Overheard: 3rd July

Classic clangers from the last week

 

Showing face

At the Masterpiece art and antiques fair at the Royal Hospital, a plastic faced lady was overheard chatting with an exhibitor. She stated: “I cannot walk from A to B in this tent without bumping into fifty people”. The exhibitor answered: “You’d do well to come with a paper bag over your head”. Harley Street’s best customer laughed and retorted: “I’m very proud of my new face. Why on earth would I do that?”

 

Love in a caravan

“There’s caravans back there” ranted a Little Britain-like grandmother on a train to Ramsgate. “I love a good caravan” answered her daughter. “Best things in Britain. Best place to eat a good cheese sandwich and have a good cuddle” the granny continued before her daughter interrupted: “You’re too old to be shagging. Stick to playing games on your mobile”. A candidate for Tindr?

 

Recession? What recession?

Pricey cats

“I’ve got a cat flap with three different numbers” remarked another passenger on the Ramsgate train. “You what?” answered her friend. “It’s all about security. You don’t want them flapping in and out do ya?” continued the first. “I’ve heard of cat napping but that one of yours gets through lovers quicker than Katie Price” concluded the second.

 

Recession happy

Outside a restaurant in Whitstable a sign read: “What! Recession… It’s been like this for 20 years. Happy days!” A passerby was overheard to remark: “I’ll post that to George Osborne”.

 

Bus talk

On the 14 bus on Fulham Road, a rather large English woman was overheard chatting on her mobile phone. “I’ve got you some diarrhea capsules”. Another passenger turned and told her: “We’ve heard enough b******t from you. Why don’t you take them yourself?” Several other passengers cried out: “Hear, hear”.

 

Submit comments you overhear to editorial@thesteepletimes.com. We publish the best we receive once a week.

 

 

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