Overheard: 29th May

Classic clangers from the last week

 

Muscovite Vodka

“Don’t drink vodka in Moscow” exclaimed a Siberian visitor to London in The Enterprise in Walton Street. “Why?” asked a British racing trainer. The Siberian coolly responded: “Don’t ask questions that you don’t need to know the answers to”. Ice, ice cold.

 

Gardening hair

“I cannot take attitude from a stylist” stated an Essex born gardener working outside a new salon shortly to open just off Sloane Square. Her rather camp male colleague answered: “Tracey: Get over yourself darling. I want him and you better not f**k up my chances”.

 

Superfood s**t

A waiter in a bar in Mayfair was asked: “Do you serve food?” by an American singleton. Under his breath, the waiter replied: “Yes. S**t food”. The customer ordered a superfood salad. The waiter cringed and winked at another customer.

 

One has to “up jet” one’s colleagues

Jetting upwards

“Life hasn’t always been private jets” one private banker was overheard to say to his colleagues at a lunch at C-London in Mayfair. One replied: “I remember when I bought my first business class seat. I was scared of even putting the seat back” whilst another added: “I don’t know how to turn right on a plane”. Not afraid to be outdone another stung with the remark: “My wife was once forced into Zoo Class” before the only down to earth member of the group stated: “There’s dignity in flying economy”. The group glared in horror but the original loudmouth piped up. He asked: “Economy? What’s economy?” Another joker answered: “It’s the smelly part of the plane”.

 

UKIP gypsys

“I’ve got some of those gypsy hocks in my garden”, one power gardener at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show was overheard to say to her sandal wearing, rucksack-clad friend. Her companion looked unsurprised and answered: “Carry on like that and I’ll have to send in Nigel Farage”. Plainly a lady with not a racist bone in her body.

 

 

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