Classic clangers from the last week
Sharded
A middle-aged British woman lunching in Langan’s in Mayfair was overheard to tell her companion: “It was created by men. It’s had no thought to its design. Oh my God, The Shard: What’s wrong with that place?” Plainly they won’t be booking into Hutong or Oblix anytime soon.
A model fishwife
A model on a photoshoot in Hyde Park noticed an old gentleman peeping from behind a newspaper on a bench a few metres away. She turned around and shouted: “What are ya’ looking at?” The Savile Row suited man put down his Financial Times and calmly answered: “You, young lady: I am recruiting actresses and need someone to play a fishwife. You’ll suit the part just perfectly”. The clueless model turned away utterly bemused. The gentleman laughed and returned to his reading material.
Ticketing a Lambo
An Arab outside The Collection in Brompton Road was heard to ask a parking warden: “What is this?” of a ticket deposited on his Lamborghini. The warden answered: “Ticket… You should not park here”. The Arab tore up the offending item and threw it back at the warden. He then got out his wallet and hurled five £50 notes at him. “No, no, no, I cannot accept”, answered the warden. “Oh yes you can”, responded the Arab, “I never take no for an answer”. Someone might find his car targeted a little more often.
Get out
A loud Texan tourist in a Gloucestershire pub was heard to ask a publican: “I don’t understand how you British ever manage to buy yourselves a drink”. The landlord answered: “You’re quite right. You’re not getting one here. Now, get out”. So much for customer relations.
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