Classic clangers from the last week
Bridging Knightsbridge
A tourist stopped a shopper outside Harrods and asked: “Where’s the bridge in Knightsbridge?” “There isn’t one” came the reply. “What? Surely that’s a misdescription? Call Trading Standards”.
Dunging the Mail
A pair of drunken tramps lingering outside the Daily Mail’s Derry Street offices in Kensington were seen banging on the doors. One slurred: “Come on Tommy, we’re going in…” The other grunted: “What for?” A well-heeled passerby joined in and added: “Be sure to take a bucket of shit in for Paul Dacre”.
Outpigged
In the lobby of the May Fair hotel, a guest spotted a rather large lady who’d plainly had a lot of surgery. “Mummy, mummy, mummy”, cried her daughter: “Look, look, look”. The mother did a volte-face and exclaimed: “Good God… It’s a plastic pig. Chuck it a sausage”. The larger than life lady went red and shouted: “Yeah… And I’ll eat it”. Miss Piggy would be proud.
Marrying sex
Two men in their mid-twenties in a bar in Houston, Texas were chatting about life. One loudly said: “Man, you look tired. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do”. An older man sitting a couple of stools down overheard, looked over and told them: “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shit”.
Stirring the porridge
Submitted by reader Sandra McLevy: In an Ann Summers store in Edinburgh, an elderly lady picked up an item, turned to her daughter and tersely asked: “What’s this?” The somewhat embarrassed daughter responded: “It’s called a dildo, mother”. “A what? What’s it for? Can I use it for stirring my porridge?” the octogenarian casually answered. The daughter ushered her out of the shop.
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