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PERSONALITIES

The Rt. Hon. The Lord Davies of Stamford (AKA Quentin Davies)

Self-serving Quentin Davies described Gordon Brown as “extraordinarily incompetent” before defecting to the Labour Party on the night before the then Chancellor became Prime Minister in June 2007. Mocked for claiming expenses to pay...

The Horror in the Hummer

Known for plaguing the streets of SW3 with her beast of a vehicle, ‘The Horror in the Hummer’ was a skeletal-like, bleach blonde haired woman. Thankfully not seen in recent times, this shockingly bad...

The Cross Word Couple (AKA ‘The Crossword Couple’)

Though never a cross word was uttered between this duo during their visits to the sadly now defunct Chelsea restaurant La Brasserie, their dislike of what they perceived as “loud music” (and other forms...

Carol Bowditch

Whilst the problem play The Goat, or who is Sylvia? – which, in a 2017 adaptation, starred Damian Lewis as a man who falls head over heels for a goat named Sylvia – shocked...

Martina Big

Born white in Bernkastel-Kues, Germany in 1989, but now perceived by many to be black, “pneumatic chested” Martina Big increased her cleavage to a 32S and “turned her pale skin a deep mahogany shade...

Brian Shaffer (AKA “The Man Who Vanished Into Thin Air)

A medical student at the Ohio State University, 27-year old Brian Shaffer went into the Ugly Tuna Saloona bar in Columbus on the evening of 31st March 2006 and has never been seen again....

Gianna Lahainer

“One-time secretary” Gianna Lahainer hit gold when she married a Palm Beach real estate tycoon named Frank Lahainer. He “indulged her every whim” and she is said to have a 25-carat engagement ring from...

Mervyn Conn (AKA ‘Mr Music Man’)

Millionaire music promoter Mervyn Conn thought he could get away with whatever he wanted but was jailed in October 2016 for 15 years for two rapes and an indecent assault. This Wimbledon based monster,...

The Pret Prayer

A new addition to the South Kensington neighbourhood in October 2016, the Pret Prayer likes to get his mat out in front of all and sundry in Pret A Manager in Old Brompton Road,...

Jeffrey Slonim (1960 – 2016)

America’s answer to Nigel Dempster went to school with Julianne Moore and later attended Yale University. A preppy entertainment reporter, Jeffrey Slonim was considered to be “a walking Ralph Lauren ad” and a “throwback...

The Pret Sleeper

Spotted early in the mornings in Pret A Manager in South Kensington, the Pret Sleeper wears loafers and an entirely black outfit. He usually purchases nothing and sits and sleeps. Occasionally he takes out...

Prince John Zylinski

A cross between Donald Trump and Liberace in terms of his liking for all things gold in interiors, Ealing based Prince John Zylinski is an eccentric property tycoon with a taste for duels and...

The Pret Spitter

Always in a red ski jacket and always with a trolley and umbrella, The Pret Spitter is a most unpleasant vagrant. A definite loner and spotted on the streets of Chelsea and South Kensington,...

Daniela Zahradnikova

The 42-year old ex-girlfriend of 86-year old New York art collector Henry Buhl was christened a gold-digger after she sued him for £1.1 million ($1.5 million) after claiming that he had said he would...

Oliver Rothschild (AKA “The Fake Rothschild”)

A regular on the party circuit in London, self-described “International Man of Excellence” Oliver Rothschild was exposed by The Telegraph as a “fake Rothschild” in March 2016. Spotted often at the same gatherings as...

The Ranting Crasher

A lover of parties in Central London, little else is known of The Ranting Crasher. Prone to fits of shouting if photographed and most definitely the loudest member of the ligging community, event hosts...

The Inspector Clouseau lookalike

A new sidekick for David Pun in 2016, The Inspector Clouseau lookalike is undoubtedly also a fellow lover of free champagne. Sighted at events throughout Central London, this individual is somewhat better dressed than...

Sabine Getty (née Ghanem, AKA ‘Sabine G’)

Born to a Lebanese financier and an Egyptian interior decorator in Geneva, Sabine Getty is a jewellery designer and socialite. Her 2015 marriage to billionaire heir Joseph Getty in Rome was one of the...

Marina Gibson

Fly-fisherwoman Marina Gibson is an ambassador for amongst others Orvis and Indigo Ivy and describes her passion as an “unreachable itch”. She spends her working days at a Mayfair real estate investment and asset...

Maya Henry (AKA “The It Girl with a Heart of Gold”)

Not afraid of lavish gestures, American socialite Maya Henry was treated to a £1.4 million 15th birthday party by her personal injury specialist lawyer father Thomas J. Henry and his wife Azteca in February...

Kelly Brook (born Kelly Ann Parsons)

A leading member of the ‘smug club’, Kelly Brook claims to love animals yet reportedly laughed about punching two ex-boyfriends in the face during an interview in 2014. A model and second-rate actress of...

Jihadi Jack (born Jack Letts, now known as Abu Muhammed)

The first white British youth to join ISIS in Syria, Jihadi Jack is the son of an organic farmer and archaeobotanist and a books editor from Oxford. Born in 1996 and educated at Cherwell...

Judy Taubman (previously Judith Mazor Rounick, née Jehudit Mazor)

The widow of the disgraced and briefly jailed owner of Sotheby’s, A. Alfred Taubman (1924 – 2015), found herself back in the news in September 2014 after a very public spat with her stepchildren....

Margaret Wooliscroft

Described as a “disagreeable old trout” by her very own lawyer, farmer Margaret Wooliscroft was jailed for 28 months in December 2015 for terrorizing the residents of Brindley Ford, Stoke-on-Trent. Her “reign of terror”...

Jason Shifrin

Jason Shifrin, the publicity craving author of the most originally titled Money, Money, Money, took to social media to defend the rightly tarnished name of his former PR representative Max Clifford’s daughter, Louise, in...

Kim Farry (AKA “Britain’s Shoplifting Queen”)

A Fulham based woman utterly lacking in a moral compass, benefit scrounger and shoplifting addict Kim Farry arrogantly yet (sadly) factually describes her criminal activities as a “very successful business”. Her “work” helping herself...

Angelo Vizcaino

A popular and hard-working waiter at La Brasserie in London’s Brompton Cross, pint-sized Angelo Vizcaino delights in telling customers about his love of Cuba and his pet dog. He sports a ring – designed...

Frederick Gross and George Hammond (AKA “The Dine and Dashers”)

There are galloping gourmets and then there’s Frederick Gross and George Hammond. This pair liked the restaurants of Knightsbridge and Mayfair so much that though they couldn’t afford to eat there, they did anyway...

Mr Penny Farthing

Often spotted on the roads of Kensington and Chelsea, as little is known about Mr Penny Farthing as his fellow eccentric The Fantasy Cyclist. His favoured watering hole is The Admiral Codrington in Milner...

Alexander Wood

Serial conman and “self-styled child prodigy” Alexander Wood posed as the 12th Duke of Marlborough, Lord Jamie Spencer-Churchill to run up bills at London hotels including the Great Northern Hotel in King’s Cross and...

Sandra Shevey

Though she claims to be a feminist, a writer, an expert on market towns and a film and television location tour guide, Sandra Shevey tends to busy her days writing complaints about amongst others...

Adolfo Orsi, Jr.

“One of the biggest important players on the classic car scene”, Adolfo Orsi, Jr. is always clad in a blazer and generally sports a Panama hat. He is charm personified and has a knowledge...