The Failings of Fakery

Volkswagen joins those condemned for spreading fakery after we called out PR peddling pillock Ivy Holt for her stupendously stupid stunt whilst we celebrate five moments of true comedy

Our story earlier this week about a PR peddler named Ivy Holt of Media PR Limited attracted a great deal of interest. Taking issue with this dippy dope’s fake news press release on behalf of her client, Love Yourself, one esteemed reader accurately observed:

 

“To write ‘of’ instead of ‘have’ as part of a past tense verb is one of the absolute, total worst grammatical mistakes one can make. Think similar to ‘we done’, ‘you was’, ‘should have went’… The only way to make it worse is to write ‘should of went’. Drives me mental. Her lack of understanding of apostrophe use pales into insignificance.”

 

Responding herself about her fakery, Ivy Holt (AKA Ivy Elsby, according to Companies House records) proceeded to send a belter of an email to The Steeple Times. It read:

 

“[You] now position it as purely fake news to save face. Please don’t read todays [sic] papers, as there is plenty of fake news for April Fools [sic] and I’m sure you will get angry.”

 

“I have also spoken to my legal team about the personal comments and you will hear further.”

 

The Failings of Fakery 2021 – Ivy Holt thought she was being clever in sending about fake news on behalf of her client Love Yourself. She actually just made an utter berk of herself and proved herself utterly unprofessional.

Whilst Ms. Holt/Elsby (or whatever name this woman is going by when she seeks to spread fakery is actually called) was also told to “belt up” by one reader and called out as the “worst PR person of 2021” by another, Bloomberg’s Chris Bryant provided another example of the “dangers of [brands] trying [and failing] to be cool and funny.”

 

In an article published on 31st March, opinion columnist Bryant analysed Volkswagen’s attempt at being funny by claiming they were changing their corporate name to “Voltswagen.” He shared:

 

“In an era of fake news, the lighthearted April Fools’ Day tradition of companies spinning tall tales has lost its charm. Reporters from trusted outlets such as the Associated Press are furious at having been lied to by VW and made to look foolish. Unlike Tesla, which has long shunned advertising, VW has a massive marketing budget. It should be able to do better than this. A company that misled customers about its vehicles’ diesel emissions needs to tread especially carefully.”

 

“It’s easy to say VW should just focus on building cars and leave the jokes to people who are actually funny. The company has an ambitious and convincing electric-vehicle plan and may soon leapfrog Tesla to become the world’s largest battery-vehicle manufacturer. But being ploddingly German is an impediment in today’s stock market. Despite being one of the planet’s richest people, Musk’s counterculture savvy and feisty irreverence has made him a hero for Redditors.”

 

Elsewhere this morning, the Guardian announced a new online ‘masterclass’: ‘Pitching to journalists: A practical workshop for PR professionals’ that is to be held on Monday 12th April from 5.30pm to 8.30pm. It costs just £85 and is hosted by Kate Carter, a former Life & Style editor on the paper.

 

The course includes content that numbers: “What journalists and editors are looking for – and what they aren’t” and “the dos and don’ts of working with the media.” Plainly, poor dear fakery Queen Ivy Holt is the one person truly in need of being given a ticket – here, indeed, is a perfect sponsorship opportunity for fake news loving Volkswagen or better still Love Yourself, surely.

 

True Comedy vs. Flatulent Fakery

‘Ginge and Cringe’ wokery loving Ivy Holt proved herself anything but professional in sending out fake news – complete with faked imagery – and rather than getting a positive reaction for her diet regime client, Love Yourself, just produced for them a flatulent fart.

 

Five examples of true comedy follow to counter this PR peddler’s fakery with actual real amusement:

 

Caroline Aherne

As Mrs Merton to Debbie McGee (pictured together top): “So what, Debbie, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”

 

Jo Brand

“Inside every fat person, there’s a thin person looking to get out – they’ve just eaten them.”

 

Steve Coogan

“I had a God-awful day last Tuesday. I was having lunch with an entrepreneur from Nottingham. Let’s call him Brian… not his real name… his real name’s Keith.”

 

Ronnie Corbett

“A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.”

 

Russell Howard

“Do you think the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head is showing and gone, ‘Philip, look at me! I’m a stamp.’”

 

The Failings of Fakery 2021 – Ivy Holt would do well to get herself on the ‘Guardian’s’ course as it might teach her how to operate professionally.
The Failings of Fakery 2021 – Kate Carter could definitely teach Ivy Holt a thing or three.
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.
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4 COMMENTS

  1. Ivy is well and truly an idiot. PR people are meant to encourage journalists and editors to get enthusiastic about what they are pitching. She did the opposite and when it went wrong, she threw a tantrum. What a childish creature.

  2. Ivy needs to go on another course. That course? Grammar and punctuation. Poor lass needs educating in the art of manners also.

  3. The Puglet rarely smiles but on this occasion it did. They really do deserve what they get. (Please remember the excellent Hinge and Bracket.) Sorry Ivy, you make me Cringe and Whinge

  4. I love her ‘Legal Team’ crap…as is she heads a massive conglomerate rather than a one idiot man band above a tattoo parlour in some grimy part of North London

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