The Steeple Times suggests five things to bring cheer to Julian Assange’s grey existence
The fugitive Julian Assange will have been in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London for exactly one year tomorrow, the 19th June 2013. Last week Ecuador’s foreign minister, Ricardo Patino, commented:
“We believe he has a fundamental right to sunbathe. His right to intimacy, mobility, a normal life and health is being restricted”.
Here we suggest five of the best things that could be sent to help him in his quest for sun, cheer and intimacy:
Julian Assange is supposedly a passionate man so the polo inspired bar and restaurant PJ’s on London’s Fulham Road have created a martini that could help him imagine he’s on the polo fields of the central Ecuadorian Andes. Fill a martini glass with ice, add 25ml crème de peche, turn ice slowly and add ¼ squeezed grapefruit. Add 45ml Hendricks gin, revolve ice around slowly, double strain into a frosted martini glass and garnish with a frozen glazed peach and grapefruit twist. Cheers!
Australian citizen Mr Assange supposedly enjoys spending time on a sunbed in the Ecuadorian embassy in Hans Crescent, SW3. A pair of aussieBums “low riding” swimming trunks in an op-art black and white pattern would be ideal for this activity. The company suggest that the product makes a man “get sexy – get low” and a pair could be had for just £33.21.
Sweden wish to extradite Julian Assange on allegations of rape. In case he has to go, IKEA could deliver some of their famous meatballs and prepare him by giving him what they call: “A taste of Sweden”. £3.89 for 10 or £5.79 for 20, they come served with mashed potatoes, a cream sauce and lingonberry jam. Delicious.
A banana boat, in our view, would be the best way to spirit Mr Assange out of the UK. Instead, if he does get the right to spend some time on a balcony (and if indeed the sun ever shines again in the UK), he could do with some sunscreen. This aptly named product would suit him just perfectly.
Julian Assange probably wants his liberty back so whilst he’s waiting perhaps he could listen to Liberty X’s Thinking It Over. Maybe he could Dream About It (Just A Little) or perhaps he’ll decide to Feel The Rush to head out and hand himself to the police waiting outside in Hans Crescent.
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