kensington ClausIt’s Christmas every day for this bearded giant. Generally spotted in the pubs of South Kensington and always on his own, Kensington Claus has favoured drinking spots at each bar he visits and those who dare to inadvertently take his favoured pew do so at their peril. Whilst Santa lives by the mantra of “ho, ho, ho”, his Kensington equivalent is more likely to be heard grumbling angrily at The Admiral Codrington than dispensing with good cheer. Bah humbug!

 

The Roll Call - CHARACTERS

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Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’) – The Politmore Arms, Yarde Down, South Molton, Devon, EX36 3HA – Alongside a cat named ‘Frederick Albert Hitler’ as barman, landlord of the “maddest pub in Britain” Steve Cotten is certainly eccentric.

1

Steve Cotten (AKA 'Britain's Grumpiest Landlord')
Mrs Filthy Piece of Toerag – Angry pensioner constituent of Boris Johnson – This purple coated pensioner told Sky News’ Sophy Ridge that she considers Prime Minister Boris Johnson “a filthy piece of toerag” in Uxbridge on 6th October 2019.

2

Mrs Filthy Piece of Toerag

Angela Millington (1981 – 2014) – Murdered homeless woman – The skeletal remains of murdered homeless woman Angela Millington were found on Foulness Island in Essex in 2014 complete with a gaffer tape mask. Nobody has been convicted of her murder.

3

Angela Millington (1981 – 2014)
The Cheery Street Sweeper – Knightsbridge’s cheeriest street sweeper is a joy to behold. He is quite the contrast to the Royal Borough of K&C’s incompetent, avaricious councillors.

4

The Cheery Street Sweeper
Katherine Knight – This “sweet, matronly looking Australian woman” killed her partner John Price, skinned him, boiled his head in a pot and served up his body parts to his children with baked potatoes and gravy in 2000.

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Katherine Knight
2017 – The Sinners and The Saints – The Steeple Times chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of 2017; Brenda from Bristol and the Mary Berry are crowned our winners

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Brenda from Bristol

7

The Cross Word Couple (AKA ‘The Crossword Couple’)
The Pret Prayer – Pret A Manger, 15 Old Brompton Road, South Kensington, London, SW7 3HZ

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The Pret Prayer
The Pret Sleeper – Pret A Manger, 15 Old Brompton Road, South Kensington, London, SW7 3HZ

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The Pret Sleeper
Prince John Zylinski (AKA ‘Prince Twinkle Toes’)

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Prince John Zylinski
The Pret Spitter

11

The Pret Spitter
Fly-fisherwoman Marina Gibson

12

Marina Gibson
Margaret Wooliscroft

13

Margaret Wooliscroft
Angelo Vizcaino

14

Angelo Vizcaino
Mr Penny Farthing

15

Mr Penny Farthing
Adolfo Orsi, Jr.

16

Adolfo Orsi, Jr.
Helen Brach (AKA “The Candy Lady”, 1911 – 1977, body never found)

17

Helen Brach (AKA “The Candy Lady”, 1911 – 1977, body never found)
Mikel Ruffinelli

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Mikel Ruffinelli
Ziyanda Palesa Tutu

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Ziyanda Palesa Tutu
Kensington Claus

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Kensington Claus
The Knightsbridge rose seller

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The Knightsbridge rose seller
Sam Malin and Irène Major (AKA “Lord and Lady Hailes”)

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Sam Malin and Irène Major (AKA “Lord and Lady Hailes”)
Paul and Selena Bailey

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Paul and Selena Bailey
John Bly

24

John Bly
Joyce Cohen

25

Joyce Cohen (formerly Joyce McDillon, née Joyce Lemay)
Malavath Poorna

26

Malavath Poorna
Linda Sandler

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Linda Sandler
Pablo Salcedo

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Pablo Salcedo
Pedro López

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Pedro López (AKA “The Monster of the Andes”)
june and leon bernicoff

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June and Leon Bernicoff
Leah Chase

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Leah Chase (AKA “The Queen of Creole Cuisine”)

32

Dominic and Stephanie Parker (AKA “The Posh Couple”)

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Sarah Meakin

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Julia Bradbury

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Raine Spencer; Raine, Countess Spencer (AKA “Acid Raine”)

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Hannah Campbell (AKA “The Bionic Woman”)

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Candida Lycett Green (1942 – 2014; nicknamed “Wibz”)

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The musical tramp

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Doris Thompson MBE OBE (1903 – 2004) and Geoffrey Thompson (1936 – 2004)

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Charity Charity

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Kimi Räikkönen

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Elisabetta and Francesca Grillo

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Kester Thomas (1975 – 2013)

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Gavin Rankin

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Marina Oswald Porter (born Marina Nikolayevna Prusakova, Russian: Марина Николаевна Прусакова)

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Elena Salvoni (1920 – 2016)

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Sultan Kösen

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Boaty Boatwright (also known as Boaty Boatwright Baker)

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Cedric Robinson MBE

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Oliver Newton
Dawn Ward

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Don who's Donna at night

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Captain Pugwash (AKA ‘Captain’ Michael M. Maricic)

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Peter Grace OBE (1938 – 2013)

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Jim Bowen (born Peter Williams)

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Derek Bell MBE

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Pamela Jennings (better known as “Soho Pam”, 1964 - 2013)

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£50 grifter

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Parrot Man

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Jocelyn Wildenstein (née Périsset and also known as “Jocelynnys Dayannnys da Silva Bezerra”)

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John Gaze (1947 - 2011)

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Charlie Richardson (1934 – 2012)

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Count Robin de la Lanne-Mirrlees (1925 – 2012)

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Christian Gerhartsreiter (main alias Clark Rockefeller)

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The Rt. Hon. Baroness Shackleton of Belgravia LVO (Fiona Shackleton)

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Sir Peter O'Sullevan CBE (1918 – 2015)

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Nancy Wake AC GM (1912 – 2011)

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Claus Von Bülow
Alexander Fiske-Harrison

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Alexander Fiske-Harrison

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Lord Lucan (also known as Richard John Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan)

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Umberto Scomparin

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Roll-Call-Personalities-Characters
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