Guardian Gets Giddy

Coronavirus has plainly sent the ‘Guardian’s’ editorial team giddy; they’re now urging their readers to call sex chatlines

One has traditionally associated the Guardian with Michael Foot, open-toed sandal wearers and quinoa quiche munchers. More recently YouGov pollsters updated the analysis and curiously after sampling 9,373 of them profiled Guardian readers as cricket loving cat owners. They suggested their “top three favourites dishes” are “antipasti, aubergine parmigiana and braised endive” and pointed out they mostly shop at Waitrose and are into hiking and women’s issues also.

 

Plainly, though, now, the coronavirus outbreak has gone to the heads of those normally infallibly left-wing, likely vegetarian (quite possibly vegan) sorts that edit the daily read of the fans of Diane Abbott and her one-time sex partner Jeremy Corbyn. Today, the paper published a column by Pamela Stephenson Connolly – a “US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders” – in which she answered the question: “Is there a safe way for me to enjoy casual sex during the coronavirus crisis?”

 

Pam most certainly didn’t mince her words with her answers to the anonymous “casual sex” loving reader who asked: “Can I now have sex with strangers and avoid the risk of contracting coronavirus?” She responded  by pointing out “there really is no way to safely get close enough to strangers for sex without a hazmat suit, and the erotic cachet of that scene would be extremely limited.”

 

Instead, for what the paper termed “sexual healing,” Pam advised: “Erotic phone or online conversations would be safest, during which it is possible to recreate any kind of fantasy scenario you can imagine. Think of these trying times as opportunities to expand your erotic creativity using different media platforms” before concluding: “Stay safe!”

 

Another poll suggested that Guardian readers are “77% more likely to say the point of drinking is to get drunk.” We’d suggest that instead of wasting money calling dirty sex chatlines, they stick to the hooch. It’s time, instead, for the former ‘Champagne Socialists’ in our lives to get down to their local ‘offie’ to get themselves a bottle of the former Meghan Markle’s “flash” favourite – it’s time to hit the Tignanello.

 

Correction: An earlier edition referenced “Diane Abbott and his one-time sex partner Diane Abbott.” We apologise for this error and to all those affected by the thought of ‘she of two left shoes’ being anything but a ‘real woman.’

 

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

 

The Steeple Times
We research and background check our articles. If you believe we have made and error in some detail please get in touch, we seek always to write the truth and stand against a press owned by a self selected few. Please help us, we will accept all your likes, subscriptions and anonymous suport. The Editor and his team at the Steeple Times.
Advertisement

10 COMMENTS

  1. Pwoah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Send that woman pictured Down Under!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll have a bit of casual with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Delicious on a Tuesday in lockdown – and just what one needs with one’s Castlemaine tinnies!!!!!!!!!!!!! Delicious every day, every day always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As for him, send him of to Katie Price —- she needs a replacement for Peter Andre and he’s got the barnet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pwoah to her —– move on mate to the gigolo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. One is surprised that Pam didn’t attach a premium rate number of her own to the article. Desperate time’s mean for desperate measures….. dirty tramp

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Advertisement

£1 per week Supports The Steeple Times

Help journalism to remain honest & independent. You can make a difference to the world today.

2,783FansLike
2,068FollowersFollow
11,801FollowersFollow

Subscribe For DAILY NEWS

Please subscribe, like and share this unique site, it helps us tremendously. The Steeple Times in return will send you an email at noon each and everyday, that we sincerely hope you will enjoy & look forward to seeing in your inbox.

AD
Advertisement

Recent and Popular

A Pair of Privileged Pillocks – Lord Rothermere and Lady Victoria...

As Lord Rothermere shows desperation in his bid to take the Daily Mail and General Trust private, he trips up by giving promotional pages to privileged pillocks like Lady Victoria Hervey.

Ghislaine Maxwell – Abuse Victim To Abuser?

Interview between Matthew Steeples and Shaun Attwood about Ghislaine Maxwell’s likely fate goes live just as John Sweeney and Kirby Sommers reference what she allegedly suffered as a child at the hands of her truly wicked father; did that turn her from abuse victim to abuser?

(Un)Signed Ghislaine

Crowdfunder for documentary supporting alleged mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell fails to sign up a single supporter just as signs go up at her former home about filming and dog pee.

Bosie – Stop Clowning Around

Matthew Steeples suggests Boris Johnson needs to stop clowning around and tell the truth about his strategy to fight COVID-19 and Omicron this winter.

Ghislaine Maxwell – A Genuinely Poisonous Apple

References to Adam and Eve from Ghislaine Maxwell’s defence team ignore the fact she is a genuinely poisonous apple; references to Jeffrey Epstein being like James Bond are equally ludicrous suggests Matthew Steeples.

Lowbrow Lindsay Lohan Reaches A New Low

When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers.

Ghislaine Maxwell’s Day Of Destiny

As Ghislaine Maxwell faces her day of destiny at the ‘trial of the century,’ her brother ridiculously claims their pension robbing father’s “reputation was trashed beyond belief” and announces of his sister: “This time, let’s bring this ship home.”

Rolling With Karl Lagerfeld

Three Rolls-Royces that belonged to the late designer Karl Lagerfeld to be auctioned by Sotheby’s; the eccentric never drove them himself.

Over a Million Views

Who REALLY is Omid Scobie?

An examination of the true character traits of the Duchess of Sussex’s PR peddling biased ‘bestie’ Omid Scobie by Nikolay Kalinin.

Justice for James Scurlock

Power of social media proven after senseless killing of James Scurlock in Omaha, Nebraska allegedly by a controversial bar owner named Jake Gardner who has been photographed with Donald Trump.

Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore   Prince Harry used to be a fun loving sort. He boozed, partied and enjoyed playing pranks. Now, having married ‘Murky Mucky Mendacious Meg,’ it seems those days are over.   Supposedly, according to...

Scobie Orf!

‘MeGain’s’ bestie Omid Scobie deservedly gets slammed by ‘Yankee Wally’ Sadie Quinlan for getting her shut down on Twitter; this childish chap should now just ‘belt up, wrap up and shut up.’

A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell

Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.

Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

As the new Diana, Princess of Wales statue is mocked as looking like him, ‘Dorian Gray of Daytime Telly’ Richard Madeley pathetically claims he got PTSD due to worrying about his son’s wedding.

Weather

London
few clouds
5.1 ° C
6.3 °
3.7 °
85 %
1.8kmh
11 %
Mon
5 °
Tue
7 °
Wed
7 °
Thu
7 °
Fri
6 °
Exit mobile version