Classic clangers from the last week
Retiring the rich
An 18-year old New York based member of the Rich Kids of Instagram website posted a message to his followers. He stated: “I’m never going to need to move to assisted living. I live in The Pierre already”. Is it already time to put this brat out to grass?
Killing a date
A Knightsbridge makeup artist received a text message from a client asking him to meet her at 8pm to make her look her best. He confirmed the appointment and she responded: “I got this amazing dress from Gucci and I need to look super hot”. The makeup artist answered: “You got a date?” The woman replied: “No, I’m breaking up with my c**t of a boyfriend”. Miaow.
Raising Battersea
A socially mobile sort sat at the bar at The Enterprise in Walton Street, SW3. He told his friend: “I’ve just moved to Battersea, it’s the new Chelsea. They’ve even begun to call it ‘Lower Chelsea’ you know”. His friend looked at him, grimaced and corrected him: “No, no it’s not. It’s Battersea with you in it. ‘Lower Chelsea’ my arse”. An estate agent in the making?
Winning tweets
Michael Winner’s widow took to Twitter to share some of her deceased husband’s jokes that he’d written in his 1960 diary. The best went:
Wife: “You’ll drive me to my grave”.
Husband: “I’ll get the car”.
Thinning the rich
A stick insect like French model sat at the bar at the Sanderson London. She looked around, turned to her companion and was overheard to state: “You can’t be too thin”. The companion shook her head and responded: “No. You can’t be too rich. If you’re rich, you can be as fat as you want. Look at this lot”. Did she have a point?
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