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Legged off

Fashion writer Jacinta de Vere looks into the perils of wearing leggings, jeggings and meggings

 

What is up with women who assume leggings paired with a short top or crop jacket is a good idea for a night out or a trip to the supermarket? Leggings are not trousers, ladies. Leggings are actually the least flattering item in anyone’s wardrobe.

 

Unfortunately, most women do not realise that most leggings are made with very thin fabric. I was in the middle of Marks & Spencer buying my grapefruit when one woman dropped her apple. She bent over in front of me and I almost puked. I saw the personal bits that her gynaecologist and waxer normally see. It was not a pretty sight.

 

Similarly, I was at my local watering hole and had a table next to the dance floor. Some chick in her heels bent over to do some asinine dance move and of course, thanks to the flashing lights and disco ball I was also privy to her modesty while her bum was in my face. Seriously, if you are going to wear leggings, wear a thong. Even better yet, do not wear leggings at all.

Maybe the only people who can get away with wearing leggings with a short top are women who have long thin legs and a great bum, which are generally accompanied by a kick-ass body. These women go to the gym almost every day and rarely eat or have amazing genetics. These items are meant for the gym or to lounge around at home. However, if you are planning your wardrobe around finding a comfortable waistband, then that is your sign to wear a longer length sweater, boyfriend blazer or tunic top that covers your bum.

 

To make matters worse, some moron invented jeggings. It is a fashion mutation between jeans and leggings. If you think buying these is a good idea, then run and get your head checked. With all of the options available in the trouser section of most stores, I would question anyone who seeks out a jegging. Jeans are great; they are comfortable and look good when paired with a nice top and jacket. However, I struggle to find any combination where jeggings are a hot look. Instead, what comes to mind are muffin-tops and drumsticks. Jeggings are not forgiving to anyone’s imperfections. If you put them on, be prepared to be ridiculed and have young children run away in fear.

 

Even Kim Kardashian, who has a rather large bum, chooses to cover it with a sweater or a jacket. She knows her body and how to accentuate her best assets. A large number of women have no idea what looks good on their body shape, have a herd mentality and just follow trends. Ladies, this old trend, if followed, must be done with caution.

 

Another fashion travesty that occurs with leggings is wearing them with Ugg® boots. Uggs are Uggly. I have seen women walk around town with their children in matching Uggs and leggings. It makes me want to cry as I witness society deteriorate to a leggings and Ugg wearing generation. Where has the elegance and style gone? I have strong feelings about these unattractive boots and will spend more time on them in another piece at a later date. If you are not convinced, let me throw an image at you.

 

 

I did not want to make the male readers feel left out. This article would not be complete without a proper discussion on meggings: leggings for men. Apparently, this “hot, new trend” is crossing the Atlantic thanks to Uniqlo. I seem to recall this trend originating in the UK in the 80s and then going to America. I guess payback is a bitch.

 

When I see pictures of men who chose to don these appalling tights, I feel like I am looking at soft porn. As mentioned above, it is not cool to see your kibbles and bits whilst you are allegedly wearing clothing.

 

Whether comprised of sequin, crochet or flannel, they do not belong on anyone’s body except your favourite Raggedy Ann doll. Even then, I would question your taste. Let us examine this fine specimen in the following photograph. It does not matter how “hot” he is, I would rather chew off my right arm than be seen in public with a man wearing meggings. Gents, please ask yourselves: “What would Frank Sinatra or Humphrey Bogart do?” Whatever they would do or whomever they do, I doubt they would do it in meggings.

 

So, if you find yourself in a boutique thinking about purchasing leggings, jeggings or meggings, please think twice before you buy. Ladies, please channel you inner Audrey Hepburn or ask yourself: “What would Grace Kelly do?” If either of them were alive, they would buy a pair of skinny jeans or cigarette pants, a crisp white shirt, a boyfriend blazer and Chanel flats. You would not see them in leggings and Uggs.

 

Jacinta de Vere is a lover of haute couture and all things fashionable and decadent. She is based in London.

 

Follow her on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/jacintadevere

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